Here's to the tears you knew you'd cry

Here's to goodbye

Tomorrow's gonna come too soon.

...

Not long now.

Title-less, again. Oh no, there's one.

Tonight ...

Exhausted. Went to water aerobics ...

Feeling guilty ... For wishing that things were different, for wishing it was over already, knowing that I'm wishing days away that I'll never get back ...

Ready for summer ...

When you die, only your friends and family will know.

They won't write it in the newspaper. You never did anything amazing or special.

When you die, the world will keep turning.

The sun will set, the moon will still light up at night.

When you die, there will be no more pain.

Those who love you won't have to watch any longer as life, love and laughter fade from your eyes, bit by bit

When you die, I will miss you more than words can say.

The truth is, I am already missing you. Because although your body is still here with us, although you continue to fight, you have already left us.

When you die, my heart will be broken.

When you die, how am I going to manage?


I love you, Aunty E. Please don't leave me. Please don't leave us.

Perhaps they are not stars, but rather openings in heaven where the love of our lost ones pours through and shines down upon us to let us know that they are happy.

-Eskimo Probverb

Race 7, Number 7 ...

Ahh, the weather. Whatchya gonna do with it?

A couple of days ago it was stinking hot ... And now, in the last 24 hours, we've had over 50mm (2 freaking inches!!) of rain ... And it's still going.

Went out tonight, it was awesome fun.

I know I have more to write, but I can't think of it for the life of me :-) So I think it might be time to have a shower and head to bed ... Oh, I have such a glamourous life ...

Smurf-tastic!

Brought Smurf pyjama pants today.

Awesome day.

Need I say more?

Snapshots from work today:

T: I think I'm running a fever.
M: yeah? Where are you running it to?
T: the nearest pub. See you suckers later.

Sometimes all I do at work is laugh all day. Today was one of those days.

I need good thoughts tonight, people. Please.

So, I had every intention of a nice long update tonight, to be written after a nice cool shower.

It's so hot here.

Anyway, it's not going to happen. Roxy the wonder puppy is not well, so we're off to the vets now. I need good thoughts that it's just something simple, please. My poor puppy is not herself, very unsteady on her feet and just generally feeling crappy. Please god, let it be something simple.

Edit: the vet thinks doggy gastro. Whatever it was, she is much better today. Yay!

I got nothin'.

But I didn't want to miss out on a day of Na-Blo-Po-Mo (I think I finally got the name right). Even though technically I missed a lot of days since I started late.

Going to take a tablet and get some sleeeeep. Maybe I'll have something to write about tomorrow.

Goodnight :-)

499

Got 5 hours sleep last night.

WOO-friggin-HOO.

Also, I'm planning my trip to QLD. Yay! Thinking of Feb next year.

That's about all I've got.

Very ordinary for my 499th post. I'll try harder tomorrow.

Glee is on. Gotta go.

What a feeling.

So, I caved.

Didn't go to work again today (got approximately two hours sleep again last night ... Ugh) and instead went to the Primary Care Clinic. Boy, was that fun. The doctor seemed to find it funny that I was pretty much zombie-like, and kept talking about the effects of steroids. Um, hello, I am well aware of the effects of steroids ... I am taking them.

He also gave me a look, and his eyebrows raised so high that they nearly shot off his head when he took my blood pressure. It's high, apparently. Ehh. I've got bigger problems to worry about, buddy.

But he did give me some sleeping tablets, so hopefully I can take them for the next week and a bit then go back to my regularly scheduled sleeping pattern (8 hours a night, thank you very much).

I also had the freakiest moment while driving home from the doctors, which showed me that maybe I shouldn't have been driving. I pulled in to get petrol, put the car in park, turned it off ... And looked up and thought that the car was moving. It freaked me the fuck out. It felt like the car was moving, even though I knew it wasn't. I could see it creeping forward though. It was bizzare. So instead of getting petrol, I turned the car back on and drove straight home. Dude.

Anyway, I must go do something. I'm not sure what, exactly, because as soon as a thought enters my head today, it immediately turns tail and leaves so I can't remember shit. Ahh, this is just So. Much. Fun.

Always learning ...

Things i'm learning about steroids:
- they cause insomnia. In a big way. You'd think at some point that I'm going to crash because I am so fricking tired, but nope, hasn't happened yet
- I want to eat everything in sight. Think I can tick the weight gain side effect too. I've had two big servings of Tuscan meatballs and popcorn as well as two bowls of fruit salad and about 4 rows of kit kat chocolate. I must STOP EATING.
- I'm also drinking like we're going to run out of water any second. Good god, I must stop drinking too.

Going to bed to stare at the ceiling for a few hours. Then I'll probably get up and eat again. Only a week and a half left ...

I'll deny this tomorrow ...

I don't say this often ... Hardly ever in fact, but tonight ... I don't want to be sleeping alone. I just want someone to hold me.

495.

This tablets are seriously the best/worst thing to happen.
Best, because they have really helped with the hayfever.
Worst, because again last night, I couldn't frickin sleep.

So, I called in sick to work today. I was friggin exhausted. Less than three hours sleep for the third night in a row has really caught up with me.

Might have to go to the doctor to see about some sleeping tablets. I've only got another week and a half left on these tablets, but dont know if I'll make it.

I did get a couple of hours sleep over lunch today. It helped, a bit. Now I'm back to headachey and tired. Maybe I'll crash tonight and sleeeeep all night. Wouldn't that be nice.

I don't really have much of interest to say. I was doing some reading before, but concentrating is hard, man. Really hard!

Maybe I'll go watch some Glee on itunes. Yeah, I think that's what I'll do.

I'm out!

People thought I went on vacation but I really spent the summer lost in the sewers.

Man, I love Glee. Some of the funniest, wittiest and most sarcastic lines I've heard in a long time.

JUST hayfever?

So, these tablets are really knocking me around a bit ... I only slept for a couple of hours again last night. I'd stop taking them, but apparently thats a terrible idea and you should always taper off these tablets ... And ... The suckers actually seem to be working! Unbelieveable! It's not getting rid of all my symptoms, but even after only three days there has been a big improvment. With all the time and money that I've spent on freaking hayfever, and a few days of tablets is helping! So I guess insomnia is a pretty minor side effect when I think about how crappy the hayfever has been making me feel.
By the way, if one more person says to me "JUST hayfever?" or "ONLY hayfever?" you'll see me on the news, being arrested for bitch slapping that person into next year. I get that hayfever doesn't really seem that bad ... Until you have it all year round, so badly that its hard to handle every day living. Its not fun going through an entire box of tissues every day. It sucks having a throat that feels like its red raw and on fire every single moment of the day. Its awful having itchy, red eyes that make it look like I've just spent three hours crying when really all I did was just walked outside. The fuzzy head, complete tiredness and exhaustation also gets old fast.
Anyway. I might go crash on the bed. I really really hope that I get some sleep tonight.

What I wouldn't give to see your face again ...

Tonight, the silence is killing me ...

Money, Money, Money.

So, I took my car home to dad today, so he could change the oil and filters. He took one look underneath and said "there's something really wrong here". Crap. He then took it to the mechanic who said that yes, there was indeed something wrong and it needed to be fixed before I drove it all the way back home. Unfortunately, the mechanic can't fix it until next week. Double crap. So I borrowed mums car, left my little Laser behind and motored on home.
Goodbye, approximately $500. UGH.
Not a great day!

Still awake.

Might have a kit kat.

Day ... Something or other. Yeah, that day.

Started new tablets for hayfever today. Predsomethingolone? I think one of the side effects might be insomnia. Just a hunch sine it's 1:30 am and I can't sleep. Usually I don't have any problems getting to sleep unless there's something freaking me out or worrying me. Wonder if Im just swapping one problem for another??
Man, I love textbooks. I'm right back into studying at the moment. I don't know why, but man I love me some textbooks.
I had something else I was going to write, but I'm buggered if I can remember what it was.
Ok, going back to bed .... Hopefully this time I won't stare at the ceiling for two and a half hours :-)
goodnight, Internet peeps!

That blogging thing ...

So, apparently there's some No-Mo-Blo-Po-Go-Hoho (??!) thing happening that everyone's all atwitter about. I think the gist is that you blog every day for November. Clearly, I've already failed since we're half way through the month and this is only my third entry. But I figure, what the hell, might give it a go for the rest of the month.

This entry won't be a long one though. I'm friggin buggered! I've started going to water aerobics at the gym, three times a week. On Monday and Wednesday nights, I do two classes back to back, and on Fridays I do a class in the morning and then do some laps. I haven't been in a couple of weeks, so tonight reallly took it out of me! But it is heaps of fun, and it doesn't matter that you look like some kind of lunatic while you jump around like a mexican jumping bean, because everyone else is too!

Another reason I'm buggered tonight is because I didn't want to go to sleep last night. I know it's totally irrational, but for some reason last night I was terrified that my aunty was going to die. When I finally did get to sleep, I woke up three times after having the most awful nightmares. All in all, a crappy night.

Anyway, I better go get myself some dinner and hit the hay. Adios, amigos! (Did I spell that right?!)

Blast from the past ...

Anyone remember this?!

I still miss that Mazda. Not just a car!

R.I.P. Gibbsy.

Loose change ...

So, there's a lot of stuff just rumbling around in my head at the moment, so I'm going to do a totally disjointed, all over the place post to get everything out and hopefully all will be right in the world once again ...

My aunty (the one with cancer) ... We found out a few days ago that the cancer has spread. It's now in her spine and her bones. The doctors have given her 8 weeks, if she's lucky. How is it fair that someone's life expectency can be measured in weeks? Weeks. It just seems so unreal to me. And how can it be Aunty E?? She's always been so full of life and laughter. It is just ... unbelievable. I won't be able to ring her when the Pies have a great win. I just ... I can't comprehend that she's really not going to win this. She can't beat this. How is that right??

So, work has been fun lately. *lol* ... Well, not really. I missed a meeting a few weeks ago because I had to take my puppy to the vet, and one of the guys got really pissed off and started treating me like I didn't even exist. Seriously, I was talking to him and he wasn't even acknowledging me. After a couple of weeks of this, I ended up going to the big boss, which was a huge step for me. I'm the most non-confrontational person on the planet, and I will avoid upsetting people at all costs, even if it means letting them walk all over me. But I'm glad I did it. It's shown me that I don't have to put up with being treated like crap. And it's made things a little awkward for a while, but i think things are finally settling down. I like being at work again. It's fun.

My dad had his 60th birthday last month. It was a big party, and although it was a disaster-a-day leading up to it (think I'm kiddiing? My uncle had a stroke. My brothers housemate died the day before the party. My sisters kid ended up in hospital. The day before we got a months rain in one day. Need I go on? Coz I've got more!), the actual party was awesome. I wrote a few months ago about my dad getting back into contact with his other two daughters after almost 30 years. I have two sisters that I'd never met. Well, now I only have one sister that I've never met. One managed to make it down (from QLD) for dad's party. It was amazing to meet her, and her two beautiful kids. She's such a great person. Since she's gone home, we've been keeping in contact by writing letters. She's eager for me to go up there for a holiday, which I can't wait to do! Especially since my other sister (the one that I still haven't met) also lives right near the sister that I have met. I'm so happy that it's all turned out so well.

Uni starts back in a couple of weeks. ARGH! *lol* I'm also doing some course thing through work, and that also starts in a couple of weeks. I don't know how I'm going to go trying to find the time to get everything done. Especially since I'm working more and more hours. Sometimes I feel like I'm never going to finish uni, like I'm never going to get to where I want to go. And what scares the crap out of me is the fact that maybe one day I'll get so used to the idea of not getting where I want to that I'll just settle. I don't want to settle, but I feel like it's taking so long that is it really all going to be worth it? ... Hmm. I don't know. Maybe I'm just looking for an easy way out. Maybe I'm just thinking too much :-)

I'm watching Offspring at the moment. This show really makes me laugh.

What else is on my mind ....

Well, there's not much else on my mind, to be honest. *lol*

Might be time to go do some brooking of myself, and then some sleeeeping :-)