Some quotes from my fave show, queer as folk.
Justin: I'm not a child. I'm turning 18 soon. That means I can vote, and get married, and join the army.
Emmett: Hopefully not on the same day.
Brian: I don't believe in love. I believe in fucking. It's honest, it's efficient. You get in and out with the maximum of pleasure, and minimum of bullshit. Love is something that straight people tell themselves they're in, so they can get laid. And they end up hurting each other, because it was all based on lies to begin with. If that's what you want, then go find yourself a pretty little girl... and get married.
Emmett: I was talking to Dungeon Master Don, who wants to mumify me. Have you noticed that the world's getting weirder?
Brian: Are you going to come eat the chicken?
Michael: We bought you a whole fucking chicken!
Brian: I know it's scarier choosing your own path than doing what's expected of you.
Brian: If you don't earn respect when you're alive, you don't deserve it when you're dead.
Emmett: Hollow eyes, 22-inch waist, inability to hold a conversation? He's either a total crystal queen, or a supermodel.
Emmett: I may be a slut, but at least I'm an honest slut.
Brian: I'd run away screaming, but it's been a long day
Michael: I should warn you, my friends can be a little...
Ben: Judgemental? Vicious? Condescending?
Michael: So you've met them
Cop: Are you aware you were speeding?
Michael: Oh that must be why it felt like we were going so fast.
Ted: You have anything on you?
Brian: Yeah, 16 pounds of cocaine and 24 ounces of heroin.
Ted: This is no time to be funny!
Brian: Who's being funny?
Cop: You were doing 60 in a 35-mile zone.
Michael: Wow, what do you know? Math. Give the officer a jelly donut.
Michael: Christ, Brian! How'd you get in here?
Brian: My widdle key.
Justin: I'm not anti-social, I just can't stand people.
Emmett: Even if worst comes to worst and you have to go to jail, it won't be so bad. You'll have time to read and work out. It'll be like a spa vacation.
Michael: No, you stop! Stop using this shit. Stop hurting yourself - and stop hurting us.
Michael: It's okay. I'm sure there's a lot of things I'll never understand. But it's not for a lack of trying.
Justin: And you're so smart? If you had any fucking brains at all you never would have let me leave. You would have told me I was making the biggest mistake of my life, that I would regret it as long as I live. You would have told me that what you gave me was a thousand...a million times better than anything he had to offer. You would have told me you loved me.
Ben: Yes, you are seeing it. The most historic reunification since Germany.
Emmett: What happened to the fiddler?
Michael: He fell off the roof.
Michael: Well, if it isn't Little Mary Sunshine
Emmett: Little Mary Sunshine died. I'm Little Mary Go Fuck Yourself.
Michael: Well he already has a boyfriend!
Hunter: You do?
Brian: In a non-defined, non-conventional sort of way, yeah.
Hunter: If you guys stop to fuck, I'm screwed.
Debbie: It's three days. Three fucking days and not one fucking word. Except for this strange cryptic message - Don't worry, Ma, I'm all right.
Justin: Doesn't sound strange or cryptic to me.
Debbie: Well, you're not a mother.
Ben: I just talked to him, Debbie, and he's all right.
Debbie: He is not all right. A mother can always read between the lines. It's the first time since Michael's learned how to pick up a phone that we haven't talked three times a day.
Brian: I know, it explains so much.
Debbie: Ben, honey, the next time you talk to him, would you please tell him I love him up to the sky and back?
Ben: Sure, Debbie.
Debbie: And if he's not back here pronto, I'm going to rip his balls off.
Brian: This is like that time in 7th grade when I lent you my brand new 10-speed and when you brought it back my front fender was crushed, my seat was torn...
Michael: I was hit by a bus!
Emmett: If we back up real slow, no one will even know we were here.
Melanie: It isn't right, it isn't fair, it just is.
Brian: Sometimes you feel like a nut, sometimes you don't
Ben: We're fostering a minor, Michael. If they found out we had pot or any other illegal substances around the house, we could lose him.
Michael: I forgot I even had it. Brian gave it to me for emergencies.
Ben: He obviously went snooping and found it. Michael? What are you doing?
Michael: This is an emergency.
Ben: Michael, we can't tell him not to use drugs if we do it ourselves.
Michael: Of course we can. That's what parenting is all about
Justin:Shit! Are you all right? Tell me you're all right.
Brian: I'm all right.
Justin: No you're not.
Brian: Then what the hell are you asking me for?
Justin: So that I can tell you what a motherfucking piece of shit you are for not telling me. For shutting me out. For thinking that you can handle this on your own. And most of all for thinking that I would leave. Why would you think that? Because you had a ball removed? Because you're no longer perfect? Well believe me, Mr. Kinney, that is the least of your imperfections. And if I wanted to leave you, I've had better reasons, plenty of them.
Brian: Maybe you should have.
Justin: Yeah, maybe you're right, but I thought we had a commitment, and I plan to stand by it. Now, I want you to get your ass back in bed, you son of a bitch. And eat some fucking chicken soup.
Justin: So why the secrecy?
Brian: Because I don't want people like you saying, 'You can't, you mustn't.' I don't want every cunty faggot who goes to the gym saying, 'Poor Kinney, told you so.'
Justin: I have to hand it to you, your perserverance is surpassed only by your narcissism.
Brian: And there you have the secret to my success.
Carl: I need someone in my life who'll make me laugh, who'll make me feel good.
Michael: I'm already taken.
Carl: That's why I want to marry your mother. As soon as you say 'You may', I want her to say 'I do'.
Michael: That's … that's a big request. Normally I ask for personal references and W-2 forms for the last three years and an arrest report. But in your case, I only have one question. Do you promise … you'll be good to her?
Paramedic: Well...looks to me like you've broken your clavicle.
Brian: Ahhh! And it hurts like a motherfucker.
Michael: That'll teach ya to cruise guys no handed.
Paramedic: Good news is, it seems like it's a clean break, so it will mend well.
Brian: Did I mention that it hurts like a motherfucker?
Michael: Is he going to have to wear a cast?
Paramedic: 'Cause of where he injured himself, all we can do is wrap it.
Brian: I'm sure I mentioned it hurts like a motherfucker.
Paramedic: We will give you some vicodin.
Brian: Ahh, hear that? Just like Babylon
Michael: Excuse me, pardon me mister.
Brian: Are you talking to me?
Michael: You're in severe pain. you should be resting. What the hell are you doing?
Brian: I'm practicing riding one handed.
Michael: You're not seriously...
Brian: Yes I am seriously.
Ben: But you're seriously injured.
Brian: Can we stop saying the word seriously?