Monday, January 30, 2012

Tonight ...

... I'm sad.

And I don't even think there's one particular reason for it.

If you asked me why I am sad, I don't know that I could tell you.

A combination of stuff, you know.

The feeling that I'm never going to be good enough.

No one will want me for me ... For who I really am.

One of the units I want to do at uni I can't do ... I can maybe work around that, but working around it throws up yet another challenge, and I'm not sure it's worth the hassle for one unit.

Am I ever going to get finished with uni? I should be finished by this time next year, but ... Really? Can I do it? Will I finish?

It's been 13 months and 10 days, and grief still hits me hard some days. Today, all I could think about was the last family occasion we had with you, the last real party ... And how, you won't be there for the next party. You won't be there.

I'm tired of people making excuses. There's always going to be a reason you can't, there's always going to be an excuse you can use. Why make excuses though? For gods sake, be a grown up. Take responsibility. Stop making excuses.

Well, aren't I just Mary Frigging Sunshine today ... 75% sad, 25% grumpy. I should probably go before I say something I really regret ...

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