Can't sleep ... So you get quotes.

It's not called stalking, it's called love.

*lmao* like that one!

Or ...
You can't make someone fall in love with you... you can only stalk them and hope for the best.

Never accept love if you can't give yourself in return.
Never start a relationship you know you'll want to end eventually.
Don't go for looks, it can deceive;
Don't go for wealth - even that fades away.
Go for someone who makes you smile because only a smile makes a dark day seem bright.

Imagine, if you will, a world without hypothetical situations.

Some people make things happen, some watch while things happen, and some wonder "What happened?"
Which type of person are you?

There's this lost cause I believe in called myself.

It is better to be hated for who you are than to be loved for who you are not.

Destiny is not a matter of chance; it is a matter of choice.

Every moment in time gives us a chance to love, to learn, to dream... and to become more then we ever imagined.

You won't see the rainbow if you don't live through the rain.

Don't tell me the sky's the limit when there are footprints on the moon.



and now ... a couple of poems.


If I were a fairy
I'd take you in my wings
If I were a fairy
I'd fly you somewhere else
If I were a fairy
I'd keep you safe and sound

But I'm just a girl

If I had a magic wand
I'd put a spell on you
If I had a magic wand
I'd put a stop to your pain
If I had a magic wand
I'd make it perfect

But I'm just a girl

If you let me
I'll be your angel
If you let me
I'll help you through
If you let me
We can be play fairies
And
We'll put spells on each other ...



I begged on my knees
I asked you to stop
Now I'm just a hypocrite

I told you I'd been there
And wouldn't go back
Now I'm just a hypocrite

I cried at your cuts
I smiled at my scars
Now I'm just a hypocrite

I smile at your smile
I cry at my cuts
Now I'm just a hypocrite

You cry at my cuts
I smile at your scars
Now I'm just a hypocrite

Post #200 for me ... and I'm using it to say:

You.
Bloody.
Little.
Ripper.
Melbourne.
Storm!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Didn't see the game? You missed a bloody good game. The final score belies the fact that most of the game, Manly did actually give Melbourne a fairly good run for their money. Manly made a lot of errors and stupid mistakes though, and they paid dearly for them.

My highlights? Let's see ...

- Matt King, shown going around and shaking the hand of every Manly player, before he joined his teammates to celebrate. Now that's a good winner.
- Greg Inglis. Pretty much every time he moved, all night. He didn't make many (any?!) mistakes, and he deserved the Clive Churchill medal.
- Cameron Smith, "praying" before kicking to convert a try. He only converted 3 tries out of 8 tonight, so I don't know what the hell was going on with his kicking, but they made 8 tries so the extra points didn't matter too much! :-)
- Craig Bellamy (Melbourne's coach) getting a massive bucket of gatorade or something dumped all over him in the celebration. Funny as!

I was also impressed with the way Melbourne played. By about the 60th minute, Melbourne had pretty much won the game. With only 20 minutes to go, they held a 22 - 8 lead, and yet they played as if they still had 60 minutes to go, and the game was still in the balance. With 10 minutes to go, they scored another try, and had well and truly secured the game, but still the entire team ran hard, played hard, and by minute 75 (after another try!) they knew they had won, the guys on the sidelines were celebrating, Craig Bellamy and his coaching staff had already left the box and were on the field, but still the guys on-field played as if they could lose. They were friggin amazing!

The final score, in case you're interested, was 34 - 8. They deserved the win.

Go Storm :-) You bloody little ripper!

May you find serenity and tranquility in a world you may not always understand.

May the pain you have known and the conflict you have experienced give you the strength to walk through life facing each new situation with courage and optimism.

Always know that there are those whose love and understanding will always be there, even when you feel most alone.

May you discover enough goodness in others to believe in a world of peace.

May a kind word, a reassuring touch, and a warm smile be yours every day of your life, and may you give these gifts as well as receive them.

Remember the sunshine when the storm seems unending.

Teach love to those who hate, and let that love embrace you as you go out into the world.

May the teachings of those you admire become part of you, so that you may call upon them.

Remember, those whose lives you have touched and whose have touched yours are always a part of you, even if the encounters were less than you would have wished. It is the content of the encounter that is more important than the form.

May you not become too concerned with material matters, but instead place immeasurable value on the goodness in your heart. Find time each day to see beauty and love in the world around you.

Realize that each person has limitless abilities, but each of us is different in our own way. What you feel you lack in the present may become one of your strengths in the future.

May you see your future as one filled with promise and possibility. Learn to view everything as a worthwhile experience.

May you find enough inner strength to determine your own worth by yourself, and not be dependent on another's judgment of your accomplishments. May you always feel loved.

-Unknown.

Venting time ...

So, here's the thing.

I really like my job. It's pretty cool. I like the work, and the people that I work with.

The one thing I'm not liking at the moment, is my boss. Don't get me wrong - I like her as a person. She's nice, and funny, and always looking after her staff.

But the last week or so, she's stressing me out. Seriously stressing me out.

I feel like nothing is good enough. Everything I do is not done good enough, or I'm not doing things that I should be doing.

Even though I'm busting my arse, working 8 or 9 hours a day, starting early and finishing late every single day, it's still not enough.

I know she's under pressure. I know she's worried about the business, and it's not doing so well at the moment. I know she's worried about the fact that at the moment, most days we're barely covering wages and expenses. I know she's working 11-12 hour days every day, trying to make both the cafe and the kiosk succeed. I know she's trying. I just wish that she'd realise that I'm also trying - trying to make the kiosk the best it can be, trying to keep her happy all the time, trying to keep the place spotless when I'm there on my own for the majority of the time, trying to provide the best customer service I can, trying so damn hard, *so* *damn* *hard* for her business.

It's getting to me a little. Can you tell? Sorry, I just needed to vent. Anyway, I might get going. Peace out guys.

Go The Cats!

In case you haven't heard, or have been in a coma, or under a rock all day ...

GEELONG WON THE GRAND FINAL!

Now, we all know that I'm full of black and white blood. It has always been, and will always be, Collingwood for me. They are *da bomb* as far as I'm concerned.

Last week's loss to Geelong was very upsetting. Five freaking points! One more goal and we would have been there today, playing in the final game of the season, going for the holy grail in football. One more freaking goal!

[No, I'm not dwelling on the loss, why do you ask?!]

But even though we lost, we lost to a terrific team. We put up one hell of a fight, and Geelong were better on the night. To be honest, I wasn't completely disappointed, as my mum is a Cats fan, and I was happy for her that her Cats made it into the Grand Final.

[Not as happy as I would have been had Collingwood been in the GF, but happy nonetheless!]

I never doubted for a second that Geelong would kick some Port Adelaide arse! They've played well all year, and I knew they could do it. They're a terrific team, who just dominate the game. Speaking of dominating, they certainly did that today! Who would have thought they'd win by such a huge margin?! 119 points!

I rang my mum when I got home from work. How did she answer the phone? No hello ... ! "Go the Cats!!!" she yelled. She was sooo happy :-) It's been 44 years since the Cats won a premiership, and my mum's 45, so she's never had the thrill of winning footy's holy grail! I reminded her of the '95 Grand Final that Geelong made it into. Mum had to work that day, so the night before we put up balloons and streamers all over the house ... Then Geelong lost so we had to get them all down before she got home from work! *lol* Thankfully, today had a happier ending for all Cats fans!

So now, that's it. No more footy until next year ... :-( The end of the season is always kind of a bummer, because you know it's going to be *months* before you see another game. I am looking foward to the NRL Grand Final tomorrow night, I like a good game of rugby, and I can't wait to sit down and watch it. I'm tipping Melbourne, I really hope that they can get up over Manly. I can't believe Manly are in the GF!?! *lol* A couple of seasons ago, they were on the bottom of the ladder, the joke of the competition. And this year, they've made it to the last game. Surely Melbourne can beat them ...?! GO THE STORM!

Conversations from my week.

Overheard at Safeway last night:
Man: Noah, stop chasing Emmy ... Noah, I said stop.
Noah: I'm not chasing her, she's chasing me!

Ahh, I love kid-logic.


This morning when I got to work, I was greeted by Chris:
Chris: Hey blossom, what's squeaking?


On Wednesday night:
Christine: Well, if it all goes badly ... I've got bail money.


Also on Wednesday night:
Christine: You gave me sperm germs!
Me: Dude, that's not even possible. You're gross!
Christine: Nuh-uh ... You are!


My sister rang last night to tell me the latest news. She's painted my niece's room pink and purple. Also, my niece has started throwing blocks at people.
Christine (on hearing about Amber's room being painted): Some people should not be allowed to reproduce. What is she thinking??!
Me: Maybe Amber's throwing blocks because she's pissed about living in a pink and purple room.

Are you smarter than a 5th grader?

My feet hurt ...

I'm seriously concerned about my job :-S The kiosk isn't doing too well. We need more people to, you know, buy stuff. That'd be good. Heather's getting discouraged, which makes me wonder how much longer I'm going to have my job.

Eh, I don't know.

I don't really have much to write about tonight. I'm so boring :-) Work was fairly quiet today. Hope tomorrow is busier.

Trying to find something to write about, but it's like my brain just died on me :-) *lol* Kinda sad, really. Chrissie and I went out and got Macca's for dinner tonight, then watched 'Thank God You're Here' (friggin hilarious :-)) and then the new show with Rove - Are you smarter than a 5th grader? We didn't do too badly, but turns out we aren't ... The question about John Howard stumped both of us *lol* I was so sure he was elected in 1995! Christine had no idea (she doesn't pay attention to politics). It was fun.

I really need to work on speaking up more. Saying if I like something or I don't like something ... If something is bad. I shouldn't be such a freaking doormat!

Anyway, guys. I'm out. Peace, love and laughter.

Arthritis. At 24.

Hey guys.

What's up? How we all doing?

I had yesterday and today off work. Yesterday, Ang, Ryan, Chrissie and I all went out for lunch. Ryan threw most of his food on the floor and at us, but we all had a great time :-)
Today Chrissie and I went to La Porchetta for lunch. Beautiful day outside, so we sat in the sun. We were both starving since it was a late lunch (almost 2 p.m.). I got about half way through my parma when I found ... A hair.
Needless to say, I lost my appetite ... :-S The waitress offered to bring me something else, but I declined the offer.

Had an appointment with the chiropractor this afternoon, to find out what my spinal xrays showed ... Nothing good, unfortunately. I have arthritis on my spinal cord and neck ... And the spaces in my spinal cord where the nerves are, are closing up, and cutting off the nerves ... :-(
It was actually really depressing ... I'm 24. 24!
Some of the damage can be undone by regular visits to the chiropractor - 3 times a week for a month, then twice a week for a month, then once a week for six weeks - but the arthritis is probably there for good.

I'm kinda scared. For a couple of reasons:
- How am I going to afford to go to the chiropractor 3 times a week for a month? That comes out at $140 a week/$560 (? I think ... Never much good at maths) a month. I know I'm working full time, but I've also got bills and rent and a car to pay for ... :-S
- Am I going to end up like my parents? I know that a lot of this is genetic. Mum and dad both have bad backs - dad's back has been operated on twice, mum's had one operation on her back. I've seen the pain they live with ... I really don't want to end up like that :-S

Went for a massive long walk today, haven't done that in a while. Used to do it all the time when I wasn't working, but since I've been at Sweet Explosions I haven't had the energy!

I really need to lose some weight. Being this fat (Sorry, Dan ... But it's true!) probably isn't helping.

I really need to do something about my hayfever as well ... Not being able to breathe isn't as much fun as it sounds ... :-P

Ahh, I'm Little-Miss-Whinge-Alot tonight ... Guess I'm kinda depressed still. Might take off. Have a good night, guys.

So. Freaking. Tired.

Friday I worked 9 -7:30. 10 and a half hours, most of the time on my own since Sylvia called in sick. Finished work and headed to Ang and Vinces to babysit Ryan. Got there to find Ryan rolling around on the floor, crying to himself! *lol* He was soooo tired, but he was sulking because Ang and Vince weren't home. Managed to calm Ryan down, and we sat watching to footy for a while before I made the *big* mistake of trying to put Ryan into his cot ... Dude, did he scream! And cry and scream ... So I got him calmed down again while we watched some more footy. Finally managed to Ryan asleep and into his cot ... Only for him to wake up an hour later ...! :o) Ahh, kids are great, aren't they?! :-P

The football on Friday night ... I don't want to speak about it. The less said the better. It still hurts! One goal and we'd be in the grand final ...

One goal.

Worked 9 - 5:30 yesterday, I actually finished early for once :o) You cannot imagine how happy I was! I got home, changed, had a little sit down on the couch for a while, and then "Dan" (named changed to protect the innocent) got here.

Guys (you know who you are), you would be disgusted with me. I went to our place of worship and didn't even finish my parma! I know, what a disgrace!! *lol* That's how tired I was!

~*~

So much to blog about, so many things that have happened this week that have made me think, but unfortunately I'm pretty brain dead right now, so if this is random or doesn't make sense, I'm sorry.

You know the 'Ghosts of Christmas Past'? I feel like this week has been the 'Ghost of my Safeway past'.

I left Safeway in March. Everything went to hell, and finally fell apart on me. I guess I knew it was going to happen, but that didn't make it any easier.

What also made it hard was not hearing from people who I thought were my 'friends' after it all. I've stayed in contact with one person from Safeway.

In the last week, I've seen one manager who I used to work with, and 6 people that I worked with in the deli and the office - including last night when I went to get money out of the A.T.M. after work and ran into someone I worked with in the office. She wouldn't even look at, let alone speak to me.

At first it was hard, seeing all those people. When I saw the manager last weekend, I was at work, and I started shaking and went pale. I know I went pale, because Ashlea actually mentioned it "Rach, what's wrong?! You're so white!"

But now ... I don't know. So what. It happened. It's over. It was inevitable that I was going to run into people from there. Maybe seeing all those people is the universe telling me that I'm stronger now, that I can deal with it. Who cares if they weren't there when I fell apart? Clearly, I didn't need them, or their 'friendship', because I managed to pick myself up, dust myself off and keep going :-)

All this thinking about the last 6 months, and the last year, has made me realise something.

I have changed.

And then last night, I realised something else.

I haven't changed as much as I thought I had.

and

I haven't changed as much as I would like to.

See, I thought I was doing much better. Not being such a doormat. Speaking up when there's

something wrong. Standing up for myself more.

But then, last night, I couldn't even say what I was thinking, what I wanted to do, what I wanted "Dan" to do ... etc. I should have been able to speak up, there were a lot of times when I could have spoken up, and yet I still didn't. I'd like to think it was simply because I was pretty exhausted - I could barely keep my eyes open, and forming thoughts was a little difficult - but I think that the truth was that I was just shy, afraid, uncertain, scared.

And that's just stupid. Why the hell shouldn't I say what I'm thinking? Be honest and open?

Hmmm.

I'm tired. I'm pretty sure there's more thoughts in my head somewhere, I just can't seem to find them at the moment :o) *lol* I don't think I've had many coherent, complete thoughts today. I couldn't even tell you what I did at work all day - I must have done something, but damned if I know what. 4 hours sleep on Friday night + working all day yesterday + about 5 hours sleep last night + working today = a very tired little me :-)

I have tomorrow and Tuesday off work. I might blog again sometime soon. I know there's more stuff I've been thinking about that I want to write about, but ... Can't remember it right now. Yup, I'm a smart cookie :-P

Anyway guys, I'm out. Peace, love and laughter :-)

Yummy, yummy ... Fruit salad!

I'm eating fruit salad ... :-) I made it the other night, so I ate it for dinner on Wednesday, dinner last night, and breakfast this morning ... Yum :-)

Not much happening here ... Monday and Tuesday I had off work. Woo hoo! :-) I spent both days running around, getting bills paid, doing errands, catching up with friends. It was nice :-) Went back to work on Wednesday. Today will be a long day, was meant to be doing 9 - 4, but now I'm doing 9 - 7, because Sylvia called in sick and we have no-one to replace her :-( When I finish work I've got to come home, grab my stuff and head to Ang's to babysit my gorgeous little godson, Ryan! :-) I'll be sitting down with the little man to watch the football tonight ... GO PIES!

You know what's really sad? I just spent 10 minutes, sitting here, trying to think of something to say. And I've got nothin. At all. How sad is that?!!

Anyway, guys, I might take off ... Better get going to work :-) I'm out. Have a great day!

I got a girl fired today.
She totally deserved it.
She created more work than she did, was always late, disrespectful and rude to customers.
But I still feel guilty.

Sorry, Maria.
:-(

Pies won last night.
I've heard it was a good game ...
Four cruisers and I fell asleep. (Work made me tired!)
Missed most of the second quarter, all of the third, and woke up with 4 minutes to go in the last.
What a finish! What a way to end the game!
GO PIES!

I don't know why I'm writing like this.
But I am.

I'm eating marshmallows.
Yummy.

I've got no other news.
I'm boring.
Working tomorrow.
Doing nothing tonight.
Tired ...
And I still feel guilty.

Sorry, Maria.

September 13 / Six years

Damn, girl.

How the hell has it been 6 years without you?

It seems so unbelievable that it's been six long years without your wicked sense of humour or your smile.

It feels like it was just yesterday when I ran into you, and told you that I couldn't stop, had to hurry, had to get to work, couldn't talk, and I'd see you when you got back.

So much has happened in the six years since you left us - how could the world go on when you're not here? How is that fair? It's not right, Mel. It's not fair!

I think of you often, always smiling, usually at something stupid! Every time I hear one of "your" songs, I turn it right up, and sing out loud. Bet you can hear me up there when I'm singing, can't ya?!

God, I miss you Mel. I miss you so much.

Six years, but I'm still missing you as much as that god-awful day when you left us.
Six years, but I can still remember every detail of that day.
Six years, and I hate that I'm still counting.
Six years, and I still wonder what could-have been, and I still think about what should-have been.
Six years, and I still think about you coming back to us, Mel.
Six years, how are we going to make it to seven? Help us keep going, Mel.

There is a Scheduled Blogger Outage at 11PM PDT ... What the?!

When is that Australian time?

I feel like crying. I don't know why. I think I've cried more in the last 6 months than I've cried in the 23 years of my life.

I think it's just the uncertainty of everything at the moment. Dad - what's going to happen there? What's he going to do? How are mum and dad going to manage? There's a meeting tomorrow, maybe some things will get resolved then.

I hated seeing my dad so quiet, so lost. I didn't know what to do, what to say. That's not Brian - he's not a quiet sort of person. He's so worried, it makes me want to cry. I want to fix it. I want everything ok. I know how hard he and mum worked to get to where they are now. We lived in a housing commission house when I was a kid. Never had a lot of money. But they worked their arses off to make sure we had everything we needed, and saved until they finally brought their own house. And everything that's been done to our house, dad's done it (sometimes with mums help:-)). Tiling in the kitchen? Dad. All new concrete in the driveway and out the back? Dad. Whole house painted? Dad. Garden totally re-done? Dad. They have worked so hard. And now ... I don't know. I know they won't lose the house. There's not much chance of that - they're so far in front with home-loan repayments. Every single time they've had a bit of extra money, it's gone straight off the house. But I'm just ... I don't know. Still worried, anyway, I guess.

I'm so tired. I need to find a chiropractor. I'm not tired because I'm not sleeping, I'm tired because my back and neck are out.

Amanda's gone to visit a friend at the moment, and Amber is having a nap at the moment. Thank god! She was starting to get waaay tired and cranky. I think I might go have a lay down on the couch while the house is quiet :-) I told Amanda to go out for a while, as she was almost as cranky as Amber!! *lol* Anyway, I'm going to take off. Peace out, guys.

... Eh ...

Eh ... I'm not really happy today. I'm not sure why ...

But wow, how lucky are you guys! Two entries full of intelligence, witty remarks and humour in one day! Ok ... Two entries where I blather on about bugger all is more like it.

Amber is testing the limits this afternoon ... It's hilarious, and also incredibly annoying at the same time as she's throwing tantrums every 10 minutes! Sadly, this is not an exaggeration ...

Dad took my car down to the mechanic this morning to do the tune-up thing and have new points and plugs put in ... And the mechanic didn't need to do a thing! He told dad that there's nothing wrong with the car, it doesn't need plugs or points. I also gave dad money to get a new battery, because the last time it was replaced was 2000, and we figured might as well replace it now instead of waiting for it to die. Andrew (the mechanic) tested the battery though, and it's perfect, so there's no reason at all to change it right now.

Don't know why I'm feeling a bit "Eh" at the moment ... Think it's just because mum and dad are so worried about what's happening with dad. He has a meeting in Bendigo on Wednesday, there's no hope of getting his job back, but they are hoping to get a redundancy package. They're so worried about how to manage on only mum's income, when they've got the house loan and the car loan. The car loan dad just took out a few weeks ago to buy a new ute for work ... Oh, god ... :-S Hopefully dad gets offered a package that's big enough to cover the car loan and the house loan, or even just most of it, so they won't have such stress on their shoulders.

I was going to head home with Amanda and Amber this afternoon, but with Amber being a tempremental little darling (:-P), I think I'll leave it until tomorrow morning. Amanda and Amber aren't going back to Melbourne until Wednesday, and I don't go back to work until Wednesday either, so I don't have to hurry back. Plus, I think it's a better idea to leave in the morning when Amber's not tired or grumpy!

I'm still confused ... About many things ... But I can't get un-confused ... No matter how much I try ...

Anyway, I think I might go watch some Golden Girls and do nothing for the rest of the afternoon :-) Sometime today or tomorrow I'll try to post some pics of my gorgeous niece ... Probably won't take photos of her right now, as she's throwing a little tanty!
Peace out, guys.

It's Monday!

I wake up this morning to find Amber in the spare room, talking at me:

Amber: Nan's in the wash. Nan's in the wash.
Me: Huh?

(I walked out to realise that mum was actually in the wash - she was in the shower!)

Not much news from here.
COLLINGWOOD WON ON SATURDAY NIGHT! KICKED SOME SYDNEY ARSE!
I watched the game. Remember most of it :-) I was verrrry happy when I went to bed - may have been the win, may have been the pizza and cruisers!

Worked yesterday then drove to Kerang. Didn't leave until 5:30 so it was dark before I'd even made it half-way home. Second half of the drive was crappy, because it kept raining, and my windscreen was sooo dirty I could barely see.

This morning, dad is taking my car down to get a tune-up and new points, or something ... ??!! I just handed over the money. He's also going to get a new battery put in, since it's been 7 years since the battery was put in.

Work is going ok. Tony and Ralph came up from Melbourne yesterday for a meeting with Heather - it's not going as easily as we hoped. We found out last week that there are rumours being spread about us (the cafe) around the centre - things about the food we're serving, the cleanliness of the place, the way the kitchen is run. There's also a woman from a store who's pissed that we won't give her free drinks, so she's telling people that she's glad we're not doing well, and we should fail because we are all bitches and we deserve to.

:-(

Not good :-(

We've made a plan though - getting good gossip out there about us via one of the teenage girls who works in the cafe - she's a lovely girl, but she's got a mouth on her :-) And she knows everyone in the centre, because she's been at the cafe for a year! We're also offering $2 coffees to the staff members from the centre, to try and get them to try us. Everything else they buy will get a 10% discount - juices, gelati, wraps, rolls, etc.

Hopefully that helps. Heather, Tony and Ralph, along with Nick, the owner of the centre, are going to hold a meeting with all the managers from the stores, to find out what everyone's problem is, and what can be done to improve things.

Anyway, there's not much other news from here. I was in bed at 9 last night, and I was so tired I pretty much died straight away! :-) Was up at 6:45 after the kiddo woke me. I don't think she was talking to me - she was talking at me. She just talks, regardless of whether or not you listen :-)

Ok, I'm out. Peace, love and laughter guys! :-)

Nearly time to toddle off to work for another day ... :-)

Next Thursday, it will 6 years to the day that Mel died. I hate September 13th. The year she died, September 13th was a Thursday too.

I'm just thinkin random stuff this morning!

Dad lost his job on Tuesday. That's a bit of a bummer. The union is trying to see if they can do anything to help him. They're blaming the new I.R. laws - I'm not so sure. Part of it will be because of the new laws, but the union has an agenda to push as well - making people believe the laws are bad. It's all political ...

The birdies are good. They have no one to talk to all day, since the house is quiet, so when I get home, they go friggin nuts for about 4 hours! It's funny as.

I should probably think about heading to work, but I'm not really in any big hurry this morning ... I'm always there way early, so I'm just going to take my time this morning. I really did not to get out of bed this morning! My alarm was set for 6:30, it was 7:15 before I dragged myself outta bed!

My darling little niece is going to be very much like her mother ... In personality and temprement, I think! She's a crack up! And the girl knows how to throw a tantrum! Most of the time she's pretty good - she keeps herself entertained. She's such a busy little bee, always on the way to doing something, or getting something that she has to have! It's so funny to watch her, she just doesn't stop! She doesn't really get into mischief - she knows if something is wrong and she generally don't do it. She just keeps herself occupied.

Ok, I'm going to take off. Peace out guys. I'll leave you with an Amber quote today:

(On Tuesday, I took Amanda and Amber to mum and dad's. We were out the back, and I was throwing the ball for Sherlock (also known as "Puppy" to Amber) to bring back to me. Sherlock decided he wanted to run around with the ball, so Amber started to chase him)

Amber: Puppy! GIVE IT BACK! GIVE IT BACK! Puppppppy!!!!!! Give it!!!!!

I'm so confused, and I just don't know what to do.

This is just going to be a 'getting-it-out' entry. I don't care what anyone thinks. Maybe you'll know what I'm talking about, maybe you won't. Either way, this is an entry for me, you know?

Do you think that this ever has a chance of going anywhere? Ever? Is there any possibility that something might happen in the future?

We only see what we want to see ... Sometimes it leads to happiness, sometimes it leads to sadness and disappointment. It sucks, but that's life.

You can never really know what someone else is thinking.

Hell, right now I don't even know what I'm thinking. So friggin confused, I just don't know ...

Part of me says ... I'd miss the friendship so much ... So very, very much ... But another part says it would be hard ... The constant wanting of something that I can't have ... Because what if it just got worse, and I wanted more?

It is easier to walk away, try to save from the hurt that might happen? Or should I just leave it, try to make the best of it?



I don't know.

Did you make it to the milky way to see the lights are faded

And that Heaven is overrated?

Tell me, did you fall for a shooting star

One without a permanent scar

And did you miss me while you were looking for yourself out there?

Train. Drops of Jupiter. In case you were interested :-)

Did you miss me while you were looking for yourself out there?

This song always reminds me of my sister. I don't know why. There were months, horrible months, where we didn't know where she was. If she was ok. If she was alive. She'd disappear, and we'd be left trying, trying, trying to find out something, anything.

Thank god she finally grew up, hey? I don't think I could take it again :-)

*lol* This isn't actually what I intended to write about tonight :-P But I was listening to that song on my MP3 player as the page loaded, and got distracted :-) That happens a lot ... Ooh, something pretty, brb ... *lol*

Work is good. Worked 9 - 5 today. Well, it was meant to be 5, just finished way late :-) Tomorrow I'm doing 10 -4, and then I get two days off. Two glorious, wonderful, relaxing, peaceful ... What's that? My sister and niece are coming to visit on Monday morning?

Guess the days off won't be peaceful or relaxing ... :-P *lmao* Amanda and Amber are planning on lobbing on my doorstep sometime on Monday morning. Late Tuesday they're going to mum and dad's for a few days. It'll probably be the last time I catch up with Amanda (who's now almost 7 months pregnant) before she has the baby, since I'll be working full time for at least the next 8 weeks, and she won't be up for travelling much longer. Not when travelling involves a big belly and a very, very active (and tempremental!) 2-and-a-bit year old. Yes, that's right, my gorgeous little angel of a niece has started to throw some lovely little temper tantrums, basically ... whenever she feels like it! :-) ... Uh, what happened to my peaceful days off? Did I just see them fly out the window?

Anyway ... It's 8:33 on a Saturday night, and I'm ready for bed. How sad is that?! *gasp* Does this mean I'm ... Old?! Say it aint so! Ok, I'm out guys. Be good :-)

P.S. Gorgeous little Lillie Boyte, who I've often written about, lost her battle with neuroblastoma this week. If you've got a spare minute, drop by and leave a message for her family in her guestbook. I'm sure it would mean a lot to her family at this crappy time. www.caringbridge.org/visit/lillieboyte. R.I.P. Lillie - now dancing in the Heavens with Hannah!