Sunday, April 27, 2008

Devil dog.

I have the devil in my house.

He's disguised as a cute little puppy dog, going under the assumed name of "Jersey", so when you look at him you don't realise that he is, in fact, the devil.

This dog is seriously going to make me lose my mind. Seriously.

I feel like I'm doing something wrong, since all he does is destroy stuff, and eat stuff, and break stuff and get into trouble. He is always into something.

And you know what's nuts? He looks soooo sweet. So innocent. Especially when he's sleeping, or chewing on his bone. He just sits there, quietly, chewing away, looking like he's never done a thing wrong in his life.

Five minutes later, he's chewing a book, or eating my $30 tub of Body Butter, or destroying my sunglasses. The sunglasses that are only three weeks old. The sunglasses I got to replace the last pair that were destroyed by ... oh, that's right ... devil dog.

I actually borrowed a book about puppies from the library. Hoping to find some tips, or something. I was reading the book in bed yesterday morning. Left the book on the bed. Came back to find Jersey chewing the book. So, great. Now I have to go to the library tomorrow and pay for the puppy book because the puppy chewed the book. Uh-huh. Great.

I know he's only a puppy, and he's going to get into mischief, but surely at some point he has to learn? He doesn't seem to be learning at all. Even a tiny bit. I smack him for doing something wrong, and five minutes later I turn around to find him destroying something else. So I smack him again. And the cycle repeats. And, as soon as you smack him, he's over it. "Oh well, she smacked me, I'll go back to being happy, destructive puppy now! Let's forget what just happened!"

I have also been putting him in the laundry to punish him. The problem there is that he whines. He whines like he's been in there for days, all alone, deprived of food and water and love, even though he starts whining about thirty seconds after I close the door. The other problem? He's started attacking my laundry walls, scratching on them. He's gouged two chunks of wall out. This is a rental property. How the hell am I going to explain that to the landlord?

The other thing is, he is so sneaky. And so fast. I try to watch him all the time, but he only needs 5 minutes (sometimes not even that) to find something and destroy it. If it's something that he knows he shouldn't be doing, then he'll do it quietly and sneakily. And speedily.

Crap. He was sitting on the bed, and he just took off. I have to go. I'll update again when I'm not so close to the brink of insanity ...

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