That's not the way I want my story to end ...

A lot of loose change rattling around in my head this week ...

Firstly, the main item on the news for the last few nights has been the heatwave. Victoria is having a heatwave ... No frigging kidding. It's been high thirties since last weekend/start of this week, and the last four days have seen temps into the FORTIES. The freaking forties, people. Forty, forty three, forty four, forty four. And tomorrow we're in for a lovely forty four. The news keeps harping on about it ... It's a heatwave, it's a heatwave ... No shit, sherlock. Remember when it was winter and we were all bitching about how cold it was? Remember that magical, freezing time that was only a few months ago? When we all prayed for summer to start? Maybe we prayed too hard. Apparently it's the only time since 1855 that we've had this many days with the temp above 40. Well, don't I feel friggin special to be a part of history!

I had the week off work last week. I went to Melbourne - left on Tuesday when it was 42 (yeah, it was a great drive in a car with no air conditioning, thanks for asking), and it was mid to high 30's there all week. I went down to go to the allergist - the appointment I waited three months for - and to hang with my sister and my nieces for a few days.

My sister and my nieces are doing well. My little Bug Eyes is such a smart kid. She's very switched on - can't get much past that kid. My little Baby Smurf has turned into such a smiley, giggley kid. She's got a very definite personality - if she's not happy, you know it. But most of the time she's happy to just chill, smiling every few seconds at something random. It rocks!

The appointment with the allergist went great. I'm allergic to dogs! *lol* Funny. Not really badly allergic, but I had a reaction, so there's something there. Mostly I'm allergic to grasses, pollens, dust mites, all that kind of stuff. The good news is that I can be desensitised against those allergies. This involves starting immunotherapy, which is a fancy name for a hideously expensive course of 8 injections, done every second week. Then I go back to the allergist, and start a second course of terribly expensive injections. I finish them, and go back to the allergist again. Then I get a final - yep, you guessed it - unbelievably expensive lot of injections and go back to the allergist once more. Then I go on my merry way, hopefully forever cured of allergies/hayfever.

The good news is that the injections, which go over the next two or so years, will get rid of all the problems I'm having now. My asthma, which is mostly allergy/sickness induced will most likely totally go (woo hoo!). My headaches will disappear, I won't be so tired all the damn time, and I won't go through a box of tissues very two days, I'll be able to concentrate better at work ... The benefits are endless. The bad news? The injections work at out about $100 each. Not $100 per round, $100 each. There are 8 injections in each round. I get about $25 of that back on Medicare (wow ...! That'll help!). The other bad news is that I have to keep going the way I am for a while, it takes a few months (sometimes up to 6 or 8 months) to see the difference. But honestly, I'd pay anything to feel better, and I've put up with it for this long, so what's a few more months? Probably should start saving for the next lot of injections now though ...

So, I had my first injection yesterday afternoon. Because they inject me with what I'm allergic to, I have to have the injection, sit in the room with the doctor for five minutes, have my vitals taken, then go and wait in the waiting room for 25 minutes, and then I can leave. Apparently, injecting me with what I'm actually allergic to is kinda dangerous ... Who woulda guessed it?! The studies say that if a reaction is going to happen, it will happen in the first 15 minutes ... So my doctor makes me wait 25 just to be on the safe side. Apart from it going really red and some lumps coming up where the doctor stabbed me, (totally to be expected, though) it went fine.

Did I mention it's been a little bit hot here ... ?! Oh, I did ... ?!

Work has been good. I worked all this week, since I had last week off. It's been busy as all hell. I'm convinced that the girl who worked all last week did shit-all, all week, because I've spent the week catching up on work that should have already been done. Grr. However, yesterday I actually left at 4 instead of 5. Our power went out, and with no computer (and no air conditioning) there wasn't much point in me hanging around. Since I live about a three minute drive from work, I was worried about getting home to a hot house, figuring the power wouldn't have gone out here too, but I walked into a nice, cool house, with the power still working. I know the power went out in much of Victoria today due to the heatwave (yeah, we're in the middle of a heatwave, didn't you know?!), but thankfully we lucked out again and kept the power again all day.

So, I just finished seven days straight, I have tomorrow off, then I go back for four days, then I get two off. Woo hoo.

Before I finish, I'd like to get a little serious for a minute here. On Sunday night, an Uncle of mine died. His name was Russell, and he passed away after a brief illness. He fought, but the illness was stronger than him.

Russell never did anything "great", or "amazing". He was just an ordinary guy, who went to work each day. He loved his family, (including the two kids who weren't technically his) and was always there for them. He was gruff, sometimes a "grump", enjoyed a drink on special occassions (Sunday was a special occassion to Russell ...!) and love spoiling the grandkids. He wasn't rich, but he took care of his family. He wasn't surrounded by material crap that meant nothing. In the end, he died the way he lived - surrounded by his loving family, who were always there for him, like he was for them. Quite simply, he was a good guy.

R.I.P Russell. You fought so hard, right to the end. You have earned your rest.

Also, R.I.P. Darcey Freeman. I can't remember the last time that a story on the news made me cry so hard. What a horrible, horrible tragedy. How could someone do that to a child?

Ok, this has been a long entry, and it's now 12:27, so I think it might be time for bed. Night guys.

Work!

So. Work.

I freaking LOVE that place! *lol*

Here's some snippets from the last couple of weeks ...

[T is laughing hysterically]
Me: What are you laughing at? Seriously, what?
T: I just stuck my finger up at that truck driver!
Me: Travis. Seriously! You're like 35!
T [still laughing]: I'm 37, actually!
Me: Oh. My. God!

Me: Ok, so there's 4 columns of figures. That plus that equals time on road, and that plus that equals time off road, yeah?
M: Yep, that's right. And that column there is loading time, and that one is dumping time.
Me: Cool. Oh. Wait ...
M: What? What's wrong?
Me: Man, my feet are freaking cold.
M: ... What?! You wanna tell me where that came from?


Me: There's a dude on the phone. Wants a quote.
M: Dude?? Dude??!
Me: I'm trying to raise my 'cool' factor. Is it workin, homey?
M: Oh my god.
Me: Ok, I'm going to go back to Dorkville now. Call if you need anything.

[Last Wednesday, before I left, M wanted me to show Lynda how to do the VLS sheets I'd been doing all week, so he could transfer them onto new sheets.]
M: ... And you can explain it to Lynda ...
Me: Hell no!
M: Please?
Me: Hell no! I want to leave in 15 minutes, not 4 hours and 15 minutes!
M: Ok, fine. I'll do it.
[This morning, I get to work and M hands me a heap of VLS sheets that need to be done]
Me: I thought Lynda was going to finish these of last week.
M: I gave up trying to explain it to her. Do you have any idea how friggin hard it was? I tried and tried. And tried. And she STILL didn't get it!
Me: Hehehe ... Crap, now I have to do them!
M: Hahahaha.

Me: Yeah, Saturday was not my day. Collingwood lost, my fish died, then I broke up with my boyfriend.
M: That sucks!
Me: Yeah. I don't know what I'm more upset about - the footy or the fish.
T: What about the boyfriend?
Me: Pfft. Good riddance.
M laughing.
T: Well, you know what they say ... There's plenty more fish in the sea. Watch out for sharks, though! [Laughing to himself, like he's said something hilarious and witty.]
Me: [mumbling to myself] So weird ...

From work ...

Me: Why do you hate me, you piece of crap? Why don't you just go jump in a freaking lake.
Mick: Are you talking to your ... computer?
Me: Well. Yes. I didn't realise you were there ...

Maaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaate!

I know. I've been so totally slack this week.

In my defence ... Well, I have no defence, actually. I haven't been crazy-busy or depressed about anything ... Just haven't been on the computer much. Just been flat out lazy :-) Yay, go me!

I worked Monday/Tuesday/half of Wednesday at the office like usual. Have I mentioned how much I love that place?! Yesterday was actually the first time I've had a crappy day there, and it was because I had some guy on the phone who was on a crappy mobile line so I couldn't understand most of what he was saying. He called me fucking stupid, which is always nice to hear. Meg, our accounts chick, was in my office when I answered the call, and when I hung up I turned to her and went "Wow. He was a lovely guy". Mick, who I share the front office with, wasn't in when the call came, so Meg hung around til he got back, because she knew he was going to be pissed off. And he was. Whoever that guy was (and I have a pretty good idea - Mick agrees with me), he's going to get an earful when Mick catches up with him, because he was not impressed that I'd been spoken to like that. It wasn't so much the language that bothered me, because hello, I swear like a sailor on leave at times, it was the way he said it - he was so angry, and he meant it. Why? Because I couldn't hear him properly because of his crappy line. Not my fault, buddy. Anyway, by the time I left I was laughing about it, and told Mick that when he was speaking to the guy to ask him out for me, he's definitely someone I'd want to take home to mum and dad. That got a laugh from Mick :-)

Hmm ... What else ... There hasn't been much else happening here. I didn't go to bed til 3 this morning, and I had to be up at 8 because I had an electrictian coming to look at my stove. I got up that early, and he WASN'T EVEN HOT. Seriously. So disappointed, is all I'm saying. He actually rang at 7:45 to ask what time we'd made the appointment for. I was very impressed with his professionalism. *lol* But, my stove is now working, and I'm getting new drip trays since the old ones are rusted through, so all is good.

Ended up going back to bed about 9 this morning after the electrictian left :-) Ahh, lazy huh? Slept til almost 2. I haven't been sleeping well this week, and I figured that I've got nothing on today, so why the hell not. Thinking now about having a bath then going for a walk somewhere. Have to clean my house this afternoon or tomorrow, as Pete's coming this weekend. It's not that dirty, but I usually clean it at the end of the week anyway.

Hmm ... What else ... Well, there isn't much more to say :-) I've been pretty boring this week. Oh, Origin Three was on last night, and QLD won, and took out the series, 2 - 1 ... :-( They've won the last three series now ... That's ok. Next year will be Year Of The Blue. It was a damn good game last night though, it was close and it could have gone either way. There were a couple of times with only 5 or so minutes left in the second 40 that I thought NSW might score to equal, but I guess it wasn't to be. Oh well.

Anyway. It's actually 3:55 p.m. ... I went and had a shower half way through writing this ... I should probably go and do something now that I've wasted half of the day. Peace out, dudes.

You hang in there sunshine, you're friggin special.

From Work ...

M: T, I gotta go do some stuff at the bank.
T: Sure. You want me to be your getaway driver?
M: Yeah, mate. Just like we planned. Then we'll go on that holiday we talked about.

Space Cadet.

I'm feeling a little spacey tonight.

I took some painkillers before, (for my back) and they've made me go slightly loopy. Well, a little more loopy than normal, anyway.

I'm still feeling pretty ordinary, but I went back to work today, simply because I missed it so much. *Snort* Yeah, right. Actually, I'm out of sick leave, and I need the money. I was meant to do 4 hours, ended up doing five and a half. I worked at the cafe, and I worked with both The Snitch and The Bitch. The Snitch was actually in a good mood, which made it sort-of-pleasant to work with her. The Bitch ignored me the whole time, but whatever. Does she really think that bothers me?!

Anyway. I can't think of what I was going to write ... My brain just does not want to work. Something ... to do with something ...

Oh, the 20sb link list has been started. And if you've got a moment, please head over to Katie at Overflowing Brain and give her some love. Her and her new hubby had a heap of stuff stolen from their car while they were on their honeymoon. How much does that suck? Go say some mean things about the scumbags who did it. I'm sure that'll help cheer her up :-)

Yeah. So. I'm gonna take off. The time is now 6:46 p.m. It's only taken me 34 minutes to write this stellar entry! I told you I was spacey ...


You hang in there sunshine, you're friggin special :-)

I love my new job!

I LOVE working in a place that has BEER in the tea-room fridge, "Just in case anyone ever feels like one" (Said to me by the Big Boss on my first day).

Hahahaha!!!!!!!!!!!!

Most places just have milk!

More later ...

Some days you just want to pee on everything ... *

Helllllllllllloooooooooooooo?



Is anyone out there ... out there ... out there ... ?



*lol* Sorry. I'm just amusing myself.



So. It's been a while.



Firstly something from the "That's a little disturbing file": Someone found this blog by typing the following words into Google:



Some days you just want to pee on everything.



I kid you not. Seriously.



Ok ... Moving on.



Let's see ... What's new ... Well, it's only 18 days until my birthday. Woo hoo. Looking forward to it because I'm hoping to get a new straightener this year. My old one seems to hate me ... Keeps turning itself off, and occasionally won't even turn on! This morning it decided to turn on, but then started smelling like something was burning. Not good.



What else ... Well, I'm unemployed. Technically, not til tomorrow, coz the cafe doesn't close til tomorrow, but my last shift was yesterday. I was hoping to go away with some mates tomorrow, but I don't think that will happen. Tomorrow morning I'll go out and see the girls, maybe have some lunch, say goodbye to the stupid Market Centre :-)



It's not all bad though. I mean, being unemployed will give me lots of spare time. Yahooo! I'll be able to watch lots of crappy day time tv, read lots of books, hang out with that bunny of mine, keep my house nice and clean ... Yep, that'll keep me entertained for about a week, I'm not sure what I'm going to do after that :-) Guess I'll figure something out.



I have been looking ... Looking ... Looking ... for another job though, for about 8 weeks now. I've had a couple of interviews, gotten about 7 rejection letters already, plus a text message saying that i'd been unsuccessful ... I'll just have to keep looking.



Hmm ... What else ... Well, I was (as I mentioned earlier) planning to go away this weekend - to Finley, in NSW - but I don't think i'll be going, as once again, I'm sick. I don't know why I seem to be picking up every freaking sick germ that's going around - I've had pneumonia twice (and ended up at the hospital because of it twice) and a chest infection as well as that stupid gastro bug (all in the last two months) - but I'm hoping that when I kick this stupid flu, I'll have had my "fill" of being sick for this year and I'll stay healthy ... Well, a girl can hope, right?!



Oh. My mum's best friends grandson (Jayden) is still in a coma. Doctors operated last week to remove a piece of his skull, to release some pressure, and they're now not sure what's going to happen, or when they might start to bring him out of it. However, my mums best friend - Janice - fell down an escalator earlier this week and broke her leg pretty badly. She was operated on yesterday, and is still in hospital recovering. I can't believe the bad luck! If you're so inclined, please think good thoughts/send up some prayers/positive juju for Janice and family, who could probably really use them at the moment ... Thanks.



Anyway. I think I'm going to go back to bed. I'm tired, and cranky, and tired, and I have another fever. Argh. Goodnight ... and since I'm now unemployed, let's hope I can start blogging a little more often ... Peace out :-)

Please?

Tomorrow, I have a job interview. It's a business traineeship, something I'd love to do.

So ... I could use some good vibes, thoughts, prayers, juju ... Whatever it is that works you ...

If you could fling 'em my way about 3 o'clock, that'd be great! :-)

The girl who cried 'Unemployment'

So, I feel a little like the girl who cried wolf.

I think I've said about three times that I'm unemployed. In my defence, I did honestly believe that I was going to be unemployed. I'm still working at the cafe, but ... We're out at the end of the month.

I've actually known this for about a week. I just didn't say anything, because hello, look at my record! But it seems this time it's actually going to happen. Come May 1st, I will be unemployed.

Last week, my boss made the decision that she didn't want to move the kiosk into the new shop. The kiosk which no longer exists. It's actually been pulled to bits, and has been sitting in the closed shop, just waiting to be re-assembled and put to work again. We were going to move out of the cafe, and merge the kiosk and the cafe into a new shop.

However, because of all the trouble Nick (the owner of the centre) has caused, and the fact that my boss is in so much debt, and lets not forget that she is miserable out at the Market Centre, she has decided not to re-open.

I still thought that she might have changed her mind, so still I said nothing. But on Saturday, they started moving the kiosk stuff out of the new shop. Most of the stuff from our storeroom has been moved. All of the things (cups, saucers, utensils, cooking stuff etc.) we took into the cafe when we took it over are now gone.

Damn. This might actually be happening.

To be honest, I'm not that upset. I'm not really that happy out there either. I like the people I'm working with. I'm getting along with my boss ok. But the whole place is not doing very well, and it's pretty damn depressing. I hate going to work. We have about 5 empty shops out there, which doesn't seem like a lot, but it's not a big centre and that's about a third of the shops out there. Later this month, another shop is closing, and one of the shops there is cutting in half.

My boss has said she wants to re-open the business. She just doesn't know where and when.

So I'm applying for jobs.

I would love to stay with the business, but I can't sit around and wait indefinitely for her to re-open.

I've actually been applying for jobs here and there the whole time. Just trying to keep my options open. But now, it steps up a notch. I have done the unemployed thing. Don't really want to go there again.

Anyway. I'm gonna head to bed. It's late, and I worked today, so I'm tired.

Peace out.

Hot enough for ya?

Like everyone else in this great state, I have become obsessed with weather. 40 times a day I hear variations of "How's the weather!"/"Hot enough for you?!"/"I thought summer was finished!" We are still in the middle of a heatwave, but it's meant to cool down by Wednesday. My god, I hope it does! For the last 5 days we've had temps of at least 37. Friday we hit 40. Please make it stop!

I've been working in the cafe for the last few days - I've been doing 4 hour shifts daily since Thursday. It's been good, fairly busy, which has meant I've picked up most things in only a few days. It's HOT in the kitchen though, as we have no airconditioning. It's been at least 39 degrees in the kitchen of the cafe every afternoon since Thursday. Yesterday I finished work and it was actually cooler outside than in the cafe - 38 outside, 41 in the cafe kitchen!

Because it's been so hot, I've been picking up Christine's dog when I finish work, and bringing him back to my place, since she's been working afternoon/evening shifts. In three nights he managed to pee on my vacuum cleaner, destroy my sunglasses, rip a hole in my doona cover, eat a Tupperware container, and rip apart a book. Good work, Destructo!

Anyway. I've got some more I want to write, but I can't really be stuffed, so I might take off and do it another time. Peace out, guys.

Unless the lonely star should fall ...

I'm sick of summer.

It's MARCH, and we're in the middle of a heatwave here in Country Vic. For the last week, I think the coolest day we've had is about 34 degrees. And it's going to continue. By Thursday we'll be back up to 39 apparently. Oh, the fun.

Today I'm driving up to mum and dads to see mum for her birthday, and it's meant to get to 38 there. Something tells me I'll be leaving early and getting home early. And I'll be putting the split system on before I leave so I get home to a nice, cool house. Can I just say, I freaking LOVE that thing! It works sooo well, the other night it was 35 degrees outside, and I had to go for a walk because it was TOO COLD in my house! Hahaha. How great is that!

Um ... What else has been going on. Well, the kiosk is closed. We are moving into a new shop, but that's going to take a while. I don't even know how long, exactly. I don't think my boss even knows. In the meantime, I have a few hours in the cafe this week, because until we move into the shop, my boss is keeping the cafe. It's not many (I think I have like two three hour shifts) but it's better than nothing. In the meantime, I'm still looking for something else, because I can't live on only a few hours a week. Especially since it could take months to get all this stuff sorted out.

So, I've been enjoying a few days off. I was meant to have Sunday off, but had to work because Ash was sick. I had Monday off, but ended up going in for a while, because I knew my boss was finishing the kiosk pack up. It was friggin hot on Monday, and I figured if I went out to help we'd get it done faster. I ended up staying a couple of hours, and I came home with two pineapples, a garbage bag filled with apples, a bag of oranges, and a few containers of icecream. All stuff that from the kiosk that we won't use in the cafe. I spent Monday afternoon juicing the oranges, apples and pineapples. Fresh juice is freaking delicious.

Today I haven't done much. I got up early and walked over to Chrissie's, and hitched a ride home when she went to Coles because it was too hot to walk home. I slept all afternoon. Then I got up, and walked over to Chrissie's again, and this time I actually walked home. It was 8:30 when I walked through the city on my way home, and it was cooling down nicely (it was down to 29 degrees). Got home, cooked myself a delicious dinner of honey soy chicken and rice, ate two bites, and ... Spilt the rest all over my lounge room floor. Man, was I pissed. So then I did a bit of cleaning, let Buckley out of his cage and hung out with him, chilling on my bed. Nice and relaxing.

And right now, it's 1:35 a.m. and I can't sleep. Maybe because I slept all afternoon?!

I am starting to get tired though. OH! Before I forget, a BIG CONGRATULATIONS to B and Michael, who got engaged at the Elmore BnS on Saturday night. I so wanted to be there! Congratulations, guys! You both rock.

Anyway, I better take off. Peace out, guys.

Haven't you heard? I'm a supermodel.

It's been a big week.



Let's start with the good stuff.



I have no magnets left on my fridge.
There are potatoes hidden all over my house.
There are tiny fingerprints all over my television cabinet.
My spare room has toys all over the floor.



There's been a kid in my house.



Amanda and Paul (who had been staying at mum and dads) arrived on Wednesday, and headed home to Melbourne on Thursday. I had heaps of fun hanging out with my midget, little Bug Eyes. She's a bit over two and a half now, and she's at a great age. She's so switched on all the time. You have to be careful what you say around her, because she will repeat it! She's such a smart kid. I think Amanda's enrolling her in pre-kinder later this year, I'm sure she'll love every minute of it. Buckley met Amber, he wasn't too impressed, but she loved patting Buckley and chasing him around the bed.



Baby Smurf is Bug Eyes the second! She's so much like Amber as a baby. She has darker hair, but her eyes are the same. She loves to smile, and has just discovered her thumbs. She had great fun (and sometimes great difficulty) getting her thumb into her mouth. She's actually started to suck her thumb as she sleeps at night. It's really cute.



Umm, what else happened this week ...



Well, as my brief post last night said, as of Tuesday I no longer have a job. The kiosk is closing, so I'm unemployed. Today I had to start packing stuff up, it was a bit sadder than I thought it would be. It's not a total suprise, but it doesn't make it any easier. I still don't really know what to think about all this, so I'm just going to move on now...



Christine had to stab me with a needle again the other night. Boy, that was just oodles of fun. Last time, she did it in my arm, into the muscle, and it not only bled for almost 15 minutes, it also bruised really well, and made my arm ache for a few days afterward (whinge, whinge, whinge ...!). This time, she'd talked to a couple of older/senior nurses at work, and researched it on the internet, and found that she could actually do the injection "sub-cut", which (basically) means into the fat on my body. So, she stabbed me in the stomach. It didn't bleed at all, and because it was in the fat on my tummy, I didn't feel it, so I didn't freak out about the feeling of something metal in me (which is what usually makes me panic about needles). The whole thing was over in 10 seconds.

This morning, as I got out of the shower, I noticed a red spot on my stomach. Not huge, about the size of a twenty cent piece. Right above that was a little bruise, where the needle went in. I wasn't too worried, but Christine told me to message her if anything showed up where she gave me the injection. So I did. I wasn't worried - it didn't hurt, I felt fine, and there was nothing wrong with me ... But Christine freaked out a little. She went to the chemist, she rang the hospital and she went looking on the internet. What she found out was that apparently the drug (I'm not sure what it's called - it's something for hayfever/allergies) can kill fat cells if given the sub-cut way - which lead me to go "Hey! I'm gonna be a supermodel! It's gonna kill all my fat!" Then Christine had to spoil my fun and said that next time it'll be given into the muscle again (ouch) and that "You're already a supermodel, the world just doesn't see it!" ... To which I replied ... "What a bunch of BALONEY!" Hahaha.

So, anyway, Christine messaged me about 5 o'clock this afternoon, and I was out so I didn't get the message ... Which led her to panic, thinking that I was at the hospital or something, because of the needle she had given me, when in reality, I'd just gone out to get something to eat and left my phone at home. She turned up just before, had a look at my red spot, agreed with me that it was probably nothing, and calmed down. It's all good.



Anyway, I better get going. I've still got a job to go to(for another couple of days, anyway), and I'm working early tomorrow. I think I might have to work all day, as I've got a feeling Ash (who's got tonsilitis and laryngitis) might call in sick. The poor kid said she was right to work tonight, but I don't know how she'll be feeling tomorrow. She sounds horrible, and you can tell by looking at her that she doesn't feel great. Anyway. I'm out.

Sweet Explosions.

No, I didn't get fired because of my hair. Not that I really thought I would, but you know ... :-P

The business is called "Sweet Explosions". It's a franchise, originally started by 2 guys. We met one of them tonight, his name is Tony and he's really nice.

It looks amazing. Like, seriously! Everything is so shiny! *lol* It's going to be a shame to use it and get it dirty :-P

The people I'll be working with are all really nice. We had a meeting out at Sweet Explosions, then we all went to dinner at La Porchetta afterwards, where we went through the training guide. A couple of the girls I'll be working with are new like me, so I won't be alone in that.

As far as I know, I'll be working next Thursday, Friday and Saturday. Tony is planning a "soft opening" for Thursday.

Anyway, that's about it. Peace, love and laughter. I'm out!

So, I'm freaking out. About my hair.

And I know it's a girly and ridiculous thing to worry about, but I can't help it!

In 30 minutes, I have to go to a meeting at my new place of work.

And my stupid-skanky-dumbo-head-moronic-silly-slutty hair won't do what I want it to do!

Ok. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.

God I hope my hair doesn't get me fired before I've actually started work ...

Wow, what a fuck-up ...

So tonight, I can't sleep.
Everything has fallen apart. Well and truly, completely, totally fallen to the shit-house.
Bit by bit, I've been losing control over the last couple of months. I don't even know how to describe it. It's just ... slowly, I've felt myself losing my grip on the *perfect* life, and the *perfect* personality everyone expects me to have. I ... don't know what the hell is wrong with me.
And tonight, I lost my job. As a direct result of all this shit. Because of things I've done (without realising) and not being able to talk to someone, about everything I'm thinking, and feeling. For the last couple of months, I've been "losing" days, or parts of days ... Not being able to remember what the hell I've done, or where I've been. And that's also been happening at work.
So now, I have no job. And a feeling of utter terror inside me that I'm going to have to tell my parents what's going on. How can I do that? They have enough to deal with, how am I meant to tell them what's going on with me? I can't even comprehend telling them, making them worry. That's not me. I don't make them worry. I'm the *good* child, the one who doesn't cause any problems, who just quietly goes about making things all good, looking after herself.
God, what a total fuck up.
I'm so very, very tired. But I can't sleep. I lie there, with my eyes closed, willing sleep to happen, but it won't work for me. I don't know. My head is pounding, so badly, and I just want to go to sleep and wake up to find out this has all been just a bad dream, but I know that won't happen.
I don't know where I'm meant to go from here. How do I put all the pieces back together??? How the hell am I meant to do that??? I don't even know where to start. Uni, family, my sleeping & eating habits, employment ... Everything is a mess. I feel like it's not going to go back together. The puzzle is stuffed, someone's stolen all the pieces, and it won't fit back together. I feel like just leaving. Disappearing. Because then no one would have to worry. I know it doesn't work like that, but I want so badly to just go.
I don't know. I just don't know. I need sleep, god do I need sleep, but I can't sleep. My head hurts to much, and the thoughts just won't stop going around and around.


I. Don't. KNOW.

Me. So. Tired.

Me. So. Tired.

Got to bed about 1 last night ... and after about 4 hours of interrupted sleep, got up at 5 for work ... Ugh. 5, as in 5 A.M. Finished work at 12:30, went to Big W and got a new DVD player since mine DIED last night and I'm not living without one, then had 5 minutes at home to shove in a sausage roll before I headed off to the cinema with Chrissie to watch the new Hugh Grant/Drew Barrymore movie ... Music and Lyrics? Or something to do with songs? Anyway. Got there about 2 minutes before it started, so it was perfect timing :o)

The movie was ok, pretty funny, but verrrry predictable *lol* I did enjoy it though. But oh-my-god, Hugh Grant is looking old! He plays an "old" pop star in the movie, so I'm not sure if they gave him more wrinkles or what, but I guess he is in his (late?) 40's so you'd expect him to have a few ... Just not that many! :-P

Got home from the movies a bit after 3, and was going to have my usual Sunday arvo sleep, but didn't get around to it. Ended up folding up & putting all my washing away, cleaning out the birdies cage, making my bed, and tidying up the lounge. Also plugged the new DVD player in. So I've been a bit busy. Think I might go have a chill on the couch for a while and do some reading. I think I'll be in bed waaaay early tonight though :o)

Anyway. I was going to add some more stuff to this page today, but, quite frankly, I can't be stuffed. (*Oh yeah, I'm as Aussie as they come!*) So I might take off and chuck a prawn on the barbie and have a VB. See ya later, Mate ;o) !