Sorry about the language ...

Hi.

What's up?

I don't really have much to say.

I'm in a foul mood. I'm not really sure why.

Partly because I feel like crap. I've got the headache from hell. And I spent most of last night struggling to breathe. Don't know what's going on there.

I was almost late to work this morning. I was still awake at 5 a.m., so I got up and put my heater on, figuring that by the time I got up for work at 8, the house would be nice and toasty. I remember looking at the clock at 7:30 ... and THEN I must have fallen asleep. (I had all freaking night to sleep. I couldn't do it then?) I woke up and it was 9:10. I had to be at work at 10. It's been taking me like 25 - 30 minutes to drive to work, because all of a sudden they want to fix every freaking road in Bendigo, and there are three lots of roadworks on my way to work. But anyway, I made it.

Work was ok. I got home at 3:30, and pretty much went straight to bed. Got woken at 7 by my phone ringing. Took me a while to wake up and realise what it was. It was my sister, ringing to say hi. I think she guessed that I wasn't in the best mood, as we only spoke for about 15 minutes. Usually my sister will crap on for an hour or more. I would say talk, but she doesn't really talk. I love her, but she just craps on about not much at all. An average conversation with my sister lasts about 60 - 80 minutes. That's why I never ring unless I know I have at least an hour spare. Usually she'll tell me the same story at least three times in any conversation. She figured out that I'd just woken up, because I couldn't really think clearly enough to form words, so I didn't have much to say.

Anyway. I'm still pretty fucked, I don't know if I'm coming down with something or what, but I'm exhausted, so I think I might head back to bed. I was going to get something to eat, but I ate half a chocolate bunny before, so fuck it, I'm going to call that dinner and be done with it.

AFL - Round Two

Brisbane Lions:

Eat dirt and die, you cheating-faking-for-frees-scum-sucking-stupid-idiot-heads.

_________________________________________________________
Umpires:

Geez. I don't usually criticize you people, but fuck me. You got it WAY wrong tonight.

Get some impartiality. Could you have been any more obvious in the fact that you were FOR Brisbane winning tonight?

________________________________________________________

I can't believe we lost by TWO POINTS.

TWO-FREAKING-POINTS.

Would you believe me if I said I'm tired of this ...

It's been ... an interesting few days.

Bear with me here, as my thoughts are really all over the place.

I'm not sure if I've blogged about this yet, (and I'm too damn lazy to look ... Give me a break, it's late) but my brother, otherwise known on this blog as the f***wit, has decided to move his family to Alice Springs.

Alice Springs.

The middle of the freaking country, thousands of kilometres from us.

I don't care that he's gone. Good riddance to him.

All I care about is my nephew. My little man.

I went home to mum and dads on Sunday, as I didn't end up working. I surprised them for Easter. On Sunday night, mum rang my brothers girlfriend, to say Happy Easter and whatnot. I could honestly barely bring myself to speak to her.

In the past, I have done everything I could to help her, and my little man. I've been there for them. When all the stuff with the f***wit happened last year, I went and stayed with them for a week. They've been to stay with me. I've done all I could. Money. An ear to listen. A shoulder to cry on. Someone to help clean the house. A friend. I don't know what more I could do. And still, she went back to the f***wit.

Knowing full well what he was, what he'd done to their son, how he'd hurt my little man, how he'd hurt her, how he'd torn our family apart.

She went back to him.

And now, she's allowing him to move them to the middle of the goddamn country.

It just ... Defies common sense.

Moving thousands of kilometres away from your support system? Where you know no-one, and no-one knows you?

I've been doing some research in the last couple of days. Australia doesn't have a nation-wide child protection service. Each state/territory has it's own Department of Human Services/Department of Children Services, but there's nothing nation wide. If an abused child is moved from one state to another, unless someone does some searching and looks into it, that child will fall between the cracks in the system. How much does that suck? How many children are out there, falling through the cracks, continuing to be abused, because mum and dad packed up and moved because the Department of Human Services was onto them?

It's hard enough, knowing that they are a couple of hours away in Melbourne, not being able to be there, constantly watching, making sure everything is ok. It's always at the back of my mind ... What's going on? Is Jordyn ok? Has the f***wit hit him today? Is he getting enough to eat? Is my little man happy?

I don't understand why she's doing this. What part of her could possibly think that this is a GOOD idea?

It seems really obvious that her number one priority is not my little man. If she had his best interests at heart, if he was number one in her life, she would not be doing this. It is not the best thing for him.

Here we go again, one more time ...

So, I signed into blogger, and clicked on "New Post" ...

But I can't remember what I wanted to post about.

Oh well.

Before, I was looking at all my old high school yearbooks.

Mel was there, looking so young. It broke my heart. She'd already lived most of the years she had on earth. How is that fair?

Miss you, Mel.

Always.

Baby Smurf and Bug Eyes (A.K.A. My nieces)

Six Words

Challenge: Write your life in six words ... (I've had a few goes at this ...)

No plan. No dream. Still looking ...

Trying so hard, not getting there ...

Watching, waiting, hoping ... For the unknown.

Wondering who I am, still discovering.

Laughter always ... Even when it's dark.

Not yet happy ... Or complete.

Pity party/Rant over ... :-)

Today, I am not so tired ... :-)

I worked for two hours today. It was meant to be five, but I was feeling like crap, so I got sent home early. A few hours in bed, and I'm feeling much better. I do have tomorrow off work as well. I told my boss I wouldn't need it, I'd be fine by tomorrow, but she insisted. I haven't said a lot to her lately about how bad my back has been - because it's been so hot I've been unable to walk, and that's really made things worse - and I think she's feeling guilty. Which is ridiculous, it was my choice not to say anything, she's got enough to worry about. I think we'll be sitting down for another serious chat sometime in the next few days.

*

Onto other things ...
Saturday night, I defrosted my freezer. Usually my freezer is pretty full, but I've been using everything in there to empty it, defrost it and then restock it. I did find some crumpets that I know have been there since the START of last year! There wasn't much else left. So, anyway, this morning I had to go shopping. I expected to spend about $150 to fill the freezer, and my fridge. That usually does me for about 3 - 4 weeks, with plenty left in the freezer. However, that was not what happened today. Wanna know what I actually spent?

Two hundred and fifty eight dollars and twenty one cents.

Yep. $258.21

I live alone. That is food for ONE person! I won't have to shop for about a month and a half though, so I guess it's not too bad. I also stocked up on rabbit food, and got a 5 kilo thing of birdseed. I got enough cleaning stuff for a month and a half, and I even got me some hot cross buns!

*

It's been 172 days since ...
Tomorrow ...
Know what I'm talking about?
FOOTY COMES BACK TOMORROW!
It's been 172 days since Geelong and Port played the last game of the season.
Tomorrow, the 2008 season starts with those silly Blues playing Richmond, and Geelong playing Port. The Pies play Freo on Saturday to start of their year ...

GO PIES!

*

I went to Echuca yesterday, to see the MM. It didn't hurt as much as last time, and while I am sore today, I'm not as sore as I was last time. So I guess my back is improving, even though it doesn't feel like it some days. I had a good time over there, did some shopping, got a couple of presents for some friends - which of course I won't give them yet *ahem* - made it to my appointment 15 minutes early ... Only to realise I'd forgotten to go to an ATM to get some money out. The MM doesn't have EFTPOS, so I had to jump into my car and go looking for an ATM. I had 15 minutes, I wasn't that far from the city centre, all I had to do was grab some money and get back to the MM in 15 minutes. Easy, huh?

I got lost.

And it wasn't a little bit lost. I took a wrong turn, ended up in some kind of maze of streets (could only turn one way at each corner), and couldn't find my way out onto the main road.

By the time I made it back for my appointment I was almost 25 minutes late. Luckily, the MM was running late as well, so I didn't cause any problems. Next time I'll be making sure I have money in my bag before I leave Bendigo.

*

Anyway, I better get going. Oh, if you want a laugh, check out this post over at Overflowing Brain. It's pretty cool. And I love the way Katie talks about an "occupation"! I've also been reading http://www.iprettymuchhateeverything.com/ because that's damn funny (and sometimes heartbreaking!) as well. Ok, well I'm out. Peace, love and laughter.

Tonight, I am tired.

I am tired of the constant, always-frigging-there back pain.

I am tired of the unending headaches.

I am tired of trying something new, getting my hopes up, only to realise that it's not working, nothing is working, why the hell isn't something working?

I am tired of taking painkillers to get through every single day.

I am tired of getting home from 4 hours at work, utterly exhausted, feeling like I've worked 9 hours.

I am tired of feeling old. I am 24.

I am tired of being tired, all the time. I'm always tired. Even after a full nights sleep, I'm still so tired.

I am tired of the nerve pain in my legs, arms, and neck.

Tonight, I am tired.

Hot enough for ya?

Like everyone else in this great state, I have become obsessed with weather. 40 times a day I hear variations of "How's the weather!"/"Hot enough for you?!"/"I thought summer was finished!" We are still in the middle of a heatwave, but it's meant to cool down by Wednesday. My god, I hope it does! For the last 5 days we've had temps of at least 37. Friday we hit 40. Please make it stop!

I've been working in the cafe for the last few days - I've been doing 4 hour shifts daily since Thursday. It's been good, fairly busy, which has meant I've picked up most things in only a few days. It's HOT in the kitchen though, as we have no airconditioning. It's been at least 39 degrees in the kitchen of the cafe every afternoon since Thursday. Yesterday I finished work and it was actually cooler outside than in the cafe - 38 outside, 41 in the cafe kitchen!

Because it's been so hot, I've been picking up Christine's dog when I finish work, and bringing him back to my place, since she's been working afternoon/evening shifts. In three nights he managed to pee on my vacuum cleaner, destroy my sunglasses, rip a hole in my doona cover, eat a Tupperware container, and rip apart a book. Good work, Destructo!

Anyway. I've got some more I want to write, but I can't really be stuffed, so I might take off and do it another time. Peace out, guys.

Meme # ... Umm, I forget.

Rules:

1) You must post the rules on your post before you answer the questions.

2) You need to list one fact about yourself using each letter of your middle name. If you don’t have a middle name use your maiden name instead.


M - Margaret - My middle name. I hate it. It's the same as my mum's, and I get the family thing ... But I still hate it.

A - Art. I love art. I can't draw for shit, but I love looking at art on the internet/in books. I love going to Melbourne and seeing the graffiti. I like big, bold and bright.

R - Reading. I'm always reading something - whether it's something that I've never read before, or a book from my bookcase that I've read a dozen times.

G - Good-humoured. Most of the time I can find something to laugh about, no matter what the situation.

A - Anxiety. Sometimes I'll wake up in the middle of the night, so worried and filled with anxiety that I can't breathe, and I have to force myself to calm down.

R - Real. I now refuse to hide my emotions. What you see is what I feel. I refuse to pretend in case I upset someone else.

E - Exhausted. I love getting into bed, utterly exhausted. It means I'll sleep all night.

T - Time. I often lose track of time when I'm reading or playing the flute, or just hanging with friends.

Unless the lonely star should fall ...

I'm sick of summer.

It's MARCH, and we're in the middle of a heatwave here in Country Vic. For the last week, I think the coolest day we've had is about 34 degrees. And it's going to continue. By Thursday we'll be back up to 39 apparently. Oh, the fun.

Today I'm driving up to mum and dads to see mum for her birthday, and it's meant to get to 38 there. Something tells me I'll be leaving early and getting home early. And I'll be putting the split system on before I leave so I get home to a nice, cool house. Can I just say, I freaking LOVE that thing! It works sooo well, the other night it was 35 degrees outside, and I had to go for a walk because it was TOO COLD in my house! Hahaha. How great is that!

Um ... What else has been going on. Well, the kiosk is closed. We are moving into a new shop, but that's going to take a while. I don't even know how long, exactly. I don't think my boss even knows. In the meantime, I have a few hours in the cafe this week, because until we move into the shop, my boss is keeping the cafe. It's not many (I think I have like two three hour shifts) but it's better than nothing. In the meantime, I'm still looking for something else, because I can't live on only a few hours a week. Especially since it could take months to get all this stuff sorted out.

So, I've been enjoying a few days off. I was meant to have Sunday off, but had to work because Ash was sick. I had Monday off, but ended up going in for a while, because I knew my boss was finishing the kiosk pack up. It was friggin hot on Monday, and I figured if I went out to help we'd get it done faster. I ended up staying a couple of hours, and I came home with two pineapples, a garbage bag filled with apples, a bag of oranges, and a few containers of icecream. All stuff that from the kiosk that we won't use in the cafe. I spent Monday afternoon juicing the oranges, apples and pineapples. Fresh juice is freaking delicious.

Today I haven't done much. I got up early and walked over to Chrissie's, and hitched a ride home when she went to Coles because it was too hot to walk home. I slept all afternoon. Then I got up, and walked over to Chrissie's again, and this time I actually walked home. It was 8:30 when I walked through the city on my way home, and it was cooling down nicely (it was down to 29 degrees). Got home, cooked myself a delicious dinner of honey soy chicken and rice, ate two bites, and ... Spilt the rest all over my lounge room floor. Man, was I pissed. So then I did a bit of cleaning, let Buckley out of his cage and hung out with him, chilling on my bed. Nice and relaxing.

And right now, it's 1:35 a.m. and I can't sleep. Maybe because I slept all afternoon?!

I am starting to get tired though. OH! Before I forget, a BIG CONGRATULATIONS to B and Michael, who got engaged at the Elmore BnS on Saturday night. I so wanted to be there! Congratulations, guys! You both rock.

Anyway, I better take off. Peace out, guys.

Haven't you heard? I'm a supermodel.

It's been a big week.



Let's start with the good stuff.



I have no magnets left on my fridge.
There are potatoes hidden all over my house.
There are tiny fingerprints all over my television cabinet.
My spare room has toys all over the floor.



There's been a kid in my house.



Amanda and Paul (who had been staying at mum and dads) arrived on Wednesday, and headed home to Melbourne on Thursday. I had heaps of fun hanging out with my midget, little Bug Eyes. She's a bit over two and a half now, and she's at a great age. She's so switched on all the time. You have to be careful what you say around her, because she will repeat it! She's such a smart kid. I think Amanda's enrolling her in pre-kinder later this year, I'm sure she'll love every minute of it. Buckley met Amber, he wasn't too impressed, but she loved patting Buckley and chasing him around the bed.



Baby Smurf is Bug Eyes the second! She's so much like Amber as a baby. She has darker hair, but her eyes are the same. She loves to smile, and has just discovered her thumbs. She had great fun (and sometimes great difficulty) getting her thumb into her mouth. She's actually started to suck her thumb as she sleeps at night. It's really cute.



Umm, what else happened this week ...



Well, as my brief post last night said, as of Tuesday I no longer have a job. The kiosk is closing, so I'm unemployed. Today I had to start packing stuff up, it was a bit sadder than I thought it would be. It's not a total suprise, but it doesn't make it any easier. I still don't really know what to think about all this, so I'm just going to move on now...



Christine had to stab me with a needle again the other night. Boy, that was just oodles of fun. Last time, she did it in my arm, into the muscle, and it not only bled for almost 15 minutes, it also bruised really well, and made my arm ache for a few days afterward (whinge, whinge, whinge ...!). This time, she'd talked to a couple of older/senior nurses at work, and researched it on the internet, and found that she could actually do the injection "sub-cut", which (basically) means into the fat on my body. So, she stabbed me in the stomach. It didn't bleed at all, and because it was in the fat on my tummy, I didn't feel it, so I didn't freak out about the feeling of something metal in me (which is what usually makes me panic about needles). The whole thing was over in 10 seconds.

This morning, as I got out of the shower, I noticed a red spot on my stomach. Not huge, about the size of a twenty cent piece. Right above that was a little bruise, where the needle went in. I wasn't too worried, but Christine told me to message her if anything showed up where she gave me the injection. So I did. I wasn't worried - it didn't hurt, I felt fine, and there was nothing wrong with me ... But Christine freaked out a little. She went to the chemist, she rang the hospital and she went looking on the internet. What she found out was that apparently the drug (I'm not sure what it's called - it's something for hayfever/allergies) can kill fat cells if given the sub-cut way - which lead me to go "Hey! I'm gonna be a supermodel! It's gonna kill all my fat!" Then Christine had to spoil my fun and said that next time it'll be given into the muscle again (ouch) and that "You're already a supermodel, the world just doesn't see it!" ... To which I replied ... "What a bunch of BALONEY!" Hahaha.

So, anyway, Christine messaged me about 5 o'clock this afternoon, and I was out so I didn't get the message ... Which led her to panic, thinking that I was at the hospital or something, because of the needle she had given me, when in reality, I'd just gone out to get something to eat and left my phone at home. She turned up just before, had a look at my red spot, agreed with me that it was probably nothing, and calmed down. It's all good.



Anyway, I better get going. I've still got a job to go to(for another couple of days, anyway), and I'm working early tomorrow. I think I might have to work all day, as I've got a feeling Ash (who's got tonsilitis and laryngitis) might call in sick. The poor kid said she was right to work tonight, but I don't know how she'll be feeling tomorrow. She sounds horrible, and you can tell by looking at her that she doesn't feel great. Anyway. I'm out.

So, as of Tuesday, I'm unemployed.

I don't know what I'm going to do.

Bug Eyes and Baby Smurf (A.K.A. My nieces)

I'm at home, at my parents. My sister, her boyfriend and my nieces arrive tonight.

My back is aching, and my head is killing :-(

Anyway, tonight we got pizza for dinner. Two pieces left in the box, and my dad asked if we wanted it. When mum and I both said no ...

Dad: Well, a man's gotta do what a man's gotta do.

So, he ate it.

Hahaha.