I am broken

I am broken.

I have felt broken for a long time now.

I don't know how to fix this. I don't know how to find that girl I used to be.

I don't know how to be un-broken.

*****

Tomorrow, I go back to work.

I have had two weeks off following surgery. It was much-needed, and I hope that it will help me feel better and have more energy.

I want to cry at the thought of having to go back to work tomorrow.

I want to put my head down and cry until there are no tears left in me.

I can't handle the thought of having to go back to that place, every day.

It's not that I dislike the people - but the others there fight among themselves, and I get caught in the middle.

It's exhausting. It's fucking exhausting.

I can't do it every day. It's making me miserable.

I feel physically sick at the thought of having to go back there tomorrow.

I've been looking for other jobs. I've gotten to the final stages three different times then missed out every time.

It's crushing.

But staying is not an option.

So I'll pick myself up, dust myself off and try again.

*****

I need to make some changes.

I need to make a plan.

I need to find myself again.

Find some happiness.

Something. Anything.