I love Adrian Monk. He is hilarious, and Monk is one of the best shows on television.
Here are some of my favourite Monk quotes ...
Natalie: You okay?
Monk: Girls' bathroom...
Natalie: What are you afraid of? (pokes Monk) Cooties?
Monk: Don't laugh. Jury's still out on cooties. If we could only get more federal funding...
Monk: How did he know about that alarm system? Julie, I was duped. It was all a con!
Julie: A leper-con.
Julie: Was he magically delicious?
(Monk sees a frog)
Monk: Frog. Frog. Frog. Frog. Frog. Frog. Frog. Frog. Frog.
Natalie: Are you afraid of frogs?
Monk: I don't know; I've never been this close to one.
(a frog hops on Monk's shoe)
Monk: Yes, the answer is yes. Put frogs on the list. Where's the list?
Monk: Natalie, all your little rules, all your little laws... they don't apply down here, it's Nudey Town.
(Stottlemeyer examines the car damage)
Stottlemeyer: What the hell happened? It was only two miles.
Natalie: I took a short cut. I cut across the creek.
Stottlemeyer: There's no bridge across the creek.
Natalie: I know
Judge Taylor: Bail is set at $900,000.
(Monk whispers to his attorney)
Attorney: With the court's permission, could you make it an even million?
Stottlemeyer: Oh, my God!
Monk: (to attacking Nazis) All right, boys. Come on. You know violence--violence is not the answer. (sprays them with hot water)
Monk: (on the phone) Hello! Nazis here in the rec room. This is a Nazi alert!
Stottlemeyer: Nobody is trying to embarrass you, Commissioner, but I am going to rip that hairpiece off of your head. It is a critical piece of evidence.
Commissioner: You wouldn't dare.
Stottlemeyer: (to Monk) Are you sure?
Monk: One hundred percent.
(Stottlemeyer pulls the commissioner's hair.)
Ninety-three to ninety-four percent.
(Stottlemeyer tries again.)
Monk: Captain! Ladies and gentlemen, Leland Stottlemeyer, homicide! Show them your badge. Show it. Show it. Show it! I solved the case.
Monk: We're gonna need a big old paddy wagon. Do they still have paddy wagons?
Monk: (while covered in bees in a beekeeper suit, to a nearby policeman) Excuse me, is your gun loaded?
Monk: Could you do me a favor? Just...kill me.
Sheriff: Why didn't you just stay in the car?
Monk: There's a bee in the car!
Monk: A pregnancy test.
Cora: Looks like she had a bun in the oven.
Monk: How do you know?
Cora: Those two little lines there. That means positive. See, you pee on this end.
Monk: (dropping the pregnancy test) Aaahhh! Wipe! Wipe! Wipe!
Monk: The truth is, I'm not so attracted to you.
Monk: The truth is, you sort of terrify me.
Cora: Hey! There's no such thing as a perfect marriage.