So, after being in tears for almost two hours last night, (no, I'm not kidding, I was almost hysterical - I just could not stop crying. I was gasping for air at some points, but I couldn't calm myself down) I made a decision. I'm not living like this.
I refuse to do this anymore.
I will not live like this - so, so desperately unhappy that I am crying every single day, and crying myself to sleep most nights.
What kind of life is that?
So, I am going to my my housemate a letter. Before I go away tomorrow, I will leave it on the bench, for her to read and think about while I'm away.
I can't live like this any more.
I refuse to feel like I don't belong here any longer. This is my home. I know I don't own the house, I don't pay the mortgage ... But I do pay rent. I do live here. It is my home. I don't want to dread coming home after work. Yesterday, after work, I got home and went straight into my room because I started crying on the drive home.
I am not great at talking. I don't like talking to someone if I think I'm going to upset them. So I think that writing is the best way. This way, I can say exactly what I think, and feel, and take my time and think about it first.
Ok, so I have a plan. It's going to be ok. It's going to be ok.