So, today was a better day. Sort of.
Someone at work today asked me if I was having a better day than yesterday. If I was in a "better mood".
I'm not normally a snappy sort of person, but I felt like snapping at them. What do you people want from me??
It's been one week and one day since I lost my favourite aunt.
Aren't I allowed to have a bad day?
Am I not allowed to be a little sad, a little quiet?
I think that because we all had time off for Christmas, everyone expects things to be back to normal. Because we all had a couple of days off, I'm meant to be back to normal?
Everyone at work keeps telling me what a great Christmas they had. How the kids had fun, or how it was great to spend the day with family, or how they ate too much and had an awesome time relaxing ... Unlike everyone else, my Christmas Day was very quiet. Mine involved tears, so many tears. It involved waiting for the phone call that never came - the phone call from Aunty E that we got every single year ... And more tears when I realised that that call really wasn't coming this year.
Grief sucks. And it's hard.