Thursday, March 22, 2007

no sleep ...

I'm currently re-reading Kendrie's caringbridge journal, right from the very beginning ... I've already read it all, but it still makes me giggle ... and cry. Check it out if you want to know Kendrie's story - Kendrie's mum, (Kristie) who wrote all the entries in the CB journal during Kendrie's battle with lukemia, has another journal, equally as funny/touching - Check it out if you want to see what they're up to these days!
I'm utterly exhausted, but as I slept for one measly hour this afternoon, I'm now awake for the entire night, I fear. I am tired, and I have tried to sleep, but it just aint happenin for me tonight ...
Had a few problems with the sale of Toonz, the buyer isn't paying me directly, it's going through some banking place, who want a "tracking number" before they'll send the money ... What the?? I'm guessing the tracking number is the number on the registered post envelope that I'll buy to send it ... How is giving them that number now, before I've sent the iPod going to change anything?? I really don't understand this at all! There is *NO WAY* I'm sending Toonz before the money clears, what am I, a total moron?! I guess I'll have to buy the envelope tomorrow, then hope like hell they just want the number, and not proof that I've sent it, before they transfer the money, otherwise I'll be re-listing it on e-bay. It's going to Nigeria, and the buyer emailed me today, *TELLING* me, yes, not asking, but *TELLING* me to "package it nice, wrap it and make it pretty". Uh-huh ... A please might be nice. A "please" in there and I would do it in a second. But ... I'm tempted to just put it in the little box it came in, and send it off. Seriously, now I have to buy wrapping paper and wrap it before sending it?! And he didn't ask nicely!
Applied for (another) job earlier. It's only one day a week, so I don't know what I'm meant to do if I get it, I can't imagine one day's wages will be enough to pay rent and bills every week, but it would be a start. Chances are, I'll miss out on it ... Gee, my self-esteem/self-confidence are just sky high right now ... Can you tell?!
Matty, the gorgeous little fighter is still *fighting* with everything he has, and had a pretty good day yesterday. Go Matty! Please check on him and leave a message for his family if you have a spare minute -
My mum's coming to visit on Sunday for the night. I kind of want to see her, but I also kind of don't ... I just don't feel like talking to *anyone* at the moment, which explains why I haven't answered my phone in 3 days (yeah, seriously ... It's sad, I know). And I know she's going to ask questions that I don't have answers to ... I'm not looking foward to that. I don't know what I want to do. I don't know why the hell I had a breakdown. I haven't yet been back to counselling, and I don't know why I'm hesitating. I don't know when I want to go back to uni. I don't know how I'm going to support myself when the e-bay money runs out ... Err ... Maybe it's time I started seriously thinking about this stuff. It's not fun, but I can't keep living like this - avoiding people, keeping to myself, sleeping most of the day, eating when I occasionally remember, barely leaving the house ... Yeah, it's probably a good idea if I start to figure all this stuff out tomorrow.
Anyway. I might go try the sleep thing. By the way, I know I've mentioned Matty a fair bit recently, but don't forget that there are *TOO MANY** kids who are fighting to be normal kids, free of chemo, hospital visits, and needles - Hunter, Anna Jane, Alexis, Blair, Rachel, Lillie, Lily, Kayla, Brady, Aubrielle, Hannah, Davis, Jake, Catie, Haley ... I could go on for ages. There are links to their sites on the right hand side of this page -> so go say hi if you have a spare minute!

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