If you want it to be good girl, get yourself a bad boy ...

Monday was my last day at JST (Job Seeker Training). And whilst I felt that most of the time, it was a waste of time (it didn't teach me anything new), it was an entertaining waste of time. What more can a girl ask for?!
On Monday, however, Barrie (our JST trainer) said something that made me think.


Barrie: I don't understand why someone hasn't snapped you up. Why don't you have a job?
Me: Well, I do have a job. I just haven't started yet. I'll be working at a cafe, part-time.
Barrie: Really? Well, not a dream job, but it's something I suppose.
Me: Right now, it is my dream job. Something I'm good at. Something I like doing.
Barrie: But you could be doing so much more. You should be.
Me: [thinking] You should talk to my mum. She shares that view ...


Now, this bothered me. Why do people always assume I should be doing more? At Safeway, I was working 35 - 40 hours a week, and I still got the feeling I wasn't doing enough. Um hello, that's kind of why I went nuts and broke down, remember?! I'm not perfect. I may seem like I can handle anything and everything, but *newsflash*, I can't! No one can. I can't fix every single problem. I can't change things that I have no control over. It's taken me a long time to realise it, but I can't. I'm not as capable and as perfect as people would like to believe.

And you know what? I'm ok with that.

Right now, I want to take some time. I don't want a job that is 30+ hours a week. Sure, I could spare the time, I'm not at uni at the moment. But I don't want it. I don't want a job in an office, or doing admin work. I know I could do it. I'd be great. At Safeway I did my job perfectly. But I don't want to go back there and do it again. I want something low-key. Something that I like doing, something I am good at, something that doesn't take up all my time. Something that's not going to mean I have people ringing me on my days off saying "How do I fix this? Rach, what do I do when this happens?"

Honestly? I could probably work 30 hours a week, without a problem. And when I go back to uni, I know I could find a way to make it work, studying full time and working 30 hours a week. I've done it before. But the difference now is ... I don't want to do it.

So what if that makes me unambitious, or if people think I'm lazy. What do I care?

I just wish people wouldn't judge me on perceptions. Just because you have some idea of what I should be doing, or what I could be doing, you don't have to share it with me. Accept what I want. Accept what I am doing, not what you think I should be doing. Chances are, whatever your ideas are, I've already heard it from my mother ... :o)

I'm out. Peace, love and laughter guys.