Spend all your time waiting

For that second chance

For a break that would make it okay

There's always some reason

To feel not good enough

*****

Feeling a little ... Eh. Blah. Melancholy.

Been doing a lot of thinking. Dangerous, I know :-P But I risked it.

I just ... I don't know :-) Actually, I know what I want to say, but I don't know how to say it ... Well, write it. You know?

*****

It's easier to believe

In this sweet madness

Oh, this glorious sadness

That brings me to my knees

*****

I've always looked at girls who feel that they *have* to have a boyfriend to be happy and gone ... "Get a life". Because I don't believe, and I will never believe, that you have to have a girlfriend/boyfriend/partner to be happy. You should be able to be happy on your own, you know?

But lately ... I've found myself wanting that ...

No! I don't know why! Am I crazy?!

Not because I think that it would make me happy ... The truth is, most of the time I'm happy with my life right now. I've never been closer to my friends. I know that I can be totally honest with them, and at the end of the day, they'll still be there. Same with my mum and dad. I'm not afraid of "upsetting" people now. I will speak up if I'm not happy. I'm no longer a doormat. I'm happy with my job. I don't have any worries about bills, or buying food anymore.

I'm content.

But sometimes ... I just think ...

It would be nice.

You know?

*****

You are pulled from the wreckage

Of your silent reverie

*****

Meme # ... 5? 6?

This one is fairly simple. All I have to do is write 8 things about myself. Here goes ...

1. I prefer summer over winter. I'd rather be hot than cold. But I hate the fact that summer means not being able to breathe for 4 months because I get really bad hayfever every year.

2. I have never broken a bone (in my body or someone else's ... :-)).

3. I honestly don't know whether I want kids, but if I have a girl I'd love to name her Jennah, after my nan (it was her maiden name).

4. I know I want to go back to uni, I just don't know when.

5. I own three sex toys ...

6. Right now I have a burn mark on my left arm from work yesterday ... It hurts like hell.

7. I like my hair better when it's longer.

8. I would like to get a pet turtle. And a rabbit. The bunny I would name Buckley, (yes, as in Nathan) and the turtle would be named Snoop Turtle. Coz he would be soooo cool :-)

Trying ...

Trying ...

Trying to think of something to say, anything interesting at all ...

Nup. I got nothin.

Thursday I worked. It was busy. Friday I worked. It was busy. Today I worked. It was flat-out busy. Tomorrow I work.

I got nothin.

I need to get a life!

Thursday!

I can't believe it's Thursday already. Where has the week gone?!

Went back to work yesterday ... Why oh why did I do stuff on my 2 days off?! Why didn't I just do nothing at all?! Why didn't I sleep in?! Why didn't I relax instead of constantly running around with mum?! Did 9 hour days yesterday and today, and it's been fairly busy. Doesn't help that Heather has no staff in the cafe, so she is *really* stressed out.

Went out for dinner last night with Christine. We went to La Porchetta. Tonight, Chrissie, B and I went to the UK Hotel. I had lasange, which was friggin yummy as!

I actually had something specific to blog about tonight, but I just realised that the thing I was going to blog about I don't want someone to read ... Hmm ... Ahh well.

Anyway, I'm out. So tired. I'm gonna head to bed ... I'm so boring!

Pur-chasing things ...

My stupid heater won't light :-(

Another day off work today :-) I go back to work tomorrow, working 9 - 5:30 until Sunday. It'll be a long week ...

Today, I pur-chased (hehehe, I love that word :-) Break it in half next time you say it! It's fun!) a car. A 1984 (it's almost as old as me!) Mazda 323 (or is that 232?!). It's white, and cute :-) It has a CD player, but no power steering, which is going to take some getting used to! I'm very impressed with the CD player though :-)

No more bus! Yay!

Mum went home this afternoon, so I went driving for a while, trying to get used to the car. Haven't been doing much else. Went out to work, got some of the world's best gelati :-) Might have to think about cooking some dinner soon. It'll be an early night tonight as I've got next few days on.

Anyway, I'm out. Peace, love and laughter guys. Have a good night.

Eh.

That's about how I feel today ... Eh.

First day off in 20 days today ... Have had an ok day. Didn't sleep in or anything.

My mum came down on Saturday for a few days to visit - she goes home tomorrow. Whilst I love my mother more than anything in this world, she can also piss me off like no one else in this world.

Every single freaking time I have thought about eating something or have gone to have something to drink, she makes a comment ... "Oh, that's good for the diet." "Yeah, that'll help you lose weight."

It makes me want to cry!

I know I'm not skinny. I know I'm not beautiful. I know that. And I don't care.

I've been cutting out junk food - trying to get a little healthier, but I think the reality is that I'm never going to be a stick figure. And who cares? I'm happy the way I am.

But the constant comments, the snarky little barbs ... It hurts. It makes me want to just starve myself so that maybe, just maybe, that will make her happy.

I don't know. I'm just talkin' garbage.

Maybe tomorrow I'll have a happy entry for you all.

It's no retarded chicken ...

Just a quick entry to prove I'm still doing stupid things ... :o)

Yesterday was another 9 hour day. My 13th day in a row. Without a single-freakin-day off ...

No, I'm not upset about that, why do you ask? ... :o) *lol*

Anyway. Got home last night, talked to Dan for a while, and could barely keep my eyes open. So I decided to have a bath, then go to bed. Bath was hot, awesome, relaxing. Got out and went into the loungeroom to get my pjs. Instead of getting into them, I thought 'I'll just have a quick rest on the couch while my pjs warm in front of the heater'.

4 and a half hours later I woke up. Still on the couch. Still wearing only a towel.

Kitchen light still on. Heater still on. TV still on.



Yup, it's good to know that I haven't lost the ability to do stupid things, no matter how exhausted I am :o)

I'm home.
I'm exhausted.
I'm ready to go to sleep.

There was a slight hitch with the 'takeover-meeting-at-8:30-a.m.-thing' ... The chef, who's the manger of the cafe, doesn't wander in to work until 9:30 - 10-ish. So, of course they had to wait until she arrived before the meeting could start.
When the chef did turn up, and the meeting started, the first thing Heather and Tony did?
Fire the chef.
She didn't go quietly, but it wasn't as bad as we thought it was going to be. She had a few words for Heather, but overall it was very low key, which was awesome.


So, I started this almost 25 minutes ago, and I think I might have to finish it later. I keep making stupid typos, and I'm so tired it's hard to think in complete sentences. I ended up doing 9 hours today, with only a 10 minute lunch break. Things were crazy.
Anyway, I gotta go cook something for dinner, have a bath and then wash my work clothes. I start at 9 again tomorrow morning, so it'll be a very early night for this tired little ducky :o)
I'm out!

We're taking over! Look out!

I am exhausted.
Today marks 11 days straight that I have worked. And I still have another 5 before I get a day off. For someone who hasn't worked in almost 4 months (Who am I kidding? Not only have I not been working, I've been doing bugger all!) it's an adjustment :o)
Tomorrow morning, at 8:30 am, Sweet Explosions is launching a hostile takeover (*lol*).
Well ... Sort of.
In the KFMC, we are in a kiosk. Directly across from us is a cafe. The owner of this cafe has, for some time, been unhappy with the staff, the way the business is run, etc. But he doesn't have the time to invest in the business. So last week, he rang Heather (my boss) and said "You want the cafe? From Monday, it's yours." He'd had enough.
Now, the cafe staff ... Firstly, most of them have been horrible to us, because they see as us competition. Which, ok, I can understand. But that's no reason to be rude, or bitchy. I haven't had much of a problem - but they've been horrible to Heather (and that I've actually seen happen).
Secondly - they have got no common sense. Yesterday morning, I started at 10. In the cafe, they had 7 people working when I started. It was nowhere near busy enough to need that many people. It was just throwing money away on wages - this is one of the main reasons the owner has had enough. Not only are they wasting money - they're giving away free food to friends and family.
So, yeah. Tomorrow morning, Sweet Explosions takes over ownership of the cafe.
But guess what?
The cafe staff? Absolutely no idea about what's going to happen.
No. Idea.

It's going to be interesting! The meeting/takeover time was scheduled for 9 a.m. Tonight I got a message from Casey (one of the girls I work with) saying it's been moved to 8:30. Can I just say ... Thank God.
I'm not starting work until 9. I have a feeling that it's going to get ugly. The owner thinks that most of the staff will walk out/quit, or cause trouble. I do not want to be there for that! I really don't do conflict well! So I'm hoping that when I wander in at 9, that it'll all be over :o) That's probably wishful thinking but I can hope, can't I??!!

Anyway, it's almost 10:30, and I gotta be up at 6, so I'm out. I'll let you know how it goes :o)
Peace, love and laughter guys!

Not Happy.

Hi guys ... Quick update.

So, a couple of weeks ago, you'll remember me grumbling about a 4:30 a.m. phone call. Someone was drunk, and wanted to chat. Now, I know I had a bit of a grumble, but the truth is, I wasn't annoyed at all. It didn't bother me. Plus, it was friggin hilarious. I laughed from start to finish - with the drunk person, and, once or twice, at them. Anything that can make me laugh that much can never be classified as annoying.

I've worked the last 8 days straight. Not full days - mainly 6 or 7 hours a day. But because we have no staff, I usually get only 5 minutes for lunch. So I'm on my feet the entire time, which is pretty exhausting. Love the job, but very tiring. I've been in bed by about 10 every night this week.

Last night, Chrissie came around after I got in from work. She had been to Hammer St. (best takeaway place in Bendigo) to get dinner for us. We watched some Friends, she left about 9. By the time I'd done a load of washing, and had a bath, it was 10 and I was well and truly stuffed :o) So I went to bed. Almost two hours later (just a little before midnight), my phone started to sing 'Dear Mr President' (my message tone). It took me almost 5 minutes of looking at the screen to realise that yep, someone had sent me a message. It took me another 5 minutes to work out who the hell had sent the message ... It was from someone I rarely hear from, and I was looking at the screen going ... "Who the hell is ***?" In the meantime, I sent someone else a message - for some reason I thought that "Dan" had sent the message ... Ok, in my defense there are only three letters in each name and I was really confused! I'd just been woken up!

So, *** sent a few messages - What's up, I'm bored and sick, come online now and talk to me ... What are you doing, what's new since I talked to ya last ... Come online now Rach, I want to talk to ya, I'm so bored ... And I have to say, everytime he sent a new message, I got angrier and angrier. My replies were one or two words - one was two sentences when I said I was now working, and I had to be up early to go to work.

Now, this really annoyed me for a couple of reasons.
1 - I haven't heard from this person in a couple of months. Nothin. No talkin online, no messages, nothin. And that's cool, you know? It's finished. All good :o) But you do not just text message someone, out of nowhere at 11:45 p.m.! I was ASLEEP, people!
2 - The whole reason he was messaging? He was horny. Classy, huh? Yep. Boy, did steam start coming out the top of my head ... For gods sake! He was horny, and obviously just wanted someone to help get him off. What the??!! I am not some kind of easy slut, who'll just "help" anyone who needs it.

Not. Happy.

ChemoAngel Rach ...

Somewhere out there, in the big wide world, is *my* cancer patient.

Wondering what the hell I'm on about?

Allow me to explain. Last week, I applied to become a ChemoAngel. ChemoAngels are people who support cancer patients through chemo (you guessed that, didn't you?...), by sending a cards, letters, or little presents at least once a week, for the duration of the patients cancer treatment. It could be for 3 months, it could be for 18 months.

I'm not sure why I applied. It's just something I wanted to do. I have no personal experience with cancer, but 'meeting' the CB kids, and seeing what they go through has made me realise that cancer, quite simply, sucks. It really, really sucks. So I wanted to do something to make it easier for someone.

So I applied, and was accepted, and now I'm waiting to be assigned a patient. It can take anywhere from 3 - 6 weeks to receive your "assignment" (Why does that sound like something James Bond would receive?). I'm looking foward to it. I hope I get an Aussie :o)

Anyway, that's about it for tonight. Short entry :o) But I'm waaaay tired, and I gotta work again tomorrow. Take care guys. Peace, love and laughter. I'm out.

There's nothing witty, intelligent, or funny in this entry ...

There's a birdie attacking my foot :o)

Just let the birds out of the cage for a run around, now they're going nuts, flying around the loungeroom.

Matt Damon? HOT! And he seems like such a nice guy!

Sorry ... Random thoughts are going everywhere. I'm tired ... It's hard to think. I couldn't even be stuffed cooking dinner tonight, so I got pizza :o) Ahh, I'm a lazyass.

Work is good. I'm enjoying it. Being on your feet for 5/6/7/8 hours a day, running back and forth is pretty tiring though. Plus, there's the fact that I haven't worked in about 4 months :-P So I'm a bit outta practice. It's not flat out, but it's fairly constant. I had passionfruit gelati for lunch :o) It was freakin delicious! And 97% fat free!! Hahaha ... We all know I care about stuff like that :-P I didn't even get to sit down and eat my lunch, people kept wanting stuff!

Isn't this sad? I have no gossip at all. Nothing of interest to say. I'm trying to think of something witty or funny to say ... And I got nothin!

Hey, anyone want to come clean my house?! It's in desperate need of a good clean! My bed hasn't been made all week! Might try to do some tonight. My sheets have been on the washing line since last weekend, and I finalllllly got them off tonight! So I might have to put some clean sheets on the bed tonight.

Might have to go have a bath soon, and head to bed. I'm starting at 10 tomorrow, so I'll have to be up fairly early to get organised and then get the bus, yada yada yada :o)

Anyway. That's about it. Sorry I'm so boring. Have a great night guys, I'm out. Peace, love, and laughter :o)

PostSecret

Meme #4

In the tradition of Meme #1 (26/06/07) and Meme #2 (27/06/07) and Meme #3 (29/06/07) comes Meme number 4! This one was kinda boring though.

~~~~~
~ Would you hug your ex again? Probably not

~ How many girlfriends/ boyfriends have told you they loved U? A few.

~ How many girlfriends/ boyfriends did you actually love? 1.

~ Have you ever loved someone so much that it hurt? Maybe ...

~ Have you ever made a boyfriend or girlfriend cry? I don't think so ... Hope not.

~ Are you happier single or in a relationship? Both ...! :o)

~ Have you ever been cheated on? Yeah. It sucks.

~ Have you ever told someone you loved them and didn't mean it? Nope.

~ Have you ever had your heart broken? Hasn't everyone at some point?

~ If you could go back in time and change things, would you? Change what things? I don't think so.

~ Do you still love your ex? No. It's over.

~ Do you believe that you are a good girlfriend/boyfriend? How the hell would I know?! I'd hope so though.

~ Have you dated someone who was not good to you? Stupidly, yes I have.

~ Have you dated someone older than u? Yeah.

~ Do you believe everyone deserves a second chance? It depends.

~ Do you believe in love at first sight? Nope..

~ Ever want to get married? Not so much. It's just a bit of paper. If the commitment is there,
then who cares about the "official" thing? Although wedding cake is always nice :o)

~ Ever kissed your friend's boyfriend or girlfriend? Nup, never.

~ If given a chance, would you like to have your ex back? No. Those relationships finished for a reason :o)

~ Still friends with your ex's? Yes and no.

~ Does anybody have a tattoo with your name on it? Uhh ... No.

Hinky.

Tonight I'm feeling a little ... Blah. Funky. Quiet. Or, as Abs from NCIS would say ... "Hinky". (Just not quite right)

I started my new job on Thursday. I worked 12 - 4. Friday I did 11 - 3, and today was 10 - 2. It's not flat out busy, mostly it's just constant. (By the way - the gelato? Frickin amazing. I tried the passionfruit one today, and it was so nice. The chocolate one is also delicious.) I really like the job, it's lots of fun, and Heather (the manager) and Casey (workmate) are both really nice. I'm getting the hang of it fairly quickly, which is good.

Tomorrow I'm not starting until 12, so I'll get a bit of a sleep in. I think tomorrow I'm only doing three hours.

I don't know. Collingwood won today, so you'd think I'd be happy, right? Instead I'm just kinda quiet ...
Ahh well. Maybe I'll write more later. Peace, and I'm out.

Slightly tired?

I think I may be a little *too* tired.

Why?

Because, when I got home from work at 5, I tried and tried to light my heater.

It would not start. I walked away, left it for a few minutes. I came back and tried again. Nope, still doesn't want to start. This went on until 5:45.

Still no go.

So, what do I do? I start crying.

Yep, crying ... Because my stupid heater won't start!

Then what do I do?

I kick the friggin thing. Hard!

Not once, but twice.

Then I tried to light it again.

First go ... It started.

Huh.

I think I'll be in bed early tonight ...


Edit - 10:55 p.m:
I really intended on having an early night. The last 4 nights, I've averaged about 4 hours sleep a night. And I am so frickin tired. I was messaging "Dan" at 9, and I thought then that I'd be in bed by about 9:15. I just had to do my dishes first. Then, god knows why, but then I thought I'd clean my toilet. And my bathroom. And then have a bath. And then strip my bed/change the sheets and doona cover. And then I just had to do a load of washing. So now I have a wonderfully clean house, and I can barely keep my eyes open :o) Lets hope this means that I sleep well tonight.
Peace. I'm out.

Open letter to Mr. Blogger

Dear Mr. Blogger,

You, my friend, are a fucker.

And I hate you.

Now, I realise that this is a big claim, so I have some evidence to back myself up and explain just why you are a fucker.

Tonight, I decided to change the layout, and font/colours of my blog.

I went into 'Templates' and selected the new template for my blog.

No worries there.

Then I went into 'Fonts and Colours' to personalise my page.

FIVE TIMES I went into fonts and colours.

FIVE TIMES your stupid piece of crap blogger froze on me.

FIVE TIMES I had to press control+alt+delete to start all over again.

What the hell, Mr. Blogger?

Do you not want people to have individualised blogs? Do you want little blogger clones running all over the place? Do you want people having the exactly the same blog as 500,000 other people? Well, that is not cool, Mr. Blogger.

Not cool at all.

Now, I am going to try once more, and if it doesn't work, someone may have to call me an ambulance, as I'm sure my blood pressure will be rising to stroke level.

Mr. Blogger, fucker, please address this problem at once.

Thankyou.

Yours sincerely,
A very pissed blogger user.

P.S. You stressed me out soooo much that I had to go and have a smoke, and THEN, I had to have a caffeine hit via a can of Coke. I expect to be reimbursed for that one cigarette and one can of Coke.

P.P.S. (35 minutes later...): I have managed to make a few changes. Very slow process, and I'll do the rest tomorrow. Ok, I'm going to bed now. 4 hours sleep Monday night + 4 hours last night = a very tired little me.

Peace, I'm out.

(Not peace to you though, Mr Fucker. I'm still mad at you.)

Brett.

The most bizzare web chat ever?

It involved me. Tonight.

This guy, named Brett, started talking to me. He doesn't actually appear on my list, but apparently I'm on his.

Brett then tried to figure out where he knew me from:

are you the chick i fucked in the back of the hire car last week?

(Me: No)

now i know this is you lisa and u r stilled pissed off because i slept with your mum - as i said
when you found out - GET OVER IT - she and i are entitled to have our fun - and guess what - WE DID ANAL - your mum loved it lisa


Umm ... What the??? Someone call Jerry Springer ...

Am I the only one who thinks this is just bizzare??!

P.S. Just as I hit 'Publish Post', the phone rang. It was my new boss. I'm working tomorrow/Friday from 12 - 4. Dan, if you're serious about the massage, show up after 4 on Friday ;-) I'll make it worth your while ... hehehe.