Hareball ... Get it?!

Thanks to GuitarGirlRN for putting this pic up on her blog so I could fall in love with it ... And blatantly steal it. How friggin gorgeous is it, seriously!

From Work ...

M: T, I gotta go do some stuff at the bank.
T: Sure. You want me to be your getaway driver?
M: Yeah, mate. Just like we planned. Then we'll go on that holiday we talked about.

Poor Grumpy ...

The seven dwarfs go to the Vatican, and because they are the seven dwarfs, they are immediately ushered in to see the Pope.

Grumpy leads the pack.

'Grumpy, my son,' says the Pope, 'What can I do for you?'

Grumpy asks, 'Excuse me your Excellency, but are there any dwarf nuns in Rome?'

The Pope wrinkles his brow at the odd question, thinks for a moment and answers, 'No, Grumpy, there are no dwarf nuns in Rome.'

In the background, a few of the dwarfs start giggling.

Grumpy turns around and glares, silencing them.

Grumpy turns back, 'Your Worship, are there any dwarf nuns in all of Europe ?'

The Pope, puzzled now, again thinks for a moment and then answers, 'No, Grumpy, there are no dwarf nuns in Europe.

This time, all of the other dwarfs burst into laughter.

Once again, Grumpy turns around and silences them with an angry glare.

Grumpy turns back and says, 'Mr.. Pope! Are there ANY dwarf nuns anywhere in the world?'

The Pope, really confused by the questions says, 'I'm sorry, my son, there are no dwarf nuns anywhere in the world.'

The other dwarfs collapse into a heap, rolling and laughing, pounding the floor, tears rolling down their cheeks, as they begin chanting......

'Grumpy shagged a penguin!'

'Grumpy shagged a penguin!'

Sooo ....

Ahh, love ...

Funny email Fwd :-)

6 TRUTHS OF LIFE

1. You cannot touch all your teeth with your tongue.


2. All idiots, after reading the first 'truth', will try it.


3. The first truth is a lie.


4. You are smiling now because you're an idiot.


5. You will soon forward this to another idiot.


6. There is still a stupid smile on your face.


I don't care if you lick windows, take the special bus,or occasionally pee on yourself...

You hang in there sunshine, you're friggin' special.

This is why women should not take men shopping against their will.

After Mr. and Mrs. Fenton retired, Mrs. Fenton insisted her husband accompany her on her trips to K -Mart. Unfortunately, Mr. Fenton was like most men--he found shopping boring and preferred to get in and get out. Equally unfortunately, Mrs. Fenton was like most women--she loved to browse.

One day Mrs. Fenton received the following letter from her local K -Mart.

Dear Mrs. Fenton,
Over the past six months, your husband has been causing quite a commotion in our store. We cannot tolerate this behavior and may be forced to ban both of you from the store. Our complaints against Mr. Fenton are listed below and are documented by our video surveillance cameras.
1. June 15: Took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in people's carts when they weren't looking.
2. July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals.
3. July 7: Made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the women's restroom.
4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official voice, 'Code 3 in Housewares. Get on it right away.'
5. August 4: Went to the Service Desk and tried to put a bag of M&M's on lay -b y.
6. September 14: Moved a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.
7. September 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told other shoppers he'd invite them in if they would bring pillows and blankets from the bedding department.
8. September 23: When a clerk asked if they could help him he began crying and screamed, 'Why can't you people just leave me alone?'
9. October 4: Looked right into the security camera and used it as a mirror while he picked his nose.
10. November 10: While handling guns in the hunting department, he asked the clerk where the antidepressants were.
11. December 3: Darted around the store suspiciously while loudly humming the ' Mission Impossible' theme.
12. December 6: In the auto department, he practiced his 'Madonna look' by using different sizes of funnels.
13. December 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed through, yelled 'PICK ME! PICK ME!'
14. December 21: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he assumed a fetal position and screamed 'OH NO! IT'S THOSE VOICES AGAIN!' And last, but not least ..
15. December 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited awhile, then yelled very loudly, 'Hey! There's no toilet paper in here!'

Regards, K -Mart.

I love my new job!

I LOVE working in a place that has BEER in the tea-room fridge, "Just in case anyone ever feels like one" (Said to me by the Big Boss on my first day).

Hahahaha!!!!!!!!!!!!

Most places just have milk!

More later ...

Boy, do I love my nieces ...

So, I went to visit my mum and dad yesterday. My sister, her boyfriend and my nieces were also at mum and dads, visiting. This is how my night went last night ...

11:45 p.m. Hit the sack. I'm sleeping in the spare room with my nieces. Bug Eyes is on the futon with me, and Baby Smurf is on the floor on a kids fold-out couch. Spend a few minutes trying to move Bug Eyes to one side of the futon so I can squeeze on there somewhere. She may be small, but the kid has got arms and legs everywhere.

12:15 a.m. Still awake as Bug Eyes has limbs everywhere, and hits me with a knee or an elbow approximately every 45 seconds. Finally manage to drift off sometime after 12:45 a.m.

1:30 a.m. Wake to the sound of Baby Smurf talking to herself. She's not upset or anything ... Just talkin Smurfese.

2:15 a.m. Still awake. So, incidentally, is Baby Smurf, who continues to have a great old conversation with herself. Have now got a headache the size of the Grand Canyon.

2:50 a.m. Baby Smurf is now thumping her legs on the ground. I'm guessing by the sound that she's motored herself off the little kiddy couch and is on the floor, kicking away. I get up to investigate, and nearly stand on her. She has not only moved herself off the couch, she's gotten all the way to the door.

3:00 a.m. The house phone rings. I put Baby Smurf back on her couch, and run out to the loungeroom, thinking that a middle of the night phonecall can't be a good thing. Dad answers, and who ever was on the other end hangs up. He decides to go outside for a smoke, and hands the phone to me.

3:05 a.m. Phone rings again. Answer it to hear my drunk brother saying "I lost my temper and kicked in a door and smashed a window". Hand the phone to mum.

3:20 a.m. Mum, dad, my sister, my sisters boyfriend and I are now all sitting in the lounge. Baby Smurf is still in the spare room, yapping merrily away to herself. Try to figure out what to do with fuckwit brother, who obviously needs some kind of help. What the hell is wrong with him??

3:40 a.m. Mum, dad and sisters boyfriend all head back to bed. Amanda and I get Baby Smurf up and bring her into the lounge room, where she starts to giggle at the fact that she's now got an audience. I tell Amanda to go back to bed, I'll feed the Smurf and put her into bed.

4:00 a.m. Baby Smurf drinks half her bottle, then starts giggling and talking again. Which is friggin cute ... But not at 4 a.m., when all I want to do is sleeeeeep.

4:30 a.m. Baby Smurf is obviously not going back to sleep anytime soon, as evidenced by her talking and her bright eyes. So I put on The Golden Girls, and set her on the floor to kick until her heart is content.

5:00 a.m. I try giving the Smurf the rest of her bottle, hoping that maybe that will make her sleepy. She drinks about half, then settles on my chest while I watch The Golden Girls. If I can just stay here, nice and quiet, she might maybe fall asleep ...

5:25 a.m. Make the mistake of trying to put Baby Smurf into bed. Her eyes immediately fly open and she gets very outraged, and spends the next 15 minutes telling me (loudly) of her disgust in me.

5:50 a.m. We're settled onto the couch again. Baby Smurf is talking quietly to herself, and I'm fighting to keep my eyes open. Finally, finally, she falls asleep, and I spend 15 minutes trying not to move a muscle to make sure she stays asleep.

6:30 a.m. At last! The Smurf goes back to bed. I go to the loungeroom, intending to sleep on the couch. I don't think I even lasted 5 minutes before I was out like a light.

7:05 a.m. Bug Eyes is up! And she can't understand why Aunty Snappz doesn't want to get up and play ...

Helpful advice, my arse.

So, today (well, yesterday actually. Yesterday morning), Christine and I took a trip to Bunnings. Now, having a dad who's more than willing to do all that stuff that needs doing around my house means that I've never really needed Bunnings (or any hardware store) for any reason at all. But yesterday morning, Christine got up to discover that Jersey, her 8 month old puppy, who has, for the last 6 months been digging holes all over her back yard, had finally managed to dig his way under the fence, into the neighbours yard. Hahahaha! What a little bugger.

So we went to Bunnings, to get some wood, or some wire mesh, or something that would stop this from happening again.

It was interesting. And hilarious.


Me: Ooh, I'll ask that guy there for advice.
Christine: It does say on their ads they have lots of helpful advice!
Me: Excuse me. I was wondering if you could help us. We've got a problem with a dog, who's digging underneath a fence, getting out, and we need to put something there to stop him. What would be the best way to go about it?
Sales guy: I don't know anything about dogs. (Turns back to his work)
Me: Oook. Thanks anyway.
(As we're walking off)
Sales guy: Oh wait. I did hear of a friend. You probably won't like it, but he put barbed wire in the dirt all around the fence. The mutt shredded his feet when he tried to dig.
Me: Uh ... Thanks! We'll give that some thought.

(As soon as we walk away)
Christine: I wonder if his "friend" is now in jail.
Me: Helpful advice, my arse.

About 20 minutes later, we'd decided on a two-stage attack plan. A long plank of wood to put in front of the fence, and some square iron thingies (is it obvious I don't know how the hell to describe them?!) to put in front of the fence where the wood wouldn't reach. So, we decide that as soon as we get a shovel, we'll be out of there. Turns out the shovels are in the same isle as the mailboxes (some of which are FREAKING MASSIVE!), which leads to this brainwave from yours truly.

Me: (Laughing hysterically) Why not just buy a mailbox and stick him in there when you're not at home?
Christine: What is WRONG with you?!
Me: Problem solved (still laughing at my brilliance).
Christine: Oh ... My ... God ...
Me: You know, I think I may have been dropped on my head as a baby.
Christine: We could put barbed wire on the outside of the mailbox, he'd never get out!
(Then we both start laughing because we have the same dorky sense of humour and find each other hilarious!)

So, all in all ... A productive trip to Bunnings :-)

I cannot believe it's 3:15 a.m. and I'm awake. I am soooo tired. I haven't slept a lot the last couple of nights. I died about 11:30 tonight, then woke up an hour ago, having big trouble breathing. As soon as I'd been sitting upright for a few minutes, it got a lot easier to breathe, so I don't know what's going on there. You know, this breathing thing aint as easy as it looks ... :-)

Anyway, I might try and get some sleep. If this doesn't stop I'll have to go to the doctors AGAIN. Grr. Ok, I'm out :-)

Haven't you heard? I'm a supermodel.

It's been a big week.



Let's start with the good stuff.



I have no magnets left on my fridge.
There are potatoes hidden all over my house.
There are tiny fingerprints all over my television cabinet.
My spare room has toys all over the floor.



There's been a kid in my house.



Amanda and Paul (who had been staying at mum and dads) arrived on Wednesday, and headed home to Melbourne on Thursday. I had heaps of fun hanging out with my midget, little Bug Eyes. She's a bit over two and a half now, and she's at a great age. She's so switched on all the time. You have to be careful what you say around her, because she will repeat it! She's such a smart kid. I think Amanda's enrolling her in pre-kinder later this year, I'm sure she'll love every minute of it. Buckley met Amber, he wasn't too impressed, but she loved patting Buckley and chasing him around the bed.



Baby Smurf is Bug Eyes the second! She's so much like Amber as a baby. She has darker hair, but her eyes are the same. She loves to smile, and has just discovered her thumbs. She had great fun (and sometimes great difficulty) getting her thumb into her mouth. She's actually started to suck her thumb as she sleeps at night. It's really cute.



Umm, what else happened this week ...



Well, as my brief post last night said, as of Tuesday I no longer have a job. The kiosk is closing, so I'm unemployed. Today I had to start packing stuff up, it was a bit sadder than I thought it would be. It's not a total suprise, but it doesn't make it any easier. I still don't really know what to think about all this, so I'm just going to move on now...



Christine had to stab me with a needle again the other night. Boy, that was just oodles of fun. Last time, she did it in my arm, into the muscle, and it not only bled for almost 15 minutes, it also bruised really well, and made my arm ache for a few days afterward (whinge, whinge, whinge ...!). This time, she'd talked to a couple of older/senior nurses at work, and researched it on the internet, and found that she could actually do the injection "sub-cut", which (basically) means into the fat on my body. So, she stabbed me in the stomach. It didn't bleed at all, and because it was in the fat on my tummy, I didn't feel it, so I didn't freak out about the feeling of something metal in me (which is what usually makes me panic about needles). The whole thing was over in 10 seconds.

This morning, as I got out of the shower, I noticed a red spot on my stomach. Not huge, about the size of a twenty cent piece. Right above that was a little bruise, where the needle went in. I wasn't too worried, but Christine told me to message her if anything showed up where she gave me the injection. So I did. I wasn't worried - it didn't hurt, I felt fine, and there was nothing wrong with me ... But Christine freaked out a little. She went to the chemist, she rang the hospital and she went looking on the internet. What she found out was that apparently the drug (I'm not sure what it's called - it's something for hayfever/allergies) can kill fat cells if given the sub-cut way - which lead me to go "Hey! I'm gonna be a supermodel! It's gonna kill all my fat!" Then Christine had to spoil my fun and said that next time it'll be given into the muscle again (ouch) and that "You're already a supermodel, the world just doesn't see it!" ... To which I replied ... "What a bunch of BALONEY!" Hahaha.

So, anyway, Christine messaged me about 5 o'clock this afternoon, and I was out so I didn't get the message ... Which led her to panic, thinking that I was at the hospital or something, because of the needle she had given me, when in reality, I'd just gone out to get something to eat and left my phone at home. She turned up just before, had a look at my red spot, agreed with me that it was probably nothing, and calmed down. It's all good.



Anyway, I better get going. I've still got a job to go to(for another couple of days, anyway), and I'm working early tomorrow. I think I might have to work all day, as I've got a feeling Ash (who's got tonsilitis and laryngitis) might call in sick. The poor kid said she was right to work tonight, but I don't know how she'll be feeling tomorrow. She sounds horrible, and you can tell by looking at her that she doesn't feel great. Anyway. I'm out.

I'm at home, at my parents. My sister, her boyfriend and my nieces arrive tonight.

My back is aching, and my head is killing :-(

Anyway, tonight we got pizza for dinner. Two pieces left in the box, and my dad asked if we wanted it. When mum and I both said no ...

Dad: Well, a man's gotta do what a man's gotta do.

So, he ate it.

Hahaha.

Christine: Mary had 4 kittens in her first litter. We gave one to C****.
Me: Cool.
Christine: Course, then it gotten eaten by a police dog in a drug raid on their house.
Me: *Laughing hysterically* Are you serious?!
Christine: Yeah. We didn't think it was a good idea to give them another kitten. You know, just in case it happened again.
Me: ... ... Uh ... Ok then!

*ouch* ...

p - a - i - n - ...

Tonight, I'm feeling about 70 years old.
This morning, I "took a fall" and slipped in the shower. Yep. Went down like a tonne of bricks. *lol* and although it was hilarious (and even now I can't think of it without laughing!) it was actually incredibly painful. I managed to totally lose my balance, and slam the right side of my face into the side of the bath on the way down, as well as hitting my collarbone then shoulder, and then (don't ask me how) I belted my thigh into the side of the bath (suprisingly, that was the most painful part of the whole thing - even more painful than hitting my face).
Now my right side is covered in bruises, as well as a massive headache and an aching collarbone.
p - a - i - n - ...

Dude, I am the world's biggest dumbass :o)