Sunday, September 21, 2008

Sorry about the length ...

I don't even know where to begin ...

I've been in Melbourne for the last few days. I went to see my sister and my nieces. I went to have a relaxing few days, chilling out, playing with the kids. I went to do some shopping.

It didn't quite go to plan, though.

Firstly, I decided to drive to Melbourne. Which I've never actually done before, but I figured it's only two and a half hours, how hard can it be? Usually I take the train, which takes two hours to get to Melbourne, then I get onto another train out to my sisters, which takes another hour and a half (if Connex hasn't cancelled services. Even if they have, the trains are usually packed.). So, I went "stuff it, I'm driving". I got directions off, and left early on Thursday morning (6 a.m.).

Seriously? It would have been faster to take the freaking train.

I got lost. Somehow, somewhere, I must have taken a wrong turn. I ended up at Essendon (about 45 k's from my sisters) and I had no idea how to get back to where I needed to be. Add to that that it was freaking peak hour in Melbourne, bumper to bumper traffic, which I am not used to, and throw in the fact that everyone in that damn city drives like morons, and I was a little stressed.

Eventually, after running up a huge mobile phone bill on (and visiting suburbs such as Tullamarine, Bayswater, Nunawadding, Donvale - none of which are really on the way to my sisters, might I add), I found my way. I got to my sisters a little after 10:30 a.m. FOUR AND A HALF HOURS OF DRIVING! FOR A TWO AND A HALF HOUR TRIP! The first thing I did? Take myself off to Knox City (big shopping centre) and spend a ridiculous amount of money on a GPS for my car. Considering I can barely pay my bills at the moment it probably wasn't a terrifically smart move, but oh my god, does it make things soooo much easier. Coming home today was about a thousand times less stressful, because all I had to turn was "turn right in 500 metres", and "turn left in 100 metres". Seriously, it was worth every single cent, and I'll be using it when I drive to my sisters again.

So ... Thursday I went to Knox with my three year old niece and we did some shopping. Obviously I tested her patience a little too much though, because once we were done shopping, and were on our way out, she started crying. And she cried the whole way home. She cried at an old man who asked her name, she cried at the bus driver who gave her a free ticket to cheer her up, she cried when we stopped at traffic lights ... And she cried when I started laughing at her. I know! Seriously, what kind of meanie laughs at a crying kid?! It was funny though. She was just over-tired, and no one was going to make her happy!

Thursday night, I was exhausted. Driving for hours, shopping and a loooong day had tired me out. I crashed at about 11 p.m ... only to be woken up at 11:30 by my sister, upset and yelling, because my brother rang (drunk, of course), threatening to kill himself.

Oh. My. God.

Then he hung up, and wouldn't answer his damn phone again. Hello, stress levels. A few minutes later, one of his ex-girlfriends, who is good friends with my sister, was banging on the front door, upset because he'd rung her to say goodbye, since he was nothing but a disappointment to everyone, and he couldn't handle this anymore ...

Oh. My. God.

So, my sister keeps ringing him, and finally he answers and they find out where he is. Olivia, his ex, goes to pick him up and take him home so he can sleep it off.


He gets in her car, only to start crying and then jump out at traffic lights, saying he's going to kill himself, yada yada yada. So Olivia, not knowing what the hell to do, rings the police, and asks them to look for him. Meanwhile, my sister and I are still awake, worried, and not knowing what is going on. Eventually the police ring to tell us that they've found him and they're going to keep him for a few hours until he sleeps it off.

Finally, bed time?


Baby Smurf, that gorgeous little niece of mine, decides to wake up. Screaming. Doesn't want a bottle, doesn't want to crawl around on the floor, doesn't want to do anything but scream because she's reallllly unhappy, and she wants the world to know it. We finally managed to get her to sleep just after 4 a.m.

Ahh, sleep.

I got just over 2 hours before little Bug Eyes, my other niece was up to start the day.

Needless to say, I was not at my best on Friday. We did some shopping at Knox, and spent the afternoon at home, hanging out. My sister rang my brother to tell him she'd had enough and that he's not welcome at her house anymore, she's sick of the lying and manipulating. He could only swear and carry on about being picked up by the police the night before.

Friday night, Baby Smurf was again the unhappiest kid in the world, and wouldn't take her bottle, which was a bit of a worry. She'd had nothing since Friday morning and my sister was worried about her dehydrating. This went on Friday night and Saturday morning, so she rang Nurse on Call, who advised her to take the Smurfette to the hospital to get her checked out. Six hours at the hospital showed up ... A healthy kid! A close examination of her mouth did reveal a white spot ... She's got a tooth coming in! So the nurses gave Amanda a syringe to shoot the milk into Smurfette's mouth :-) Saturday night she drank a full bottle this way, although she was still very unsettled.

She woke us at 2 a.m. this morning, still cranky, but she had another full bottle via the syringe. It was perfect timing, because it meant that I got to watch the end of the Storm game which was on Channel 9. What a freaking amazing finish! 45 seconds to go and the Storm won! Baby Smurf couldn't figure out why she wasn't the only one yelling in the loungeroom! :-)

Eventually, (a little after 3 a.m.) we all went back to bed. And this morning? Guess who woke up all smiles, with a brand new tooth poking through the gum?

Yep! She did it!

And she was like a totally different kid. For the last few days all she's done is cry and scream and cling to whoever's closest, but today? All smiles. And giggles. It was so awesome to see her feeling so much better!

So, after hanging out with the girls for a while, and cooking pancakes for breakfast, I started packing up to head home. I was so, so tired, (in the last 3 night I would have had maybe three hours each night) and I figured I'd better get going before I realised just how tired I was. As I'm packing, however, the phone rings.

My sister had given her MIL the rent money. And MIL was ringing to say that the rent money was $50 short.

It appears drunk, dickhead brother helped himself to the money last weekend while he was visiting.

Seriously. What next???

So then my sisters boyfriend cracked the shits and they had a screaming fight, which ended when he walked out. Ugh.

I stayed a while longer, helped bath the Smurf and talked to my sister, then I took off.

And now, I'm home. Tired, and just about ready to cry. It just feels like one thing after another, you know?

And my brother. What the hell?

I know I haven't spoken to him in a year and 9 months, and I didn't think that I cared about him that much, but the worry inside me at the moment is just ... Huge. I'm scared. So scared.

And the thing that scares me, and pisses me off, is that he won't change. He's had so many opportunities and he won't change. He keeps drinking and stuffing up and manipulating and lying and what the hell can be done? He's going to end up dead, because we can't frigging do a thing to make him realise that he's wrecking his goddamn life.

Where do we go from here? I'm not speaking to him. My sister isn't speaking to him. Dad has had enough as well. Mum is still trying, and he's breaking her heart. And he doesn't give a fuck, he won't CHANGE.

I don't even know what to say.

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