Tuesday, June 18, 2013
Friday, June 14, 2013
Saturday, June 08, 2013
I wonder if you know.
Do you know who he is? What he is? This person that you're apparently engaged to … Do you know what kind of person he is? Deep down inside? Do you know what he's done?
Do you know that almost one year ago, he held me down and raped me, so brutally that I bled? That when I told him he had made me bleed, he simply laughed … Do you know that?
I wonder what he's told you. Has he told you that it was consensual? Maybe he told you that I wanted it, that I changed my mind afterwards?
Maybe he's told you it was nothing.
It wasn't "nothing". It wasn't consensual. I was begging him to stop. I cried and I begged, while it felt like he was ripping me apart.
I wonder if he's told you that I'm just trying to ruin his life. That I'm just trying to cause trouble.
I'm not. I could care less about him. I just want him to pay for what he did.
Because he knows. Deep down, whether he admits it or not, he knows what he did. He won't tell you that he raped me … But that's what happened. And he knows it. And so do I.
I wonder if you know.
I wonder if you'll find out the hard way what kind of person he is.
Tuesday, June 04, 2013
Monday, June 03, 2013
Sunday, June 02, 2013
Less than four weeks later, my entire life was turned upside down and every single part of my life was changed after I was raped.
So many times over the last eleven and a half months, I've fought to keep going. I had days where all I wanted to do was walk out in front of traffic. Days where taking it day by day was too much, I had to take it hour by hour, sometimes even 10 minutes at a time. Days where I felt so broken, so raw, so depserately disconnected from the world.
Days where I doubted I'd ever be anything close to the person I used to be.
it was the most horrific year of my life. That night ... I thought he was going to kill me. That night was hell on earth, and I lived through it.
I lived through it. That thought has kept me going, even in my darkest moments. The hardest part is over. I lived through the horror of what he did to me. I lived through it, even though he tried his hardest to break me. To intimidate me.
I know I will never be the person I was before the rape again. That girl, she is gone forever. He has changed and impacted every single part of my life.
But I am stronger. I am stronger now than I've ever been. I might falter some days. I might fall apart sometimes. But, inside me, I am stronger. I really do believe that I'm coming out the other side. I'm walking back into life. I'm making plans again. I hope to have uni finished by the end of this year, ready to do teaching at La Trobe next year. My plans took a detour, but I'm getting there.
Happy birthday to me. Watch me rock 30. This will be my year. And no rapist, no bastard coward will get in my way. Happy birthday indeed.