Thursday, January 23, 2014

Stupidly optimistic ...

Sometimes I think we get what we deserve.
Not in terms of tragedies or horrible things.
But when we don't stand up for ourselves,
When we let someone walk all over us,
We show them it's okay to do that.
It's okay to treat us like crap, because hell, it's not as if we're going to stand up and say, "Hey, don't do that!"

I've been seeing a new guy.
He is really, really lovely.
Funny, and smart, and he challenges me like crazy.
But twice since Monday, and three times in the last seven days, we've had plans, and he has either cancelled or just hasn't shown up.
Last week, he was coming around after cricket training.
He didn't show.
Tuesday, he was coming around after work.
He didn't show.
Tonight, he was coming around after work.
I sent him a text just before 5 to tell him that I'm home.
Then, and only then, does he decide to tell me he's a few hours away and won't be home until after 9.

I keep wondering, "what have I done??" 
I just want a decent guy. 
One who makes plans, and keeps them. 
One who makes time for me, and understands that I have to make time for him, because I have work and uni. 
I don't want someone who is there all the time. I don't need that. 
I don't need to be attached to someone 24 hours a day. 
I just want someone to hang out with. Have a few laughs, some fun. 

Don't I deserve someone who won't cancel on me at the last minute? 
Someone who won't just disappear, then reappear the next day when it suits him? 

I'm patient. 
Sometimes I'm too patient for my own good. 
I'll give you a second, third and fourth chance. 
Even when it's obvious to everyone else around me that you don't deserve it. 

But tonight, I can't help but wonder ...
Is this when I put my foot down? 
Does he deserve another chance? 
Should I be standing up for myself and saying, 
"Hell no. You don't get to treat me like this. There for whenever you happen to be free." 

Either you make time for me - and you follow through and show up when you're going to - or you lose me. 


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