The one where I make a list and pretend like I'm organised

Firstly, the picture in the post below is actually animated. Click on it, and it'll take you to another page where the picture will move and words will appear.

Now, onto other things ...

Today's blog topics:

(This list is for me, because I've got a feeling this is gonna be a long one, and I don't wanna forget anything)

1. Some people just seem to be shit-magnets, don't they?
2. Let's talk about the musical stylings of the Snappz.
3. Work. And unemployment.
4. Health. And English x-ray techs who make me miss the cricket.
5. Open letter to Joey Johns.

Ok, let's get into it ...

1. Yesterday, Christine and I both had the day off work. We had a pretty cool day, relaxing, catching up with Ang, yada yada yada. Yesterday afternoon it warmed up, and we decided it was ice-cream weather. So we headed to the MarketPlace, where we ran into a girl that we actually went to school with. Her name is S.
S is a beautiful person, she really is. She's about the same age as my sister - almost 27. She had her gorgeous 11 week old son with her.
S (and her mum) have not had things easy. S has one older sister. When S and her sister were little, their dad died suddenly. When I was 12, S's older sister heard a noise from the backyard one night and went to investigate. She was bashed, and spent a week in Melbourne on life-support before S and her mum made the heart-breaking decision to turn off the machines.
So at 16, after losing her dad, she also loses her sister. She has only her mum left.
A few years ago, I saw S. Things were going ok for her. Her and her boyfriend, J, had had their first child - a boy. She was happy. Her mum loved being a grandma.
Sadly, less than a year later, they lost their little boy. They sat by and watched as he died from a very rare form of cancer. There was nothing that the doctors could do for him.
However, when I last saw S - a couple of months ago while I was at work - things seemed to be looking up for her. She was pregnant - her and J were expecting their third child. Their second is a little under two years old. J, who had been very sick for a while, was out of hospital and doing well.
Yesterday, S told us that her mum has been diagnosed with cancer. Things don't look good.

Some people seem to have more than their fair share of shit to deal with in life.

Here's a girl in her 20's. She's lost her dad, and her sister. She watched her son die. She's been by her partners side as he dealt with some pretty serious health issues. And now she's watching her mum go through chemo, which will only buy her mum an extra couple of months.

How is that fair?

And what amazes me is that S is such a beautiful, positive person. I don't know how the hell she does it, but she picks herself up, dusts herself off each time, and keeps moving.

*****

2. Perhaps a more appropriate title would have been ... What musical stylings?!
I brought ... And I don't know why, or what the hell I was thinking ... But I know own a flute ...

Let me tell you what happened. A couple of weeks ago, I was on ebay. I haven't been on ebay in maybe 10-11 months. I was looking around, not planning on buying anything ... And yet, somehow I found a flute, at a great price, and I bid ... And I won.

Now, I have played the flute. A couple of years ago ... Ok, about 5 years ago ... Wow, has it been 8 years since I've played a flute?!

It arrived yesterday. I also purchased a how to play the flute book, which arrived at the end of last week. It was fantastically helpful for those few days before the flute arrived ... *lol* So last night, I put the flute together, and played around a bit. I was tooting away last night, and looked at the clock, only to realise it was 11:45 p.m. Yup, bet the bloke next door is THRILLED that I now own a flute!

Anyway. I've figured out how to play B, C, G, and I'm working on D. A hates me. I cannot get A. Today, I managed to get out an A note, and then I went to turn a page of my book and ... I lost it.
Oops.

I was playing before, and so unimpressed by my wonderful musical talents was my rabbit, who when I looked over at him, was fast asleep. Great. Thanks for being such an attentive audience, Buckley!

Anyway. We'll see how it goes. Maybe one day I'll actually be able to play music on it. At the moment I'm just playing individual notes, occasionally putting them together. It's a lot of fun :-)

*****

3. Work. Well.
It's not going great.
Not so much personally. I'm actually enjoying it at the moment - I'm talking to my boss about stuff more - like when I'm not feeling great, etc. I'm not taking it personally when she has a go at me about something stupid. I know I haven't done anything wrong and she's just stressed. It doesn't matter to me anymore.
But on Monday my boss told me that she wants to sell the business, or just close it down if she can't sell it. It's not likely that she will be able to sell it because it's not making any money. We're very, very quiet, and my boss is losing more and more money. And it doesn't look like things are going to get any better, so I guess it's makes sense that she wants to get out.
Heather and I have already talked about my job - which will no longer exist if there's no kiosk. She's willing to put me in the cafe or in their other business (which is in the middle of Bendigo), which is amazing of her and I do appreciate it. I was thinking of maybe looking for something else though, and maybe staying at the cafe part-time. The reality is, my back is fucked. I can barely work a full day, and I only get through an 8 hour shift by taking 2 very strong painkillers. I'm working on doing something about my back (more about that next) but I think that by changing jobs to something a little less physically demanding - where I'm not on my feet 8 hours a day, and not lifting/bending all day - would help a lot. However, I love the environment of the cafe/kiosk, and I have fun out there. I love going to work because I know I'm going to have a laugh with the girls, and I'm going to have some fun during the day. We make a great team, and I would miss that.
At the moment though, it's just a waiting game. Waiting to see if the business sells/gets closed down, waiting to see what happens with my back, waiting to see what happens with the cafe, waiting, waiting, waiting ...

*****

4. Yesterday, I got a lot done. Some housework. Went to visit Ang. Got to hang out with my gorgeous godson for a while. Picked up my flute from the Post Office. Paid some bills.
Finally got around to having my x-ray.
Last week, when I went to the doctor, she gave me a referral for an x-ray. She wants to find out exactly what's going on with my back. Since then, I haven't had a chance to get it done.
But yesterday, Chrissie and I headed up to Medical Imaging at the BHCG to get it done. Thankfully, you can just walk in to get x-rays done here. You don't have to make an appointment, which is great. Usually there's a wait, but it's not normally too long.
Yesterday, they had the cricket on in the waiting room! Score!
Sadly, Australia wasn't playing, which was a bummer, but there is no such thing as bad cricket, so I settled myself in for the wait, and glued my eyes to the screen.
Christine, who has no interest in cricket, started reading Beauty And The Beast, out loud, until I moved three seats down and she begged me to come back.
I got to see maybe twenty minutes of cricket before the x-ray tech/nurse chick (who had the most hilarious English accent ever!), called my name.
The x-ray took a little longer than I thought.
Three times the tech told me she was done. Three times I got up and got dressed, only to be told that she just had to take another couple. Three times I got undressed and back into the little gown.
Apparently, I have a "deceivingly long spine". Huh. Didn't know that, thanks for letting me know.
And of course, the problem is actually at the bottom of my back/lower back, so she kind of needed those x-rays!
Anyway, I go to the doctor on Friday for my results, so hopefully the x-ray will show something that easy enough to fix.
I have actually started to organise physio, because that should help - I have made an appointment with a guy in Echuca who's meant to be a miracle worker. He's so good, I can't get an appointment until the 26th! I'm working on something before then, there's apparently a clinic in Bendigo that's also great, but I need a referral from my doctor to go there, so I'll get one on Friday. I'm still in pain daily, tired all the time, with a constant headache, but I'm trying to fix things, and I have hope that something has to work soon, right?! :-)

*****
5.
Dear Joey.

Hey.

I know we've never met, but I feel like I can call you Joey. Hope that's cool.

Firstly, I want to say Congrats. Read your book, and It. Was. Awesome.

I didn't think that it would be as good as it was. With all the press surrounding it, and everything that came out when the book was released, I'm not sure what I thought it would be, but I wasn't expecting something that honest, and open.

So, Kudos to you.

Anyway. I wanted to say thanks. Thanks ever-so-much for the embarrassing moment I had earlier that I'm blaming on you.

Tonight, I went for a walk. I had my ipod with me, and I'd just started listening to the Meshel, Ash and Kip - with Luttsy - Podcast. You would know of Meshel, Ash and Kip with Luttsy, wouldn't you Joey? Considering you talked to them on air this morning? Remember that?

Remember the fucking hilarious story you told?

And the one liner about your mum having a hand in your grand final win? (Which, by the way, is totally making me crack up again right now!)

So, I'm walking along, just about pissing myself laughing. Which should be embarrassing, but I do that on a daily basis, so whatever.

I start laughing so hard, I lose track of where I am.

And I don't hear the guy on a bike, right behind me on the footpath, ringing his bell to warn me he's RIGHT BEHIND ME!

In a tangle of arms, legs and wheels, I get taken down.

So, thanks Joey. Really appreciate it!

Yours sincerely,

The World's Biggest Idiot.

Love ya, Dad.

So, I love my dad, I really do.

I am just so, so thankful that I did not inherit his patience and temper.

Because if I had, I would not have been able to sit here today, for THREE HOURS, teaching my dad how to work the new DVD recorder he and mum purchased yesterday.

If I had inherited dad's temper, I would have gotten frustrated and started yelling about 15 minutes in.

I would have gotten seriously annoyed when he asked me questions such as "But how does the DVD player know when to record if the tv is off? Do we have to leave the tv on all the time now?" and "What happens if I change tv channels when the DVD player is recording?" "How does the DVD always know exactly when to stop recording?"

Dad, I've already told you the answers to those questions at least thirty times.

If I had my dads patience, I would not have written out, step-by-step, how to record a tv prgram, then shown him, step-by-step, then watched as he did it himself.

You know what? After three hours though, I was nearly laughing.

And I have no doubt, that sometime this week I will get a phonecall from either my mother or my father, asking ... "How do I use that stupid DVD thing?"

I guess as well as being blessed with patience ... I also got insanity.

Buckley ... Again

Baby Smurf!

Don't be deceived ... This photo is not from 2004! This is Baby Smurf, who is now 2 and a half months old ... Guess who's started to smile! :-)

The best laid plans ...

So, I had a plan for tonight.

This week, I have been doing long days at work, working alone in the kiosk. We are down two staff members - one quit unexpectedly last weekend, and one is off sick. And considering that we were short-staffed to begin with, that makes things even more difficult.

But today was going to be my "short" day at work. I was going to work from 10 until 4:30. Only 6 and a half hours of being rushed off my feet, dealing with everything on my own. I had thought that my afternoon would go something like this:

4:30 - Leave work
4:45 - Get home, sit down, relax and chill out
6:00 - Go get a pizza for dinner
6:45 - Have a nice, long, relaxing bath
7:30 - Park arse on couch and watch Twenty20 game live from MCG
10:30 - Head to bed, relaxed and refreshed, ready for another 10 hour day tomorrow.

Ok, now lets look at how my afternoon/night actually went ...

5:15 - Finally leave work
5:30 - Am almost home when I look at my petrol gauge and realise I should probably fill up sometime soon if I want my car to keep working. Pull into petrol station to realise that even though I have my bag, I didn't put my wallet in my bag before leaving home this morning. Brilliant.
5:40 - Get home, get wallet, turn around and go back out to get petrol.
6:15 - Return home again to discover psycho rabbit has thrown his water bowl, and turned it upside down, soaking the newspaper at the bottom of his cage. He has then shredded the newspaper, making a massive mess.
6:20 - Swear at rabbit as I realise I'm going to have to clean out the cage.
6:30 - Have no newspaper to put on the bottom of rabbits cage. Head out again, buy 4 newspapers and return home ... Again.
6:50 - Finish cleaning out rabbits cage, put rabbit back in his cage in disgrace. Realise I am starving.
7:00 - Head into bedroom to change out of work clothes. Have a drink on the way to bedroom, and then chuck my bottle of coke from work on my bed. Get changed, then look at bed to notice coke bottle has leaked. All over the middle of my bed.
7:15 - Put work clothes in wash. Strip bed, chuck sheets on the laundry floor.
7:20 - Head out (again) to get pizza.
7:50 - Get home, watch cricket for a few minutes.
8:00 - Hang out work clothes. Put sheets on to wash.
8:15 - Get out clean sheets and remake bed.
8:25 - Let rabbit out for a quick run around loungeroom.
8:45 - Rabbit runs straight into birds cage. Birds go nuts, seed and feathers flying everywhere.
8:50 - Catch rabbit, gets put back into cage in MAJOR disgrace. Start swearing under my breath, wondering what the hell happened to my perfect, relaxing night as I drag out the vacuum cleaner.
9:05 - Finish vacuuming the lounge, put vacuum cleaner away.
9:15 - Run bath.
9:25 - Sit in bath for 15 minutes, unable to relax because I can't stop thinking about my plan, and what the hell happened??? I had a plan!!
9:40 - Get out, get into pjs and sit down to blog.

Yeah ... Things didn't go exactly the way I planned ...

Buckley!

Scary ...

So.

Had a bit of a *scare* ...

Freaked out a lot ...

It was weird. I'm usually pretty careful. And I was, this time as well.

But last week, I was freaking out.

Because I was late.

And all week, I was so nauseous. And that's weird for me. There didn't seem to be a reason.

And I was so tired. Of course, that may have been because I was laying awake at night, freaking out, trying to figure out why I was worried because we were careful, wondering what I'd do if I was pregnant, because oh my god, how could I be pregnant, what am I going to do, how can I afford to raise a baby, I don't want a baby yet ...

But thank god, thank god, I'm not.

There's no bun in my oven, I'm not up the spud, no one has knocked me up.

Woo hoo!

It made me realise something though.

I can't be with someone that I can't talk to.

And I went through this alone, because I felt like I couldn't talk to him. I didn't know what to say, how to bring it up or anything. I didn't have any idea how he might react or what he might think ...

And what the hell was I thinking, sleeping with him?!

It's not that I couldn't talk about it with anyone, because I did talk about it with a couple of friends. And one was male. I just couldn't talk about it with him. And isn't he the one I should be able to talk about it with?

So, yeah. It's over.

Oh well.

At least I didn't cry this time!

Vomit ... With some pee thrown in for good measure.

Hmm ...

Tennis is on. Federer is playing the Djokovic dude. I have no idea if that's even how you spell his name. I think it'll be a good game.

Had today off work. Felt pretty ordinary all day, some stomach cramps and some general feeling funny ... Which I realised, at 5:30 this afternoon as I was throwing up on my front door mat, was obviously just some kind of bug ... Classy, huh? Hahaha ... I had a feeling, and didn't think I'd make it to the toilet, so I just opened the front door and stepped outside. Probably not the smartest move, as my street is often fairly busy at 5:30 - 6 at night, with people heading home from work. So yeah ... Nice, huh?!

I am feeling heaps better though. It's funny how you don't realise how bad you're feeling, until you feel better. I just ate some dinner, which I'm fairly sure will stay down :-)

My rabbit is in his cage, in disgrace. He went to pee on my couch (well, what a lovely blog entry. First vomitting, then pee! Woo hoo. Bet you're glad you're reading this ... ) so he got told "NO!" and I put him back in his cage. So now, he's sulking ...! Ears down, all stretched out, eyes down as well ... Bad bunny!

Anyway, I might take off. Tennis is on, so I might just veg out for a while, then head to bed early as I'm working all day tomorrow. Have a great night, guys.

Heath Ledger

So.

R.I.P. Heath Ledger.

I think the story first broke about 8 a.m. over here in Australia. And it's been on the news all day. Ninemsn and Heraldsun.com have had big sections on Heath's death, and the events surrounding it. On the news tonight (Channel 7 and Channel 9) they both devoted the first 5 - 6 minutes of their bulletins to the tragic death of Heath Ledger.

Following that, they then turned to the story of the house fire that killed two people and the crash in Melbourne yesterday that killed a young boy and his baby brother and critically injured their grandma. Then the stockmarket crash and Australian Open news. You know, news.

Don't get me wrong. I'm not saying that the death of a great actor isn't worth that much time on the news. It is. But the fact is, the facts aren't known yet. There's so much unknown about what happened, and what caused Heath Ledgers death, that at the moment all that seems to be on the news is a heap of "sources close to Ledger" who are quoted as saying vague things, insinuating things that may or may not be true.

On Today Tonight, and A Current Affair, suddenly there were "whispers that he had a drug problem / and / had recently been to rehab". Really? Because articles on news sites said it was a huge shock since he had never been into drugs, and there were no hints he'd ever been into that scene. And "isn't it funny he died 10 hours after the Oscar nominations were released and he didn't get one? / and / he was always such a dark and tortured soul, you just had that feeling he was going to die young". Uh-huh.

You know what really sucks? He's got a 2 year old kid. Who, in 10 years time is going to want to know about her dad. What will she find if she looks into the articles written after his death? Yeah, he was a talented actor, but he's going to now be remembered as the guy who killed himself with a drug overdose ... And we all knew he had a drug problem all along, of course ...

And his poor family, trying to grieve while all this crap is being said and written about him. Bet that'd make the grieving process much easier. Not only that, but trying to deal with the loss of their son/brother/nephew/grandson/friend in the glare of the media. Jeez, the guy is dead. Leave his family alone.

The fact is, I didn't even really like him as a person. He always came across as sort of ... Up himself, cocky ... Something. He was sullen ... Or appeared to be. I don't know. But no one deserves this kind of disrespect when they're dead. I know people have a curiousity about what happened. Of course they do. It's a morbid fascination most people have with celebrities. But it's sad that he won't be remembered for how he lived, or the contribution he made to the movie world. It'll always be "Heath Ledger, the actor who died tragically at age 28 after overdosing on pills .... etc."



R.I.P. Heath Ledger. 1979 - 2008.

Sooo ...

Been a few days ... And not much has happened. Hahaha ...

Sunday, work was dead. It was so quiet, my 6 hour shift turned into a 2 hour shift. Which I was pretty pleased with :-) So I decided that since I had some extra time, I'd go get my ears lowered (hahaha, Dan!). After Zoey cut my hair, I decided to get some foils (highlights) put in. I gotta say, I'm pretty impressed with how it turned out. There's more layers in my hair now, so it's heaps thinner, and the highlights, which are blonde, look great.

Yesterday I had the day off work, so I didn't really do much ... Bummed around. Cleaned the house. Did some washing. Went for a walk. Cut Buckley's nails. That last one was heaps of fun, and Buckley wasn't too impressed! I ended up with lots of scratches, thanks to the psycho little bugger.

Today I worked, and it was fairly quiet again. I managed to finish on time ... Woo hoo.

What else ... Oh, Sunday night Christine and I went to see Juno. It was good, but for some reason I thought it would be funnier. It didn't help that for some reason, no one in the cinema wanted to laugh, so when I did I felt really self-conscious. Then I kinda went ... Well, fuck it. If it's funny, I'm going to laugh!

I've got tomorrow off work, yay! I've got a doctors appointment at 11:15, then I'm going to pay bills and look for a new chiropractor. Oh, what an exciting day I have planned. I'm working Thursday, then I get Friday off. I'm pretty pleased with the roster this week, three days off, four days on :-)

Anyway, that's about it. Might go do some dishes and have a bath then head to bed early. Feelin kinda funny, a little dizzy. I think it's the painkiller I took earlier. It feels like I'm a little drunk actually! Ok, I'm out. Peace, love and laughter!

Groovy Pic!

There's no particular reason for this photo ... I just thought it was cool :-)

**

Ahh, I feel clean.

Yesterday morning I was exhausted. I didn't go to bed until 4 a.m. (Thank you, Adam ...) and was up a few hours later for work. So I had a shower, but didn't wash my hair because I was in a hurry and couldn't be stuffed dealing with wet hair.
Last night I got home from work, utterly exhausted. It was such a long, draining day. I finished an hour late, and by the time I got home I could barely see straight. I went drive-thru on the way home and got some dinner, ate that, sat on the couch to watch the tennis ... And fell asleep. I woke up at midnight, stumbled into bed, and promptly fell asleep again.
I intended to have a shower this morning. My alarm went off at 7:15. I pressed the snooze button, which gives me ten extra minutes. Usually, I just doze for a couple of minutes, waking up, then I get up. This morning ... I fell back to sleep.
Twenty minutes past eight was the time when I woke up! I had to be at work at 9! I have never moved so fast! I bolted out of bed, threw my work uniform on, pulled my hair up in the messiest ponytail ever, and ran out the door. I made it to work with 5 minutes to spare :-)
So I finally had my wash tonight ... Stinky no more! Hahaha. Just had the most relaxing bath ... And washed my hair twice :-) I feel nice and clean now!

Work was okay today. It was fairly dead because of the weather - it rained here pretty much all day. It wasn't heavy rain though - it was just steady, light drizzle. Which is frustrating, because we could use some decent falls. I managed to finish right on time, but Bec was running late in the cafe, so I stayed to help her finish up. I think I ended up leaving about 5:30, which wasn't too bad :-)

Cricket is all over ... Australia lost. I don't think we need to say anymore about that ... :-(

It feels so much later than 9 o'clock ... I think I must be getting old! Anyway, I might take off and watch some tennis. Wonder if Federer will win? It's 2 sets all at the moment, 6 - 7 in the 5th set. I think Hewitt plays after this game is finished, I might stay up and see if he gets through to the next round. I'm not really happy with the Australian Open at the moment, Andy Roddick got knocked out, so what's the point now?! There's no hot guy to watch ... :-( Ok, it's now 7 all in the 5th set ... This could go on for a while :-)

Peace out, guys!

Here I am again, baby ...

Wow. Two entries in two days. Amazing! Especially with my recent (pathetic) record ...

So, today ...

Much better.

Isn't it funny how a little hope, and a plan, can make you feel so, so much better?

I meant to make a doctors appointment this morning, but then I slept in ... Oops :-)

Work was ok today. Back pain wasn't too bad. Took a painkiller in my lunch break, because it was starting to really ache, but what I forgot was ... They're really strong painkillers. They make me go slightly ... Spacey. I was driving home, and for some reason, I was really, really aware that I was driving, and that there were cars around, and traffic lights. I felt like my eyes were so wide open, it was just ... Freaky! I don't usually drive with my eyes closed or anything, but I was just ... Wow.

Driving home, I realised I hadn't heard from mum and dad since last week ... Decided to ring them when I got home, and instead got home to find a message from mum and dad on my phone! *lol* So I rang back and had a good chat, then decided to ring my sister since I hadn't heard from her in a while. I got to talk to my little Bug Eyes (my niece, Amber, who's two and a half), who's just gorgeous. She was so funny on the phone, telling me that she had an apple, and that it was yummy yummy. The she told me I'm beautiful ... Aww! :-)

Had to go take Gibbs to the carwash before ... Man, was he dirty. Took me a while to wash him. So now he thinks he's just soooo cool because he's a clean little car ...

Ok, so that's about it from here ... Peace out.

Welcome to Funk-ville

So I've been in a serious funk.

And I just can't shake it.

I don't know what the hell is wrong with me.

I even got as close as I've ever been on Sunday night to doing something very, very stupid. And I knew it was stupid, but I just can't keep going going like this. Only the thought of not seeing my Little Man, Bug Eyes and Baby Smurf again made me stop.

I've had enough of everything. Of the family shit, which a year later, thanks to my brother, is still going on. I'm tired of being exhausted all the time, and not knowing why. I'm sick of coming home at night and just crying for no reason, or no reason that I can explain.

Yesterday, I slept until 12. Lunch time. I got up, and I was still so, so tired. And I know it's partly because of my back. Nothing seems to be helping it. I've been to the doctor, many times, and I can't get anything that will help. There's always pain. But it shouldn't make me this tired.

So today ... I made a sort-of plan ... Lose some weight, go back to the doctor and the chiropractor, and go from there. Start something long-term, make a plan, follow it through. Start saying to my doctor, "This isn't right. Help me, or I'll go somewhere else."

And ... Hello Zoloft. I'm going back on the Zoloft. It helped last time, and I think it's a good idea.

Anyway ... I'm sick of thinking about myself, so ...

Corey Delaney. Is there anyone who hasn't heard of this 16 year old fuckwit? I hope, that in 10 years time when this kid grows up, when his parents drag out the photos, and the newspaper articles, that this dickhead is humiliated by what he's done, and by how he looks. I think he's an idiot. And oh my god, what's with the way kids dress these days? What is with the big plastic sunglasses and the stupid hats? Am I old for saying this? Oh, how depressing. I'm only 24!

I have found some great new blogs ... Adventures of GuitarGirl RN. Way funny chicky. Ten out of Ten - the writings of a ER Doc. Musings of a Highly Trained Monkey - very cool blog, and very honest ... Definitely someone who calls a spade a spade. There's also Dr Smak, ER RN, Life in the Emergency Department. There are more, but I'll share them later ... I have to say, reading all these blogs has given me a new respect for nurses and doctors. Even though my best friend is a nurse, I've never really thought about her work. Nurses especially put up with a lot of crap, it seems. And who knew that Emergency could be funny as well as dramatic?!

The Pickup Line Encyclopedia ... Ha! Organised by category. Pretty cool website.

This is a rabbit site ... Pretty cool and informative at the same time.

PostSecret has some great secrets up this week ... Go check them out.

It's January, what does that mean? The Australian Open is back again. Tennis will be constantly on my tv for the next couple of weeks, I'll only changing the chanel for the cricket. The next test match (Australia v. India) starts tomorrow, I think.

What else ...

Oh. I met someone. He's a little older than me ... I don't know what it is about me and older guys ... Is it going to go somewhere? I don't know. He's funny, and relaxed, and also kind of frustrates me at times ... *lol* I don't know.

Anyway. That's about it. Sorry for the lack of updates. Maybe that's why I've been in such a bad funk, because I haven't been getting stuff out on here like I usually do. Anyway, I'm gonna work on it. And I'll try to update more often.

Peace out :-)

Up and down,

inside out,

outside in,

some you lose,

some you win -

for us all.

Up and down we go.

Bad times choke us all once or twice

On this

Sweet up and

Down

I know. I've been so slack. So slack.

... Forgive me?!

This won't be a long entry ... Tired from work. And got another long day tomorrow ...

Anyway. Snapshots from my week:

[Me standing there, covered in cream after the cream bottle exploded over me]

My boss: [While laughing hysterically] How do these things always happen to you?!
~*~

Christine and I went to a very fancy, very expensive restaurant tonight. The prices were huge, the meals were ... Small.

Me: Dude. I think the waiter helped himself to some of my dinner on the way from the kitchen.
*~*

[Me standing there after the chocolate topping just exploded all over me]

Bree: How do these things always happen to you?! I've never seen anything like it.
~*~

Me: If rabbits had tiny little bunny condoms, there wouldn't be a problem.
*~*

[As soon as we leave the restaurant tonight]
Christine: Ok. Lets hit Maccas and get part two of dinner!
~*~

"Because no matter how badly a thing is hurting us sometimes letting it go hurts even worse.”

Uhh ... What happened to 2007?

Does anyone know what the hell happened to 2007?

I mean, seriously.

Lets look at 2007. I feel like it was a wasted year, which makes me feel like a loser.

Jan: Find out brother physically & verbally abusing son and girlfriend. Confront brother who then tries to kill self.

Feb: Decide (after failing exams due to whole family thing going on) that perhaps taking some time off uni might be a good idea. Maybe I just need to step back, take a break, find some motivation, and then return to uni after everything has settled down.

March: Lose job due to breakdown. End up at mum and dad's, 4 days later, telling my mum what's really been going on. Finally come clean to friends as well.

April/May/June/July: Spend months (literally) trying to get a job. Get rejection after rejection, but eventually I just don't care anymore. Unemployment = totally boring. On the upside - my house has never been cleaner.

August: Finally get a job. Bumpy start for the business, but hell - we're sticking it out.

September: Starting to wonder if business is going to last ... So far cops have been called on a few occasions, we've had people causing damage, things going missing, stress levels rising, and my boss is turning into a slight split-personality. I never know who I'm going to be dealing with when I get to work.

October: Arrest warrant issued. I don't think we need to say any more about that.

November: Baby Smurf born. Without a doubt, the high point of my year, even though that wasn't exactly smooth sailing.

December: 4 months in, and I'm looking for a new job. Almost as unhappy as I was at Safeway after 2 years there. Friend slits his throat. See proof with my own eyes - Christmas night - that arsehole brother hasn't changed.

So really, it wasn't a terrific year.

Here we are, at the end of it, and let's review:
- Haven't spoken to the arsehole brother in 11 months.
- Haven't been at uni for 10 months ... And have no idea when I'll go back.
- Didn't manage to accomplish anything of note during 2007.
- Am currently looking for another job, but until something comes up, am working somewhere that's making me fairly miserable.
- Didn't manage to find Mr Right - or even anything close to.

Um ... Now I'm just depressing myself.

Ok. Good things from 2007:

1: Birth of Baby Smurf. I never imagined such a little person could cause such fuss when entering the world. It was the first time I've ever wanted to be with my sister when she was upset.
*I'm not heartless - she just drives me nuts, and she's always upset about something (she's a drama queen). But mostly it's the 'she drives me nuts' thing.

2: I feel like I have learnt something - at Safeway I stayed until I had a breakdown. I'm miserable right now at my new job - but at least I have learnt to look out for myself. I'm trying to find a new job. I'm not staying until I want to kill myself just to get out of it. If worst comes to worst, I will walk away before I've found a new job. I'd never let myself get that stressed out again.

3: My friends. I soon learnt who my real friends were. I'm so grateful for the friends I have, who have been there through everything.

Wow. I can only find 3 good things from the whole year? Maybe I need to keep thinking.

Anyway, it's getting late. I might keep thinking ... While I sleep.

Happy New Year. May 2008 be everything you're hoping for.

First Meme of 2008

A Book Reading Meme

1. Open the book you're currently reading to page 133.

2. Read the fourth line on the page.

3. Put the book back where it had been resting.

4. Tell no one of what it was you just did.

5. Think of five friends to tag with this meme.

6. Do not actually tag them. They are busy and have lives.

7. Go about your life as if nothing has happened.

8. Carry the secret of this meme to your grave.

A rabbit throwing a tantrum and me babbling endlessly ... You decide whats more entertaining.

Oh my god, it's FREAKING HOT.

We hit 38 Saturday, 40 yesterday, 40 today, and we're going to hit 40 again tomorrow.

Stepping outside for 5 minutes ensures you sweat for the next 20, even if you're straight back inside.

New Years Eve today ... Everyone keeps asking me what I'm up to tonight ... Uhh, nothing :-) Are you kidding me?! It's way too hot to do anything. I can't be stuffed! And to be honest, I'd rather chill at home ...Watching a dvd or hanging out with some friends ... Or just sitting in front of the air conditioner :-)

I think my air conditioner is getting cranky ... It was on all last night, and all today, and it's been acting funny - keeps cutting out a little, going slower. I might have to turn it off tonight for a while.

Not much news from here ... I actually haven't been to work since Friday. Yes, I had Saturday, Sunday and Monday off, and I've also got tomorrow off. I go back on Wednesday for 5 days. There was nothing in the Addy on Saturday, job-wise. Oh well, I'll keep looking and just stick it out until I get something new.

I got Buckley a new toy the other day ... He has a love/hate relationship with it. He loves to play with it, but it frustrates the hell out him. Earlier today he got so annoyed he dumped it in his water container ... :-) I also got him a leash, so he can go in the front yard and eat the grass sometimes. I took him out for a while last night, but it was kind of hot so he didn't get to stay out there long.

The new tablets the doctor started me on? The strong painkillers I'm meant to take at night, because they make you drowsy and able to get an excellent, proper nights sleep? Yeah, they did ... The exact opposite for me. Friday night I took one. I didn't get to sleep until 6 a.m. Saturday morning. I was just wide awake. Saturday night I took one. I didn't get to sleep until 4 a.m. Sunday morning. So yesterday I took one at lunchtime. I SLEPT LAST NIGHT! *lol* It was great. So from now on I'll start taking them in the morning/at lunch time, that's mainly when I get the worst pain anyway.

What else can I go on about? I don't think I have much else ...I dog-sat Jersey today. All in all it went pretty well. Nothing major destroyed, he didn't poop, or pee, anywhere in my house, and we had fun chilling out. I think I'm going to pick him up tomorrow and bring him around here for a while as well, it's too hot for him in Christine's house during the day. She leaves the back door open so he can go outside, but that means that the air conditioner can't be on all day.

Buckley is throwing a little tanty. I just put him back in his cage, because he went to pee on the floor. So now he's throwing around all his toys. Very mature!

Anyway, I might go have a nice, cold bath. Did I mention that it's FREAKING HOT HERE?!

Happy New Year, guys. Peace out!

So, I know I haven't really done a proper entry in a while.

Last week, I was in a total funk. Partly because I lost a friend, and partly because it was just one of those weeks where everything was wrong, you know? I was bummed about everything, I was sick of everything, I didn't want to be rational, I just wanted to be pissed off at the world. (By the way, to those who read the original 'Death is forever ...' entry ... You'll noticed that I edited it. Usually I don't, but it was a little full on, a little too angry. Sorry if you read it.)

Anyway ...

Christmas was nice. Got to spend some time with my little man, Jordyn, and I taught him how to play cricket. I got him this Thomas the Tank thing for Christmas, next time I'll be looking properly at the box (I was in a hurry!) because it took me for-freaking-ever to set the stupid thing up! By the time I'd set it up, Jordyn had already lost interest, and had moved on to his Shrek tent, which mum and dad got him! I scored some cool stuff, some clothes, Scrubs, season 5, a Sanity gift card, which I used to buy Season 6, a book that I really wanted, some bath stuff, and some other little stuff. Good haul!

I got back to Bendigo Boxing Day night, it was pretty cool. My brother's an arse, and I hated having him in the same house as me, but oh well. I got to see my little man, so that's all that matters to me.

Went back to work yesterday. Have started looking for a new job. I like the people I'm working with (mostly). I like the work (mostly). But lately ... I'm miserable there. I was so depressed at the thought of having to go there yesterday morning. I worked half a day today, but came home because my back was hurting really badly. I went to the doctor, he gave me some Tramadal (? spelling ?) which is a nice, strong painkiller, and another, stronger anti-inflamatory. My boss just rang and said I could have tomorrow off, and even though I think I'll be fine, I didn't argue with her. I'm just so sick of that place. I really, really don't want to go back there. So I'm hoping to get a new job ... Soon.

Other news from here ... Buckley went home with for Christmas. I don't think he liked the car! He was on the bed before, trying to sneak up on the curtains. Talk about funny! They kept moving because of the fan. I think he's going through a stage, because he's chewing on everything. He's destroyed my mobile phone charger, a doona, the extenstion cord attached to the tv cord (you should have seen me yelling when I thought it was the tv cord!!!) and he's currently trying to chew holes in the spare room single bed matress. Ahh, what a darling.

I think that's about it ... I'll probably do some kind of entry tomorrow since I have the day off, and I don't have to go to that hellhole known as my workplace. I think I'll spend most of the day jobhunting though. Have a good night, guys. Peace out.

Merry

Christmas!

Night Before Christmas ... Aussie Style

'Twas the night before Christmas; there wasn't a sound.

Not a possum was stirring; no-one was around.

We'd left on the table some tucker and beer,

Hoping that Santa Claus soon would be here;

We children were snuggled up safe in our beds,

While dreams of pavlova danced 'round in our heads;

And Mum in her nightie, and Dad in his shorts,

Had just settled down to watch TV sports.

When outside the house a mad ruckus arose;

Loud squeaking and banging woke us from our doze.

We ran to the screen door, peeked cautiously out,

snuck onto the deck, then let out a shout.

Guess what had woken us up from our snooze,

But a rusty old Ute pulled by eight mighty 'roos.

The cheerful man driving was giggling with glee,

And we both knew at once who this plump bloke must be.

Now, I'm telling the truth it's all dinki-di,

Those eight kangaroos fairly soared through the sky.

Santa leaned out the window to pull at the reins,

And encouraged the 'roos, by calling their names.

'Now, Kylie! Now, Kirsty! Now, Shazza and Shane!

On Kipper! On, Skipper! On, Bazza and Wayne!

Park up on that water tank. Grab a quick drink,

I'll scoot down the gum tree. Be back in a wink!'

So up to the tank those eight kangaroos flew,

With the Ute full of toys, and Santa Claus too.

He slid down the gum tree and jumped to the ground,

Then in through the window he sprang with a bound.

He had bright sunburned cheeks and a milky white beard.

A jolly old joker was how he appeared.

He wore red stubby shorts and old thongs on his feet,

And a hat of deep crimson as shade from the heat.

His eyes - bright as opals - Oh! How they twinkled!

And, like a goanna, his skin was quite wrinkled!

His shirt was stretched over a round bulging belly

Which shook when he moved, like a plate full of jelly.

A fat stack of prezzies he flung from his back,

And he looked like a swaggie unfastening his pack.

He spoke not a word, but bent down on one knee,

To position our goodies beneath the yule tree.

Surfboard and footy-ball shapes for us two.

And for Dad, tongs to use on the new barbeque.

A mysterious package he left for our Mum,

Then he turned and he winked and he held up his thumb;

He strolled out on deck and his 'roos came on cue;

Flung his sack in the back and prepared to shoot through.

He bellowed out loud as they swooped past the gates-

'MERRY CHRISTMAS to all, and goodonya, MATES!'

The Ghost of Christmas (Eve) Past

Christmas Eve, 2001:
I spend the whole day packing and getting organised. On Boxing Day, my cousin and I are heading to Queensland for 10 days. Of course, on Christmas Day I get lots of presents I want to take with me to QLD, so I have to unpack and re-pack everything Christmas night.

Christmas Eve, 2004:
I meet for the very first time, my beautiful nephew, Jordyn Leigh, on Christmas Eve 2004. We spend almost three hours out the back, all together as a family, talking and chilling out before everyone heads to bed for the big day. Jordyn's almost three weeks old, and sleeps through most of his first Christmas - including Christmas lunch when he sleeps in his pram as we eat - with everyone stealing glances at him every few minutes to see what he's doing!

Christmas Eve 2005 and 2006:
By Christmas Eve, I'm exhausted. Doing 12 hour days at Safeway, including Christmas Eve when I start at 4 a.m. and don't stop until 4 p.m. It won't be any surprise to anyone to learn that I was in bed about 8 o'clock last Christmas Eve, will it?

Christmas Eve, 2007:
What's that? I don't start work until 11 a.m. on Christmas Eve ... Wow. Massive sleep in to someone who's used to getting up at 3 a.m. on Christmas Eve! I ended up 'sleeping in' until 7. Score! Did the last of my Christmas shopping this morning, then headed to work. Work was a lot busier than I thought it would be, but nowhere close to the madness of Safeway. I was finished at 5:30, went home to grab my stuff and pack up the car, then headed to Kerang just before 7. Got here at 8:30, and don't think I'll last too much longer before I fall into bed ... :-)

"Why can't I breathe whenever I think about you?"
"Why can't I speak whenever I talk about you?"

Death is forever.

That's kind of obvious, isn't it. You can't die tomorrow, and come back next week. It's permanent. The people you love, the people who love you, will never see you again, should you die today.

I often wonder if people who kill themselves think it through. I mean really think it through. Because it's so permanent. Yes, death is a way to escape the pain of whatever you might be going through, but you can't come back once you change your mind about it. You can't give it a few weeks and say "Oh, I think I might go back to being alive again now".

It's for-fucking-ever.

Oh, Mick.

Why?

The rumours are true. Yes, I am a superhero.

So, yesterday was a crappy day at work. Really awful. Copped abuse from two customers (the first one nearly had me in tears, and the second one had me wanting to scream "I didn't come to work to be abused by arseholes!"). It was just nuts. The good news is my boss had my back, and was right there both times, giving back as good as they gave to me.

Anyway. Moving on.

After work, I stopped at Safeway. My whole day turned around, seriously. I was so happy, no I was *flat-out delighted*, to find giant plastic candy canes. Nothing is bad in the world when you've got a giant candy cane!

So I got two, and tucked them under my arm, to continue my shopping.

A couple of minutes later, I went to turn around to look at something, and nearly, very, very nearly, took out an old lady, who was innocently shopping, not realising the danger she was almost in!

BUT! I saved the day! I stopped short, saving Grandma from disaster, averting a tragedy (or a broken hip), casually made sure no one had seen the incident ... And took off.

I SAVED THAT OLD LADY'S LIFE!

Now, some may say that it was my fault. To those people I say ... Pfft. Let's not get caught up in details, people. Ok? The fact of the matter is, I SAVED her! It may have been my fault, but the point is ... I averted disaster!

Grandma, enjoy your Christmas with both hips and all bones intact ... It's all thanks to me!


P.S. When I got home, I may have been waving around a giant candy cane, dancing like a dork ... And I may have taken out everything that was on my bench. I may have broken a photo frame, and knocked myself in the head with the giant candy cane ... But I refuse to confirm or deny that!

Seriously, would it kill you to have a Shrek bandaid for me?

Captain Skitzoid (a.k.a Buckley) is trying to escape his ears ... Sadly he doesn't realise they're attached to his head, which is what makes it hilarious to watch ... Keeps jumping up in the air, as if that'll confuse his ears, who will stay on the bed when he jumps ... Hahaha ... He's getting very pissed off that his ears keep following him ... What's even funnier? He does this about 4 times a day. Yep. That's one intelligent rabbit I've got ...

I've got nothing much to say ... I just want to go on the record and say that Christine, it's your fault I'm in pain right now. If you'd had a Shrek bandaid for after my needle, my arm wouldn't be aching! *lol* Yes folks, that's right ... The biggest baby in the world had a needle today. I think I did ok (other than stalling for as long as I could to put it off, then shrieking "Get it out! GET IT OUT OF ME! FOR THE LOVE OF GOD GET IT OUT OF ME RIGHT THIS SECOND!"). Yup, I did it with dignity, and grace, and was amazingly brave ... Was that a snort of disbelief I heard from Christine's direction?

So sue me. I'm afraid of needles. Terrified, actually. I don't so much care about the pain (and really, what's painful about a needle? Generally it's just a little prick) I just freak out when there's a needle in me. A metal thingy in my arm or leg. Dear god, even THINKING about it is enough to make me almost scream in terror. I seriously can't handle that feeling. Argh. What if it breaks off? It's unnatural, having something sticking in you, oh god ...

Ok, thinking about something else now ... Anything else. Anything at all.

I drove home to my parents today (before Christine tortured me), which was a pretty cool day trip. Got some good grub for lunch, hung out with mum for a while, then turned around and came back to Bendigo. :-) All good.

You know what, I think that's about it. I got nothin else! I think I might head to bed, since I go back to that 'work' thing tomorrow ... Peace out guys :-)

So, Friday was a looooong day at work. Really long. Bit busy in the afternoon, then it was dead. Got out on time, which was awesome, coz that rarely happens. Anyway, I get home to find my new license in the mail. It wasn't until then that I realised that all week, I'd been driving around with an expired license. That little piece of paper VicRoads give you just incase your new license doesn't turn up before your old one expires? Well, I'd put that safely on the fridge (so I wouldn't lose it!), meaning to put it in my wallet after my license expired ... but I forgot. Oh well, no harm, no foul!

I really thought that we were safe, that the troublemakers who had been doing crap at the kiosk were gone. But on Saturday night, two of them (they have the security footage - they are the same people from before) tried to break into the kiosk. They were chased away by Brumby's Bakery Man, and once again we've involoved the Police.

Jordyn turned 3 on Wednesday. I rang him after work. I love talking to him on the phone, he's so funny! He kept telling me about his Thomas wrapping paper (didn't care about the present inside!) so I promised I would send him (another) Thomas card! Spoilt little man!

Today and tomorrow I don't have to go to work ... Woohoo :-) I stayed up til 4 a.m. this morning reading, and I ended up falling asleep with the lights on and the book ended up on the floor ...! I didn't get up this morning until almost 11, slack slack slack!

Think I'll have a pretty quiet day today, I need to do some washing, do my dishes, vacuume the lounge, clean my bedroom, change my sheets and doona ... Or I could just sit on the couch and read, or watch a dvd ... ! :-)

Anyway, I better go have a shower, since it's almost 12, and i'm not even dressed or organised. Lazyass! :-)

Hey Little Man,

I can't believe you're three already. Three years you've been with us, hanging out, making us laugh, being such a huge part of our lives. (I know on the phone last night you tried to convince me you're four, but I'm not fallin for it, buddy! Give me back that extra year!)

I remember the day you were born. It seemed to take forever! You were pretty comfy, I guess and didn't want to move. I remember the phone call the next day from your dad, who was just over the moon. You could hear it in his voice. He was so happy.

I don't know how things went from "so happy" to abuse, kiddo. I really don't. When you were little, your dad would get up every night and give you your bottles. He would change you and bath you. Your mum used to joke that you only had eyes for daddy. But it was true. From the time you were a few months old, dad only had to walk into the room, and you'd give him your attention. When you started to walk, you followed him everywhere. You were such a great kid.

So what happened? I don't know. For so long, I thought something was wrong. I tried to get it out of your mum, I yelled at your dad ... I knew there was something not right. But I couldn't figure out what was going on ... So I left it alone. Sorry, little man. I should have tried harder, huh?

I don't know what's going to happen next ... Looks like your mum and dad are back together ... But who knows for how long. I guess all I can do is promise you that I won't stuff up again. You're my world, kiddo, and all I want is to see you happy and healthy and laughing and having 3 year old fun. I promise I'm always going to be there for you. I'll teach you heaps of cool shit, lots of stupid jokes, and spoil you ... Just coz I can :-)

Love you Jordyn.

'Rachie'

Dance without Sleeping

I would scratch out all the images
If I had the chance
Don't ask me what I'm thinking
Can't you see I only want to dance

Dance without sleeping,
I'll dance without fear
Dance without senses
No message I hear
Dance without sleeping
I'll dance til I'm numb
Dance til I think I can overcome

Melbourne Photos

Buckley

Firstly, before I get into my usual, silly, light-hearted post - Some sad news: Anna-Jane, who endured 2 years and 9 months of chemo and hospitals and needles and operations and blood tests and experimental treatments trying to bravely fight cancer, lost her battle on the 25th November. Anna-Jane was only 5 and a half. Half her life had been spent trying to beat cancer.

Rest in Peace, Anna-Jane. You fought so hard, you've earnt it.

******

I know ... I'm a terrible blogger ...

:-(

*lol* I know I'm waaay behind on my 30 secrets. I know I haven't updated in any way, shape or form since last week. I know I'm a terrrrible person :-)

BUT ... In my defence ...

Work was crazy busy last week/weekend. Sunday I finished work, rushed home to grab my stuff and was on the way to Melbourne an hour later, and I've only just gotten home late this afternoon. My sister does have the internet, but her computer is soooooo slow I didn't even bother trying to use it.

So here I am. I have stacks of cute niece stories, lots of funny quotes, and SO MANY gorgeous photos to show you ... but not yet. I'm exhausted. I haven't slept properly in three nights - partly because my sister ran out of beds and I was sleeping on the lounge room floor, partly because my 2 and a half year old niece believes she has to invade the lounge room at 5 a.m. EVERY morning or the world will end, and partly because there was a baby with a terrific set of lungs in the house who demanded to be fed every three hours, otherwise the whole NEIGHBOURHOOD would be alerted to the fact that she was hungry.

Damn, I had a great time.

Anyway. Here's a couple of photos just til I update properly sometime in the next couple of days ... :-)

Ok, Photos went to the top of the entry ... And I'm waaay to tired to figure out how to fix it. I'm now going to sleep in my own bed, in my own quiet house ... :-) Ahh, it's good to be home.

Secret #9

When I'm hanging out with my kids,

When I make them smile,

When we're mucking around,

When I'm reading to them,

When I'm giving them a bath,

When I'm chasing them around and around,

When we're having tickle fights,

Nothing else matters.

The world disappears. Problems don't exist.

I love that feeling. They are my world.

Secret #8

I don't like people who judge others.


Honestly? I think people who are racist are kind of disgusting.


No one should be bashed because of their sexual orientation.


People are different. Like crayons in a box ... We all gotta live together. ( ... That's that stupid saying, right?!)


Racism makes me sad. Homophobia makes me sad.
How do people get like that?

Secret #7

Every time I go home, I go and talk to Mel.
Sometimes I just sit there for a while.
It doesn't matter that she doesn't talk back. I don't care.
I just like still being able to talk to her.

Update on the Smurf

Yes, I have re-named Amy. From here on out, she will be known as Smurf ... Because she was born blue. Smart, huh? :-)

Seriously though, I didn't sleep much last night. I just had this feeling that if I fell asleep, something would happen. I don't know why. And I kept freaking out about the whole ICU thing, that's never a good thing when they send someone to the ICU. And she's only a little baby, so little and not strong and oh-my-god, what if the labor had gone on a bit longer, she could have died, and is she really going to be okay and I want to be there with Amanda, and ... what if this, what if that .... The thoughts just wouldn't stop! :-)

I did hear from my sister late this afternoon. Amy was moved from the neo-natal ICU this afternoon, and was in the room on the maternity ward with Amanda when she rang. My little smurf got her first bottle from mum today, and also had her first bath. She's got a fiesty temper, but is actually fairly quiet. She doesn't cry much. I found out she has blue eyes, just like her big sister. She's doing great, and the doctors are talking about mum and smurf going home tomorrow sometime, so that's great news :-)

I had today off work, and did bugger all :-) I went out for a while this morning to do some jobs, and driving home I went past the Bendigo Bank clock and the temprature on that was already at 35 degrees at 11 a.m. It got hot fast. I think we ended up getting to about 39. I spent the afternoon on the couch, just watching cricket, reading and sleeping. The phone woke me up a few times (I swear Telstra has made a fortune off my family in the last day and a half! Everyone's been calling mum & I to find out what's going on - not that we knew a whole lot!) but I had no trouble getting back to napland! I go back to work tomorrow, work Thursday as well, have Friday off, work Saturday and Sunday, then after work on Sunday mum and I are heading to Melbourne to see Amanda and Paul and their two gorgeous girls - Bug Eyes and Smurf. Ahh, my nieces are so going to hate me when they get older ... !!!!!!!!

Anyway, I better head to bed. Thanks for all the calls, emails and text messages yesterday and today. It was really appreciated.

Ok, I'm out! :-)

Secret #6

One of the (few) things I really like about myself is my smile.

I use it often :-)

Welcome to the world, Amy Lee! What a dramatic entrance!

Have just heard from my sister, who sounds like the drama of the day is starting to hit her.

Amy is still in the ICU, and is still blue. They are having a little trouble getting enough oxygen into her. Other than that though, she is doing ok. She hasn't yet opened her eyes, so they're unsure what colour her eyes are, but she has a full head of beautiful dark hair. She weighs 3.4 kilos, but hasn't been measured yet. She has a fiesty temper - every time the nurses go to do something to her, she screams and kicks up a fuss! What a great sign! :-)

Amanda's pretty upset, she hasn't been able to hold Amy yet. She's feeling fine, apart from being exhausted. She will be spending the night in the ICU beside Amy.

Will update more tomorrow ... :-)

UPDATE - 6:30 P.M.

Amy Lee Higgins entered the world at 2:27 p.m. today!

I guess my sister really was in labor this time!

Haven't got any more details, other than the time of birth. She was born blue, with the umbilical cord wrapped around her neck, so she was immediately taken the neo-natal ICU, where they were going to give her oxygen and make sure everything was ok. I'm still waiting to hear what's going on. Will update again later.




It's 8:50 a.m. and I'm dozing on and off. I don't start work til 11, why get out of bed when I don't have to?

The phone rings. This was pretty much the conversation.

"Hello?"
"Hello, it's me ... I think I'm in labor. Contractions are 5 minutes apart."
"Ok then ... You'd probably better get yourself to a hospital."
"Yes, I've already called everyone, got my bag ready and I'm good to go."
"Cool. Good luck then!"


So, not sure if it is labor or not ... Will let you know :-)

Secret #5.

The scar on my thigh?

That long, thin, white line?

September 14th, 2001.

The pain inside was so bad.

Most of the scars have faded.

The ones that remain make me so ashamed.

Secret #4

I scoffed when my mum and my sister told me that my niece looked like me when she was a baby ...

But ...

I loved that my niece looked like me when she was born. I don't know why, but ... It made me happy.

This photo always makes me smile. Damn, I love that kid.

Pete ... I love you.

Dude.

What can I say?

I love you.

I know that you're happily married.

I know you're wife is a hot blonde and I'm a chubby whatever-colour-I've-dyed-my-hair-this-week average looking chick.

I know that you've got two gorgeous kids.

I know that you're at least 10 years older than me.

But ask me if I care.

... Nup. Couldn't give a shit.

I friggin love you, man!

Anyone who installs two flat-panel tvs in their shop, so that anyone walking by, or working in a shop nearby, can see them, is going to get my love.

Especially when it's summer.

And ESPECIALLY when CRICKET IS ON.

Dude.

I love you.

The 2nd test started yesterday. Whilst I haven't been watching every single ball - because I've had to, you know, work - I've been able to get a score update WHENEVER I WANT, and on my lunch break, I could SIT, RELAX AND WATCH CRICKET.

Pete. Mate. You fuckin' rock. You ever wanna leave your wife? My door is always open for you, baby.


P.S. Rang my sister this afternoon after work ... No baby yet. No sign of the baby yet. She has been kickin up a storm though! :-)

Secret #3

Sometimes ... I get sick of catching everyone.

Sometimes ... I just want someone to catch me.

Secret #2

For 5 nights after I left Safeway, I cried all night. I barely slept, I didn't eat ... I felt as if I'd truly fucked up.

Secret #1

Despite what I've always said ... I really do want kids. And I do think that I would make a great mum.

Not much going on here ... Aside from the "false start" last night :-) I called my sister this morning, and she said everything's fine. The baby has moved down, and is "getting ready" - that made me laugh, picturing the baby packing a little suitcase and preparing for her "trip" - and they don't think it'll be much longer - maybe a couple of days. Who knows though! Amanda said she had a dream that Amy arrived on the 15th, which is tomorrow. I told Amanda that I'd be home all day tomorrow (not working) so if anything happens, ring me straight away! :-)

Like I said, not a real lot happening here ... Last Saturday was a friggin massive day at work. It was the first birthday of the Kangaroo Flat Market Centre, so all the shops in the centre had specials. We had a jumping castle and a merry-go-round thing in the car park for the kids. I started work at 8:30, and finished at 6. I can't remember being that tired in a long time :-) Pretty much died when I went to bed, and slept for like 10 hours :-) Before I got up and went to work and did it all over again ... !

I worked Monday as well, then had yesterday off, as well as today. Score! Today was Bendigo Cup day. I went out to work for a while, to check on Bec and Bree to see how they were doing. They said it had been dead all morning, at then everyone came at once so they were all flustered! I ended up staying for almost 2 hours, helping pack up. I hope I remembered to do everything ... ! And guess what ... I also have tomorrow off. THREE days in a row off! I haven't had that since I started!

Hey, has anyone read Andrew Johns' book, The Two of Me? I got it today for a couple of reasons - 1, I actually like Joey. From what I've seen on the Footy Show, I think that he seems like a pretty cool guy, and I cried for him when all that stuff came to light after the London thing. Who knew? and, 2, I want to know how much of the book is him, and how much is the ghostwriter. I know a lot of things will be exaggerated and played on, but it'll be interesting when reading it to see if you can pick what's real. Where have they taken 'creative license' with the book (if they have at all)? I just find something strange in the fact that this book came out so quickly after Joeys admissions of depression and bi-polar disorder ... Am I being too cynical?! I'm planning on starting it tonight or tomorrow.

I'm going to try to do something on here in the next few weeks - it's called 30 secrets in 30 days. The idea is to post 30 secrets - in photos - about myself, writing a few paragraphs with every photo. I've seen it done on other blogs, and I wanted to give it a go. Think I'll be able to do it?

Anyway, I might take off. I'm dog-sitting tonight - Christine's gone to the Killers concert in Melbourne - and I better go feed Jersey and let him have a run around outside. Check back tomorrow, I'll try to post the first of the 30 secrets :-) I'm out. Peace, love and laughter guys!

P.S. It appears I was a few days off with the baby ticker/counter thingy at the bottom of the page. I think she still has about 3 days to go before her actual due date. Not that most people will care ... But my nutty sister is a stickler for correct dates and getting facts right ... We are so not related!

Edit @ 2:40 a.m. - Joey's book? A hell of a lot better than I thought it would be. Seems to be pretty damn honest, and you can actually see that he's had a lot to do with the writing of the book - he hasn't just told some bloke a few stories and had most of it made up or exaggerated. I'm actually a little surprised at how good it is. Now, I gotta go get some sleep. I'm stuffed!

Update: 11:15 p.m. Amanda isn't in labor. My new little niece won't be arriving into the world tonight. They're not quite sure what the pains are, the symptoms are a little different to Braxton Hicks (?) - the false labor symptoms. They're keeping her in hospital for the night.


8:45 P.M.
My brother just rang to tell me my sister has gone to the hospital. She was having contractions that were 3 minutes apart when they left, but they have now gone out to 10 minutes apart, so they're not sure whether it's labor, or a false labour/Braxton Hicks thing she's got going on.

No more.

I thought of you yesterday.

I was driving home from work yesterday, and I went past a sports ground. There was a group of guys there, cricket training. I thought of you. And then I realised that you don't have cricket training on Wednesday, only on Tuesdays and Thursdays.

And then I talked to you last night.

At first, I was happy. It was cool, just chatting, about nothing, everything. For the first time all week, I felt relaxed. I smiled. I made you smile.

But then I realised I'm only making it hard on myself. I don't know that you care. Not the way I do, anyway. So you can make your own rules, and talk whenever you like, because it doesn't matter to you. It's nothing to you.

But it's something to me. And it means I'm always, always thinking, searching, trying to figure out what this means, or what you meant when you said that. When, in reality, it probably meant nothing to you. It was just ... Words.

So I'm stepping away, saying goodbye. Because I gotta. Before I drive myself nuts, and cause more tears.

No more.

Vent time ...

It really pisses me off when people make up their own rules, as they go along, with no regard to the thoughts or feelings of anyone else.

It is a selfish, inconsiderate and often hurtful thing to do. You mess with peoples feelings and emotions, all because you just want to do what you want.

Why don't you stop and think? Why don't you realise what a manipulative arse you're being?

I'm out.

I didn't prepare!

So, I had today off work. It was ok. I wasn't prepared for a day off! *lol* I had nothing to do, since I'd squeezed in everything I wanted to do - washing, cleaning, re-organising my house - over the weekend! So, instead, I bummed around and slept :-) Watched some dvds, and did pretty much nothing all day ... Ahh, nice.

It just felt like a "nothing" day. I'm kinda in a down mood, not sure why. I didn't want to go out, or see anyone, so I just stayed in. I rang my sister for her birthday this morning, only talked for 10 minutes or so. My brother was there. I don't know why, but that kind of upset me.

Buckley is in his cage, currently destroying a carrot ... Kinda scary the way he's attacking it! I put his cage outside in the sun for a while this morning. He thought it was great, went to sleep for a while :-) I have got scratches all over my arms from him. When I go to put him back into his cage after he's been running around the house, he gets waaaay cranky. And he has sharp claws on those gorgeous little bunny feet of his :-P He scratches the shit out of me!

I can't believe how little I have to say ... It really is a quiet day. That's ok ... That's who I am :-) Who I is ... Who I are ... Who I be ... Hehehe ....

Because I had so much fun last time ... Part II of "Read all about it" ... :-)


ARRIVALS ... AND DEPATURES:
Sadly, Doug the hermit crab went up to the big shell in the sky on Thursday - Hermie Heaven. I was actually pretty upset, I've had Doug the longest and he was my fave :-) He had been trying to moult for some time, and I think he just grew too big for his shell. Also on Thursday, we gained a new 'family' member, a 6 week old, all white, frigging gorgeous, lop-eared rabbit that goes by the name ... Buckley. Yep, as in Nathan. Buckley already has the run of the house, going where ever he pleases, and has a habbit of hiding in tiny spaces. Seriously, you would not believe how many times I have lost him since Thursday! He's a gorgeous bundle of fluff, and is fitting into the house well. He goes well with the 4 birds, 4 hermit crabs and the fish. Think maybe it's time to stop buying animals ... ?!


DAMN TECHNOLOGY:
Got home from Echuca today to discover my broadband modem had 'died' on me. Spent an hour turning it on and off, plugging it into different power sockets, practically hyper-ventillating at the thought of not being able to do an update ... when it fixed itself. All of a sudden, the lights started to come on, one by one ... What the? Ahh, well. I'm just happy I have an internet connection again :-)


NO WEEKEND WORK APPLIES:
I had this weekend off. Woo hoo. I had Thursday off, went back to work Friday, then had yesterday and today off. Friday was a hellish day, and I finished an hour late. I was exhausted by the time I got home. Yesterday was a nice, relaxing day. It was Christine's birthday, so I got up yesterday morning and headed into the city to buy her a present. Then I went and picked her up, went out and had lunch, went to see a movie, then got take away for dinner and went back to her place and played with her new puppy. (I'm not the only one with a new friend in the house! On Thursday Christine brought a 6 week old pure-breed staffy. She named him Jersey. He is as cute as anything, and as friggin nutty as they come!) Got home last night and spent the night moving furniture around, and watching the Gilmore Girls. This morning I picked Chrissie up at 10, and we headed over to Echuca. We went on an hour-long paddlesteamer cruise, and it was pretty cool. It was also very relaxing, the only problem was the weather. It wasn't raining in Echuca, but it was pretty damn cold. After we had some lunch, we hit the road and were back in Bendigo by 3. I ended up crashing on the couch for a couple of hours as soon as I walked in the door, I was freaking tired!


Ok, that's it :-) I'm out.