Then I'll put it in a bubble, blow it away and shut the hell up about it ...
I can't get over thinking that my feelings, my needs, are less important than the dogs.
A dog - well, two dogs, actually - are more important than me. Do you have any idea how shitty that makes me feel? Any idea how insignificant and unimportant it makes me feel?
When the dogs came in, on Wednesday night, for the third time in five days, I cried.
I cried because I already felt like utter shit, and bringing them in, as you well know, always makes me feel worse.
I know you think that the allergy is "all in my head", but guess what? I have a reaction to dogs when tested. It is real. I can't help it. I don't like having an allergy to dogs. And I don't want one. But I do. I deal with it.
And I know you think that it's not a big deal. I know you think you can have the dogs in, and not vacuum and I won't be able to tell the difference. But guess what?
I can tell. I can always tell. When I get home, and 10 minutes later my eyes are itchy, or my head is killing me, or my nose is all stuffed up, I can tell. But I don't say anything. What's the point? You think it's all in my head, so what is the point in saying a damn thing?
I'm tired of feeling like the dogs matter more than me. I am a person, damn it. I'm a human being, and I deserve some consideration and respect. I am important, and I matter. My feelings, my pain - they matter.
And yet, to you, I'm not as important as the dogs. I don't matter as much as they do. Do you have any idea how that makes me feel?
You get migranes. How would you feel if I deliberately did something that made you worse when you had one? If I knew exactly what it would do, and I still went ahead and did it anyway?
You would feel like shit. Like your feelings don't matter.
Like I feel right now.