Wednesday, January 30, 2008

Scary ...


Had a bit of a *scare* ...

Freaked out a lot ...

It was weird. I'm usually pretty careful. And I was, this time as well.

But last week, I was freaking out.

Because I was late.

And all week, I was so nauseous. And that's weird for me. There didn't seem to be a reason.

And I was so tired. Of course, that may have been because I was laying awake at night, freaking out, trying to figure out why I was worried because we were careful, wondering what I'd do if I was pregnant, because oh my god, how could I be pregnant, what am I going to do, how can I afford to raise a baby, I don't want a baby yet ...

But thank god, thank god, I'm not.

There's no bun in my oven, I'm not up the spud, no one has knocked me up.

Woo hoo!

It made me realise something though.

I can't be with someone that I can't talk to.

And I went through this alone, because I felt like I couldn't talk to him. I didn't know what to say, how to bring it up or anything. I didn't have any idea how he might react or what he might think ...

And what the hell was I thinking, sleeping with him?!

It's not that I couldn't talk about it with anyone, because I did talk about it with a couple of friends. And one was male. I just couldn't talk about it with him. And isn't he the one I should be able to talk about it with?

So, yeah. It's over.

Oh well.

At least I didn't cry this time!

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