Saturday, May 14, 2011

My head is pounding tonight. Seriously, just pounding so, so bad. And I just want it to stop. Please. Just for a little while. Just stop.

Roxy the wonder puppy is outside with the boys. I think she'll be fine, she seems to be recovering well from the operation on her tongue. Also, I can't have her inside anymore, she's pretty much the reason why me head is pounding.

That, and my housemate also had the other two dogs inside this afternoon, and didn't vacuume when she put them out.

I get frustrated sometimes. I know she thinks a lot of my allergies are in my head, she feels like she can have the dogs in and I won't be able to tell, but I can tell. I can always tell when the dogs have been in.

I just don't say anything. It doesn't seem worth it.

The last couple of days, I have been much better. I was bad, bad, bad at the start of the week with my allergies. I went through three full boxes of tissues in as many days, I had a rash all over my arms, my eyes were constantly red and watery, and my head was both stuffed up and pounding so very badly.

But then I rang my specialist, and I'm back on steroids and using my inhaler again, but the thing is, I still have an allergy. I'm about 80% better than at this time 5 days ago, but I still have an allergy to dogs. I'm still going to get a headache, my rash will still appear, I will still spend a lot of time sneezing and blowing my nose.

And when my housemate lets the dogs in, then doesn't do anything to reduce the after-effects (e.g. by vacuuming or wiping over surfaces) ... It makes me feel like the dogs are more important to me. Like it's ok that I feel crap when the dogs are in ... That's fine, as long as the dogs are happy. It's all in my head, so why should it matter if the dogs come in, right?

Wrong. I am a human being. Dogs are important to me, I love Roxy more than anyone knows, but humans should come first. I should come first. My health should matter. The effects are not all in my head. You can see me sneezing so hard and so often that I sometimes can't catch my breath. You can see the rash I get, thanks to the dogs. Shouldn't those things mean something? Anything?

Ok, I have to go to bed. Because if I stay up any longer with this headache, I will start crying. Hopefully tomorrow I will feel better.

I'm out.

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