Monday, June 18, 2007

The one with the *funk*

No entry for a couple of days. Have been in a bit of a *funk* ... Not sure why.
Ahh well. Get over it.
Have *finally* started (and almost finished) 'Rose by any other name' by Maureen McCarthy. I brought it months ago and never started it. It's actually pretty damn good. Another 50 or so pages and I'll be done. Hopefully I can finish it tonight. I also want to read a few of the other books I purchased while I was working, but never had time to read.
It's nice to have time to read, and chill out, and listen to music and watch dvds, etc., but I think the unemployed thing is *really* starting to get to me. It's actually friggin stressful to be unemployed! All I can think about is bills, and money, money and bills. I have a gas bill that's a week overdue. I have a phone bill that's almost 2 weeks overdue. I have an electricity bill that needs to be paid before I get an overdue notice for that. And I'm a week behind on my rent.
I feel like I'm paddling water, just keeping my head above the water line, but any second I'm going to slip under, and no one will even notice. I'm just staying afloat here, but how much longer can I do this for? Seriously?
I put in 16 job applications today. Would have been more, but I ran out of stamps, and envelopes. And I don't actually have *any* money to buy anymore, so that doesn't help my stress levels either! I need stamps and envelopes to apply for jobs, but I can't buy them because I have no money, which is a result of having no job, but to get a job I need the stamps and envelopes to apply, but I can't get a job because I don't have any money ... On and freakin on goes in my mind.
Ok, onto the up side ... Dad rang last night. Mum's having a great time in Thailand. She's going on an elephant ride/trek thing today! She said it's been humid as all hell over there *all* the time. It gets to about 36/37 degrees during the day, and doesn't cool down much at night - drops to 29/30. You don't really notice a huge difference though, because it's so humid all the time, and there's thunderstorms every night. But other than that, they are loving it. I'm so happy for mum! She deserves the best time ever!
My bedroom is about 30 degrees at the moment *lol* I think Doug (one of my hermit crabs) is molting at the moment - getting ready to change into a new shell. He's been very quiet and lethargic for the last couple of days, which isn't like him. He's also been digging and burrowing a lot. So I've moved the crabs into my room, and put the little heater on to keep the room warm (hermit crabs like a temprature of about 27/28 degrees). I figure I'll warm the room and turn the heater off when I go to bed, and leave the door closed so the heat stays in longer. Hopefully that will help Doug, make the molting process go a little easier for him. Usually I leave the crabs in the lounge room at night, but because it's a big, open room, it gets really, really cold. God, I hope he's just molting and not dying!
Not much other news from here. I don't know. Can't shake this funk, no matter how hard I try. I think it's just everything, getting to me. Am going to look into counselling again this week. Just don't know whether I can do it - admitting that I can't handle all this shit to *someone* - a real person - saying those words ... I don't know whether I can do it. Stupid, isn't it? Whatever. I don't know.
Have a great night, guys.
*** Edit at 11:30 p.m.: Have just replied to comments - In comments section of individual entries. Was going to do a new entry for them, but decided to just reply in comments section as it's easier (and I don't have to try to remember what everyone said and then forget half of
what people said ...!) ***
*** 12:15 am: If, sometime in the next few days, you are visitor #500 (counter to the right of screen, just underneath title of blog) please leave me a comment and let me know who you are :o) You can be anonymous if you wish, but just say hi! :o)

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