Tuesday, February 27, 2007


the truth is ...
we hide so we can be found-
we walk away to see who will follow
we cry to see who will wipe away our tears
and we let our hearts get broken to see -
who will come and fix them.

Random Joke Time!

In Jeruselem, a female journalist heard about very old Jewish man who had been going to the Western Wall to pray, twice a day, everyday fora long, long time. So she went to check it out. She went to the Western Wall and there he was. She watched him pray and after about 45 minutes, when he turned to leave, she approached him for an interview. "I'm Rebecca Smith from CNN. Sir, how long have you been coming to the Western Wall and praying?""For about 60 years.""60 years! That's amazing! What do you pray for?""I pray for peace between the Christians Jews and the Muslims. I pray for all the hatred to stop and I pray for all our children to grow upin safety and friendship."
"How do you feel after doing this for 60 years?"
"Like I'm talking to a f*ckin' brick wall."

sometimes ...

i wish i was

i wish i was

i wish i could feel
no pain.

I am done with you

I count the days that we have spent apart
I've got a bad liver and a broken heart
There's no salvation in the comfort of you
And I finally realize you're tearing me apart

So help me, save me,
Tell me that the end is near
Help me, save me
Tell me that the end is here
I am done with you

You've made my life completely miserable
You drove me to the edge, you've caused me all this pain
But I always loved you cause your oh so special
I'm broken and I'm alone and I can not maintain

So help me, save me,
Tell me that the end is near
Help me, save me
Tell me that the end is here

I am done with you
I am done with you
I am done with you
I am done with you
I am done with you

I count the days that we have spent apart
I've got a bad liver and a broken heart
Help me, save me,
Tell me that the end is near
Help me, save me,
Tell me that the end is here
I am done with you
Because you and me are through
You couldn't help me, you couldn't save me
Now I know the end is here

I am done with you

Ehh ... Whatever :o)

Do coffins have lifetime guarantees?

"China is a big country, inhabited by many Chinese." - Charles De Gaulle, former French President

"Can you get a ticket for running a stop sign that is not there?" - Driver school applicant

"I have opinions of my own --strong opinions-- but I don't always agree with them." - George Bush, former U.S. President"If it weren't for electricity we'd all be watching television by candlelight." - George Gobel
"Treat me like an angel and I'll be your lil' devil."Crazy is a relative term in my family!

"Keep smiling, it makes people wonder what you're up to."

All trespassers will be shot on sight. All survivors will then be prosecuted to the fullest extent of the law. Have a nice day!

A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.

The sooner you fall behind the more time you'll have to catch up.

A conclusion is the part where you got tired of thinking.

I'm scared to fall in love, scared to fall fast, because everytime i fall in love.....it never seems to last

Lifes Tough, get a helmet!

"I didn't lose my mind, I sold it on ebay."

Cleverly Disguised As A Responsible Adult.

don't regret doing things, regret getting caught

everyone in life has a purpose, even if its to serve as a BAD EXAMPLE

Anger is one letter short of danger.

Life's not all bad. Look into somebody's eyes, you'll see that they're a person just like you, they also have good and bad feelings, hopes and dreams.

Lots of things change...lots of them don't...but the fact that I love you...that will always stay the same.

"Here officer, hold my beer while I find my license."

It's not MY fault I never learned to accept responsibility!

The whole world is going to hell and Im driving the bus.

"There are just some days when I don't feel like talking ... Today is one of those days"

Does anyone know the name of this song?

so denied
so i lied
are you the now or never king?
in a day and a day love love
im gonna be gone for good again
are you willing?
to be had
are you cool with just tonight?
here's a toast
to all those
who hear me too all well

here's to the night we felt alive
here's to the tears you knew you'd cry
here's to goodbye
tomorrow's gonna come too soon

put your name
one the lone
along with place and time
wanna stay
not to go
i wanna ditch the logical
here's a toast
to all those
who hear me all too well

here's to the night we felt alive
here's to the tears you knew you'd cry
here's to goodbye
tomorrow's gonna come too soon

all my time is frozen is motion
can't i stay an hour or two more?
don't let me let you go

here's to the night we felt alive
here's to the tears you knew you'd cry
here's to goodbye
tomorrow's gonna come too soon

here's to the night we felt alive
here's to the tears you knew you'd cry
here's to goodbye
tomorrow's gonna come too soon

I quit.

I'm really not in a very good mood today. I'm staying at mum and dad's for tonight, and going home tomorrow. Tonight, my brother gets back from Melbourne. I will spit in his face. Well, no I won't ... But I will want to.
He has told his girlfriend that if she wants to work things out with him, she can't speak to me. Which means I can't speak to her or my nephew because my brother is a f***ing prick.
Ahh, yes. I am in a charming mood.
When I heard this last night (he rang mum to tell her) I was so upset. I spent the night trying not to cry. I dont know why. I was just upset.
Now I'm just PISSED OFF.
I quit my family ...

Monday, February 26, 2007

Clean Freezers! :o)

good god, I would kill for a smoke ... ! *lol* oh, i need nicotine!

so, mum's still here (hence, the no smokes since yesterday morning). at the moment, she's visiting a friend of hers, who recently tried to commit suicide (and damn nearly succeeded ... thank god she was found in time). I think she wanted to talk to mum alone, so I said I'd stay home and get some study done. I've done a couple of hours, I probably should still be studying since I have an exam tomorrow, yes, tomorrow ... but I'm not really too concerned! :o) I'm so tired it's hard to worry :-P

we didn't do much yesterday, we went out to the market at the showgrounds, and had a look around, it was fairly ordinary actually. usually there is heaps more stalls, but this time it just didn't seem to be as good. mum got a new pair of 3/4 pants, and she also brought me a new home phone (since mine is a piece of crap!). it's a whizz-bang fancy one that can send text messages and everything. so far i've figured out how to make a call and that's about it. must get around to reading the booklet sometime soon. after we had a look around, we met mums friend (the one she's visiting right now) and her boyfriend for lunch, then we came home. I defrosted my freezer while mum did heaps of cleaning and organising. I'm not too sure what she cleaned and organised, but it kept her busy for a while, so it's all good. then we went and did my grocery shopping for the next few weeks, my cupboard and (clean) freezer are now full! :o)

anyway, I should probably get back to the study, since I've only got a couple of hours before I go to work, and god knows I won't feel like doing anything after work! and, you know, there's also the fact that my exam is tomorrow. As in, tomorrow. Today is monday and tomorrow is Tuesday and my exam is on Tuesday. anyway. i should really stop wasting time and go do something :o)

Sunday, February 25, 2007

*my* caringbridge kids!

So, today's entry isn't about me.

(What a shock, huh!)

I regularly check on many, many CaringBridge Kids. They're *my* CaringBridge Kids. Many of these kids have cancer, or luekemia, or liver disease, or another life threatening illness. They are amazing. Every single day, I check on them and I'm constantly amazed by the strength, courage, humour, grace and dignity that these kids show.

These kids are ... well, kids! Some just babies! 2 or 3 years old. And yet, they get dealt a friggin crappy hand, like cancer. So they just deal with it. Because it's *normal* to them. How sad is that. That a 2 year old should find cancer, *normal*?

Anyway. If you want to check out real little heroes, check out some of these kids.

Matty - www.caringbridge.org/visit/matty
Matty's parents have been told there's nothing more that can be done for their little boy. This gorgeous little boy has won so many hearts during his battle with hepatoblastoma (hope i spelt that right!) and the battle aint over yet! Matty is still fighting, and everyone who loves him is STILL BELIEVING!

Hunter - www.caringbridge.org/ma/hunter.
What a gorgeous kid is this little girl! Hunter has the cheekiest smile you'll ever see!

Anna - www.caringbridge.org/ok/annajane
Anna also has hepatoblastoma, and has recently had yet another operation to remove more tumors.

Hannah - www.caringbridge.org/visit/hannahuhrmacher
Hannah was a gorgeous little girl who fought brain and spinal cancer for 16 months, before losing her battle in September last year. Her mum has kept her site up to cherish her memory. Hannah's story is a true story of grace, and dignity.

Lizzie - www.caringbridge.org/ne/lizziegirl
Lizzie also lost her battle recently, but her story is an awesome display of courage.

Catie - one of heaven's newest angles - www.caringbridge.org/ga/catie

Haley - an amazing child, with one of the strongest mums you'll ever meet - www.caringbridge.org/ga/haley

Lillie - a gorgeous little girl who was diagnosed last year - www.caringbridge.org/visit/lillieboyte

Aubrielle - rage baby! you gotta love her mum's perspective on the cancer world www.caringbridge.visit/aubrielle

Brady - what a cutie! www.caringbridge.org/visit/bradyengle

Kendrie - won the battle! and Kristie is hilarious! - www.caringbridge.org/ga/kendrie

Asher and Jacob - www.caringbridge.org/visit/asherandjacob

Jake - what can you say about this gorgeous little boy? sadly lost his battle last year, but what an amazing child, and what a really amazing family - www.caringbridge.org/la/jakeowen

Kayla - www.caringbridge.org/visit/kayladay

Mia - www.caringbridge.org/visit/princessmia

Morgan - www.caringbridge.org/visit/morganelizabeth

Kelly - www.caringbridge.org/fl/kellymuldoon

Lily - www.caringbridge.org/visit/lilyleyden

Blake - www.caringbridge.org/visit/blakehaines

Jackson - www.caringbridge.org/visit/jacksonriley

Donovan - www.caringbridge.org/in/babydonovan

Mackenzie - www.caringbridge.org/visit/mackenziestuck

Maddie - www.caringbridge.org/tn/madelyn

Alexis - www.caringbridge.org/visit/littletrooperlexi

Ellis - www.caringbridge.org/mn/ellis

Please, if have 5 minutes, visit some of these awesome kids. You won't regret it!

Saturday, February 24, 2007

I'll be happy when ...

I'll be happy when...

We convince ourselves that life will be better after we get married, have a baby, then another.

Then we are frustrated that the kids aren't old enough and we'll be more content when they are.

After that, we're frustrated that we have teenagers to deal with.

We will certainly be happy when they are out of that stage.

We tell ourselves that our life will be complete when our spouse gets his or her act together, when we get a nicer car, when we are able to go on a nice vacation or when we retire.

The truth is there's no better time to be happy than right now.

If not now, when?

Your life will always be filled with challenges.

It's best to admit this to yourself and decide to be happy anyway.

Happiness is the way.

So, treasure every moment that you have and treasure it more because you shared it with someone special, special enough to spend your time with ... and remember that time waits for no one.

So, stop waiting .
Until your car or home is paid off.
Until you get a new car or home.
Until your kids leave the house.
Until you go back to school.
Until you finish school.
Until you lose 10 lbs.
Until you gain 10 lbs.
Until you get married.
Until you get a divorce.
Until you have kids.
Until you retire.
Until summer.. Until spring. Until winter. Until fall.
Until you die.

There is no better time than right now to be happy.

Happiness is a journey, not a destination.

So work like you don't need money, love like you've never been hurt, and, dance like no one's watching.

Ronnie Barker - Bucking Frilliant!

This was originally shown on BBC TV back in the seventies. Ronnie Barker could say all this without a snigger (though God knows how many takes). Irony is that they received not one complaint. The speed of delivery must have been too much for the whining herds. Try getting through it without converting the spoonerisms [and not wetting your pants] as you read

This is the story of Rindercella and her sugly isters.
Rindercella and her sugly isters lived in a marge lansion.
Rindercella worked very hard frubbing sloors, emptying poss pits, and shivelling shot.
At the end of the day, she was knucking fackered.
The sugly isters were right bugly astards.
One was called Mary Hinge, and the other was called Betty Swallocks; they were really forrible huckers; they had fetty sweet and fetty swannies.
The sugly isters had tickets to go to the ball, but the cotton runts would not let Rindercella go. Suddenly there was a bucking fang, and her gairy fodmother appeared.
Her name was Shairy Hithole and she was a light rucking fesbian.
She turned a pumpkin and six mite wice into a hucking cuge farriage with six dandy ronkeys who had buge hollocks and dig bicks.
The gairy fodmother told Rindercella to be back by dimnlight otherwise, there would be a cucking falamity.
At the ball, Rindercella was dancing with the prandsome hince when suddenly the clock struck twelve.
"Mist all chucking frighty!!!" said Rindercella, and she ran out tripping barse over ollocks, so dropping her slass glipper.
The very next day the prandsome hince knocked on Rindercella's door and the sugly isters let him in.
Suddenly, Betty Swallocks lifted her leg and let off a fig bart.
"Who's fust jarted??" asked the prandsome hince.
"Blame that fugly ucker over there!!" said Mary Hinge.
When the stinking brown cloud had lifted, he tried the slass glipper on both the sugly isters without success and their feet stucking funk.
Betty Swallocks was ducking fisgusted and gave the prandsome hince a knack in the kickers. This was not difficult as he had bucking fuge halls and a hig bard on.
He tried the slass glipper on Rindercella and it fitted pucking ferfectly.
Rindercella and the prandsome hince were married.
The pransome hince lived his life in lucking fuxury, and Rindercella lived hers with a follen swanny.

Friday, February 23, 2007

Family ties, family ... fights.

I used to look at people who didnt speak to members of their own family, and wonder what had happened, how they could just not speak to someone from their own family, that they are related to. what could possibly make someone turn their back on family?

well... now I know.

the last 8 or so weeks in our family have been ... difficult, to say the least. very difficult.

it started with my brother overdosing on prescription pills (for depression). my mum and I immediately went to melbourne to stay with his girlfriend, and son, where we learnt about many things that had been going on that we had no idea about.

my brother had been violent and aggressive towards his girlfriend.

he had verbally abused her.

he had deprived my nephew of food, and imposed a routine on him (a 2 year old) that was unreasonable and bordered on neglectful.

he had, on at least 2 seperate occasions, hit him/treated him roughly enough that he caused bruising to my nephew.

there were numerous time that my nephew had been seen with brusies that my brother, as primary caregiver for my nephew, had not been able to explain how or why the bruises occured, or when he did give such an explanation, the explanation changed, depending on who he was speaking to.

the feelings that mum, I, my sister, my dad, my brothers girlfriend and my nephew have experienced in the last 8 or so weeks, have been ... turbulent. fear, when we heard that he was in hospital, having taken an overdose. anger, trying to figure out what the hell he was thinking and what he thought he was doing. grief, of a kind, at the thought of what could have happened. blame, when we realised what had been happening. guilt, because we hadn't picked up on the cues, and we *should* have. confusion, for my nephew, because his dad just disappears.

and now, I'm one of *those* people. who wont speak to a member of their own family. I have to be honest, the thought of just looking at him, makes me want to spit in his face, or hit him. because I am disgusted.

how could he treat a gorgeous, smart, amazing kid, my beautiful nephew, like that? how could he do that to his own son?

what makes a person do that? what the hell is wrong with someone that they hit, and bruise, a child?

what makes a person treat the one that they *claim* to love like they're nothing?

so, I will no longer speak to him. as far as im concerned, he does not exist. I am ashamed, so ashamed, that he is my brother. he is related to me, and he did such horrible things.

the other day, I admitted to one of my friends that my brother could die tomorrow, and I dont think that I would grieve that much. how sad is that? he's turned into such an arsehole, such a horrible person, that I would not care should something happen to him. and it's not that I'm emotional, or that I'm just saying that. I am so disgusted by the person he has turned into, that I honestly do not believe I would miss him.

how harsh is that? how much of a bitch does that make me sound? what kind of person says that?

I don't know whether I just want to hurt him, like he has hurt our family, so very, very badly, or whether I honestly don't care about him any more. I don't know. all I know is that I can't imagine a time when I will ever speak to him again. I can't imagine a situation that would make me want to speak to him.

and now, I'm one of *those* people.

That's what she said ...

first entry ... i feel an extraordinary amount of pressure right now, to write something intelligent, witty, and compelling.

but that wouldnt really be the real me, would it...?!

the truth is, i like to write. sometimes i like to just come online, to my other blog (a windows spaces one) and post quotes, or jokes. or sometimes i write about things that are making me lose sleep. things that i keep turning over and over in my mind, and as i'm not really a talker, i have to get them out there somehow or i may possibly explode. sometimes i just write about work, or the boring day i've just had.

i think this blog will also be a little of both. a little of me, and a little of things i've found that i like. song lyrics. poems. quotes. jokes. and my writings.

so here we are. entry one. and it's done. it's a bit after midnight and i've not been well all week, so i think i might head to bed, wrapping this up for now.