Zach

Zach and his family could use some love and support right now. Please stop by and say hi!

Prepare yourself, it's gonna be a long one, folks ...

Well. Here I am. With the ability to type, and think. Yet, for some reason I haven't done a proper entry in a while ... Not sure why.

Has anyone noticed that the Olympics are on? It's only be on the tv non-stop, and all over the news. I've become - like many others - an instant expert in many sports, and have been judging every event I've watched. I'm happy to report that for the most part, the "official" judges have gotten it right ... :-) Australia has done well so far, especially Jessica Schipper, and Stephanie Rice, our swimming superstar, who was also a part of our golden 4x200m relay team. Brenton Rickard and Eamon Sullivan have also done Australia proud, both taking home silver medals.

Beijing 2008 hasn't been without it's fair share of controversy though, with a couple of "faking" scandals - both involving the opening ceremony. There was criticism when it was revealed that the little girl in the red dress who was singing at the opening ceremony ... Wasn't actually singing. And some of the fireworks were digitally inserted into the opening ceremony ... Interesting. While I think it's sad that a child can be left out because she "looks wrong", I guess it says a lot about China. The stories of cenorship that are emerging from the Olympics say much about a country that has a long way to go.

Today I worked at the cafe for three hours. The cafe is in the middle of Bendigo, right near the Bendigo Courts. When I got to work, there was people everywhere outside the Courts, as well as many cameramen and Police. Today, Christiaan Scholl, the truck driver in the Kerang Train Crash, faced a commital trial. On June 5, 2007 Mr Scholl was driving a truck that hit a train near Kerang, which derailed, killing 11 people. What happened that day seems to be nothing more than a terrible tragedy. What I was digusted with today was the news people, chasing Mr Scholl, and witnesses that were called to give evidence in the committal hearing, down the street or across the road, as they walked from the Courts. Those people have to live with what happened that day - being chased from court, and seeing themselves on the news must only make things harder for them. Mr Scholl now has to live with the fact that 11 people died because the truck he was driving hit that train. If the committal hearing finds that there is enough evidence, he will be sent to trial over charges arising from the accident. Even if the committal hearing finds that there is not even evidence, don't you think that he has put himself on trial every single day since that accident? For the rest of his life, he has to live daily with the fact that 11 people died that day. It was an accident - but he will forever be "The driver of the truck in the Kerang Train Tragedy". Give the man some dignity - he does not deserve to be chased from Court when he's been through as much, if not more, than everyone who was there that day.

Has anyone else seen this story? How freaking hilarious is it! Basically, "A scorned woman has literally aired her husband's dirty laundry on a global scale by auctioning his mistress's knickers on eBay. In a spiteful listing on eBay Australia, the jilted Queensland woman is auctioning off a pair of lacy black underpants "size humongous" and an empty condom wrapper "size small" found in her bed after her husband allegedly engaged in an extramarital affair with a woman named Kylie." (Taken from heralsun.com.au) I don't know why anyone would bid on an item like that ... Maybe for the entertainment value?! The full ebay ad can be found here.

I know this entry is bouncing around like crazy ... So let's skip from news to Blogs I've been reading. As always, I've been hanging over at Not Quite What I Had Planned, otherwise known as Kristies place. If you've never checked it out, head over there now and thank me later. I've also been reading Katie's Overflowing Brain. Unlike me, Katie actually updates daily! And she's sarcastic and funny. I've been keeping up with my CaringBridge Kids, and if you want to know what I'm on about ... Check the right hand side of the screen, there's a long list of links there. I'm also still a big fan of PostSecret and Dan, as well as Tori over at I Pretty Much Hate Everything.

What else can I ramble about tonight ...

Well, in family news Baby Smurf, my gorgeous 9 month old niece, had a huge week last week, and not only starting crawling but also cut her first tooth! Rock on, my little Smurf. No longer toothless and now able to get from A to B. What more could a Smurfette want from life? And my little Bug Eyes, well, she just gets smarter and smarter every week. Usually when my sister and I talk on the phone I say hello to Bug Eyes, and each week she says a little more and sounds a little smarter. I'm hoping to get down to see them sometime soon since it's been a couple of months, and I'm sure the girls have grown heaps.

My sister is still in the middle of Wedding-Planning-Madness. Sadly, it'll stay for a while as she's not getting married until the end of 2010. I have to head down soon to find a bridesmaid dress, which will be oh-so-much-fun, I'm sure ... :-P

Gus the fighting fish has floated to that big fishbowl in the sky. It was very unexpected, and happened overnight. I'm thinking of getting another fighting fish and naming him Fergus ...

Last week, I looked after devil dog overnight while Chrissie worked. It was actually a quiet night in terms of destruction - he ate a cube of Post-It notes (about 150 of them) when I fell asleep on the floor while studying, (serves me right!) and broke the clip of my MP3, but other than that things were ok. He sulked pretty much non-stop, and spent most of the night trying to "bury" stuff in my carpet. The next night he stayed at home while Chrissie worked because I was too tired to look after him ... And he chewed a hole in her washing machine hose. Whoops ...

I'm so changing the look of this blog ... It's just shitting me. I'll do it after I finish this entry. I guess I haven't been on here much, so it hasn't annoyed me too much. But now that I look at it ... It's got to go.

Anyway, that's about it from here. Might think of some other stuff to blog about tomorrow ... If not, see you sometime next week!

You hang in there sunshine, you're friggin special.

Lillie

Got 5 minutes?
Go say Hi to Lillie and her family: www.caringbridge.org/visit/lillieboyte.
Lillie is a gorgeous little girl. She is 3 years old and she has neuroblastoma. Lillie was rushed into surgery this morning (Australian time) after doctors found 2 tumors at the base of her skull.
The next 24 hours for Lillie will be crucial. Doctors aren't sure what kind of neurological damage has been done.
Lillie has two sisters - a younger baby sister (2 weeks old) named Eva and an older sister Hannah (who's 5).
I'm sure Lillie's mum and dad would appreciate prayers, good thoughts, positive vibes into the universe, sacrificial chickens or whatever floats your boat as they deal with this latest setback. The family are not in their home town at the moment, as Lillie gets chemo and treatment in New York at Sloan Kettering, which can't make the situation any easier for the Boyte family.
So go say Hi to Lillie and her family. Don't know what to say? Just let them know you're thinking of them. I'm sure they'd appreciate it more than you realise.

Ok, I'm out. Peace, love and laughter.

Australian CaringBridge Kids.

The following kids are "Little Aussie Battlers" fighting cancer/life threatening illnesses. Drop by their websites and say g'day :o)

Fraser - http://www.caringbridge.org/az/fraser/

Kaitlyn - Her mum has just been given the devastating news that Kaitlyn has relapsed, the neuroblastoma is back - www.caringbridge.org/ne/kaitlyn

Jay - http://www.jaysjourney.org/

Dylan - Dylan was featured on Australian Stories, and Today Tonight. He has neuroblastoma and has travelled to the US (New York) for treatment. He and his mum have been living in NY for 2 years, and the family have just sold their house in Australia so Dylan's dad and brother can join them in NY. http://www.dylanhartung.net/

Sarah Jane - http://www.caringbridge.org/oceania/sarahjane

Kaitlyn - http://www.caringbridge.org/oceania/curlykaitlyn

Will add more (and update the links again) a little later.
Hope you're all having a good day. Go hug a tree ... :o)

Ellis

www.caringbridge.org/mn/ellis

Go back and read Ellis' history - it is heartbreaking, courageous, moving, inspirational, and a million other words. Mostly it is amazing. Ellis now watches over his mama and dada from Heaven.

This is Melissa's entry from December 10, 2006 - The words that were spoken at Ellis' memorial service:

To those of you who gathered with us these last days,thank you immeasurably.
To those of you who gathered here,thank you for knowing, loving, and remembering our son.


Thank you for breathing continued life into this space, this place, this community of Ellisville.

~Our dearest friends and family:
Look around you! These are your fellow citizens and residents of Ellisville!
Oh, how I wish we were gathered this once for a confirmation, a recital – no, a rock concert by the new band “Minimal Stimulation”.
But we are here this day, the day I feared, the day I couldn’t even bring myself to imagine, even after countless conversations with furrowed-brow doctors and teary-eyed nurses.
Our Ellis – MY Ellis, my beautiful son, my Ellis – is gone.
Of course he lives on in memories, in photos, in the incredible impact he has had on all of us. Of course.
But I cannot convince my achingly empty arms of that.
I cannot convince the oh-so-silent house of that.
I cannot even convince myself of that. Not today. Not now. Not yet.
But we are here this day –Ellisville! Gathered together in one place!
We are here because the most awful and terrifying thing has happened to our littlest hero, and yet the world did not stop. We are here because the bravest and strongest boy in the world has done the most brave and most strong thing in the world – he has let go of this life. This life that I have been so afraid of losing myself,
This life we seem to think is unending for any of us, pretending we can hold on.
This life I argued and screamed at God to continue at all costs for my dearest son.
Ellis let go.
I need to tell you about that day. I need you all to know how brave and strong our son was for us, leading us and teaching us how to let go, how to die, and how to live.
For three days before his death, Ellis struggled mightily. For three days, his body suffered tremendous injury in our attempts to save his mind, his heart, his life in some way. For three days, Ellis’s gift-heart held strong, steady, beating insistently that he was still there, he was not giving up. That day, Monday, Sam and I somehow finally knew what Ellis needed. We finally knew that he was holding on, yes, but he was holding on for us. We asked for nothing more to be done to injure his body any further. We somehow realized his body was so fragile that one more procedure, one more test, might be the tipping point and he would leave this world on a table, in an operating room, alone. We could not bear the thought.
So we asked to hold him. Yes, we discussed with the doctors and nurses what steps to take for a peaceful and pain-free end. But first, we wanted to hold him.
Sue and Cindy helped us arrange all the breathing tube, the i.v.’s, the monitor cords. Sam picked up his swollen, broken, battered body and placed him in my arms.
We sat together, the three of us, finally alone in this hospital room.
We told him how much we loved him and how proud we were of him. We told him how no matter what happened we would always be his mama and his dada. Always.
We sang, “Ellis swings on the swingset, no matter where he is…”
And his heart rate, for the first time in all his illness - with no medical changes, nothing taken away from him, nothing stopped, nothing turned down, his heart began to slow. 130, 120, 98…
We sang, “Ellis loves to hear music, especially the drums…” 85, 76, 65…
“And Mama and Dada are with him every day…” 40, 35, 20…
We looked up as the doctor came in to shut off the monitor and we realized he was slipping away at that very moment.
We wept, we wailed, we whispered goodbye to our most precious son. Our Ellis.
We spent the afternoon with him, bathing him, putting lotion on his bruised and blackened skin, taking away all the tape and bandages and tubes, covering his countless wounds with a turtle blanket.
As he laid in his hospital bed, the sunlight shone on his face through the window. He was so beautiful. He was shining. He was full of light.
And that is why we are here today, this day. This most awful - and awesome - day. Ellis brought us light in our world, no matter how dark it seemed. Ellis had SO much joy and love in his spirit that he had enough to share with each of us.
As we said to him each night before sleep,
Got your kitty cat?
Got your nana?
Got your mama?
LIFE IS GOOD!
Let us celebrate together with his favorite instruments: pipe organ, trumpet, piano, cymbals, and especially the TUBA!
Let us celebrate together the strongest and bravest boy in the world – our Ellis.

How beautiful and absolutely heartbreaking is that? How much strength and grace must Melissa and Sam have to write so eloquently in the midst of their grief?
Go to the Caringbridge site for Ellis - www.caringbridge.org/mn/ellis , and read the entire Joural History. It is touching, it shows hope, fear, hurt, sadness, joy, pure happiness and how life should be lived - the way Ellis lived it! With determination, and fight.

This is the latest journal entry from Melissa:
Dear Ellisville:
Six months have passed since that day -the day our world stopped.
How can our world stop and yet go on?
We recently had a brief visit with a newly-bereaved mom. The pain in her eyes and voice and her panickedly gripping hug was startling - startling because it was familiar, and startling because for us it is different now - our grief had changed and we had hardly noticed.
That horrifying newness, those sharp re-realizations, the pain that leaves you breathless - those are the descriptions of December, January, even February. Paired with a numb fog to which we retreated for work, social outings, church, errands.
I remember the day I told myself to stop. To stop with the surreality, to stop with the false hopes. I told myself not to accept this, but at least to finally grasp this - this new world, this world without Ellis. It was late February and I arrived home from work and made my way down the driveway to get the mail (like everything else, this reminds me of Ellis, as we would often get the mail together singing the song from Blue's Clues or if it was too cold I would go alone and he would watch and wave and kick with excitement from the kitchen window). As I walked to the mailbox, I had this seeming revelation that felt as real as anything I'd experienced - it had all been a mistake, a mixup! Ellis was fine! He had just been lost for a bit, and now he was waiting for us to pick him up - happy and healthy and homesick. I knew - I KNEW - there would be a letter to this effect in the mail that day. I would open the mailbox and there it would be and I would rip open the envelope and rush inside and call Sam and this whole nightmare would be over. I KNEW. But, of course, there was no letter.
Of course.
The devastation, pain, great big sobbing choking wails of grief overwhelmed me again as I told myself to stop looking for him, stop hoping, just stop.
For me, this was the beginning of a very dark and angry time. Escaping with alcohol in the evenings became an admittedly too-frequent occurence. It helped me fall asleep without the flashbacks of those last days, it helped me feel separate from the grief, if only for a few hours. I will forever be ashamed of my attempts to escape anything that has to do with my son.
We retreated from friends and family, clinging to each other - seeing in each other the only other person on the face of the earth who lived each day of those hospital nightmares with Ellis, the only other person who spent countless sleepless nights in chairs near Ellis, the only other person who's eyes looking back did not judge or question or look away in fear, discomfort, pity. We are Ellis's parents. We are his Mama and Dada. Always.
Amazingly, Ellis's birthday, a day I dreaded and feared, seemed to act as a cleansing walk through his life, visiting the places he visited, seeing the people he knew. Beautiful blue skies, balloons floating up from the park, hugs at the PICU from doctors and nurses (some of whom wore their turtle scrubs for the occasion!), time with family, time remembering Ellis - this was a day that seemed to jolt me (a bit) out of my self-created pitiful pit and rejoin life. Life is good, right? Some days that saying grates a bit, I must say, but other days it gives me a glimpse (a memory) of hope. With the arrival of spring, we have moved forward with a few plans. We met with world-renowned composer Stephen Paulus so he could begin work on a piece for concert band in Ellis's honor. We placed a brick at the Angel of Hope in Maple Grove. We saw the awarding of the first Ellis Bergstrom Memorial Music Scholarship at STMA High School and will see the other two awarded this fall at Augsburg College and Anoka-Ramsey Community College. We paid back the mortgage payment that the amazing SPARE KEY FOUNDATION (www.sparekey.org) had given to us while we were in the hospital and I was on unpaid leave. We even pilgrimaged to Ellis Island for Mother's Day. After we had explored the island's museums and gardens and the ferry pulled away, I cried. I cried because Ellis isn't there, either. He isn't at home, he isn't on Ellis Island, he isn't at Grandma's house, he isn't at the hospital, he isn't sleeping in his big boy bed - he isn't with us anymore on this earth. I still fight this! I still feel like I can argue with this! As if it is open for debate and if I just come up with the right cosmic reasoning, he will come back. Swimming through surreality, grinding through anger, and just plain old holding on to each other during the dark, empty, bottomless silence. This is our world. It is not new, it is not horrifying (most days), it is familiar. Some days I have moments where I realize that I hadn't thought of him for an hour or so - maybe I was teaching or rehearsing or correcting papers - and I grieve again. For whether or not life is good, it sure has the amazing capability to keep on going, no matter if the person living it wants to or not. Sometimes I imagine that our life force comes not from ourselves, but from our family, our friends, our Ellisville community, perhaps even Ellis himself. So our lives keep on going...
Sam has made the tough decision to leave his job of 9 years at STMA highschool. (My first reaction? How will Ellis come back and play cowbell at the pepbands if Sam isn't the band director there? - Keep on swimming, I must.) Sam will begin teaching at Anoka-Ramsey Community College this fall. Yes, the same music department where I teach. It's a good thing we like each other and respect each other's work and gifts tremendously - I am very excited to know him as a colleague and I think he will be a great addition to our department. And our lives keep going...
We leave for Italy today. Yes, today. Thanks to the generous "get away from it all" gift from my Aunt Julie, Cousins Amy & Tom, Melanie & Kevin, Lori & Tom, Bruce & Tammie, Sister/Brother Sarah & Adam (and I can't forget the "priceless" contributions of MasterCard and Visa!), we will travel through Italy and Austria for the next three weeks, renewing, reorienting, remembering, and re-energizing.
For life goes on, whether you want it to or not. Change continues to occur, no matter how tightly you cling to the past. Sadness, surrealness, even sullenness all surround us, no matter what you do to try and escape. And somehow light breaks in. Sometimes light dawns at the corners of the darkness. Somewhere (WHERE? WHERE? WHERE?) Ellis is. Not was. Is. He IS. He is.
Clinging to that hope,Melissa & Sam

Go visit Melissa and Sam. Meet Ellis. Read his story. Cry for this gorgeous kid and everything he endured. Smile at the photos of Ellis and his wise, old-soul eyes. Leave a note in the guestbook.
You won't regret it :o)


Sending kisses up to Heaven for Ellis!

CB Kids Update! :o)

**Caringbridge Update**

Brave little Penelope lost her battle this morning - I'm sure her family would appreciate a note if you have the time - www.caringbridge.org/ny/penelope

Skylar Jade is a gorgeous little girl, who is fighting an inoperable, rare brain tumour. She's a beautiful little girl, drop by and catch up on Skylar Jade's story if you have time - www.caringbridge.org/visit/skylarjademaxson

Abel has just had major surgery - here's hoping he can improve quickly, and fight off any infections or complications! www.caringbridge.org/visit/abeltyson

Drop by and say hi to Krystie who's on her 8th day of chemo before a transplant! Let's hope it goes well :o) www.caringbridge.org/visit/krystie

As always, there is a list of links on the right hand side that you can feel free to visit :o) Hunter is still in hospital, getting her last in-patient chemo. Rachel and Anna-Jane are both doing a little better. Angel Jake's family have started a foundation, to help out kids diagnosed with cancer - how cool is that?! What an awesome family! Brandon has been moved from the pediatric ICU to a normal room after his liver transport! Awesome! Grace is currently doing ok, woo-hoo! :o) If you have time, drop by and say hi to Lillie, who's feeling a bit cranky due to the chemo and pain meds she's currently on. And finally, to finish off, Summer, who's fighting Leukemia, just celebrated her 4th Birthday! Rock on, Summer!

Random topics today!

Today: Random thoughts and topics. :o)

Several people have emailed me privately to ask if they can *borrow* something from this site. Don't bother emailing, take what you like :o) Some of it's not mine, so I can't stop you anyway *lol* :o) Go wild!

Matty's mum is having a tough time the last few days, coming to terms with the loss of her gorgeous little man. If you have time, drop by the site and leave a note of support for Sandra and the entire Dubuc family. Doesn't have to be deep or meaningful, I'm sure they'd appreciate anything, even just a quick "Hi guys, thinking of you". Also on the CB kids, Hunter is in-patient at the moment, for her LAST in-patient chemo EVER! Go Hunter! :o) Rachel is having a bit of a crappy time at the moment. Brandon has hepatoblastoma, and has just received his new liver! Rock on, Brandon! He's currently doing excellently, and pleasing the doctors! :o) Anna-Jane is doing slightly better after yet another surgery last week. Keep on improving, Anna! :o)

So, today my bruises have darkened, and are now a really deep purple colour ... They actually look kinda cool :o) Still hurt like a brotherpucker though! :o)

Rain, glorious rain! Bendigo has had nearly 60mm in the last 24 hours (just over two inches). Freakin' awesome! :o) Not enough to break the drought, not even close apparently, but every bit helps. Hopefully we get some more good falls in the next few weeks to help out the farmers who really need it. Time to do a rain dance, people ...!

I was reading Liz's comment earlier, and it got me thinking.
Most of the time, my mum is awesome. She will occasionally drive me nuts (like over this whole f***wit thing, or when she nags about my weight, or the state of my house ... etc) but most of the time she and I get along well.
When I lost my job, my mum was the one I went to. My mum was there for me, telling me that whatever I wanted to do, she would support me.
I guess that's why I went to her - because I always knew she would be there.
When my mum found out she was pregnant at 18, her parents disowned her. Her mother told her she never wanted to see mum again because she was a pathetic disgrace. I remember mum telling me that a few years ago, and she said it was right then that she decided that she would never do the same thing to her kids.
My sister left home when she was 16. She was a stubborn, rebellious kid. Who went around to her and tried to talk sense into her? Who gave her money? Who gave her food? My mum did. Who let her move back home when she was 17, after she'd realised that the real world was tough? Mum did. She didn't yell, or tell Amanda to get lost.
And when Amanda left again, mum still kept track of her. Was there when she was needed. Who went to Melbourne after Amanda had her first child and was the typical nervous, confused, tired new parent? Mum did. She didn't interfere, she was just there when she was needed. Amanda would ring mum in the middle of the night, and mum would listen, and offer advice if it was needed.
And when the f***wit got into trouble, mum was there. And I know she won't give up on him, and I know she will do whatever she can to try to help ... And I respect that, I really do. I know, without a doubt, that mum would never desert any of us kids. And I think that's amazing.
I just wish she could realize that I don't feel the same way that she does about the f***wit. I think he should have to prove himself, show that he has changed. I don't think he deserves someone as awesome as mum, working her arse off, trying to help him, doing anything she can for him, while he still lies, and manipulates, and generally acts like an arsehole. He doesn't deserve mum.
I guess the point is, I respect her position, I wish she'd respect mine.

Anyway, to finish off ... Mum was here today, and we went bowling. I haven't gone ten-pin bowling in about 6 years! We had heaps of fun, though, and I got a *Turkey*! Which is apparently what three strikes in a row is called! Mum won the first game, 102 - 91, and thanks to my three strikes, I won the second, 123 - 92. So it evened out :o) Was heaps of fun, and stacks of laughs! :o)

Why oh why ...

Why oh why do I keep having one-hour naps in the afternoon when I know it's just going to mean that I won't sleep that night??! Why oh why am I even having a nap at 23 years old?!
Seriously. Another sleepless night looms. I don't know whether it's because I'm all over the place with my zoloft, or because I'm just all over the place emotionally and as a result am unable to sleep ... But a couple of hours at night and one hour during the day is just wrecking me. I can't keep going like this!
I'm still making my way through Kendrie's CB site (www.caringbridge.org/ga/kendrie). It's a lottt of reading! And as Kristie hasn't updated www.notquitewhatihadplanned.blogspot.com today, I have to get my fix somehow!
Just quickly, in other CB news, Hunter (www.caringbridge.org/ma/hunter) spent today in the ICU and I'm sure her mum Katie could use some support. Stop by and sign their guestbook if you have a chance! Matty (www.caringbridge.org/visit/matty) is marching on, with his army of *BELIEVERS* behind him, and had another ok day yesterday! Lillie (www.caringbridge.org/visit/lillieboyte) is having a bit of a rough day and not feeling the best, thanks to that nasty chemo stuff. Anna-Jane (www.caringbridge.org/ok/annajane) is also having a rough time with a new type of chemo they're trying to beat that hepatoblastoma once and for all. As usual, these are just a FEW of the kids who are having a crappy time at the moment. I'm sure their families would love it if you could stop by and say Hi!
Not much other news from here. Only left the house once today, for 15 minutes to go to Coles, and that was at night (just a couple of hours ago) so I didn't have to deal with too many people. Man, I'm turning into some kinda anti-social cow!
Anyway. That's about it. No more grumbles from me tonight :o) Peace out.

Visit Matty if you can, please! Please!

To start with, a reminder to please, please, please, if you have 5 minutes, check on Matty and his awesome family! www.caringbridge.org/visit/matty This kid is just ... amazing. There are dozens of ways to say it - inspirational, courageous, graceful, angelic, full of fight - and "amazing" seems simple, but I think it's just the simple honest truth. Matty and his family are simply amazing.
Not much going on here. Monday (? I think ...!) Christine and I went looking for a fish tank for her, and I ended up coming home with a new budgie, named Micka. Micka is the chemical element for black or something (?? I don't know ... this is what Chrissie told me) or means black in science terms, and since Micka is all white (not a speck of colour anywhere on his body but white!) Christine (who brought him for me) thought that would be a good name. So now I have Henry, Georgie, Milly, and Micka. He seems to be settling in well, a little quiet, but no feathers have flown yet so it's all good.
I seem to go between total depression and bits of "ok-ness" - I don't know how else to describe it. Most of the time I'm really, really down, and I just don't care about anything, but occasionally I will laugh or smile at something. The weight of the world really does seem to be on my shoulders.
iPod has been sold ... I'll be saying good-bye to Toonz as soon as the money comes in ... god, that just sucks! He keeps me company at 3 a.m. when I can't sleep, or at 1 p.m. when I just start crying for no reason ... I worked my arse off to save up the money to buy him ... and now I gotta say goodbye. At least I got back most of the money I paid for him ($200 - i paid $299) and that will be a massive help with rent. I brought a new one on e-bay - a cheaper, smaller, less memory, one. Better than nothing, I guess.
Have to go put a cheque in the bank this afternoon - got $30 from www.emailcash.com.au, which arrived this morning, so that will also help. Then I'll come home and do the job search thing again.
Anyway, that's about it from here. "Later, dudes!"

Matty ...

This won't be long as it's midnight and I think it's just about time for bed :o)
Firstly, if you can spare 5 minutes, please check on Matty ... www.caringbridge.org/visit/matty. Matty is currently fighting the toughest battle anyone ever has to fight, and it's getting harder and harder every day. His doctors have said there is nothing more that can be done, so it's just a matter of trying to make this gorgeous little kid as comfortable as possible, which is proving difficult. Matty and his family are an amazing lesson in courage, grace, dignity, inspiration and love. His parents are incredible, as are his brothers, Chris and Zach. Please drop by and leave a message in their guestbook if you are able. I'm sure they'd appreciate the support.
Not much news from here. This afternoon Chrissie came around after work, starving (*lol*!) so we went to maccas. I had a sundae, and she ate an actual meal, but didnt finish it. We actually ate in, but ended up leaving in a hurry because it was *FREEZING* in maccas! We both had goosebumps when we left.
Then we went to Chrissie's for a while, and I put Microsoft works on her brand-new laptop (which she has named ... Herbert. Yep ...!) and we just watched some tv for a while. Then we did some shopping, and Chrissie dropped me at home where I've spent the night watching footy and Las Vegas. So yeah, oh-so-exciting stuff here ...
Anyway. Once again, please drop by Matty's site (www.caringbridge.org/visit/matty) if you can. He is the most amazing child you'll ever meet. Sadly, too many kids are fighting crappy diseases every single day. There are some CaringBridge links on the right hand side of this page, and these links show just a *VERY* few of the kids out there currently fighting! Some of the links are to kids who are now *angels*, but their stories are all amazing and full of grace and courage. Anyway, have a great night guys.

Hannah - www.caringbridge.org/visit/hannahuhrmacher

Hannah Adelaide Uhrmacher

"The greatest thing, is just to love and be loved in return."

Miss Hannah Adelaide Uhrmacher, of Parkville, MO passed away peacefully at home with her family on Sep 3, 2006. Hannah burst into the world in Kansas City on November 3, 2000 and since that time she has lit up the world with her special and unique gifts. Loving daughter of Brent and Lisa-anne, darling sister to Chloe, 9, and Dane, 4, devoted granddaughter of Nancy, Jerry (dec), Anne, John, great-grandaughter of Jean and Harry (dec), Joyce and Don (dec), Marjorie and John Edward (dec), Bernice and Willie (dec). Hannah will be dearly missed by Aunty Tania, Uncle Mick, cousins Joshua, Jake and Taylor of Melbourne, Australia, and by Great Uncle Von and Great Aunt Marlyn of Gladstone, MO. Miss. Hannah was an exceptional student at Oakhill Day School, where she leaves many friends including both students and teachers. She loved to dance, do gymnastics and participated in theatre at church and in the community. Hannah provided incredible inspiration through her work for The Community Blood Center of Kansas City, and the BeHeadStrong and TugMcGraw Foundations. Her courage, grace and sense of humor during her 16 month battle with brain and spinal cord cancer was unimaginable. She was always concerned for the welfare of others, and was always grateful to everyone who helped with her care. She touched so many lives during her numerous stays at The Children's Mercy Hospital, and leaves friends with fond remembrances. Hannah touched thousands of people during her short life, and continues to inspire us to live each day fully. She was so in love with her daddy, best of friends with her mummy, and was the most compassionate sibling to Chloe and Dane. She was incredibly determined in every endeavor, whether learning to putt a golf ball, walk a balance beam, swim or relearning to walk after her surgery, she relished the challenge. Life was a big pink adventure, and her smile, her sense of humor and her love of life and people were unparalleled. She was truly an angel here on earth, and now is an angel with her Lord. Her pink heaven is filled with books, Boston Market, flowers and red lip gloss, and Radio Disney plays all the time. A huge Hannah hug to Drs. Emami, Hornig, Massey and Woody, and the other incredible medical professionals who worked so hard to heal Hannah, and to all the devoted and absolutely amazing staff at The Children's Mercy Hospital, The Kansas City Cancer Center and Kansas City Carousel Hospice, and to all the friends, family, neighbors and dear Sprint colleagues who provided such unselfish love and support over the last 16 months. A special Hannah hug to Jim Gordon and Craig Holstead from Pine Ridge Presbyterian Church, where Hannah's unwavering faith was nourished by the love of the entire church family. Visitation will be held at the Pine Ridge Presbyterian Church, from 5:308:30 pm on Tuesday September 5. A special Children's visitation will be held between 5:30 and 6:30 pm. A private burial service will be held on Wednesday morning September 6, followed by a Celebration of Hannah's extraordinary life at the Graeme Tyler Chapel at Park University at 2:00 pm. The family requests that friends consider donations to The Tug McGraw Foundation, The BeHeadstrong Foundation, The Children's Mercy Hospital Cancer Center or Pine Ridge Presbyterian Church. (Arr.'s: Heritage Funeral Home, 816-7410251)
Published in the Kansas City Star on 9/5/2006.

*my* caringbridge kids!

So, today's entry isn't about me.

(What a shock, huh!)

I regularly check on many, many CaringBridge Kids. They're *my* CaringBridge Kids. Many of these kids have cancer, or luekemia, or liver disease, or another life threatening illness. They are amazing. Every single day, I check on them and I'm constantly amazed by the strength, courage, humour, grace and dignity that these kids show.

These kids are ... well, kids! Some just babies! 2 or 3 years old. And yet, they get dealt a friggin crappy hand, like cancer. So they just deal with it. Because it's *normal* to them. How sad is that. That a 2 year old should find cancer, *normal*?

Anyway. If you want to check out real little heroes, check out some of these kids.

Matty - www.caringbridge.org/visit/matty
Matty's parents have been told there's nothing more that can be done for their little boy. This gorgeous little boy has won so many hearts during his battle with hepatoblastoma (hope i spelt that right!) and the battle aint over yet! Matty is still fighting, and everyone who loves him is STILL BELIEVING!

Hunter - www.caringbridge.org/ma/hunter.
What a gorgeous kid is this little girl! Hunter has the cheekiest smile you'll ever see!

Anna - www.caringbridge.org/ok/annajane
Anna also has hepatoblastoma, and has recently had yet another operation to remove more tumors.

Hannah - www.caringbridge.org/visit/hannahuhrmacher
Hannah was a gorgeous little girl who fought brain and spinal cancer for 16 months, before losing her battle in September last year. Her mum has kept her site up to cherish her memory. Hannah's story is a true story of grace, and dignity.

Lizzie - www.caringbridge.org/ne/lizziegirl
Lizzie also lost her battle recently, but her story is an awesome display of courage.

Catie - one of heaven's newest angles - www.caringbridge.org/ga/catie

Haley - an amazing child, with one of the strongest mums you'll ever meet - www.caringbridge.org/ga/haley

Lillie - a gorgeous little girl who was diagnosed last year - www.caringbridge.org/visit/lillieboyte

Aubrielle - rage baby! you gotta love her mum's perspective on the cancer world www.caringbridge.visit/aubrielle

Brady - what a cutie! www.caringbridge.org/visit/bradyengle

Kendrie - won the battle! and Kristie is hilarious! - www.caringbridge.org/ga/kendrie

Asher and Jacob - www.caringbridge.org/visit/asherandjacob

Jake - what can you say about this gorgeous little boy? sadly lost his battle last year, but what an amazing child, and what a really amazing family - www.caringbridge.org/la/jakeowen

Kayla - www.caringbridge.org/visit/kayladay

Mia - www.caringbridge.org/visit/princessmia

Morgan - www.caringbridge.org/visit/morganelizabeth

Kelly - www.caringbridge.org/fl/kellymuldoon

Lily - www.caringbridge.org/visit/lilyleyden

Blake - www.caringbridge.org/visit/blakehaines

Jackson - www.caringbridge.org/visit/jacksonriley

Donovan - www.caringbridge.org/in/babydonovan

Mackenzie - www.caringbridge.org/visit/mackenziestuck

Maddie - www.caringbridge.org/tn/madelyn

Alexis - www.caringbridge.org/visit/littletrooperlexi

Ellis - www.caringbridge.org/mn/ellis

Please, if have 5 minutes, visit some of these awesome kids. You won't regret it!