Wednesday, January 30, 2008


Scary ...


Had a bit of a *scare* ...

Freaked out a lot ...

It was weird. I'm usually pretty careful. And I was, this time as well.

But last week, I was freaking out.

Because I was late.

And all week, I was so nauseous. And that's weird for me. There didn't seem to be a reason.

And I was so tired. Of course, that may have been because I was laying awake at night, freaking out, trying to figure out why I was worried because we were careful, wondering what I'd do if I was pregnant, because oh my god, how could I be pregnant, what am I going to do, how can I afford to raise a baby, I don't want a baby yet ...

But thank god, thank god, I'm not.

There's no bun in my oven, I'm not up the spud, no one has knocked me up.

Woo hoo!

It made me realise something though.

I can't be with someone that I can't talk to.

And I went through this alone, because I felt like I couldn't talk to him. I didn't know what to say, how to bring it up or anything. I didn't have any idea how he might react or what he might think ...

And what the hell was I thinking, sleeping with him?!

It's not that I couldn't talk about it with anyone, because I did talk about it with a couple of friends. And one was male. I just couldn't talk about it with him. And isn't he the one I should be able to talk about it with?

So, yeah. It's over.

Oh well.

At least I didn't cry this time!

Friday, January 25, 2008

Vomit ... With some pee thrown in for good measure.

Hmm ...

Tennis is on. Federer is playing the Djokovic dude. I have no idea if that's even how you spell his name. I think it'll be a good game.

Had today off work. Felt pretty ordinary all day, some stomach cramps and some general feeling funny ... Which I realised, at 5:30 this afternoon as I was throwing up on my front door mat, was obviously just some kind of bug ... Classy, huh? Hahaha ... I had a feeling, and didn't think I'd make it to the toilet, so I just opened the front door and stepped outside. Probably not the smartest move, as my street is often fairly busy at 5:30 - 6 at night, with people heading home from work. So yeah ... Nice, huh?!

I am feeling heaps better though. It's funny how you don't realise how bad you're feeling, until you feel better. I just ate some dinner, which I'm fairly sure will stay down :-)

My rabbit is in his cage, in disgrace. He went to pee on my couch (well, what a lovely blog entry. First vomitting, then pee! Woo hoo. Bet you're glad you're reading this ... ) so he got told "NO!" and I put him back in his cage. So now, he's sulking ...! Ears down, all stretched out, eyes down as well ... Bad bunny!

Anyway, I might take off. Tennis is on, so I might just veg out for a while, then head to bed early as I'm working all day tomorrow. Have a great night, guys.

Wednesday, January 23, 2008

Heath Ledger


R.I.P. Heath Ledger.

I think the story first broke about 8 a.m. over here in Australia. And it's been on the news all day. Ninemsn and have had big sections on Heath's death, and the events surrounding it. On the news tonight (Channel 7 and Channel 9) they both devoted the first 5 - 6 minutes of their bulletins to the tragic death of Heath Ledger.

Following that, they then turned to the story of the house fire that killed two people and the crash in Melbourne yesterday that killed a young boy and his baby brother and critically injured their grandma. Then the stockmarket crash and Australian Open news. You know, news.

Don't get me wrong. I'm not saying that the death of a great actor isn't worth that much time on the news. It is. But the fact is, the facts aren't known yet. There's so much unknown about what happened, and what caused Heath Ledgers death, that at the moment all that seems to be on the news is a heap of "sources close to Ledger" who are quoted as saying vague things, insinuating things that may or may not be true.

On Today Tonight, and A Current Affair, suddenly there were "whispers that he had a drug problem / and / had recently been to rehab". Really? Because articles on news sites said it was a huge shock since he had never been into drugs, and there were no hints he'd ever been into that scene. And "isn't it funny he died 10 hours after the Oscar nominations were released and he didn't get one? / and / he was always such a dark and tortured soul, you just had that feeling he was going to die young". Uh-huh.

You know what really sucks? He's got a 2 year old kid. Who, in 10 years time is going to want to know about her dad. What will she find if she looks into the articles written after his death? Yeah, he was a talented actor, but he's going to now be remembered as the guy who killed himself with a drug overdose ... And we all knew he had a drug problem all along, of course ...

And his poor family, trying to grieve while all this crap is being said and written about him. Bet that'd make the grieving process much easier. Not only that, but trying to deal with the loss of their son/brother/nephew/grandson/friend in the glare of the media. Jeez, the guy is dead. Leave his family alone.

The fact is, I didn't even really like him as a person. He always came across as sort of ... Up himself, cocky ... Something. He was sullen ... Or appeared to be. I don't know. But no one deserves this kind of disrespect when they're dead. I know people have a curiousity about what happened. Of course they do. It's a morbid fascination most people have with celebrities. But it's sad that he won't be remembered for how he lived, or the contribution he made to the movie world. It'll always be "Heath Ledger, the actor who died tragically at age 28 after overdosing on pills .... etc."

R.I.P. Heath Ledger. 1979 - 2008.

Tuesday, January 22, 2008

Sooo ...

Been a few days ... And not much has happened. Hahaha ...

Sunday, work was dead. It was so quiet, my 6 hour shift turned into a 2 hour shift. Which I was pretty pleased with :-) So I decided that since I had some extra time, I'd go get my ears lowered (hahaha, Dan!). After Zoey cut my hair, I decided to get some foils (highlights) put in. I gotta say, I'm pretty impressed with how it turned out. There's more layers in my hair now, so it's heaps thinner, and the highlights, which are blonde, look great.

Yesterday I had the day off work, so I didn't really do much ... Bummed around. Cleaned the house. Did some washing. Went for a walk. Cut Buckley's nails. That last one was heaps of fun, and Buckley wasn't too impressed! I ended up with lots of scratches, thanks to the psycho little bugger.

Today I worked, and it was fairly quiet again. I managed to finish on time ... Woo hoo.

What else ... Oh, Sunday night Christine and I went to see Juno. It was good, but for some reason I thought it would be funnier. It didn't help that for some reason, no one in the cinema wanted to laugh, so when I did I felt really self-conscious. Then I kinda went ... Well, fuck it. If it's funny, I'm going to laugh!

I've got tomorrow off work, yay! I've got a doctors appointment at 11:15, then I'm going to pay bills and look for a new chiropractor. Oh, what an exciting day I have planned. I'm working Thursday, then I get Friday off. I'm pretty pleased with the roster this week, three days off, four days on :-)

Anyway, that's about it. Might go do some dishes and have a bath then head to bed early. Feelin kinda funny, a little dizzy. I think it's the painkiller I took earlier. It feels like I'm a little drunk actually! Ok, I'm out. Peace, love and laughter!

Saturday, January 19, 2008

Groovy Pic!

There's no particular reason for this photo ... I just thought it was cool :-)


Ahh, I feel clean.

Yesterday morning I was exhausted. I didn't go to bed until 4 a.m. (Thank you, Adam ...) and was up a few hours later for work. So I had a shower, but didn't wash my hair because I was in a hurry and couldn't be stuffed dealing with wet hair.
Last night I got home from work, utterly exhausted. It was such a long, draining day. I finished an hour late, and by the time I got home I could barely see straight. I went drive-thru on the way home and got some dinner, ate that, sat on the couch to watch the tennis ... And fell asleep. I woke up at midnight, stumbled into bed, and promptly fell asleep again.
I intended to have a shower this morning. My alarm went off at 7:15. I pressed the snooze button, which gives me ten extra minutes. Usually, I just doze for a couple of minutes, waking up, then I get up. This morning ... I fell back to sleep.
Twenty minutes past eight was the time when I woke up! I had to be at work at 9! I have never moved so fast! I bolted out of bed, threw my work uniform on, pulled my hair up in the messiest ponytail ever, and ran out the door. I made it to work with 5 minutes to spare :-)
So I finally had my wash tonight ... Stinky no more! Hahaha. Just had the most relaxing bath ... And washed my hair twice :-) I feel nice and clean now!

Work was okay today. It was fairly dead because of the weather - it rained here pretty much all day. It wasn't heavy rain though - it was just steady, light drizzle. Which is frustrating, because we could use some decent falls. I managed to finish right on time, but Bec was running late in the cafe, so I stayed to help her finish up. I think I ended up leaving about 5:30, which wasn't too bad :-)

Cricket is all over ... Australia lost. I don't think we need to say anymore about that ... :-(

It feels so much later than 9 o'clock ... I think I must be getting old! Anyway, I might take off and watch some tennis. Wonder if Federer will win? It's 2 sets all at the moment, 6 - 7 in the 5th set. I think Hewitt plays after this game is finished, I might stay up and see if he gets through to the next round. I'm not really happy with the Australian Open at the moment, Andy Roddick got knocked out, so what's the point now?! There's no hot guy to watch ... :-( Ok, it's now 7 all in the 5th set ... This could go on for a while :-)

Peace out, guys!

Thursday, January 17, 2008

Wednesday, January 16, 2008

Here I am again, baby ...

Wow. Two entries in two days. Amazing! Especially with my recent (pathetic) record ...

So, today ...

Much better.

Isn't it funny how a little hope, and a plan, can make you feel so, so much better?

I meant to make a doctors appointment this morning, but then I slept in ... Oops :-)

Work was ok today. Back pain wasn't too bad. Took a painkiller in my lunch break, because it was starting to really ache, but what I forgot was ... They're really strong painkillers. They make me go slightly ... Spacey. I was driving home, and for some reason, I was really, really aware that I was driving, and that there were cars around, and traffic lights. I felt like my eyes were so wide open, it was just ... Freaky! I don't usually drive with my eyes closed or anything, but I was just ... Wow.

Driving home, I realised I hadn't heard from mum and dad since last week ... Decided to ring them when I got home, and instead got home to find a message from mum and dad on my phone! *lol* So I rang back and had a good chat, then decided to ring my sister since I hadn't heard from her in a while. I got to talk to my little Bug Eyes (my niece, Amber, who's two and a half), who's just gorgeous. She was so funny on the phone, telling me that she had an apple, and that it was yummy yummy. The she told me I'm beautiful ... Aww! :-)

Had to go take Gibbs to the carwash before ... Man, was he dirty. Took me a while to wash him. So now he thinks he's just soooo cool because he's a clean little car ...

Ok, so that's about it from here ... Peace out.

Tuesday, January 15, 2008

Welcome to Funk-ville

So I've been in a serious funk.

And I just can't shake it.

I don't know what the hell is wrong with me.

I even got as close as I've ever been on Sunday night to doing something very, very stupid. And I knew it was stupid, but I just can't keep going going like this. Only the thought of not seeing my Little Man, Bug Eyes and Baby Smurf again made me stop.

I've had enough of everything. Of the family shit, which a year later, thanks to my brother, is still going on. I'm tired of being exhausted all the time, and not knowing why. I'm sick of coming home at night and just crying for no reason, or no reason that I can explain.

Yesterday, I slept until 12. Lunch time. I got up, and I was still so, so tired. And I know it's partly because of my back. Nothing seems to be helping it. I've been to the doctor, many times, and I can't get anything that will help. There's always pain. But it shouldn't make me this tired.

So today ... I made a sort-of plan ... Lose some weight, go back to the doctor and the chiropractor, and go from there. Start something long-term, make a plan, follow it through. Start saying to my doctor, "This isn't right. Help me, or I'll go somewhere else."

And ... Hello Zoloft. I'm going back on the Zoloft. It helped last time, and I think it's a good idea.

Anyway ... I'm sick of thinking about myself, so ...

Corey Delaney. Is there anyone who hasn't heard of this 16 year old fuckwit? I hope, that in 10 years time when this kid grows up, when his parents drag out the photos, and the newspaper articles, that this dickhead is humiliated by what he's done, and by how he looks. I think he's an idiot. And oh my god, what's with the way kids dress these days? What is with the big plastic sunglasses and the stupid hats? Am I old for saying this? Oh, how depressing. I'm only 24!

I have found some great new blogs ... Adventures of GuitarGirl RN. Way funny chicky. Ten out of Ten - the writings of a ER Doc. Musings of a Highly Trained Monkey - very cool blog, and very honest ... Definitely someone who calls a spade a spade. There's also Dr Smak, ER RN, Life in the Emergency Department. There are more, but I'll share them later ... I have to say, reading all these blogs has given me a new respect for nurses and doctors. Even though my best friend is a nurse, I've never really thought about her work. Nurses especially put up with a lot of crap, it seems. And who knew that Emergency could be funny as well as dramatic?!

The Pickup Line Encyclopedia ... Ha! Organised by category. Pretty cool website.

This is a rabbit site ... Pretty cool and informative at the same time.

PostSecret has some great secrets up this week ... Go check them out.

It's January, what does that mean? The Australian Open is back again. Tennis will be constantly on my tv for the next couple of weeks, I'll only changing the chanel for the cricket. The next test match (Australia v. India) starts tomorrow, I think.

What else ...

Oh. I met someone. He's a little older than me ... I don't know what it is about me and older guys ... Is it going to go somewhere? I don't know. He's funny, and relaxed, and also kind of frustrates me at times ... *lol* I don't know.

Anyway. That's about it. Sorry for the lack of updates. Maybe that's why I've been in such a bad funk, because I haven't been getting stuff out on here like I usually do. Anyway, I'm gonna work on it. And I'll try to update more often.

Peace out :-)

Monday, January 14, 2008

Up and down,
inside out,
outside in,
some you lose,
some you win -
for us all.
Up and down we go.
Bad times choke us all once or twice
On this
Sweet up and

Thursday, January 10, 2008

I know. I've been so slack. So slack.

... Forgive me?!

This won't be a long entry ... Tired from work. And got another long day tomorrow ...

Anyway. Snapshots from my week:

[Me standing there, covered in cream after the cream bottle exploded over me]

My boss: [While laughing hysterically] How do these things always happen to you?!

Christine and I went to a very fancy, very expensive restaurant tonight. The prices were huge, the meals were ... Small.

Me: Dude. I think the waiter helped himself to some of my dinner on the way from the kitchen.

[Me standing there after the chocolate topping just exploded all over me]

Bree: How do these things always happen to you?! I've never seen anything like it.

Me: If rabbits had tiny little bunny condoms, there wouldn't be a problem.

[As soon as we leave the restaurant tonight]
Christine: Ok. Lets hit Maccas and get part two of dinner!

Sunday, January 06, 2008

"Because no matter how badly a thing is hurting us sometimes letting it go hurts even worse.”

Tuesday, January 01, 2008

Uhh ... What happened to 2007?

Does anyone know what the hell happened to 2007?

I mean, seriously.

Lets look at 2007. I feel like it was a wasted year, which makes me feel like a loser.

Jan: Find out brother physically & verbally abusing son and girlfriend. Confront brother who then tries to kill self.

Feb: Decide (after failing exams due to whole family thing going on) that perhaps taking some time off uni might be a good idea. Maybe I just need to step back, take a break, find some motivation, and then return to uni after everything has settled down.

March: Lose job due to breakdown. End up at mum and dad's, 4 days later, telling my mum what's really been going on. Finally come clean to friends as well.

April/May/June/July: Spend months (literally) trying to get a job. Get rejection after rejection, but eventually I just don't care anymore. Unemployment = totally boring. On the upside - my house has never been cleaner.

August: Finally get a job. Bumpy start for the business, but hell - we're sticking it out.

September: Starting to wonder if business is going to last ... So far cops have been called on a few occasions, we've had people causing damage, things going missing, stress levels rising, and my boss is turning into a slight split-personality. I never know who I'm going to be dealing with when I get to work.

October: Arrest warrant issued. I don't think we need to say any more about that.

November: Baby Smurf born. Without a doubt, the high point of my year, even though that wasn't exactly smooth sailing.

December: 4 months in, and I'm looking for a new job. Almost as unhappy as I was at Safeway after 2 years there. Friend slits his throat. See proof with my own eyes - Christmas night - that arsehole brother hasn't changed.

So really, it wasn't a terrific year.

Here we are, at the end of it, and let's review:
- Haven't spoken to the arsehole brother in 11 months.
- Haven't been at uni for 10 months ... And have no idea when I'll go back.
- Didn't manage to accomplish anything of note during 2007.
- Am currently looking for another job, but until something comes up, am working somewhere that's making me fairly miserable.
- Didn't manage to find Mr Right - or even anything close to.

Um ... Now I'm just depressing myself.

Ok. Good things from 2007:

1: Birth of Baby Smurf. I never imagined such a little person could cause such fuss when entering the world. It was the first time I've ever wanted to be with my sister when she was upset.
*I'm not heartless - she just drives me nuts, and she's always upset about something (she's a drama queen). But mostly it's the 'she drives me nuts' thing.

2: I feel like I have learnt something - at Safeway I stayed until I had a breakdown. I'm miserable right now at my new job - but at least I have learnt to look out for myself. I'm trying to find a new job. I'm not staying until I want to kill myself just to get out of it. If worst comes to worst, I will walk away before I've found a new job. I'd never let myself get that stressed out again.

3: My friends. I soon learnt who my real friends were. I'm so grateful for the friends I have, who have been there through everything.

Wow. I can only find 3 good things from the whole year? Maybe I need to keep thinking.

Anyway, it's getting late. I might keep thinking ... While I sleep.

Happy New Year. May 2008 be everything you're hoping for.

First Meme of 2008

A Book Reading Meme

1. Open the book you're currently reading to page 133.

2. Read the fourth line on the page.

3. Put the book back where it had been resting.

4. Tell no one of what it was you just did.

5. Think of five friends to tag with this meme.

6. Do not actually tag them. They are busy and have lives.

7. Go about your life as if nothing has happened.

8. Carry the secret of this meme to your grave.