My head hurts.
Headache/tired.
Possibly because I've been up since 4:30 a.m.
Possibly not. Maybe my head is just too big.
Tried to have a nap on the couch before and just couldn't go to sleep for whatever reason.
I really have nothing of interest to say.
Tuesday, July 31, 2007
Monday, July 30, 2007
Ready for a long-winded entry? Well, you probably should be. Either that, or click on the little red X in the top right hand corner :o)
Last night, I was talking to "Dan". (Remember, that's not his real name!) He asked "How's things with your brother?". Now, this was a bit of a surprise. Generally, people don't ask about him. I don't speak about him. My friends know I'd rather not talk about him - I don't ask any of my family about him, so I have nothing to say about him anyway! The only thing I know (via my mum, who told me last week) is that he has a new girlfriend he is living with in Melbourne. When I heard that ... Eh, didn't really care. I was just happy for Lorri, knowing that he was no longer in her life.
January, 2007: Basically, this was the month our family fell apart. The month we were shocked when we realised what had been going on - for months - and made us question just how the hell we'd missed it. This was the month I told my brother that as far as I was concerned he didn't exist. This was the month my brother tried to kill himself. This was the month the whole thing started.
Last night, I was talking to "Dan". (Remember, that's not his real name!) He asked "How's things with your brother?". Now, this was a bit of a surprise. Generally, people don't ask about him. I don't speak about him. My friends know I'd rather not talk about him - I don't ask any of my family about him, so I have nothing to say about him anyway! The only thing I know (via my mum, who told me last week) is that he has a new girlfriend he is living with in Melbourne. When I heard that ... Eh, didn't really care. I was just happy for Lorri, knowing that he was no longer in her life.
January, 2007: Basically, this was the month our family fell apart. The month we were shocked when we realised what had been going on - for months - and made us question just how the hell we'd missed it. This was the month I told my brother that as far as I was concerned he didn't exist. This was the month my brother tried to kill himself. This was the month the whole thing started.
The night before my brother overdosed was the night Lorri rang me and told me that Darren had hit her several times. He'd verbally abused her. That was the night Lorri told me about her suspicions - she had noticed bruises on Jordyn, the stories of how those bruises appeared changed every time she asked Darren. She told me about the change in Jordyn - going from a normal kid, to a scared, withdrawn, quiet kid.
I remember hanging up after speaking to Lorri, and ringing my sisters house. I knew Darren was staying there since he wasn't allowed near Jordyn and Lorri. I remember screaming and crying, telling my sister to tell Darren that he was dead to me, that I never wanted to speak to him again, tell him that he's pathetic and how could he do that to my gorgeous little nephew, what the hell is wrong with him, I never ever want to see him again ... It went on and on.
I rarely lose my temper. That's just not me. I don't see the point in yelling, or getting angry. You speak in anger, you say things you will probably regret later. You say things without thinking, hurtful things.
I can honestly say though, that I don't regret what I said that night. Those things I said? Harsh, yes. But it's what I felt. I will always be proud that I said what I felt. Sure, maybe I could have done it without yelling and screaming and crying, but oh well. Everyone else in my family was standing up for him, protecting him, believing all his lies.
I remember how I felt, the next day, when we found out what had happened. I do not believe, and I will never believe, that he intended to kill himself. The overdose that he took was never going to kill him. What he did was manipulative, and attention-seeking, and there was never any risk. It was done so everyone would feel sorry for him.
Mum and I went straight to Melbourne when we heard. I went for mum. I went for Jordyn. I went for Lorri. I did not go for him. I said straight out on the way to Melbourne that I didn't even want to see him.
I remember, on the way to Melbourne that day, just talking. Just to say something, anything. Just to not have silence. If there was silence, there was time to think.
I also remember mum and I, at 2 a.m., unable to sleep, with "the little men running around" in our heads as mum put it. Talking about what to do, what needed to be done, what could have happened, where to go now. Then getting the giggles over something so stupid I can't even remember what it was. I remember trying to stifle the giggles because we were worried about waking Lorri. I remember getting up at 4 a.m., worried about waking mum after she'd finally fallen asleep, and crashing on the couch for an hour, then being woken at 7 when mum got up.
I remember reading the report DHS had prepared, knowing in my gut that what was in there was right. Incident after incident, right there in black and white. Wondering again, how had it gone on for so long, unnoticed? What kind of aunty was I? I hadn't protected Jordyn from harm. I didn't even realise what was happening. I'd failed him.
The last 6 months has been a mix of memories. Full of fun, with my sister and my niece when they came to stay with me, and with Lorri and Jordyn when they came to stay. Full of drama after drama with Darren, causing trouble, making everything hard for the family. Full of fights between mum and dad, mum and I, mum and Amanda, Amanda and I ... All because of Darren.
Today, Lorri rang me. I haven't spoken to her in almost a month. Until last week, I had no idea that her and Darren had broken up. Today ... As soon as she said hello, I knew that something had changed. She was happy. She wasn't stressed. She wasn't upset. She was free. Free, happy, so relieved and so ... Different. It felt like, for the first time in months, there was something positive coming out of this whole thing. The silver lining on the cloud had finally shown itself. There was a reason that we'd gone through everything we've gone through over the last 6 months.
When Darren and Lorri first met, over three years ago, Lorri was outgoing and outspoken and unafraid. She said what she thought, she stood up for herself, she wasn't scared to be honest. And then, slowly, she changed. She became quiet. She put him first. Everything was about Darren - not upsetting him, making sure he was happy. She made none of the decisions regarding Jordyns routine and discipline. She had to ask if she was allowed to give Jordyn something to eat! When they were here, at my place, in June last year, Jordyn wanted something to eat. Lorri had to ask Darren's permission. That was the first time I ever stood up to Darren. I remember taking Jordyn into my room, then closing the door before I came back into the lounge and had a go at Darren - about the way he'd spoken to Lorri, about the way he treated Lorri and Jordyn. They left in an hurry after that.
Today, there was no sign of that weakness in her. There was only strength, and happiness. I think Lorri has finally realised just how much she'd changed - and she didn't like it.
Finally, something good is coming out of the hell we went through. It doesn't make it ok, it doesn't make it right. But it's nice to know that something good can come of an awful situation.
Sunday, July 29, 2007
Blast from the past
The massive clean out continues. This morning, I found a book of old, old, old poems that I'd written. How old? Most of them are from 2002/2003. Anyway, I thought I'd put some on here.
-----
Abbey is your angel
she watches over you from way up high
if you should ever need her
just look up to the sky.
god lent her to earth for just a little while
gave her love family, special friends
her mission? to brighten the world with her smile
but all too soon her time on earth had to end
god looked down from heaven for a special someone
he spotted Abb and said
"your work on earth is now done"
so back to heaven our Abbey was led.
i know you will always miss her so much
but remember in your heart she will forever stay
and when you long for her touch
remember you will be together again one day.
-----
how do you show
what a photo cannot?
his laughing eyes
that beautiful smile
and gorgeous dark hair
they're all there
but what can't you see?
that cheeky laugh
and drive-you-crazy sense of humour
the long talks
the drinking and partying
we did
the way he was always there -
his friendship
and of course
that lightening quick temper!
how do you show
what a photo cannot?
-----
don't know where im going
can't remember
where i've been
my life is taking me
along a winding path
with twists and turns
forks in the road
this way or that way?
it's easy to get
confused
lost
trying so hard
to find my way
but every time
i think i know where im going
i get lost once again
and once more
i
don't know where i'm going
and
can't remember
where i've been
-----
Hey Mel
it's just me
checkin in again
saying hey mate
and "go pies"
!!!!
saw a star tonight
shinin so damn bright
from the heavens
knew it was
you
waving down to me
it's been
almost two whole years
(and a million bloody tears!)
since you went away
13/09/01
do i really need to
tell you again
how very
very
very
much i miss you??!!
if only
miracles happened
wishes came true
and every other cliche in the book
"hey mate, what's news?"
well, tegans doing well
got her license a few weeks ago
your dad
bought her a car
she loves it!
your mum
still working
but
you only have
to look at her
to see how much
she misses you
it's written
in her eyes
in her smile
all over her face
"hey mate, what's news?"
well, my
gorgeous
magpies play your bloody bombers
next week
don't worry though, we'll kick some arse!
and no "divine intervention"!!
if we lose, i'll blame you!
"hey mate, what's news?"
thommo's doing well
so's kat
and bec
see them around uni
bec's doing nursing
with chrissie
loz is still at school
year 12 at mckillop!
reckoned there was a
conspiracy
against her at kths!
nat had her baby
a baby girl
kahlia
what a cutie
and yes,
she's still with troy
and me?
still crusin along!
so that's news mate.
miss ya, Mel.
-----
i see your face in my mind
you're smiling at me
i wish that you were here right now
why did god take you away?
my eyes fill with tears
as i think of
never seeing your smile again
never hearing your voice ever again
i still can't believe you're gone
i wonder if you're happy
i wonder if you know
how much
we all miss you
we all love you
i guess we will meet again one day
i hope that day comes soon
the world without your smile, Mel,
the world without you,
is a sadder place
-----
Peace, and I'm out.
Edit at 1:41: *lmao* you would not believe what I just found! A paper titled "Our day at the Highschool"!!!!! The date on it is 13-12-95. 1995!!!! That paper is half my age! My teacher has even written a comment on it! If I can figure out how to scan it later, I'll put it on here.
** Tried to add the scanned pages to the end and it wouldn't do it, so they're at the top. If you click on them, I think they enlarge.
Friday, July 27, 2007
The Turtle is broke!
So, I just got back to the crib, after hangin with ma homey all day ... :o) *lol*
Got a nice surprise this morning when I rang up to check my bank balance - my tax refund has gone through, so I had lots and lots of money!
Sadly, 20 minutes later, three quarters of that money had gone. I paid some rent (because I've been a week behind for like the last 3 months and I keep getting "friendly reminders" from the real estate agency - aint nothing friendly about them, let me tell you!), paid my Telstra bill, my gas bill, my ambulance membership, and put some in my savings account. Out of $800, that left me about $200!!!!! I couldn't believe it! It was nice to know (for once!) that my bills were all paid though, and that I'm up to date on rent.
So, I decided some shopping was in order. Chrissie and I went out for lunch, then we both went and spent waaaaaay too much money, but ahh well! You gotta sometimes. I got three new tops, some new socks, a new pair of work shoes, and a couple of other things.
Anyway, that's about all I did today. Came home for a couple of hours and bummed around, then Chrissie picked me up again and we went and got some takeaway for dinner and watched a movie at her place. It was a good day.
And now, to finish off, a few snippets from my day:
Before, as Christine was driving me home, she nearly ran over some kid running across the road. I swear to god, he came from nowhere and she very nearly hit him. Christine's reaction? A blast of the horn and then ...
(I'm busy laughing at how angry she is!)
Christine: Fucking emo-looking skanky THING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
*lol*
As we were eating dinner, I started choking on a bite of hamburger. Tears came out of one eye. How did I explain this to Christine?
Me: Dude! I'm choking out of one eye!
We went to La Porchetta for lunch. As we were waiting to be seated, we saw a girl from high school.
Christine: Hey, isn't that ... Shannon?
Me: Oh, yeah. Her dad was the school principle.
Christine: Yes!
Me: Wasn't she going out with Adrian?
Christine: Dude! Adrian was her brother!!!
Me: Wow. Hope they broke up then.
As I'm getting out of the car tonight, I said goodbye to Chrissie ...
Me: Check ya later, man.
Chrissie: Fo shizzle ma nizzle, man. (Yep, she really said it. She's a bigger dork than me! :o))
More proof (if you really needed it) that I'm the world's biggest idiot!
Ok, I'm out. Check ya later, dudes.
Got a nice surprise this morning when I rang up to check my bank balance - my tax refund has gone through, so I had lots and lots of money!
Sadly, 20 minutes later, three quarters of that money had gone. I paid some rent (because I've been a week behind for like the last 3 months and I keep getting "friendly reminders" from the real estate agency - aint nothing friendly about them, let me tell you!), paid my Telstra bill, my gas bill, my ambulance membership, and put some in my savings account. Out of $800, that left me about $200!!!!! I couldn't believe it! It was nice to know (for once!) that my bills were all paid though, and that I'm up to date on rent.
So, I decided some shopping was in order. Chrissie and I went out for lunch, then we both went and spent waaaaaay too much money, but ahh well! You gotta sometimes. I got three new tops, some new socks, a new pair of work shoes, and a couple of other things.
Anyway, that's about all I did today. Came home for a couple of hours and bummed around, then Chrissie picked me up again and we went and got some takeaway for dinner and watched a movie at her place. It was a good day.
And now, to finish off, a few snippets from my day:
Before, as Christine was driving me home, she nearly ran over some kid running across the road. I swear to god, he came from nowhere and she very nearly hit him. Christine's reaction? A blast of the horn and then ...
(I'm busy laughing at how angry she is!)
Christine: Fucking emo-looking skanky THING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
*lol*
As we were eating dinner, I started choking on a bite of hamburger. Tears came out of one eye. How did I explain this to Christine?
Me: Dude! I'm choking out of one eye!
We went to La Porchetta for lunch. As we were waiting to be seated, we saw a girl from high school.
Christine: Hey, isn't that ... Shannon?
Me: Oh, yeah. Her dad was the school principle.
Christine: Yes!
Me: Wasn't she going out with Adrian?
Christine: Dude! Adrian was her brother!!!
Me: Wow. Hope they broke up then.
As I'm getting out of the car tonight, I said goodbye to Chrissie ...
Me: Check ya later, man.
Chrissie: Fo shizzle ma nizzle, man. (Yep, she really said it. She's a bigger dork than me! :o))
More proof (if you really needed it) that I'm the world's biggest idiot!
Ok, I'm out. Check ya later, dudes.
Thursday, July 26, 2007
Sweet Explosions.
No, I didn't get fired because of my hair. Not that I really thought I would, but you know ... :-P
The business is called "Sweet Explosions". It's a franchise, originally started by 2 guys. We met one of them tonight, his name is Tony and he's really nice.
It looks amazing. Like, seriously! Everything is so shiny! *lol* It's going to be a shame to use it and get it dirty :-P
The people I'll be working with are all really nice. We had a meeting out at Sweet Explosions, then we all went to dinner at La Porchetta afterwards, where we went through the training guide. A couple of the girls I'll be working with are new like me, so I won't be alone in that.
As far as I know, I'll be working next Thursday, Friday and Saturday. Tony is planning a "soft opening" for Thursday.
Anyway, that's about it. Peace, love and laughter. I'm out!
The business is called "Sweet Explosions". It's a franchise, originally started by 2 guys. We met one of them tonight, his name is Tony and he's really nice.
It looks amazing. Like, seriously! Everything is so shiny! *lol* It's going to be a shame to use it and get it dirty :-P
The people I'll be working with are all really nice. We had a meeting out at Sweet Explosions, then we all went to dinner at La Porchetta afterwards, where we went through the training guide. A couple of the girls I'll be working with are new like me, so I won't be alone in that.
As far as I know, I'll be working next Thursday, Friday and Saturday. Tony is planning a "soft opening" for Thursday.
Anyway, that's about it. Peace, love and laughter. I'm out!
So, I'm freaking out. About my hair.
And I know it's a girly and ridiculous thing to worry about, but I can't help it!
In 30 minutes, I have to go to a meeting at my new place of work.
And my stupid-skanky-dumbo-head-moronic-silly-slutty hair won't do what I want it to do!
Ok. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
God I hope my hair doesn't get me fired before I've actually started work ...
And I know it's a girly and ridiculous thing to worry about, but I can't help it!
In 30 minutes, I have to go to a meeting at my new place of work.
And my stupid-skanky-dumbo-head-moronic-silly-slutty hair won't do what I want it to do!
Ok. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
God I hope my hair doesn't get me fired before I've actually started work ...
Wednesday, July 25, 2007
If you're happy and you know it, clap your hands ...!
Happiest girl in the universe? Right here ... (Imagine me pointing at myself)
Why am I so happy?
I got a mention on Kristie's blog. Yep, that's Kristie of 'Not Quite What I Had Planned' fame.
Yep. How cool am I?! Hehehe.
I first "met" Kristie through her daughters CaringBridge website. Her daughter, Kendrie kicked cancer's arse a couple of years ago. Throughout the whole cancer journey, Kristie managed to keep her sense of humour, and her sense of perspective. Her entries on Kendrie's site were mostly funny, but some were so honest and open that they broke your heart a little when you read them. I don't think I've ever known someone so down-to-earth and friendly. And funny! It doesn't matter what the subject is, Kristie can always find something to laugh about.
Dude. I'm so happy :o) Ha!
-----
Ok, now onto other things.
Massive clean-out time today in my house. And I do mean massive clean-out. Mum's having a garage sale, so I thought I'd use the opportunity to get rid of some stuff. My 200+ videos have been reduced to 60. My 150+ CDs? I have about 30 left. Three containers of stuff that was in my wardrobe? Been reduced to one container. I went through old photos, old papers, books, uni essays, rental agreements from two years ago, payslips from three years ago. I found a bill from three and a half years ago! I found crap I don't even remember buying. My hairdryer went. My hair curling kit. (I'm not sure why I bought that - my hair is naturally curly ...?!!) Anything that couldn't be sold went straight into the bin. Still haven't finished, but I'm getting sick of it, so I figured I'd take a break.
-----
Did anyone watch Australian Story on Monday night? Monday night featured the story of Belinda Emmett, a beautiful Australian actress who was diagnosed with breast cancer at age 24. She went into remission, only to be told at age 27 that the cancer had spread to her bones.
It was the most beautiful, and also the most heartbreaking thing, I've ever watched. I cried as her family described her last days. I smiled as Belinda showed that she hadn't lost her sense of humour.
I don't know why Australians loved this girl so much. I think it had something to do with the fact that she was honestly a beautiful, amazing person inside and out. She never seemed to give up. She had *it*. She just had that something, that something that made her so special.
Belinda lost her battle on November 11, 2006. So many tears were cried on that day for this amazing, graceful and strong young woman.
(*By the way, if you missed it on tv, it is on You-Tube. It's under Belinda Emmett on Australian Story or something similar to that. It's in three parts. It's well worth watching.)
-----
So, I have a problem. A big one.
It concerns me greatly. It worries me. It makes me concerned and it worries me.
This morning, I woke up, and got out of bed. Nothing unusual there, that's actually something that I do on a daily basis.
But when I got up, I realised that somehow, during the night, I'd pulled a muscle. At the back of my thigh, just under my left butt cheek (Classy, huh? Yep. That's me. Full of class and decorum and all that other crap!).
Now, this has happened before. I've woken up from a great nights sleep, and gotten out of bed to discover that walking hurts! It really hurts! And I don't know how it happens. Or why. Or **how**!!! What the hell am I doing when I'm in bed?! Last night, I was in bed alone! I'm starting to think I'm doing kung-fu or something in my sleep.
Any ideas? Suggestions?
-----
Anyway. My bedroom is currently a pigsty (sad but true) so I better get back to it. Have a good one, guys!
Hey! Update! Heather (from the cafe) just rang. I start work next Thursday! Yay!
Why am I so happy?
I got a mention on Kristie's blog. Yep, that's Kristie of 'Not Quite What I Had Planned' fame.
Yep. How cool am I?! Hehehe.
I first "met" Kristie through her daughters CaringBridge website. Her daughter, Kendrie kicked cancer's arse a couple of years ago. Throughout the whole cancer journey, Kristie managed to keep her sense of humour, and her sense of perspective. Her entries on Kendrie's site were mostly funny, but some were so honest and open that they broke your heart a little when you read them. I don't think I've ever known someone so down-to-earth and friendly. And funny! It doesn't matter what the subject is, Kristie can always find something to laugh about.
Dude. I'm so happy :o) Ha!
-----
Ok, now onto other things.
Massive clean-out time today in my house. And I do mean massive clean-out. Mum's having a garage sale, so I thought I'd use the opportunity to get rid of some stuff. My 200+ videos have been reduced to 60. My 150+ CDs? I have about 30 left. Three containers of stuff that was in my wardrobe? Been reduced to one container. I went through old photos, old papers, books, uni essays, rental agreements from two years ago, payslips from three years ago. I found a bill from three and a half years ago! I found crap I don't even remember buying. My hairdryer went. My hair curling kit. (I'm not sure why I bought that - my hair is naturally curly ...?!!) Anything that couldn't be sold went straight into the bin. Still haven't finished, but I'm getting sick of it, so I figured I'd take a break.
-----
Did anyone watch Australian Story on Monday night? Monday night featured the story of Belinda Emmett, a beautiful Australian actress who was diagnosed with breast cancer at age 24. She went into remission, only to be told at age 27 that the cancer had spread to her bones.
It was the most beautiful, and also the most heartbreaking thing, I've ever watched. I cried as her family described her last days. I smiled as Belinda showed that she hadn't lost her sense of humour.
I don't know why Australians loved this girl so much. I think it had something to do with the fact that she was honestly a beautiful, amazing person inside and out. She never seemed to give up. She had *it*. She just had that something, that something that made her so special.
Belinda lost her battle on November 11, 2006. So many tears were cried on that day for this amazing, graceful and strong young woman.
(*By the way, if you missed it on tv, it is on You-Tube. It's under Belinda Emmett on Australian Story or something similar to that. It's in three parts. It's well worth watching.)
-----
So, I have a problem. A big one.
It concerns me greatly. It worries me. It makes me concerned and it worries me.
This morning, I woke up, and got out of bed. Nothing unusual there, that's actually something that I do on a daily basis.
But when I got up, I realised that somehow, during the night, I'd pulled a muscle. At the back of my thigh, just under my left butt cheek (Classy, huh? Yep. That's me. Full of class and decorum and all that other crap!).
Now, this has happened before. I've woken up from a great nights sleep, and gotten out of bed to discover that walking hurts! It really hurts! And I don't know how it happens. Or why. Or **how**!!! What the hell am I doing when I'm in bed?! Last night, I was in bed alone! I'm starting to think I'm doing kung-fu or something in my sleep.
Any ideas? Suggestions?
-----
Anyway. My bedroom is currently a pigsty (sad but true) so I better get back to it. Have a good one, guys!
Hey! Update! Heather (from the cafe) just rang. I start work next Thursday! Yay!
Tuesday, July 24, 2007
If you want it to be good girl, get yourself a bad boy ...
Monday was my last day at JST (Job Seeker Training). And whilst I felt that most of the time, it was a waste of time (it didn't teach me anything new), it was an entertaining waste of time. What more can a girl ask for?!
On Monday, however, Barrie (our JST trainer) said something that made me think.
Barrie: I don't understand why someone hasn't snapped you up. Why don't you have a job?
Me: Well, I do have a job. I just haven't started yet. I'll be working at a cafe, part-time.
Barrie: Really? Well, not a dream job, but it's something I suppose.
Me: Right now, it is my dream job. Something I'm good at. Something I like doing.
Barrie: But you could be doing so much more. You should be.
Me: [thinking] You should talk to my mum. She shares that view ...
Now, this bothered me. Why do people always assume I should be doing more? At Safeway, I was working 35 - 40 hours a week, and I still got the feeling I wasn't doing enough. Um hello, that's kind of why I went nuts and broke down, remember?! I'm not perfect. I may seem like I can handle anything and everything, but *newsflash*, I can't! No one can. I can't fix every single problem. I can't change things that I have no control over. It's taken me a long time to realise it, but I can't. I'm not as capable and as perfect as people would like to believe.
And you know what? I'm ok with that.
Right now, I want to take some time. I don't want a job that is 30+ hours a week. Sure, I could spare the time, I'm not at uni at the moment. But I don't want it. I don't want a job in an office, or doing admin work. I know I could do it. I'd be great. At Safeway I did my job perfectly. But I don't want to go back there and do it again. I want something low-key. Something that I like doing, something I am good at, something that doesn't take up all my time. Something that's not going to mean I have people ringing me on my days off saying "How do I fix this? Rach, what do I do when this happens?"
Honestly? I could probably work 30 hours a week, without a problem. And when I go back to uni, I know I could find a way to make it work, studying full time and working 30 hours a week. I've done it before. But the difference now is ... I don't want to do it.
So what if that makes me unambitious, or if people think I'm lazy. What do I care?
I just wish people wouldn't judge me on perceptions. Just because you have some idea of what I should be doing, or what I could be doing, you don't have to share it with me. Accept what I want. Accept what I am doing, not what you think I should be doing. Chances are, whatever your ideas are, I've already heard it from my mother ... :o)
I'm out. Peace, love and laughter guys.
On Monday, however, Barrie (our JST trainer) said something that made me think.
Barrie: I don't understand why someone hasn't snapped you up. Why don't you have a job?
Me: Well, I do have a job. I just haven't started yet. I'll be working at a cafe, part-time.
Barrie: Really? Well, not a dream job, but it's something I suppose.
Me: Right now, it is my dream job. Something I'm good at. Something I like doing.
Barrie: But you could be doing so much more. You should be.
Me: [thinking] You should talk to my mum. She shares that view ...
Now, this bothered me. Why do people always assume I should be doing more? At Safeway, I was working 35 - 40 hours a week, and I still got the feeling I wasn't doing enough. Um hello, that's kind of why I went nuts and broke down, remember?! I'm not perfect. I may seem like I can handle anything and everything, but *newsflash*, I can't! No one can. I can't fix every single problem. I can't change things that I have no control over. It's taken me a long time to realise it, but I can't. I'm not as capable and as perfect as people would like to believe.
And you know what? I'm ok with that.
Right now, I want to take some time. I don't want a job that is 30+ hours a week. Sure, I could spare the time, I'm not at uni at the moment. But I don't want it. I don't want a job in an office, or doing admin work. I know I could do it. I'd be great. At Safeway I did my job perfectly. But I don't want to go back there and do it again. I want something low-key. Something that I like doing, something I am good at, something that doesn't take up all my time. Something that's not going to mean I have people ringing me on my days off saying "How do I fix this? Rach, what do I do when this happens?"
Honestly? I could probably work 30 hours a week, without a problem. And when I go back to uni, I know I could find a way to make it work, studying full time and working 30 hours a week. I've done it before. But the difference now is ... I don't want to do it.
So what if that makes me unambitious, or if people think I'm lazy. What do I care?
I just wish people wouldn't judge me on perceptions. Just because you have some idea of what I should be doing, or what I could be doing, you don't have to share it with me. Accept what I want. Accept what I am doing, not what you think I should be doing. Chances are, whatever your ideas are, I've already heard it from my mother ... :o)
I'm out. Peace, love and laughter guys.
Monday, July 23, 2007
Interesting ....
Hi! And welcome to your Monday! How's it going for you? Hope things are good.
~*~*
Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows? Didn't disappoint. I cannot believe the twist with Snape! And all the deaths. JK Rowling has managed to construct the most complete universe in her books, and it all came to an end with book number 7. Everything made sense, it wasn't stupid or unfinished. It is one of the best books I have ever read. Give it a week or so and I'm going to say what I really think about all the different twists and turns, I won't just yet as I don't want to spoil it for anyone. Kudos to Kristie tho, who had an idea about the Snape twist. It ended up taking me until 3 am Sunday morning to finish the book. Chrissie and I got our copies at 10 on Saturday morning, and basically only stopped reading once (to go out for dinner on Saturday night). Have just started re-reading it again, I'm worried I missed some good stuff at the end since I was so tired.
~*~*
GO PIES. Collingwood had a good win on the weekend, beating the Bombers. Is it just me, or does anyone else thing that they should have won by a lot more? Maybe I expect too much, but the last few wins that Collingwood has had, I think that they should have been greater. They will have an awesome lead, and it's like they just chill out for a few minutes. The other team gets some goals, and the margin is back to one or two goals ... ?! Anyway. Collingwood will be there in September, which is awesome. They won't make it to that "one day in September" though, unless they pull their socks up a bit ... God I hope they can do it! I know everyone's raving on about the Cats at the moment, and they'll be in the September action, but can they keep the awesome form going and make it to the Grand Final? God, I hope that Hawthorn have a crappy run home. I cannot stand them, and I will shoot myself in the foot if they are in the finals! Looked at the ladder this morning and was a bit surprised to see West Coast so high, I hadn't realised they'd been winning so many games. At the moment they're above my Pies! God no! Ahh well ...
~*~*
Went home to see my mum and dad yesterday. It was ... interesting. And as "Dan" (wink wink, don't worry, "Dan", no one will know who you are! [And if you're looking for the entry about you, go back to Friday]) pointed out, interesting is better than not interesting. Well, yes, that's true, but I honestly think I'd rather not interesting!
So, here's the deal. I haven't said much about my brother lately.
That's because, as far as I'm concerned, he doesn't exist. I cannot, will not, and do not want to forgive him for the way he treated my nephew, my gorgeous little man, Jordyn, and his girlfriend Lorri.
I don't care what anyone thinks. This is the way I feel. I don't care if you judge me for feeling this way. You are not in my shoes.
I have told my mother that I will speak to him again when he changes. When he shows that he is sorry for what he did. When he has an attitude adjustment. When he realises how much he has hurt so many people. When he grows up and puts his son first.
Until then? Nup. Don't care. Don't want anything to do with him.
So, anyway. At first, that is for Jan/Feb/March/April/May and some of June, I was so angry. So pissed off, hurt, upset. I didn't want to be reasonable about it, I didn't want anyone to make excuses for my f***wit of a brother, I wanted to be angry.
---- Sorry, had to stop writing because my mum arrived. She's down for the night. We went and did some shopping ---- [Continued at 5:45 p.m.]
But lately, in the last 4 to 6 weeks or so, the anger has gone. Replaced by acceptance, plain and simple. I no longer want to scream at him, and bash his head against the wall, trying to make him see sense, trying to make him see what he's done - to his son, to his girlfriend, to our whole family. I just ... accept it. Quietly. And I no longer ask about him. No more enquiring what he's up to, whether he's at mum and dads or in Melbourne. Don't care, don't want to know.
So when I went home on Sunday, I wasn't sure if he'd be there, or not. I was pretty sure he'd moved to Melbourne. I thought he was staying with my sister. But yesterday, mum had a few things to tell me.
Darren and Lorri (his girlfriend, Jordyn's mum) have broken up.
Darren is living in Melbourne - but not with Amanda. With his new girlfriend.
Lorri has been in Wangaratta for the last 3 weeks or something, trying to deal with the break-up.
Hmmmm .... Interesting.
I can't really explain how happy I felt ... As horrible as this sounds, and as mean as it may seem, I'm *glad* that it happened. I'm *glad* that they broke up. Isn't that awful? I'm happy that my nephew no longer has parents who are together. Wow - that does sound really awful. But I'm happy. Lorri deserves better. Maybe this will make the f***wit into a better person. I don't know. I don't really care, either, to be honest. All I care about is Lorri and Jordyn. And I'm so happy for them! :o)
~*~*
Had my haircut before when we went shopping ... Ok, no one with scissors is ever coming near me again. I asked for a *LITTLE* bit off my fringe. The hairdresser decided to layer my fringe -- I don't know whether she stuffed it up and had to fix it, or whether it's meant to be really short ... But it looks awful! I don't like it.
~*~*
My new niece? Will be named ... Amy Lee. Yep. Her older sister is named Amber Lee. Okkkk ...
~*~*
Ok, I'm out. Have more to write, but I'm in the middle of cooking lasange. So I'm gonna take off before I burn something :o)
Peace, love and laughter!
~*~*
Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows? Didn't disappoint. I cannot believe the twist with Snape! And all the deaths. JK Rowling has managed to construct the most complete universe in her books, and it all came to an end with book number 7. Everything made sense, it wasn't stupid or unfinished. It is one of the best books I have ever read. Give it a week or so and I'm going to say what I really think about all the different twists and turns, I won't just yet as I don't want to spoil it for anyone. Kudos to Kristie tho, who had an idea about the Snape twist. It ended up taking me until 3 am Sunday morning to finish the book. Chrissie and I got our copies at 10 on Saturday morning, and basically only stopped reading once (to go out for dinner on Saturday night). Have just started re-reading it again, I'm worried I missed some good stuff at the end since I was so tired.
~*~*
GO PIES. Collingwood had a good win on the weekend, beating the Bombers. Is it just me, or does anyone else thing that they should have won by a lot more? Maybe I expect too much, but the last few wins that Collingwood has had, I think that they should have been greater. They will have an awesome lead, and it's like they just chill out for a few minutes. The other team gets some goals, and the margin is back to one or two goals ... ?! Anyway. Collingwood will be there in September, which is awesome. They won't make it to that "one day in September" though, unless they pull their socks up a bit ... God I hope they can do it! I know everyone's raving on about the Cats at the moment, and they'll be in the September action, but can they keep the awesome form going and make it to the Grand Final? God, I hope that Hawthorn have a crappy run home. I cannot stand them, and I will shoot myself in the foot if they are in the finals! Looked at the ladder this morning and was a bit surprised to see West Coast so high, I hadn't realised they'd been winning so many games. At the moment they're above my Pies! God no! Ahh well ...
~*~*
Went home to see my mum and dad yesterday. It was ... interesting. And as "Dan" (wink wink, don't worry, "Dan", no one will know who you are! [And if you're looking for the entry about you, go back to Friday]) pointed out, interesting is better than not interesting. Well, yes, that's true, but I honestly think I'd rather not interesting!
So, here's the deal. I haven't said much about my brother lately.
That's because, as far as I'm concerned, he doesn't exist. I cannot, will not, and do not want to forgive him for the way he treated my nephew, my gorgeous little man, Jordyn, and his girlfriend Lorri.
I don't care what anyone thinks. This is the way I feel. I don't care if you judge me for feeling this way. You are not in my shoes.
I have told my mother that I will speak to him again when he changes. When he shows that he is sorry for what he did. When he has an attitude adjustment. When he realises how much he has hurt so many people. When he grows up and puts his son first.
Until then? Nup. Don't care. Don't want anything to do with him.
So, anyway. At first, that is for Jan/Feb/March/April/May and some of June, I was so angry. So pissed off, hurt, upset. I didn't want to be reasonable about it, I didn't want anyone to make excuses for my f***wit of a brother, I wanted to be angry.
---- Sorry, had to stop writing because my mum arrived. She's down for the night. We went and did some shopping ---- [Continued at 5:45 p.m.]
But lately, in the last 4 to 6 weeks or so, the anger has gone. Replaced by acceptance, plain and simple. I no longer want to scream at him, and bash his head against the wall, trying to make him see sense, trying to make him see what he's done - to his son, to his girlfriend, to our whole family. I just ... accept it. Quietly. And I no longer ask about him. No more enquiring what he's up to, whether he's at mum and dads or in Melbourne. Don't care, don't want to know.
So when I went home on Sunday, I wasn't sure if he'd be there, or not. I was pretty sure he'd moved to Melbourne. I thought he was staying with my sister. But yesterday, mum had a few things to tell me.
Darren and Lorri (his girlfriend, Jordyn's mum) have broken up.
Darren is living in Melbourne - but not with Amanda. With his new girlfriend.
Lorri has been in Wangaratta for the last 3 weeks or something, trying to deal with the break-up.
Hmmmm .... Interesting.
I can't really explain how happy I felt ... As horrible as this sounds, and as mean as it may seem, I'm *glad* that it happened. I'm *glad* that they broke up. Isn't that awful? I'm happy that my nephew no longer has parents who are together. Wow - that does sound really awful. But I'm happy. Lorri deserves better. Maybe this will make the f***wit into a better person. I don't know. I don't really care, either, to be honest. All I care about is Lorri and Jordyn. And I'm so happy for them! :o)
~*~*
Had my haircut before when we went shopping ... Ok, no one with scissors is ever coming near me again. I asked for a *LITTLE* bit off my fringe. The hairdresser decided to layer my fringe -- I don't know whether she stuffed it up and had to fix it, or whether it's meant to be really short ... But it looks awful! I don't like it.
~*~*
My new niece? Will be named ... Amy Lee. Yep. Her older sister is named Amber Lee. Okkkk ...
~*~*
Ok, I'm out. Have more to write, but I'm in the middle of cooking lasange. So I'm gonna take off before I burn something :o)
Peace, love and laughter!
Friday, July 20, 2007
Thanks, Chrissie...!
The scene: We're in Christine's lounge room. Sweet Home Alabama (the movie) has just finished playing. Sweet Home Alabama (the song) is playing as the credits roll. I decide to get up and dance ...
Christine: [Looking at me in amazement] Oh. My. God. You look like a retarded chicken!
Yep. Thanks.
Christine: [Looking at me in amazement] Oh. My. God. You look like a retarded chicken!
Yep. Thanks.
Self-conscious ...
So, here's the thing.
I love writing. I like to blog. This is my journal. My place to vent. Need to think something through? I come here and write my thoughts down. Need to deal with something? Get it all out, write it down. Want to say congrats to someone, or put some photos on the net? I do it on this page. Can't sleep and it's 4am and I'm bored? I'll come on here and babble about nothing.
And, so far, you know, it's worked great for me. When the whole thing happened with my brother, I wrote it all out. (Well, I sure as hell couldn't talk to anyone about it ...) When I lost my job, I was on here a few hours after it happened, unable to sleep, with everything just falling apart around me. Happy, sad, stupid, chaotic, funny, calm ... It's all here.
I generally don't censor what I write. I don't write for anyone other than me. I don't stop and think too much about what I want to write. Because it's not as honest, not as real, if you put too much thought into it (beforehand, anyway ... You should probably think while you're writing...!).
I don't worry about anyones feelings when I write. I don't care if someone gets offended by me swearing or something like that. Why? Because it's for me. I write for me. I don't care what anyone else thinks, you know? My writing may not be perfect, it may not be funny, it may not always be grammatically correct, or witty, or meaningful, but I don't care. As long as I write about whatever is happening, or I write about whatever is bothering me, then I'm happy. As long as I'm honest, and I don't lie to myself, then I'm happy.
[This may seem like another random, disjointed entry, but there is a point, I promise you!]
So, last night I was talking to someone online. I like this someone. I think he is funny, and pretty damn cool, and my god, the man does things with his tongue that make you moan ... Er. Sorry. Slightly off topic. Let's call him ... Oh, I don't know ... Something wild ... Dan. So "Dan" wanted this website address. For some reason it didn't occur to me that he wanted it so he could read this blog. (I don't know what I thought he was going to do with it ... ?)
Anyway. When I realised that "Dan" was reading this blog ... Ok, when "Dan" told me ... For the first time ever, it made me self-conscious to know that someone was reading this blog. Why? I don't know. I know friends who read it. I know friends who email me if I haven't done an entry for a few days (Hey, Megsy!). I know they're reading it, and it doesn't worry me. This is the one place I let out all my "crazy". The one place that I am totally honest, even though I might be scared, or sad, or whatever. It doesn't matter. I come here, I say it all without worrying. How can you do that when you feel self-conscious?
Huh. Guess I lied up there ^ ... I don't think there is a point ... Oh, yeah. Now I remember. Welcome, "Dan". You know who you are! *lol* If you go back into the entries from Feb/March, or even April ... Please try to not fall over as you run away from me screaming :o) *lol* Seriously, just do me a favour, and don't tell me that you've read them! :o) Thanks!
Anyway. Tomorrow (or whenever I blog again) I will go back to my crazy, random, un-censored, totally honest, normal self :o) Something for you all to look forward to! So, the point is (Ha! Knew I had a point!), and this is mainly for "Dan": This is me. Totally raw, open and honest. And, oh yeah, you're going to learn pretty fast that I'm ... Well, kinda nuts! :o)
P.S. Dan, hope you have a great time at the deb :o) You'll do great! And don't forget, I want a picture!
P.P.S. ONE MORE SLEEP! Harry Potter 7 comes out tomorrow. If you don't hear from me for a couple of days, I'm not dead ... Just reading. And Snape? Totally a bad guy. Yep. If he's not ... I'm gonna be so disappointed.
I love writing. I like to blog. This is my journal. My place to vent. Need to think something through? I come here and write my thoughts down. Need to deal with something? Get it all out, write it down. Want to say congrats to someone, or put some photos on the net? I do it on this page. Can't sleep and it's 4am and I'm bored? I'll come on here and babble about nothing.
And, so far, you know, it's worked great for me. When the whole thing happened with my brother, I wrote it all out. (Well, I sure as hell couldn't talk to anyone about it ...) When I lost my job, I was on here a few hours after it happened, unable to sleep, with everything just falling apart around me. Happy, sad, stupid, chaotic, funny, calm ... It's all here.
I generally don't censor what I write. I don't write for anyone other than me. I don't stop and think too much about what I want to write. Because it's not as honest, not as real, if you put too much thought into it (beforehand, anyway ... You should probably think while you're writing...!).
I don't worry about anyones feelings when I write. I don't care if someone gets offended by me swearing or something like that. Why? Because it's for me. I write for me. I don't care what anyone else thinks, you know? My writing may not be perfect, it may not be funny, it may not always be grammatically correct, or witty, or meaningful, but I don't care. As long as I write about whatever is happening, or I write about whatever is bothering me, then I'm happy. As long as I'm honest, and I don't lie to myself, then I'm happy.
[This may seem like another random, disjointed entry, but there is a point, I promise you!]
So, last night I was talking to someone online. I like this someone. I think he is funny, and pretty damn cool, and my god, the man does things with his tongue that make you moan ... Er. Sorry. Slightly off topic. Let's call him ... Oh, I don't know ... Something wild ... Dan. So "Dan" wanted this website address. For some reason it didn't occur to me that he wanted it so he could read this blog. (I don't know what I thought he was going to do with it ... ?)
Anyway. When I realised that "Dan" was reading this blog ... Ok, when "Dan" told me ... For the first time ever, it made me self-conscious to know that someone was reading this blog. Why? I don't know. I know friends who read it. I know friends who email me if I haven't done an entry for a few days (Hey, Megsy!). I know they're reading it, and it doesn't worry me. This is the one place I let out all my "crazy". The one place that I am totally honest, even though I might be scared, or sad, or whatever. It doesn't matter. I come here, I say it all without worrying. How can you do that when you feel self-conscious?
Huh. Guess I lied up there ^ ... I don't think there is a point ... Oh, yeah. Now I remember. Welcome, "Dan". You know who you are! *lol* If you go back into the entries from Feb/March, or even April ... Please try to not fall over as you run away from me screaming :o) *lol* Seriously, just do me a favour, and don't tell me that you've read them! :o) Thanks!
Anyway. Tomorrow (or whenever I blog again) I will go back to my crazy, random, un-censored, totally honest, normal self :o) Something for you all to look forward to! So, the point is (Ha! Knew I had a point!), and this is mainly for "Dan": This is me. Totally raw, open and honest. And, oh yeah, you're going to learn pretty fast that I'm ... Well, kinda nuts! :o)
P.S. Dan, hope you have a great time at the deb :o) You'll do great! And don't forget, I want a picture!
P.P.S. ONE MORE SLEEP! Harry Potter 7 comes out tomorrow. If you don't hear from me for a couple of days, I'm not dead ... Just reading. And Snape? Totally a bad guy. Yep. If he's not ... I'm gonna be so disappointed.
Tuesday, July 17, 2007
Jury Duty, Day One/Final Day ... And other random stuff.
Yup. Day one of jury duty was also my final day! :o) *lol* I was reading the info sheet that I got with my jury summons, and something occurred to me. I'd answered one of the questions, and realised I'd answered wrong. The right answer actually made me ineligible for jury service. So I trundled off to the court this morning, and my morning went something like this:
10:15 - Arrive at the court, wait on the steps with about 50 other people. It's raining and cold.
10:25 - The Jury Pool Supervisor comes to get us all, in a loooong line we climb three flights of stairs and get squashed into a room that would be better suited for about 30 people.
10:30 - Jury Pool Supervisor (JPS) reads out all our names to make sure we're all accounted for. Only one person (Arthur Feemble) has not arrived.
10:30 - 10:45 - JPS asks if anyone wishes to change their occupation on the official sheet, and has to ask all those retired people what their occupation was before they retired. While she is doing this, we hear what we assume is a car alarm going off.
10:45 - Alarm is still going. JPS goes to investigate. Comes back to tell us that it is in fact the courts fire alarm, and we all have to evacuate. So we all go back down three flights of stairs, into the cold and the rain, running into the firemen on our way down. I pull the JPS aside to ask if I can still serve - she isn't sure.
10:55 - Alarm is deemed to be false. Once again, it's back up the stairs.
11:00 - Everyone's back in the room. It's time to discuss travel allowence for those who live more than 8km from the court, as they get 30 cents for every kilometre they travel one way (or something ... ?!) JPS puts on a video for us to watch while she goes to talk to the judge.
11:35 - JPS comes back and (thank god!) turns off the video (which isn't finished, but I guess she'd figured they'd tortured us for long enough). Announces that we will be going into court shortly. JPS pulls me aside and tells me that I can go home - I am ineligible to serve on the jury. Woo hoo!
So that was my very exciting day in court ... *lol*
~*~*~
This afternoon when I got home, I made lunch and then decided to laze about on the couch for a while. I ended up falling asleep. I had a really weird dream - I dreamt about Mel. I dreamt of the last time I saw her - three days before she died. In real life, I was walking to work, and she drove past me. She stopped, and I told her I couldn't stop because I was on my way to work, I was in a hurry. I told her that I'd see her when she got back - not knowing that I would never get the chance. In my dream, I stopped. I told her not to go. I told her to take someone else with her. I begged her not to drive when she was tired. I told her not to be an idiot, not to hurry. It's weird. I used to dream of her often when she first died. I would have dreams when I would tell her not to take him, not to drive, or let him drive when she was tired. I would yell at her, telling her she had to be careful. But I haven't had a dream like that in ages.
About 30 minutes ago, I went and sat on my back step to have a smoke. I had my MP3 player going. One of the songs that was played at Mel's funeral was Uncle Krackers "Follow Me". About 3 months before Mel died, I was in Melbourne. I'd spent the week staying with my cousin. I got on the train on the Sunday night. School went back the next day. I was in year 12, and we had set texts for English. I'd taken one of the books that we were meant to read over the holidays with me to Melbourne, but I hadn't even looked at it. I got on the train with a plan - a plan to read the entire way from Melbourne to Kerang. The train was packed, so I found my seat and opened up the book (It was boring as all hell!). I barely noticed when someone sat across from me. As the train pulled away from the station, i looked up to see the city. It was then I noticed the girl who had sat across from me.
It was Mel.
I hadn't seen her in months, and there she was, sitting there grinning at me, like the bloody cheeky thing she was! When it finally clicked (I sat there staring for about 15 seconds) she cracked up laughing!
I turned off the CD walkman I was listening to, and Mel asked what CD was in there. It was Uncle Kracker. My cousin and I had spent literally all day Saturday trying to find the "Follow Me" single. We went to three different shopping centres, and well over a dozen music stores. Everyone had sold out. We'd finally managed to find two copies at Knox. We talked about that for a while, Mel saying she loved the song. Then we talked about everything else, somehow making the 3 and a half hour trip disappear. Needless to say, when we got to Kerang, I'd not read any of the book, my plan had somehow gotten lost.
Anyway, when I went out for my smoke before, just as I sat down, "Follow Me" started playing.
I don't know whether I believe in 'signs'. I know a lot of people do, they believe things they see, or things that happen to them, are because of people who they have loved and lost making their presence known. I guess it's always seemed to me like those people were so desparately clutching at anything, something, in their grief. Whatever helps, right? Whatever makes the grief easier to deal with? And who would judge? You may not believe, but you don't judge. You don't think it's stupid, or ridiculous, you just don't believe.
Now the whole dream & song playing just as I sit down doesn't bother me. Maybe it was a sign? I often hear that song, or one of the other songs played at Mel's funeral, on the radio, or on a CD. It will often make me smile. Once upon a time, when the grief was raw, when I tried to deny what happened, I could cry everytime I heard one of the songs. But now, I smile. Think of that wicked sense of humour, that infectious smile. I think of Mel. The gorgeous person she was.
It's been raining pretty much all day here. While I was having my smoke, I looked up. The sky had turned a reddy/pink colour, and the sun was peaking through. For some reason, something in my mind just *screamed* MEL! It was pretty bizzare.
Do you think it was a sign? Someone trying to make her presence felt? Or was it just a few coincidences, thrown together, that didn't mean anything?
~*~*~
Ok, I'm out ... Thanks for sticking with me while I rambled on! What a nice long entry that was.
Peace, love and laughter!
10:15 - Arrive at the court, wait on the steps with about 50 other people. It's raining and cold.
10:25 - The Jury Pool Supervisor comes to get us all, in a loooong line we climb three flights of stairs and get squashed into a room that would be better suited for about 30 people.
10:30 - Jury Pool Supervisor (JPS) reads out all our names to make sure we're all accounted for. Only one person (Arthur Feemble) has not arrived.
10:30 - 10:45 - JPS asks if anyone wishes to change their occupation on the official sheet, and has to ask all those retired people what their occupation was before they retired. While she is doing this, we hear what we assume is a car alarm going off.
10:45 - Alarm is still going. JPS goes to investigate. Comes back to tell us that it is in fact the courts fire alarm, and we all have to evacuate. So we all go back down three flights of stairs, into the cold and the rain, running into the firemen on our way down. I pull the JPS aside to ask if I can still serve - she isn't sure.
10:55 - Alarm is deemed to be false. Once again, it's back up the stairs.
11:00 - Everyone's back in the room. It's time to discuss travel allowence for those who live more than 8km from the court, as they get 30 cents for every kilometre they travel one way (or something ... ?!) JPS puts on a video for us to watch while she goes to talk to the judge.
11:35 - JPS comes back and (thank god!) turns off the video (which isn't finished, but I guess she'd figured they'd tortured us for long enough). Announces that we will be going into court shortly. JPS pulls me aside and tells me that I can go home - I am ineligible to serve on the jury. Woo hoo!
So that was my very exciting day in court ... *lol*
~*~*~
This afternoon when I got home, I made lunch and then decided to laze about on the couch for a while. I ended up falling asleep. I had a really weird dream - I dreamt about Mel. I dreamt of the last time I saw her - three days before she died. In real life, I was walking to work, and she drove past me. She stopped, and I told her I couldn't stop because I was on my way to work, I was in a hurry. I told her that I'd see her when she got back - not knowing that I would never get the chance. In my dream, I stopped. I told her not to go. I told her to take someone else with her. I begged her not to drive when she was tired. I told her not to be an idiot, not to hurry. It's weird. I used to dream of her often when she first died. I would have dreams when I would tell her not to take him, not to drive, or let him drive when she was tired. I would yell at her, telling her she had to be careful. But I haven't had a dream like that in ages.
About 30 minutes ago, I went and sat on my back step to have a smoke. I had my MP3 player going. One of the songs that was played at Mel's funeral was Uncle Krackers "Follow Me". About 3 months before Mel died, I was in Melbourne. I'd spent the week staying with my cousin. I got on the train on the Sunday night. School went back the next day. I was in year 12, and we had set texts for English. I'd taken one of the books that we were meant to read over the holidays with me to Melbourne, but I hadn't even looked at it. I got on the train with a plan - a plan to read the entire way from Melbourne to Kerang. The train was packed, so I found my seat and opened up the book (It was boring as all hell!). I barely noticed when someone sat across from me. As the train pulled away from the station, i looked up to see the city. It was then I noticed the girl who had sat across from me.
It was Mel.
I hadn't seen her in months, and there she was, sitting there grinning at me, like the bloody cheeky thing she was! When it finally clicked (I sat there staring for about 15 seconds) she cracked up laughing!
I turned off the CD walkman I was listening to, and Mel asked what CD was in there. It was Uncle Kracker. My cousin and I had spent literally all day Saturday trying to find the "Follow Me" single. We went to three different shopping centres, and well over a dozen music stores. Everyone had sold out. We'd finally managed to find two copies at Knox. We talked about that for a while, Mel saying she loved the song. Then we talked about everything else, somehow making the 3 and a half hour trip disappear. Needless to say, when we got to Kerang, I'd not read any of the book, my plan had somehow gotten lost.
Anyway, when I went out for my smoke before, just as I sat down, "Follow Me" started playing.
I don't know whether I believe in 'signs'. I know a lot of people do, they believe things they see, or things that happen to them, are because of people who they have loved and lost making their presence known. I guess it's always seemed to me like those people were so desparately clutching at anything, something, in their grief. Whatever helps, right? Whatever makes the grief easier to deal with? And who would judge? You may not believe, but you don't judge. You don't think it's stupid, or ridiculous, you just don't believe.
Now the whole dream & song playing just as I sit down doesn't bother me. Maybe it was a sign? I often hear that song, or one of the other songs played at Mel's funeral, on the radio, or on a CD. It will often make me smile. Once upon a time, when the grief was raw, when I tried to deny what happened, I could cry everytime I heard one of the songs. But now, I smile. Think of that wicked sense of humour, that infectious smile. I think of Mel. The gorgeous person she was.
It's been raining pretty much all day here. While I was having my smoke, I looked up. The sky had turned a reddy/pink colour, and the sun was peaking through. For some reason, something in my mind just *screamed* MEL! It was pretty bizzare.
Do you think it was a sign? Someone trying to make her presence felt? Or was it just a few coincidences, thrown together, that didn't mean anything?
~*~*~
Ok, I'm out ... Thanks for sticking with me while I rambled on! What a nice long entry that was.
Peace, love and laughter!
Rise and shine!
Rise and shine ... Rise and shine ... Rise and shine!
*lol* It's not that early, but I have been up since 6, so now I'm well and truly awake! :o) Rise and SHINE!
Did you know it's freeeezing at 6 am?! *lol* It all seems so weird to me now, I've gotten used to sleeping in, and getting up when it's slightly warmer, but I used to get up at 4 am, when it would be -3 or -4, to go to walk to work at Safeway *lol*. I don't know how I did that ... :-P I think I've gotten spoilt!
Not much news from here ... As usual :o)
La-de-da-de-da ... Postsecret is great this week, (as usual) and Kristie is back from vacation, and while she was away, she brought a house! Huh?! *lol* Lillie is improving every day, which is terrific! Hmm ... I think that's about it. I'm getting slack ... :-P *lol*
Anyway, I'm going to get going ... I better go do my hair ... Since it currently looks like utter crap! :o) Have a great day, guys! I'm out. Peace, love and laughter! :o)
*lol* It's not that early, but I have been up since 6, so now I'm well and truly awake! :o) Rise and SHINE!
Did you know it's freeeezing at 6 am?! *lol* It all seems so weird to me now, I've gotten used to sleeping in, and getting up when it's slightly warmer, but I used to get up at 4 am, when it would be -3 or -4, to go to walk to work at Safeway *lol*. I don't know how I did that ... :-P I think I've gotten spoilt!
Not much news from here ... As usual :o)
La-de-da-de-da ... Postsecret is great this week, (as usual) and Kristie is back from vacation, and while she was away, she brought a house! Huh?! *lol* Lillie is improving every day, which is terrific! Hmm ... I think that's about it. I'm getting slack ... :-P *lol*
Anyway, I'm going to get going ... I better go do my hair ... Since it currently looks like utter crap! :o) Have a great day, guys! I'm out. Peace, love and laughter! :o)
Monday, July 16, 2007
Monday!
Hello and welcome to your Monday! (Which is nearly over, but ahh well!)
~*~*~
Rang the jury line before, and crap crap crap, I'm required to attend court tomorrow. I kinda figured I wouldn't get called (I'm not sure why, I just did) and I'd actually made plans to go out to lunch with a friend tomorrow ... Oops!
~*~*~
Ryan's Naming Day was on Saturday! Scroll down to check out some of the photos I took. It was a great day, it didn't rain, and everyone really enjoyed themselves! What more can you ask for?! The guest of honour got slightly grumpy during the actual naming ceremony, but that's because he hadn't slept well the night before. Overall, Ryan did so well, no nap all day until a bit after 4 p.m.! He fell asleep while Ang was opening his presents!! Not bad considering he'd been up since 6 a.m.! :o)
~*~*~
Christine ... You are in disgrace. Not only do you go to my place of worship WITHOUT me, you do it on my holy day AND you don't get me anything! Oh ... You in twouble!
~*~*~
Was in bed at 9 last night (yeah...seriously!) and slept right through until 5 this morning. Course, then I woke up and couldn't get back to sleep! Ha! Hopefully tonight's the same (although going to sleep & waking up a little later would be nice...!)
~*~*~
Yes, I know Collingwood lost. It hurts, it hurts ... It hurts. That's ok. There's always next week, and I have no doubt the boys will get up and kick some Bomber arse. God, I wish Mel was still here ... We'd be giving each other shit all week before the game. Mel ... No "heavenly help" for your team! Watch my boys open a can of whup-arse! ;o)
~*~*~
I sent in my tax form thingy today. I know you guys probably couldn't care less ... This is for me. I need to keep a note of the date, so I know when I sent it in/how long it's been. And since I'm too lazy and/or forgetful to write it down on a piece of paper (plus, who am I kidding? I'd lose the paper in about 3 seconds), I'll put it on here ... And hope that I remember putting it on here in a weeks time.
~*~*~
Barrie: Now, Teagan was there any reason you were not on time this morning? That is, is there any reason why you were not here at 9:30 as you should have been.
Tegan: Ummm ... I was .... Uhhh .... I was late?
Barrie: Yes ... But why? Is there a reason you were late?
Tegan: Oh. Nup.
Yes, JST is going well ... 2 new people started today. Tegan was one of them ... Not a very nice girl ... I felt like calling her a skank :o) *lol* Yeah, seriously. She was rude, ignorant, and racist. What a charming combination, huh?! And dog-girl showed up again! Without the dog though, and she didn't end up staying because she had a disagreement with Barrie, who then refused to work with her, so she took off. Ahh, it was funny! :o)
~*~*~
The latest Harry Potter movie? Crap. Went to see it on Friday night with Steen. I prefer the books. Too much missed out in the movies, too much changed. Bloody crap! :o) Can't wait for the last book to come out ... Have already pre-ordered my copy :o) Will be there bright and early Saturday morning to pick it up ... Nobody will hear from me this weekend!
~*~*~
Ok, I think that's about it. Hope you all had a great day.
I'm out! Peace, love and laughter! :o)
~*~*~
Rang the jury line before, and crap crap crap, I'm required to attend court tomorrow. I kinda figured I wouldn't get called (I'm not sure why, I just did) and I'd actually made plans to go out to lunch with a friend tomorrow ... Oops!
~*~*~
Ryan's Naming Day was on Saturday! Scroll down to check out some of the photos I took. It was a great day, it didn't rain, and everyone really enjoyed themselves! What more can you ask for?! The guest of honour got slightly grumpy during the actual naming ceremony, but that's because he hadn't slept well the night before. Overall, Ryan did so well, no nap all day until a bit after 4 p.m.! He fell asleep while Ang was opening his presents!! Not bad considering he'd been up since 6 a.m.! :o)
~*~*~
Christine ... You are in disgrace. Not only do you go to my place of worship WITHOUT me, you do it on my holy day AND you don't get me anything! Oh ... You in twouble!
~*~*~
Was in bed at 9 last night (yeah...seriously!) and slept right through until 5 this morning. Course, then I woke up and couldn't get back to sleep! Ha! Hopefully tonight's the same (although going to sleep & waking up a little later would be nice...!)
~*~*~
Yes, I know Collingwood lost. It hurts, it hurts ... It hurts. That's ok. There's always next week, and I have no doubt the boys will get up and kick some Bomber arse. God, I wish Mel was still here ... We'd be giving each other shit all week before the game. Mel ... No "heavenly help" for your team! Watch my boys open a can of whup-arse! ;o)
~*~*~
I sent in my tax form thingy today. I know you guys probably couldn't care less ... This is for me. I need to keep a note of the date, so I know when I sent it in/how long it's been. And since I'm too lazy and/or forgetful to write it down on a piece of paper (plus, who am I kidding? I'd lose the paper in about 3 seconds), I'll put it on here ... And hope that I remember putting it on here in a weeks time.
~*~*~
Barrie: Now, Teagan was there any reason you were not on time this morning? That is, is there any reason why you were not here at 9:30 as you should have been.
Tegan: Ummm ... I was .... Uhhh .... I was late?
Barrie: Yes ... But why? Is there a reason you were late?
Tegan: Oh. Nup.
Yes, JST is going well ... 2 new people started today. Tegan was one of them ... Not a very nice girl ... I felt like calling her a skank :o) *lol* Yeah, seriously. She was rude, ignorant, and racist. What a charming combination, huh?! And dog-girl showed up again! Without the dog though, and she didn't end up staying because she had a disagreement with Barrie, who then refused to work with her, so she took off. Ahh, it was funny! :o)
~*~*~
The latest Harry Potter movie? Crap. Went to see it on Friday night with Steen. I prefer the books. Too much missed out in the movies, too much changed. Bloody crap! :o) Can't wait for the last book to come out ... Have already pre-ordered my copy :o) Will be there bright and early Saturday morning to pick it up ... Nobody will hear from me this weekend!
~*~*~
Ok, I think that's about it. Hope you all had a great day.
I'm out! Peace, love and laughter! :o)
Saturday, July 14, 2007
Ryan's Naming Day!
Ryan's Thomas the Tank birthday cake!
Ryan with one of his (many!) presents. He scored some great pressies!
Ang and Ryan, getting ready to cut the cake.
Ryan ... Getting tired at the end of the day.
The reason we were all invited to a party today: Ryan!
L-R: Sue (Civil Celebrant), Vince (holding Ryan), Rob (Ryan's Godfather) and Ang.
L - R: Vince (holding Ryan), Ang, Rach, Rob.
The Godparents! Rob and I with Ryan.
Ang and Rob with Ryan (who looks like he's spotted mum's earrings ... Look out Ang!)
Thursday, July 12, 2007
Ryan's Naming Day Speech
I'm so happy to be here today, celebrating Ryan's naming day with him, and all of you.
I know many of you have been asked to write wishes for Ryan, and I thought I'd share with you a few of my wishes for Ryan.
My wish for Ryan is that he has many more days like this - days where he is surrounded by love, laughter, fun, good food and good times.
My wish for Ryan is that he lives a full life, learning a little from every person here today, and a little from the mistakes he makes as he chooses his own path in life.
My wish for Ryan is that he grows up to have the strength and humour of his mum, and the quiet determination and peaceful nature of his dad.
My wish for Ryan is that he looks back at this day, and realizes he is blessed to have so many people surrounding him who love him.
To Ang and Vince, I say thankyou for allowing me the honour of being Ryan's Godmother. I feel so lucky to have such a gorgeous and special little boy as my godson. I will always be there for Ryan, no matter what he may need, or what the situation may be. I will always be the best Godmother I can be, and I will stand by this promise to Ryan.
I know many of you have been asked to write wishes for Ryan, and I thought I'd share with you a few of my wishes for Ryan.
My wish for Ryan is that he has many more days like this - days where he is surrounded by love, laughter, fun, good food and good times.
My wish for Ryan is that he lives a full life, learning a little from every person here today, and a little from the mistakes he makes as he chooses his own path in life.
My wish for Ryan is that he grows up to have the strength and humour of his mum, and the quiet determination and peaceful nature of his dad.
My wish for Ryan is that he looks back at this day, and realizes he is blessed to have so many people surrounding him who love him.
To Ang and Vince, I say thankyou for allowing me the honour of being Ryan's Godmother. I feel so lucky to have such a gorgeous and special little boy as my godson. I will always be there for Ryan, no matter what he may need, or what the situation may be. I will always be the best Godmother I can be, and I will stand by this promise to Ryan.
Filling in time! :o)
Well, I have 15-20 minutes before I have to leave for JST, so I figured I'd do a quick entry since my hair is all pretty and I have clothes on :-P *lol*
The news on Lillie isn't great, unfortunately. At the moment (nearly 48 hours out from surgery), she is only responsive to painful stimuli. The doctors know there is some neurological damage, the only question is how much. My heart breaks for this gorgeous little girl and her amazing family. How can life be so unfair??
In other CB news ... Hunter is out of hospital! Yay! I haven't been checking on as many of the kids as I usually do, so I won't do a full update here. If you want to know how they're doing, look to the right of the page and follow the links :o)
Not much news from here ... Rang my sister yesterday ... And almost hung up on her :o) *lol* She was in a foul mood, and swearing all over the place ... Ahh, nice! I'll give her a week then see if she's still grumpy.
JST is going well. Still hoping that jury duty doesn't take too long so I can get it knocked over next week ... I really don't want it to drag on. Today will be Matt's last day, which is a pity, I really like Matt. He's fairly quiet, and I always think he'd scream if he saw his own shadow! :o) But he's friendly, and it'll be sad to see him go. We had a "dog-girl" show up on ... Tuesday? I think it was (she actually also turned up one day last week as well). She was this hippy kind of chick, who came in with a bag over her shoulder (containing a dog - one of those little rat things - a Paris Hilton kind of dog), a bag over her arm, a violin case on her back, and the whole beanie/funny hat thing going on. Barrie, who's usually easy going, immediately raised his voice and told her the dog wasn't appropriate, and to get it out! So she and her her dog disappeared, and haven't been seen since. She was meant to attend yesterday, so I don't know what's going on there. It will be interesting to see if she shows up today.
Craig is still there, and still sitting next to me. Every. Single. Freakin. Day! Grr. Yesterday I heard his theories about how the crops are all good, so the price of food isn't because of inflation or bad crops, it's Howard's fault ... Eh? I also heard his theory on how there will be another "Tampa" Crisis (The refugee/boat crisis that happened before the last Federal Election) so the country sees what happens ... EH??! And he shared with me that we should "send them all back to their own countries". I'm not sure who "they" are, I think he meant everyone in Australia that was not born here? It's very ... Interesting!
Anyway, I gotta take off. Peace, love and laughter.
The news on Lillie isn't great, unfortunately. At the moment (nearly 48 hours out from surgery), she is only responsive to painful stimuli. The doctors know there is some neurological damage, the only question is how much. My heart breaks for this gorgeous little girl and her amazing family. How can life be so unfair??
In other CB news ... Hunter is out of hospital! Yay! I haven't been checking on as many of the kids as I usually do, so I won't do a full update here. If you want to know how they're doing, look to the right of the page and follow the links :o)
Not much news from here ... Rang my sister yesterday ... And almost hung up on her :o) *lol* She was in a foul mood, and swearing all over the place ... Ahh, nice! I'll give her a week then see if she's still grumpy.
JST is going well. Still hoping that jury duty doesn't take too long so I can get it knocked over next week ... I really don't want it to drag on. Today will be Matt's last day, which is a pity, I really like Matt. He's fairly quiet, and I always think he'd scream if he saw his own shadow! :o) But he's friendly, and it'll be sad to see him go. We had a "dog-girl" show up on ... Tuesday? I think it was (she actually also turned up one day last week as well). She was this hippy kind of chick, who came in with a bag over her shoulder (containing a dog - one of those little rat things - a Paris Hilton kind of dog), a bag over her arm, a violin case on her back, and the whole beanie/funny hat thing going on. Barrie, who's usually easy going, immediately raised his voice and told her the dog wasn't appropriate, and to get it out! So she and her her dog disappeared, and haven't been seen since. She was meant to attend yesterday, so I don't know what's going on there. It will be interesting to see if she shows up today.
Craig is still there, and still sitting next to me. Every. Single. Freakin. Day! Grr. Yesterday I heard his theories about how the crops are all good, so the price of food isn't because of inflation or bad crops, it's Howard's fault ... Eh? I also heard his theory on how there will be another "Tampa" Crisis (The refugee/boat crisis that happened before the last Federal Election) so the country sees what happens ... EH??! And he shared with me that we should "send them all back to their own countries". I'm not sure who "they" are, I think he meant everyone in Australia that was not born here? It's very ... Interesting!
Anyway, I gotta take off. Peace, love and laughter.
Tuesday, July 10, 2007
Random Mutterings ... #6
1) I have an itchy foot.
2) No news on Lillie so far - The outpouring of support for the Boyte Family has been pretty amazing though! Want to get in on the act? Go visit Lillie and her family at www.caringbridge.org/visit/lillieboyte and say Hi! I'm sure they would really appreciate it.
3) After a *great* nights sleep last night (I was in bed at 10:30 and slept through until 7 this morning! :o)) I'm back to the "I'm-so-freaking-tired-but-I-can-not-get-to-sleep" thing. Which is really annoying. I have to be up at 7 again tomorrow morning and I can't see myself going to sleep anytime soon. I was so tired I went to bed at 10, and have been staring at the ceiling ever since. So finally I gave up and got up to check on Lillie, and to do an entry.
4) Yes, I know I've not done an entry since Saturday and now I've done two in the one day. Deal with it :o) The truth? I'm a very boring person! There's really not that much to blog about.
5) Ryan's Naming Day ... Yes, it's this Saturday. THIS Saturday! And I still haven't written my speech. What am I meant to say??! Went to visit Ang yesterday afternoon and she said I also have to read a poem ... Oh dear god, they are trying to kill me ... Argh!
6) JST is still going. Still boring. Missed most of this morning (only went for the first hour as I wasn't feeling well) so I'll have to make up that time somewhere. Jury duty is next week. Ohh, how exciting! *lol* I'm hoping that I (a) either don't get selected to sit on a jury, or (b) get selected and the trial only goes for a couple of days. I'm really anxious to get it over and done with so that I can start my new job.
7) No news on the name of my niece, who will be making her arrival into this world in November. For certain people who have asked, the due date is the 18th November.
8) Have you checked out PostSecret this week? There were no new secrets posted last week, but Frank (the founder of PostSecret) is back, better than ever this week.
9) A quick wrap up of a few other CaringBridge kids, should you want to check on them ... Hunter is in-patient at the moment, and doesn't look like getting out anytime soon! Anna-Jane is doing ok, but it doesn't seem like she has a lot of time left with her family. Kaitlyn finds out tomorrow the extent of her relapse, and I'm sure her mum would appreciate knowing that people are thinking of her at this tough time. Dylan had a great day out the other day, and is looking foward to his dad and brother joining he and his mum full time in the US! Finally the family can be together again. Matty's mum is missing her boy. Hannah's mum is also missing her little princess, and finding memories in the little things :o) Elizabeth is finally out of hospital! Woo hoo! Let's hope the Westberry tribe can avoid all hospitals for a while. Kayla has taken off on a vacation, which is well-deserved! Jake's family put on one heck of a fundraiser in memory of their little man, and raised a heap of money to help other kids with cancer. How awesome is that!
10) Ok, I think I might take off, and try to get some sleep.
Peace, love and laughter. I'm out :o)
2) No news on Lillie so far - The outpouring of support for the Boyte Family has been pretty amazing though! Want to get in on the act? Go visit Lillie and her family at www.caringbridge.org/visit/lillieboyte and say Hi! I'm sure they would really appreciate it.
3) After a *great* nights sleep last night (I was in bed at 10:30 and slept through until 7 this morning! :o)) I'm back to the "I'm-so-freaking-tired-but-I-can-not-get-to-sleep" thing. Which is really annoying. I have to be up at 7 again tomorrow morning and I can't see myself going to sleep anytime soon. I was so tired I went to bed at 10, and have been staring at the ceiling ever since. So finally I gave up and got up to check on Lillie, and to do an entry.
4) Yes, I know I've not done an entry since Saturday and now I've done two in the one day. Deal with it :o) The truth? I'm a very boring person! There's really not that much to blog about.
5) Ryan's Naming Day ... Yes, it's this Saturday. THIS Saturday! And I still haven't written my speech. What am I meant to say??! Went to visit Ang yesterday afternoon and she said I also have to read a poem ... Oh dear god, they are trying to kill me ... Argh!
6) JST is still going. Still boring. Missed most of this morning (only went for the first hour as I wasn't feeling well) so I'll have to make up that time somewhere. Jury duty is next week. Ohh, how exciting! *lol* I'm hoping that I (a) either don't get selected to sit on a jury, or (b) get selected and the trial only goes for a couple of days. I'm really anxious to get it over and done with so that I can start my new job.
7) No news on the name of my niece, who will be making her arrival into this world in November. For certain people who have asked, the due date is the 18th November.
8) Have you checked out PostSecret this week? There were no new secrets posted last week, but Frank (the founder of PostSecret) is back, better than ever this week.
9) A quick wrap up of a few other CaringBridge kids, should you want to check on them ... Hunter is in-patient at the moment, and doesn't look like getting out anytime soon! Anna-Jane is doing ok, but it doesn't seem like she has a lot of time left with her family. Kaitlyn finds out tomorrow the extent of her relapse, and I'm sure her mum would appreciate knowing that people are thinking of her at this tough time. Dylan had a great day out the other day, and is looking foward to his dad and brother joining he and his mum full time in the US! Finally the family can be together again. Matty's mum is missing her boy. Hannah's mum is also missing her little princess, and finding memories in the little things :o) Elizabeth is finally out of hospital! Woo hoo! Let's hope the Westberry tribe can avoid all hospitals for a while. Kayla has taken off on a vacation, which is well-deserved! Jake's family put on one heck of a fundraiser in memory of their little man, and raised a heap of money to help other kids with cancer. How awesome is that!
10) Ok, I think I might take off, and try to get some sleep.
Peace, love and laughter. I'm out :o)
Lillie
Got 5 minutes?
Go say Hi to Lillie and her family: www.caringbridge.org/visit/lillieboyte.
Lillie is a gorgeous little girl. She is 3 years old and she has neuroblastoma. Lillie was rushed into surgery this morning (Australian time) after doctors found 2 tumors at the base of her skull.
The next 24 hours for Lillie will be crucial. Doctors aren't sure what kind of neurological damage has been done.
Lillie has two sisters - a younger baby sister (2 weeks old) named Eva and an older sister Hannah (who's 5).
I'm sure Lillie's mum and dad would appreciate prayers, good thoughts, positive vibes into the universe, sacrificial chickens or whatever floats your boat as they deal with this latest setback. The family are not in their home town at the moment, as Lillie gets chemo and treatment in New York at Sloan Kettering, which can't make the situation any easier for the Boyte family.
So go say Hi to Lillie and her family. Don't know what to say? Just let them know you're thinking of them. I'm sure they'd appreciate it more than you realise.
Ok, I'm out. Peace, love and laughter.
Go say Hi to Lillie and her family: www.caringbridge.org/visit/lillieboyte.
Lillie is a gorgeous little girl. She is 3 years old and she has neuroblastoma. Lillie was rushed into surgery this morning (Australian time) after doctors found 2 tumors at the base of her skull.
The next 24 hours for Lillie will be crucial. Doctors aren't sure what kind of neurological damage has been done.
Lillie has two sisters - a younger baby sister (2 weeks old) named Eva and an older sister Hannah (who's 5).
I'm sure Lillie's mum and dad would appreciate prayers, good thoughts, positive vibes into the universe, sacrificial chickens or whatever floats your boat as they deal with this latest setback. The family are not in their home town at the moment, as Lillie gets chemo and treatment in New York at Sloan Kettering, which can't make the situation any easier for the Boyte family.
So go say Hi to Lillie and her family. Don't know what to say? Just let them know you're thinking of them. I'm sure they'd appreciate it more than you realise.
Ok, I'm out. Peace, love and laughter.
Saturday, July 07, 2007
Today was "U-Day" - Ultrasound Day, that is. (For my sister, not me ...! *lol*)
And about 1:30 I had a phonecall to say ... "You're getting a new ...
... ... ... Niece!"
Yay! I'm so happy! Of course, I'd be equally as thrilled if it was a boy. As long as the baby is healthy, that's all that matters :o)
So now I've started a campaign to get my name somewhere in there ... And my sister told me they were considering Jade Rachel, which of course thrilled me no end! *lol* But, my sister was convinced she was having a boy, so they hadn't really given any thought to girls names at all, so I have no doubt the end name for the baby will probably be totally different :o)
Not much other news from here. As my (brief) post said yesterday, I did get the job! I don't start for another 2 weeks though. Heather didn't see the point in doing a shift or two this week, then having a week off for (freakin) jury duty, so I won't be starting until that's all over.
My sister has decided not to visit this week, both her and Amber (my niece) have the flu at the moment, so they're staying home :o)
That's about it for now.
Cheers!
Make sure you laugh today! :o)
What the?! I just tried to type in a title for this entry and it won't let me??! *lol*
And about 1:30 I had a phonecall to say ... "You're getting a new ...
... ... ... Niece!"
Yay! I'm so happy! Of course, I'd be equally as thrilled if it was a boy. As long as the baby is healthy, that's all that matters :o)
So now I've started a campaign to get my name somewhere in there ... And my sister told me they were considering Jade Rachel, which of course thrilled me no end! *lol* But, my sister was convinced she was having a boy, so they hadn't really given any thought to girls names at all, so I have no doubt the end name for the baby will probably be totally different :o)
Not much other news from here. As my (brief) post said yesterday, I did get the job! I don't start for another 2 weeks though. Heather didn't see the point in doing a shift or two this week, then having a week off for (freakin) jury duty, so I won't be starting until that's all over.
My sister has decided not to visit this week, both her and Amber (my niece) have the flu at the moment, so they're staying home :o)
That's about it for now.
Cheers!
Make sure you laugh today! :o)
What the?! I just tried to type in a title for this entry and it won't let me??! *lol*
Friday, July 06, 2007
Thursday, July 05, 2007
Random Mutterings ... #5
So, the other day, Christine was telling me about Jason, who said he was going to call on a certain day, then didn't call. However, when he did call, he made up an excuse, which was clearly a lie, about why he hadn't called.
This is something I cannot stand. And last night, something similar happened to me. Someone has lied to me, and I cannot understand why.
Now, this won't be a rant, I promise. Or, if it is a rant, I will make it a little one :o) I just can't understand why people who say they'll call/talk/visit/do something on a certain day or at a certain time, then feel that they have to lie if they don't follow through.
Now, fair enough if something comes up, and you genuinely can't follow through on your promise. Things happen, right? Sometimes things come up or something happens unexpectedly, and it changes things. And that's cool. If it's genuine, then of course you get that, you'll understand things, and there's no problem.
But when someone tells you what is obviously a lie ... Well ... I just do not get that! Why not just be honest? "Ok, I didn't call/visit last night because I was busy/didn't feel like talking/went out with friends". How hard is that? I'm not going to hate you. I'm not going to yell, or get angry. I am going to respect you however, if you tell the truth. If you're honest. How hard is it?
*~*~*
It is freezing here today. It's been raining fairly steadily all morning. When I came home after JST at 12:30, I looked at the temp/time thing they have over the Bendigo Bank, and it was 6 degrees! 6! *lol* It was freaking freezing, and I was walking into the wind and rain, which wasn't fun! :o)
*~*~*
Anyone have any ideas on my speech for Ryan's naming day?. I've got nothin'! Anyone? Please? ... Help ...! *lmao* ... I have nothing but the first line. I 'googled' and ask.com'd "baby naming day speeches" ... And I got ... Nothin'! Someone help me! If you have any ideas, leave me a comment, or email me :o)
*~*~*
Tomorrow ... Trial shift at the cafe, which means no JST, which means *Sleep In*! Trial isn't starting til 12, so I don't have to get out til 9:30 or 10. Woo hoo! :o)
*~*~*
NSW won Origin 3 last night. Of course, it didn't matter, since the series had already been decided after Game 2, but it was nice that the series wasn't a whitewash. It was a close game for about 70 minutes, but in the 71st and 78th minutes, NSW scored tries, which blew the score out to 18-4. A lot of controversy today about whether Dallas Johnstone (Johnson?) from QLD should have been allowed back on the ground after he was knocked out in the first minute. He went in for a tackle, and ended up flat on his back. When he finally got up, you could tell he barely knew where he was. He ended up getting back into the game, which has a lot of people asking "What the hell, Queensland team doctors?!" The QLD team doctors say he was cleared to go back onto the ground, and passed all their tests, but Melbourne coach Craig Bellamy (who's Dallas's normal coach) raised an interesting point when he asked if the QLD team doctors would have put him back on the field if he was their son. I thought that was a good point to make. Hopefully Dallas can back up for the Storm's game this weekend without any ill effects.
*~*~*
Personally, today is a pretty crappy day for me. It was 5 years ago today that I lost two mates in a car accident. They were coming home from Uni together on a Friday night, when they hit an oil spill on the road as it started raining. It was no one's fault, there was no stupidity or reckless driving involved, it was truly an accident. Doesn't make it any easier to deal with though, and doesn't make it hurt any less. I will never forget the day I attended two funerals in the one day. I will never forget all the tears cried for the 2 18 year olds who were just really starting their lives. Who were both beautiful, amazing people. Who will never, ever be forgotten.
*~*~*
Ok, I'm out. Peace, love, and laughter.
This is something I cannot stand. And last night, something similar happened to me. Someone has lied to me, and I cannot understand why.
Now, this won't be a rant, I promise. Or, if it is a rant, I will make it a little one :o) I just can't understand why people who say they'll call/talk/visit/do something on a certain day or at a certain time, then feel that they have to lie if they don't follow through.
Now, fair enough if something comes up, and you genuinely can't follow through on your promise. Things happen, right? Sometimes things come up or something happens unexpectedly, and it changes things. And that's cool. If it's genuine, then of course you get that, you'll understand things, and there's no problem.
But when someone tells you what is obviously a lie ... Well ... I just do not get that! Why not just be honest? "Ok, I didn't call/visit last night because I was busy/didn't feel like talking/went out with friends". How hard is that? I'm not going to hate you. I'm not going to yell, or get angry. I am going to respect you however, if you tell the truth. If you're honest. How hard is it?
*~*~*
It is freezing here today. It's been raining fairly steadily all morning. When I came home after JST at 12:30, I looked at the temp/time thing they have over the Bendigo Bank, and it was 6 degrees! 6! *lol* It was freaking freezing, and I was walking into the wind and rain, which wasn't fun! :o)
*~*~*
Anyone have any ideas on my speech for Ryan's naming day?. I've got nothin'! Anyone? Please? ... Help ...! *lmao* ... I have nothing but the first line. I 'googled' and ask.com'd "baby naming day speeches" ... And I got ... Nothin'! Someone help me! If you have any ideas, leave me a comment, or email me :o)
*~*~*
Tomorrow ... Trial shift at the cafe, which means no JST, which means *Sleep In*! Trial isn't starting til 12, so I don't have to get out til 9:30 or 10. Woo hoo! :o)
*~*~*
NSW won Origin 3 last night. Of course, it didn't matter, since the series had already been decided after Game 2, but it was nice that the series wasn't a whitewash. It was a close game for about 70 minutes, but in the 71st and 78th minutes, NSW scored tries, which blew the score out to 18-4. A lot of controversy today about whether Dallas Johnstone (Johnson?) from QLD should have been allowed back on the ground after he was knocked out in the first minute. He went in for a tackle, and ended up flat on his back. When he finally got up, you could tell he barely knew where he was. He ended up getting back into the game, which has a lot of people asking "What the hell, Queensland team doctors?!" The QLD team doctors say he was cleared to go back onto the ground, and passed all their tests, but Melbourne coach Craig Bellamy (who's Dallas's normal coach) raised an interesting point when he asked if the QLD team doctors would have put him back on the field if he was their son. I thought that was a good point to make. Hopefully Dallas can back up for the Storm's game this weekend without any ill effects.
*~*~*
Personally, today is a pretty crappy day for me. It was 5 years ago today that I lost two mates in a car accident. They were coming home from Uni together on a Friday night, when they hit an oil spill on the road as it started raining. It was no one's fault, there was no stupidity or reckless driving involved, it was truly an accident. Doesn't make it any easier to deal with though, and doesn't make it hurt any less. I will never forget the day I attended two funerals in the one day. I will never forget all the tears cried for the 2 18 year olds who were just really starting their lives. Who were both beautiful, amazing people. Who will never, ever be forgotten.
*~*~*
Ok, I'm out. Peace, love, and laughter.
Wednesday, July 04, 2007
JST - Day 3 Highlights!
Barrie: Now, Rachel has raised a very interesting point ... Jury duty, and what happens if you get called up. You don't mind me discussing this with the group, do you Rachel?
Me: (busy day-dreaming about jumping suit boys bones [suit boy is HOT!]) Eh?
Barrie: Ok then ... Now, I myself have been called up for jury duty 6 times. Only 3 times was I selected to sit on the jury ... Once was a culpable driving case ... ... (Etc, etc, etc ... For 20 minutes. 20. Minutes.)
Long story short - No one knows whether I have to put jury duty or JST first. Or whether I can put jury duty down as some kind of work.
****
Craig: (who *always* sits next to me! damnit!) You know, it's fuckin John Howards fault that we're here. Him and that boat. If it hadn't been for the boat, he'd be gone. And did ya see the handshake? Ha! There's no unions anymore, all his fucking fault.
Me: Eh?
****
Geoff: Political correctness is bullshit (sticks middle finger up in the air, to prove the point)
****
Barrie: Now, I recall a young lady, who was paid to dress in a lycra suit and go around promoting PADMAN ... You have to be careful with lycra. There's not much that you can't see. I have a suspicion that she may have been an exhibitionist.
Me: {thinking} How the hell did we get onto this topic? And how exactly is this going to get me a job? Maybe I should stop tuning about. This is probably *really* important.
Craig: Wonder if the chick had big tits.
Ok, gotta go, Origin 3 is about to kick off. GO BLUES! Let's hope NSW win, that way it won't be a series whitewash.
Me: (busy day-dreaming about jumping suit boys bones [suit boy is HOT!]) Eh?
Barrie: Ok then ... Now, I myself have been called up for jury duty 6 times. Only 3 times was I selected to sit on the jury ... Once was a culpable driving case ... ... (Etc, etc, etc ... For 20 minutes. 20. Minutes.)
Long story short - No one knows whether I have to put jury duty or JST first. Or whether I can put jury duty down as some kind of work.
****
Craig: (who *always* sits next to me! damnit!) You know, it's fuckin John Howards fault that we're here. Him and that boat. If it hadn't been for the boat, he'd be gone. And did ya see the handshake? Ha! There's no unions anymore, all his fucking fault.
Me: Eh?
****
Geoff: Political correctness is bullshit (sticks middle finger up in the air, to prove the point)
****
Barrie: Now, I recall a young lady, who was paid to dress in a lycra suit and go around promoting PADMAN ... You have to be careful with lycra. There's not much that you can't see. I have a suspicion that she may have been an exhibitionist.
Me: {thinking} How the hell did we get onto this topic? And how exactly is this going to get me a job? Maybe I should stop tuning about. This is probably *really* important.
Craig: Wonder if the chick had big tits.
Ok, gotta go, Origin 3 is about to kick off. GO BLUES! Let's hope NSW win, that way it won't be a series whitewash.
Tuesday, July 03, 2007
So tonight I'm feeling winded ... Long-winded that it, so it might be a long entry :o) *lol*
Started Job Seeker Training yesterday (JST), which is a Centrelink requirement when you are receiving Newstart allowence. You have to do 100 hours of JST, about 50 hours with your employment agency, and 50 hours at home/off site. Yesterday was ok, kind of boring. It's all things I already know. The JST trainer, Barrie, is a nice guy, but my god can he talk! Today he got so far off topic, we ended up talking about baby names. Yup, seriously. Odd! And it had nothing to do with getting employment! I have tomorrow and Thursday at JST, then on Friday I get to miss a day (woo hoo!!) because ... I have another trial shift at the cafe.
Yeah! :o)
Got the message on my phone this morning from Heather, asking me to give her a call back, which I did in a break, thinking that she was ringing to tell me I didn't get the job. She'd said she'd call on Saturday or Sunday, so when I hadn't heard anything I assumed I'd missed out. But no, she wants me to go in for another trial on Friday, and then ... assuming it all goes well ... sign an employment agreement! :o) Woo hoo! So it sounds to me like she's already made up her mind to offer me a job, and now I'm hoping that I don't do anything on Friday to totally stuff that right up! :o)
There was a slight hitch though ... Got home to find a letter saying that I've been summonsed for jury duty.
Are you freaking kidding me??!! I finally get a (good) chance at getting an actual paying job, and now I have to ring the manager and say, "By the way, if you hire me, I'm going to be unavailable for the entire second week of my employment with you." What the??!! *lol* You should have heard me, swearing at the letter, carrying on when I read it! :o)
So I figured, what the hell, I need to at least let Heather (the manager of the cafe) know A.S.A.P. because she'd probably want to at least know that, and if I'm not upfront it might piss her off to find out later, knowing that I knew all along.
So I went for a wander into the cafe, and spoke to her.
And she was totally fine with it.
No problems at all.
Woo hoo!!!! :o) *lol* She said the first couple of weeks I probably won't have that many hours anyway, so it shouldn't be a problem. Hopefully I won't even get selected for a jury, or if I do, hopefully it's not a long trial.
I gotta say, tonight I feel ... a lot less stressed. The thought of getting a job, being able to afford to pay all my bills, rent, food .... God, it sounds so good. I didn't realise how much it was stressing me out, but I've never really had to think about it before. I was always working, you know? I always had money to pay bills and rent, and buy groceries. I never realised how stressful it was, not being able to do that. Newstart allowence barely covers rent and bills. Rent alone for 2 weeks is 2/3 of my Newstart. It doesn't leave much for bills, which is why all my bills are currently overdue!!!
You know, my sister rang last night, to tell me the birthday present I sent my niece arrived, and also that she was thinking of coming to visit me next week. My immediate thought? God, how am I going to afford enough food for two extra people?! *lol* How sad is that?!! It would be so nice not to have to worry about things like that.
Anyway, my dinner is ready, so I might take off. Hope you're all good.
Go hug a tree! :o)
Started Job Seeker Training yesterday (JST), which is a Centrelink requirement when you are receiving Newstart allowence. You have to do 100 hours of JST, about 50 hours with your employment agency, and 50 hours at home/off site. Yesterday was ok, kind of boring. It's all things I already know. The JST trainer, Barrie, is a nice guy, but my god can he talk! Today he got so far off topic, we ended up talking about baby names. Yup, seriously. Odd! And it had nothing to do with getting employment! I have tomorrow and Thursday at JST, then on Friday I get to miss a day (woo hoo!!) because ... I have another trial shift at the cafe.
Yeah! :o)
Got the message on my phone this morning from Heather, asking me to give her a call back, which I did in a break, thinking that she was ringing to tell me I didn't get the job. She'd said she'd call on Saturday or Sunday, so when I hadn't heard anything I assumed I'd missed out. But no, she wants me to go in for another trial on Friday, and then ... assuming it all goes well ... sign an employment agreement! :o) Woo hoo! So it sounds to me like she's already made up her mind to offer me a job, and now I'm hoping that I don't do anything on Friday to totally stuff that right up! :o)
There was a slight hitch though ... Got home to find a letter saying that I've been summonsed for jury duty.
Are you freaking kidding me??!! I finally get a (good) chance at getting an actual paying job, and now I have to ring the manager and say, "By the way, if you hire me, I'm going to be unavailable for the entire second week of my employment with you." What the??!! *lol* You should have heard me, swearing at the letter, carrying on when I read it! :o)
So I figured, what the hell, I need to at least let Heather (the manager of the cafe) know A.S.A.P. because she'd probably want to at least know that, and if I'm not upfront it might piss her off to find out later, knowing that I knew all along.
So I went for a wander into the cafe, and spoke to her.
And she was totally fine with it.
No problems at all.
Woo hoo!!!! :o) *lol* She said the first couple of weeks I probably won't have that many hours anyway, so it shouldn't be a problem. Hopefully I won't even get selected for a jury, or if I do, hopefully it's not a long trial.
I gotta say, tonight I feel ... a lot less stressed. The thought of getting a job, being able to afford to pay all my bills, rent, food .... God, it sounds so good. I didn't realise how much it was stressing me out, but I've never really had to think about it before. I was always working, you know? I always had money to pay bills and rent, and buy groceries. I never realised how stressful it was, not being able to do that. Newstart allowence barely covers rent and bills. Rent alone for 2 weeks is 2/3 of my Newstart. It doesn't leave much for bills, which is why all my bills are currently overdue!!!
You know, my sister rang last night, to tell me the birthday present I sent my niece arrived, and also that she was thinking of coming to visit me next week. My immediate thought? God, how am I going to afford enough food for two extra people?! *lol* How sad is that?!! It would be so nice not to have to worry about things like that.
Anyway, my dinner is ready, so I might take off. Hope you're all good.
Go hug a tree! :o)
Monday, July 02, 2007
Australian CaringBridge Kids.
The following kids are "Little Aussie Battlers" fighting cancer/life threatening illnesses. Drop by their websites and say g'day :o)
Fraser - http://www.caringbridge.org/az/fraser/
Kaitlyn - Her mum has just been given the devastating news that Kaitlyn has relapsed, the neuroblastoma is back - www.caringbridge.org/ne/kaitlyn
Jay - http://www.jaysjourney.org/
Dylan - Dylan was featured on Australian Stories, and Today Tonight. He has neuroblastoma and has travelled to the US (New York) for treatment. He and his mum have been living in NY for 2 years, and the family have just sold their house in Australia so Dylan's dad and brother can join them in NY. http://www.dylanhartung.net/
Sarah Jane - http://www.caringbridge.org/oceania/sarahjane
Kaitlyn - http://www.caringbridge.org/oceania/curlykaitlyn
Will add more (and update the links again) a little later.
Hope you're all having a good day. Go hug a tree ... :o)
Fraser - http://www.caringbridge.org/az/fraser/
Kaitlyn - Her mum has just been given the devastating news that Kaitlyn has relapsed, the neuroblastoma is back - www.caringbridge.org/ne/kaitlyn
Jay - http://www.jaysjourney.org/
Dylan - Dylan was featured on Australian Stories, and Today Tonight. He has neuroblastoma and has travelled to the US (New York) for treatment. He and his mum have been living in NY for 2 years, and the family have just sold their house in Australia so Dylan's dad and brother can join them in NY. http://www.dylanhartung.net/
Sarah Jane - http://www.caringbridge.org/oceania/sarahjane
Kaitlyn - http://www.caringbridge.org/oceania/curlykaitlyn
Will add more (and update the links again) a little later.
Hope you're all having a good day. Go hug a tree ... :o)
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