** Megs, what the hell are you doing home on a Saturday night?! Is the world ending ...?! Thanks for the comment though :o) **

Another Meme:

Choose a band and answer only in song titles by that band:
P!nk

Are you male or female? Split Personality.
Describe yourself: Don't Let Me Get Me.
How do some people feel about you? Try Too Hard
How do you feel about yourself? I'm Not Dead.
Describe your ex-boyfriend/ex-husband: Can't Take Me Home
Describe your current boyfriend/husband: Who Knew?
Describe what you want to be: Feel Good Time
Describe your current mood: Leave me alone (I'm lonely)
Describe your friends: Respect
Share a few words of wisdom: God Is A DJ

Long way to happiness ...

Eh.
That about sums everything up at the moment.
Eh.
Not happy, not sad. Just ... Eh.
Had an ok day, I guess. Had a job interview this morning. It was at a cafe. So, naturally, I thought it was for the cafe. (Because I'd sent the application to the cafe) Uhhh ... No. The couple interviewing were looking for people to become personal assistants for wealthy families ... Eh?? What the?? Sort of a nanny thing? A cleaner for said wealthy families? Buggered if I know.
The interview was three pages of questions, which were often the same questions asked in slightly different ways ... So I simply repeated my answers in slightly different ways.
I don't know what it was, but there was something ... Weird? Off? Odd? Downright creepy? about the couple doing the interviewing. The whole thing was just ... bizzare, really.
I havent yet heard anything about the other job (the trial at the actual cafe). I hope I get it and I never have to see creepy people again ...
Spent the rest of the morning tidying the house ... Did some grocery shopping ... Came home and made lasange ... yum ... and now I'm just bummin :o)
For some reason, several of my fave sites are down tonight, which is a pain in the ass. I have nothing to do! *lmao*
I know, I know, I still havent updated the links ... Sorry, Meg. Might go do that after I finish this entry ... Actually, I might do that now. Peace out.


Edit @ 7:43 p.m: Links have been updated. Blogs that I like, such as Dan/My Crazy Roommate/Kristie/Post secret etc are under Random Links (along with some other stuff!). Want something added? Email me. Caringbridge Kids have also been updated, The kids at the top of the list are now angels, the ** shows that (e.g. *Catie*, *Hannah*, *Blair*, *Matty* etc.).

Movie/TV monologues ... Just cause.

Erin Brockovich

(Loud motorcycle noises cause Erin to leave her house, shouting)
Erin: Hey! Hey! HEY!
George: Hello.
Erin: What are you doing making all that goddamn noise?
George: Well, uh, I don't know. We were just introducing ourselves to the neighborhood, I guess.
Erin: Well, I'm the neighbors. There, we're introduced, so shut the fuck up. (walks away)
George: (chuckling) Hey, hey. Well, hold on there. Let's start over, okay? My name's George. What's yours?
Erin: Just think of me as the person next door who likes it quiet.
George: Hey, come on. Don't be like that. Hell, we live next door to each other. I feel bad. I feel terrible. I'm sorry. Will you accept my apology? I mean, hell, we're living right next door to each other. If you need a cup of sugar --
Erin: I don't need sugar.
George: You don't need any sugar. Well, why don't I take you out to dinner to apologize for my rudeness? Huh? You give me your number. I mean, I already got your address so you can't get away. Huh? I'll call you up proper and I'll ask you out and everything.
Erin:(scoffs) You want my number?
George: I do. I do want your number.
Erin: Which number do you want -- George?
George: George. Now I like the way you say that, "George." Uh, well, how many numbers you got?
Erin: Oh, I've got numbers coming out of my ears. For instance, ten.
George: Ten?
Erin: Yeah. That's how many months old my baby girl is.
George: You've got a little girl?
Erin: Yeah. Sexy, huh? How about this for a number: six. That's how old my other daughter is. Eight is the age of my son. Two is how many times I've been married and divorced. Sixteen is the number of dollars I have in my bank account. 850-3943. That's my phone number, and with all the numbers I gave you, I'm guessing zero is the number of times you're going to call it. (turns and goes back into the house)
George: Hey, how the hell do you remember your bank balance off the top of your head like that? Y'see, that impresses me.
(she slams the door behind her)
George: You're dead wrong about that zero thing, baby.
(George walks a few steps, kneels and falls forward onto his face onto the grass lawn, clearly impressed.)


**


Good Will Hunting
written by Matt Damon & Ben Affleck

Will: Yeah, I went on a date last week.
Sean: How'd it go?Will: It was good.
Sean: Going out again?
Will: I don't know.
Sean: Why not?
Will: Haven't called her.
Sean: Christ, you're an amateur.
Will: I know what I'm doing.
Sean: Yeah.
Will: Yeah. Don't worry about me. I know what I'm doin'. Yeah, but this girl is like, you know, beautiful. She's smart. She's funny. She's different from most of the other girls I've been with.
Sean: So, call her up, Romeo.
Will: Why? So I can realize she's not that smart, that she's fuckin' boring? Y'know--I mean...this girl is like fuckin' perfect right now, I don't wanna ruin that.
Sean: Maybe you're perfect right now. Maybe you don't want to ruin that. I think that's a super philosophy, Will. That way you can go through your entire life without ever having to really know anybody. My wife used to fart when she was nervous. She had all sorts of wonderful idiosyncrasies. You know what? She used to fart in her sleep. Sorry I shared that with you. One night it was so loud it woke the dog up. She woke up and gone like "oh was that you?" I'd say yeah...I didn't have the heart to tell her...Oh God...[laughing]
Will: She woke herself up?
Sean: Yesssss. Oh Christ....aahhh, but, Will, she's been dead two years and that's the shit I remember. Wonderful stuff, you know, little things like that. Ah, but, those are the things I miss the most. The little idiosyncrasies that only I knew about. That's what made her my wife. Oh, and she had the goods on me, too, she knew all my little peccadillos. People call these things imperfections, but they're not, aw, that's the good stuff. And then we get to choose who we let in to our weird little worlds. You're not perfect, sport. And let me save you the suspense. This girl you met, she isn't perfect either. But the question is: whether or not you're perfect for each other. That's the whole deal. That's what intimacy is all about. Now you can know everything in the world, sport, but the only way you're findin' out that one is by givin' it a shot. You certainly won't learn from an old fucker like me. Even if I did know, I wouldn't tell a piss ant like you.
[Will smiles]
Will: Why not? You told me every other fuckin' thing. Jesus Christ. You talk more than any shrink I ever met.
[Sean laughs]
Sean: I teach this shit, I didn't say I knew how to do it.
[pause]
Will: Yeah......you ever think about gettin' remarried?
Sean: My wife's dead.
Will: Hence, the word remarried.
Sean: My wife's dead.
[pause]
Will: Yeah.. Well, I think that's a super philosophy, Sean. I mean that way you could actually go through the rest of your life without ever really knowing anybody.
[A pause. Sean smiles ironically.]
Sean: Time's up.


**

Good Will Hunting

Will: Well, I can't go to California with you.
Skylar: Why not?
Will: Well, one, because I--I got a job here, and two, because I live here.
Skylar: Look, um..If you don't love me, you should tell me because it's such a--
Will: I'm not saying I don't love you.
Skylar: Then why? Why won't you come? What are you so scared of?
Will: What am I so scared of?
Skylar: Well, what aren't you scared of? You live in this safe little world where no one challenges you and you're scared shitless to do anything else but defend yourself because that would mean you'd hafta' change.
Will: Oh no. Don't, don't, don't tell me about my world. Don't tell me about my world! I mean you just wanna have you fling with like the guy from the other side of town. Then you're going to go off to Stanford, you're going to marry some rich prick who your parents will approve of and just sit around with the other trust fund babies and talk about how you went slumming too, once.
Skylar: Why are you saying this? What is your obsession with this money? My father died when I was 13 and I inherited this money. Nearly every day I wake up, and I wish that I could give it back, that I would give it back in a second if it meant I could have one more day with him, but I can't and that's my life and I deal with it. So don't put your shit on me, when you're the one that's afraid.
Will: I'm afraid? Wh--wh--what am I afraid of, huh? What the fuck am I afraid of?
Skylar: You're afraid of me. You're afraid that I won't love you back. And you know what? I'm afraid too. Fuck it. I want to give it a shot and at least I'm honest with you.


**


The Wedding Singer
written by Tim Herlihy

Robbie Hart: You guys are off to a great start, don't you think? I mean, Cindy showed up, so right away, Scott, you gotta be pretty psyched, right? (a man interupts and Robbie glares ferociously at him) Well, I have a microphone, and you don't. SO YOU WILL LISTEN TO EVERY DAMN WORD I HAVE TO SAY!... You know, some of us will never, ever find true love, like, take for instance... me. And I'm pretty sure that guy right over there. And the lady with the sideburns. And basically every at table nine. But the worst part of all is that me, fatty, sideburns lady, and the mutants over at table nine will never, ever find a way to better the situation, because... apparently we have nothing to offer the opposite sex. (the man interupts again and Robbie again turns on him) Sir, one more outburst, I will strangle you with my microphone wire, do you understand me? Now let's cut the stupid cake 'cause I know the fat guy's gonna have a heart attack if we don't eat again soon. And while we're doing that, here's a little mood music for you.


**

While You Were Sleeping
written by Fred Lebow & Daniel Sullivan

Lucy: Okay, there are two things that I remember about my childhood. I just don't remember it being this orange. First, I remember being with my dad. He would get these far off looks in his eyes and he would say, 'life doesn't always turn out the way you planned." I just wish I had realized he was talking about my life. But that never stopped us from taking our adventures together. He would pack up our sometimes working car and tell me amazing stories about strange and exotic lands as we headed off to exciting destinations like Milwaukee. It's amazing how exotic Wisconsin.....isn't But my favorite memories are the stories that he'd tell me about my mom. He would take me to the church where they got married and I'd beg him to tell me more about the ceremony and about my crazy uncle Irwin who fell asleep in the macaroni and cheese, and I'd ask my dad when he knew he truly loved my mom and he'd say, "Lucy, your mother gave me a special gift. She gave me the world." Actually, it was a globe with a light in it but for the romantic that he was, he might have been the world. Well, the first time that I saw him he didn't exactly give me the world. It was a dollar fifty for a train token. I looked forward to it every single day. He started coming to my booth between 8:01 and 8:15 every morning, Monday through Friday. And he was perfect.....my prince charming. We've never actually spoken, but I know someday that we will. I know it. I know that someday I will find a way to introduce myself and that's going to be perfect, just like my prince.


Lucy: I bet you were wondering what I'm doing here in the middle of the night. Well, I thought I should introduce myself. My name is Lucy. Lucy Elenore Moderatz. Umm......I think you should know that your family thinks we're engaged. I've never been engaged before. This is very sudden for me. Umm, what I really came here to tell was that I didn't mean for this to happen. I don't know what to do. If you were awake, I wouldn't be in this mess. Oh God, not that I'm blaming you. I'm sorry. It's just that when I was a kid, I always imagined what I would be like or what I would have when I got older. And you know, it was normal stuff. I'd have a house and a family and things like that. It's not that I'm complaining or anything, because I do have a cat. I have an apartment. I have a sole possession of a remote control. That's very important. It's just that I've never met anybody that I could laugh with. Do you believe in love at first site? I bet you don't. You're probably too sensible for that. Or have you ever seen somebody and you know, that if that person really knew you, they'd dump the perfect model that they were with and realize that you were the one that they wanted to grow old with? Have you ever fallen in love with somebody that you haven't even talked to? Have you ever been so alone that you spend the night confusing a man in a coma?


**

Dawsons Creek
from the TV series created by Kevin Williamson

[Pacey stands up and walks towards Mr. Peterson, an unfair and abusive English teacher]
Mr. Peterson: Mr. Witter, I suggest you sit down.
Pacey: No.
Mr. Peterson: SIT DOWN!
Pacey: You want somebody to read the poem. I'll read it. "Today"......"Today was a day the world got smaller. Darker. I grew more afraid. Not of what I am but of what I could be.
Mr.Peterson: I SAID STOP!!!!
[He grabs the paper away from Pacey.]
Mr. Peterson: You will listen to me when I talk to you, young man.
Pacey: Why should I?
Mr. Peterson: Well, that's it. I am writing you a pass and you can report immediately to Principal Markom's office.
Pacey: What part of you is it that gets off on torturing students? Everyone in this class may be afraid of you, but I'm not! I see your miserable scare tactics for exactly what they are, the misguided lassions of a bitter, lonely old man who only feels good when somebody in the class feels worse.
Mr. Peterson: Thank you for the analysis, Mr. Witter. I'll send a check along with the 'F' you'll get on your report card.
Pacey: You can't fail me! I've gotten a 'B' or better on every test we've had in this class.
Mr. Peterson: Well, I can. I've been waiting to fail you all quarter.
Pacey: You disgust me.
Mr. Peterson: And you, Mr. Witter, are a failure. Destined to always be a failure. Trying to teach people like you is like spitting in the face of the entire educational system.
[Pacey spits in Mr.Peterson's face.]
Pacey: No, sir. That is spitting in the face of the entire educational system.

AND THE CONSEQUENCES OF HIS ACTIONS, LATER (in front of the teacher, his adviser and the principal)......
Pacey: I should start my saying that I'm more ashamed for what I did in that classroom yesterday than anything I have done in my life. It was dead wrong and I have no case here and I'm sorry. However, I am not now, nor will I ever be, apolegetic for it's intention. Everyday we, the students of Capeside, come to a place where you guys are in charge. You tell us when to arrive, and when to leave, and when to move rooms, and when to eat. You tell us when we're doing well and when we need to be doing better and we never, ever question it because we're afraid to. To question it is to go against the belief that the entire system is built upon. The belief that you guys know what's right. And I'm not afraid to tell you that what happened in that classroom was not right. To make a student cry, to embarrass him, to strip him of his dignity in front of his classmates, is not right. And while I do respect the system, I do NOT respect men like you, Mr. Peterson, I don't. I can't. And I never will. Not after what you did. You have a good afternoon.


**

Dawson's Creek
from the TV series created by Kevin Williamson

Jen: When you see Belinda and her clique in the hallway, you're desperately wishing that you were walking with them, aren't you? And thinking that maybe if you were wearing the right shoes, sporting the latest hairstyle, and using the hottest shade of lip gloss, then maybe they would toss a glance in your direction.
Ever wonder why they force their narrow-minded opinions down our throats?
Perhaps it's because they have an inkling of what the future has in store for them beyond graduation.
Cut to 25 years from now, Belinda McGovern wakes up one morning feeling empty. Maybe it's because her Dartmouth-educated lawyer husband Tad has run off to Tijuana with her daughter's roommate from boarding school. Or maybe it's because the twins, Timmy and Tommy, call her by her first name and their live-in housekeeper "Mom." Or maybe it's Belinda's daily 2:00, 5:00, 7:00, and 9:15 showdown with her bottle of Prozac. Her life has become a domestic wasteland. Avoid this fate.
Don't let yourself become another cookie-cutter blonde, size 4, rah-rah-sis-bam-boom, mindless, soulless, spineless wench. Screw these auditions, screw cheerleading, and screw Belinda McGovern.


**


Dawson's Creek

Joey: [voice over] And now that this scared little girl no longer follows me wherever I go, I miss her. I do.
'Cause there are things I wanna tell her-- to relax, to lighten up, that it is all going to be ok. I want her to know that meeting people who like you, who understand you, who actually accept you for who you are, will become an increasingly rare occurrence. Jen, Jack, Audrey, Andie, Pacey, and Dawson. These people who contributed to who I am, they are with me wherever I go, and as history gets rewritten in small ways with each passing day, my love for them only grows. Because the truth is... it was the best of times.
Mistakes were made, hearts were broken, harsh lessons learned, but all of that has receded into fond memory now.
How does it happen? Why are we so quick to forget the bad and romanticize the good?
Maybe it's because we need to believe that the time we spent together actually meant something, that we were there for each other in a time in our lives that defined us all, a time in our lives that we will never forget. I can't swear this is exactly how it happened.
But this is how it felt.


**


Scrubs
from the TV show created by Bill Lawrence

Dr. Cox (John C. McGinley): Relationships don't work the way they do on television and in the movies: Will they, won't they, and then they finally do and they're happy forever -- gimme a break.
Nine out of ten of them end because they weren't right for each other to begin with, and half the ones that get married get divorced, anyway. And I'm telling you right now, through all this stuff, I have not become a cynic, I haven't.
Yes, I do happen to believe that love is mainly about pushing chocolate-covered candies and, you know, in some cultures, a chicken. You can call me a sucker, I don't care, 'cause I do...believe in it.
Bottom line...is the couples that are truly right for each other wade through the same crap as everybody else, but, the big difference is, they don't let it take 'em down.

Meme #3!

And here's another "Meme", the twist this time is that all questions have to be answered in one word ... Let's see how I go.

1. Where is your mobile phone? Desk.
2. Relationship? Nope.
3. Your hair? Straightened.
4. Work? Unemployed.
5. Your sister(s)? Crazy.
6. Your favourite thing? Laughter.
7. Your dream last night? Deep.
8. Your favourite drink? COKE!
9. Your dream car? Any.
10. The room you're in? Quiet.
11. Your shoes? Comfy.
12. Your fears? Valid.
13. What do you want to be in 10 years? Happy.
14. Who did you hang out with this weekend? Chrissie.
15. What are you not good at? Confrontation.
16. Muffin? Choc-chip.
17. Wish list item? ...
18. Where you grew up? Kerang.
19. The last thing you did? Ate.
20. What are you wearing? Clothes.
21. What are you not wearing? Fashion.
22. Your pet? Many.
23. Your computer? Laptop.
24. Your life? Re-starting.
25. Your mood? Content.
26. Missing? Coke.
27. What are you thinking about? Books.
28. Your car? Invisible
29. Your kitchen? Comfortable.
30. Your summer? Awesome.
31. Your favourite colour? Pink.
32. Last time you laughed? Loudly.
33. Last time you cried? Today.
34. School? Maybe.
35. Love? Fun.

Think it's easy? Give it a go :o)

I shoulda been a guy ...

Had a pretty good day. Lunch with Ang and Chrissie, and of course, gorgeous little Ryan. Who, I swear, has gotten about a thousand times more cute since we last saw him!
I'm not kidding, it took about 15 seconds for the talk to turn to sex after we sat down ... *lmao* We should have been guys, I reckon. Funny as. And it wasn't until the guys at the table next to us got up to leave that we realised they were even there ... And that they'd probably heard our entire conversation ... Which was definitely X-rated! Phone sex, faking it, sex toys, thoughts during sex ... There wasn't much we didn't talk about! :-P
Then Ang had to head home to meet with the celebrant to discuss Ryan's naming ceremony, so Chrissie and I headed out to Lansell Plaza because she decided she wanted foils put in her hair. They turned out really nice too, which was great.
After that we came back here and decided to go see a movie, so we went and watched Shrek the Third. Who said it wasn't as good as the first two?! Lots of one-liners, heaps of funny stuff in there. Every bit as good as the first two.
But can I just say, what happened to people laughing at movies? Most people were so timid, they'd give a little giggle, where as Chrissie and I laughed loudly, and a lot! Who cares what people think if you laugh loud?! You're there to enjoy yourself! I noticed it the other day at Oceans 13 as well. Bummer!
Anyway, that about wraps it up for tonight. To finish off I want to say a huge *CONGRATULATIONS!* to my cousin Sondrel, and her husband Dominic, who had their first child yesterday! A new baby girl entered the world, weighing 8lb 10 oz. They have named her Lily Lorna. I'm sure she's a cutie! Congrats guys! :o)
Ok, and I'm out. Night guys!

Random mutterings #2

Yada, yada ... It's late, can't sleep, am exhausted, eyes are barely open ... Yada, yada ... :o)
I don't know why, but the sleep thing hasn't been happening for me lately. Ahh well.
So I figured I'd blog, get some stuff out of my head and written down, see if that helps ... Here goes ...

1) Leanne's home! Arrived back in Australia yesterday morning. After a slight hiccup with customs, (thanks to my aunty having an "recycled elephant dung" (Leanne's exact words) photo frame in her bag) they were on the road from Melbourne by 11 yesterday morning. I missed her in Bendigo because I was at the cafe, doing a trial shift, but I got home to some nice presents :o) I scored a gorgeous dolphin bracelet, 2 photo frames, 2 magnets, a beautiful elephant letter holder (that I actually thought was just a wall hanging ...) and some Thai Bahts (the Thai currency). Didn't talk to mum last night, but she rang tonight and we had a good ol' chat, she said she had an awesome time, and would go back again. She rode an elephant, went to Dreamworld, got all "templed" out, ate lots of the local food, and got heaps of stuff for everyone.

2) The Cafe job: Don't know whether I've got it or not. Had the trial thing yesterday, and really enjoyed it. I guess all I can do now is think positive thoughts! :o) Probably won't hear anything until Saturday at the earliest. Fingers crossed ...!

3) Ryan's naming day. I have to make a speech. But here's the thing ... I don't do speeches. The thought of everyone looking at me, listening to what I have to say ... Makes my tummy go all "butterfly-ie" and my face goes all red. Just thinking about giving a speech makes those things happen! What am I meant to say?! Being godmother is a huge honour, and I'm touched that Ang and Vince asked me, so I don't want to let them down, but .... *arggggh* !!!! It's not the writing of the speech I'm worried about, I'm sure I can find the perfect words, it's the saying of those words in front of ... you know, people ... that worries me! Hmm ... How do I start? "I'm honoured to be here to celebrate Ryan's naming day with him, and you, today?" I'm happy to be here? I'm thrilled to be here? I'm glad I'm here because I'm really looking foward to the lunch afterwards? I also have to write a wish for Ryan, which I think will go something like: My wish for Ryan is that his life will be full of dreams, full of love, full of mistakes to learn from, full of laughter and full of happiness. Is that too cheesy? Should I just put "My wish for Ryan is that he's a cool dude"? I'm not sure. Might put some more thought into this tomorrow when I can think a little more clearly. Ang and Chrissie and I are meeting for lunch tomorrow (oops, today) so I'll see what Ang has to say about all this.

4) The Meme things: A few people have emailed privately, asking if they can "borrow" them - Of course!!! :o) I think that's the idea - to have people put them on their own blog/space/home page, so you get to know them a little better. If I find any more, I'll put them up here.

5) Yes, I will put My Crazy Roommate/Dan Renzi/Post Secret/Not quite what I had planned/Blogthings etc in a link list at the side of the page for you soon, Meg! :o) There are a heap more random sites I've found which are hilarious, as well as blogs I visit daily. I'm getting around to it, I promise. Also, I'll be updating the CaringBridge links soon, and will ** the kids who are no longer with us, so you don't get an unexpected (and sad) suprise when you go visit them (Ooops ... Sorry, B!) And yeah, if you email me with a question, check on here for a response, I'm sucky at replying to emails, so I do it all on here :o)

6) I think I'm outta things to say ... It's nearly 1 am, and I have to be up at 7, so I think I might see if I can sleep now.

7) * G * O * O * D * N * I * G * H * T * ! *

*Meme* #2 :o)

I AM: Often what people think I'm not. Calm, happy, quiet, panicked, easy going, sad, angry, loud, relaxed ...

I WANT: Happiness. And lots more laughter in my life :o) You can never have too much.

I WISH: That there could be no pain in the world. And that I could sleep properly :o)

I HATE: People who judge others. Tom Cruise. People who lie. People who have no compassion. People who don't stop and think before they speak. Door-to-door religious people - I have no problems with people having a religion, but please don't come to my door and shove it down my throat. And I hate that I can't say go away to them! People who hurt others. Anger. Telstra. Vegetables. People who don't leave voicemail messages! When you lose something really important and you need it *right now*. When you run out of hot water half way through conditioning your hair. This could go forever ...

I MISS: When things were simpler, easier. When people meant what they said, and said what they meant.

I HEAR: A banging sound. I think it's because of the wind. And 'Long Way', by Pink because I'm currently listening to it on my MP3 player.

I WONDER: Where I'll be in 10 years? 15 years? The unknown is pretty damn scary, but also pretty damn awesome.

I REGRET: Not taking more chances. Not being honest with those who I care most about because I was so worried what they might-maybe-possibly think about me. Who cares? They love me. They wouldn't care!

I AM NOT: Warm, right now. Actually, I'm freezing!

I DANCE: Constantly. I live alone, who's going to see me?!

I SING: Constantly. Again, I live alone. Who's going to see me?! What do I care if the neighbours hear me?!

I CRY: Occasionally. Only when I'm alone though. Or when I'm really, really tired I get waaay to emotional and will cry at anything!

I AM NOT ALWAYS: A morning person. Sometimes it takes me an hour or two to talk in the morning!

I MAKE WITH MY HANDS: Food. (what the ... ?? what kind of question is that?)

I WRITE: Lots. Poems, general crap, letters to friends lost, my blog. I write a lot, actually.

I CONFUSE: everyone :o)

I NEED: Not much actually. There's a lot I want, but everything I *need* I have. I do kinda need a job, though :o)

I SHOULD: Start paying my bills on time. Have more sex.

I START: Housework every couple of days, then get bored and give up.

I FINISH:95% of books I start. Usually within a couple of days.

P.S. Check out this post on Dan's site - http://danrenzi.typepad.com/stuff/2006/01/what_straight_m.html ... Pretty funny! :o) And ... true!

Meme

So, I'm reading back through Dan Renzi's blog - How was your day, Dan? and there's a "Meme" that's he's completed, so because I'm totally unoriginal tonight, and without any interesting thoughts, I thought I'd complete this. So here goes:



1. Flip to page 18, paragraph 4 - in the book closest to you right now, what does it say?
It's talking about one of the brothers in an accused gang rape case ... The book is 'Girls like you', and it's about 6 brothers, who raped 4 teenage girls, and the resulting court case. Heavy reading, but a good book.


2. If you stretch out your left arm - as far as possible, what are you touching?
My bed. A pile of bills and letters on my bed. I can also almost touch my printer.


3. What's the last program you watched on tv?
The news. How exciting, huh?


4. Without looking, guess what time it is.
About ... 7:20. (so close ... 7:24)


5. Except the computer, what can you hear right now?
My mobile phone, telling me I have a message. The birds, talking to each other. The tv, which is on A Current Affair at the moment.


6. When was the last time you were outside and what did you do?
This afternoon ... Walked to Coles, to get some groceries.


(You know, this is more boring than I thought it would be ...)


7. What are you wearing?
Pink and white stripey socks. Jeans. Black t-shirt. Pink and white zip up hoody.


8. Did you dream last night? If you did, what about?
Yes. Two seperate dreams actually. One was me and Christine in hospital, we'd had a car accident. My arm was broken. Chrissie had a cut toe. (Don't ask me how she cut her toe in a car accident...) Dream two was a little ... erotic, so I won't share the details :o)



9. When was the last time you laughed?
About 10 minutes ago. B and I were talking about what a tool Paris Hilton is.


10. What's on the walls, in the room you're in right now?
Photos of Jordyn and Amber. And post-it notes, all of which have *very important* things written on them ... Like phone numbers, appointments, random quotes and crap :o)



11. Have you seen anything strange lately?
Nope ... Don't think so.


12. What do you think about this meme?
It's more boring than I thought it would be ... Maybe it was just Dan who made it seem fun?!



13. What's the last film you saw?
Oceans Thirteen ... Just got back from it like, 30 minutes ago.



14. If you became a multimillionaire, what would you do with the money?
Take care of those I love. Donate some to Caringbridge, cancer research, and the Royal Childrens Hospital. Do something with it that makes a difference.



15. Tell us something about yourself that most people don't know.
I sometimes have panic attacks, late at night when I can't sleep.



16. If you could change ONE THING in this world, without regarding politics or bad guilt - what would it be?
Get rid of disease - childhood cancer, AIDS, Cystic Fibrosis, kidney disease, liver disease, heart disease. Causes too much hurt and anguish.



17. Do you like dancing?
When I'm at home alone. I really do that whole "Dance like nobody is watching" thing. Mostly in my kitchen, or my lounge. Or when I'm going from my bedroom to my kitchen. I know I look like a dickhead. I know it's dorky, and ridiculous. But I don't care.


18. George Bush?
How did he get into office? So many people in America claim to hate him, and his policies, and yet, he won power. How? If Americans care, would they not vote? I don't understand.


19. What do you want your children's names to be, girl/boy?
I'd like a girl named Jennah ... For reasons known only to me :o) And a boy named ... Matt. Everyone loves Matt!


20. Would you ever consider living abroad?
Nup. Too far from my friends, family, and *home*!



21. What do you want God to tell you, when you come to heaven?
"Do you believe now?"

Chicken.

Blah.
Just got back from a 2 hour walk. Am (for some reason :-P) exhausted :o) *lol*
Thinking about making something for lunch, because I just realised I skipped breakfast and didn't eat much of my dinner last night, unfortunately. I made honey-soy chicken with rice, and sat down to enjoy it, had about 4 bites ... And promptly sent the plate flying (I was sitting on the couch, with the plate on my legs). Viola ... Honey-soy chicken and rice all over the couch, my pj pants, the floor, the newspaper, and I even managed to get some on my MP3 player. Well, if you're going to do something, do it properly ... :-P
Might have to get my carpets steam cleaned sometime soon ...! :o) Ahh well.
Rang Ang this morning, had a good chat before she had to take off because her dad rocked up. When she hung up, Ryan was trying to eat the phone cord *lol* :o)
It's nice outside today, but freezing inside.
Rang mum this morning, and they will arrive home tomorrow morning at 9. They'll be in Bendigo about lunch time, and my aunty and uncle want to go see my cousin, so mum's going to come around here for a while. It'll be good to see her. She said they've had an awesome time, but they are ready to come home.
Not much other news from here ... Have to ring Amber tomorrow, as she turns the BIG 2! *lol* Amanda had a little party for her yesterday, not sure how it went, but I'm sure they all had fun. Would have been nice to go down for it, but alas, I am an unemployed bum, so I currently don't have the funds :o) Also, my brother would have been there, and I don't really want to see him, or have anything to do with him.
Anyway. Might take off. Even though I didn't eat my dinner from last night, I still have to do the dishes I dirtied while making it ... Grr :o)

Have a great day, guys!

"Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn't do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover."

-Mark Twain

Ok, *this* is the last one ...

You Have a Phlegmatic Temperament

Mild mannered and laid back, you take life at a slow pace. You are very consistent - both in emotions and actions. You tend to absorb set backs easily. You are cool and collected. It is difficult to offend you. You can remain composed and unemotional. You are a great friend and lover. You don't demand much of others. While you are quiet, you have a subtle wit that your friends know well. At your worst, you are lazy and unwilling to work at anything. You often get stuck in a rut, without aspirations or dreams. You can get too dependent on others, setting yourself up for abandonment.

What Temperment Are You?

Tell me something I don't know ... :o)

You Are 20% Extrovert, 80% Introvert

You are quite reserved You aren't afraid of social situations... But you very much prefer to go it alone And why not? You're your own best friend!

Are You An Extrovert or An Introvert?

Another Blogspot Quiz!

You Are Boyish Sexy

You're the kind of girl who gets along with all the boys Whether it's holding your own in a game of touch football... Or kicking some major butt while playing Xbox. You hang with the guys easily, while still keeping your girly sexiness.

What Kind of Sexy Girl Are You?

The one where I really don't have much to say :o)

Ahh. Saturday night. Football night.
Collingwood are playing Sydney tonight, I can hear the tv, so I'm not missing anything by being in my bedroom, typing this :o)
Pies are winning ... Go Pies!
The interview went well. I have a trial shift on Tuesday, from 12 - 2, to see how I go, whether I like the job, whether the lady in charge likes me :o) Let's hope it goes well.
Not much news from here. I got home from the interview and fell asleep on the couch about 3, since I didn't sleep much last night (forgive me, Father, for I have sinned ... With a *gasp* Carlton fan! ;o) ...! (No, I'm not in any way religious ... The Carlton fan is the bit that gets me :-P)). Woke at 6, and I'm still pretty exhausted ... Think I'll watch the footy then have an early night.
Anyway. Have a great night guys!

Funk ... Be gone! (Maybe ...?!)

So, after a week filled with job rejections (including one via sms - cheapass employment agency, couldn't even spring for an envelope and a stamp and a piece of paper to tell me ...) it's all turned around, and I have received two phone calls tonight, asking me to attend interviews.
YES!
Woo Hoo!
TWO! In one night!
One, at a ice-creamery and cafe, is tomorrow at 12. The other is at a bar/cafe, next Saturday morning at 9:30.
I really, really, really, really hope that one of them turns into a job.
I'm sick of worrying about being behind on rent. I'm sick of worrying about bills that are overdue. I'm sick of having to stop and think if I can afford food before I go to Coles to do some grocery shopping.
I'm sick of unemployment!
Please, please, please let me get a job soon ...

Zen Sarcasm

1. Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me either. Just pretty much leave me alone.

-

2. The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt and leaky tire.

-

3. It's always darkest before dawn. So if you're going to steal your neighbor's newspaper, that's the time to do it.

-

4. Don't be irreplaceable. If you can't be replaced, you can't be promoted.

-

5. Always remember that you're unique. Just like everyone else.

-

6. Never test the depth of the water with both feet.

-

7. If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of car payments.

-

8. Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you're a mile away and you have their shoes.

-

9. If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.

-

10. Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.

-

11. If you lend someone $20 and never see that person again, it was probably worth it.

-

12. If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything.

-

13. Some days you're the bug; some days you're the windshield.

-

14. Everyone seems normal until you get to know them.

-

15. The quickest way to double your money is to fold it in half and put it back in your pocket.

-

16. A closed mouth gathers no foot.

-

17. Duct tape is like 'The Force'. It has a light side and a dark side, and it holds the universe together.

-

18. There are two theories to arguing with women. Neither one works.

-

19. Generally speaking, you aren't learning much when your lips are moving.

-

20. Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.

-

21. Never miss a good chance to shut up.

-

22. Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night

-

Still a bit *funky*

No entry yesterday. That's because I went to pick up my copy of Lean Mean Thirteen (which, thank god, I had the sense to pre-order and pay for months ago) and spent the day with my head in a book :o) Janet Evanovich never disappoints! The Stephanie Plum novels get better as she goes along.
Spent today on the couch, watching Season 3 of NCIS. After that *strenuous* (:-P) work, I had to take a nap, and slept away the rest of the afternoon :o) Geez, I tell you what, being unemployed is haaard work :-P *lol*
Seriously though, I'm not sure why, I just felt like a "lazy" day today. As soon as I got up, I knew I wouldn't be going anywhere today, so I didn't even bother to do my hair! So tonight I've got a mess of curls on my head (yes, I have naturally curly hair - who woulda guessed it, huh?! That's why I invested in a hair straightner!)
Got two more rejection letters today, employers that didn't want me, jobs I applied unsuccessfully for. I applied for 16 jobs on Monday ... Makes me wonder how long I'll have to wait before they too reject me.
I'm just full of happy beans tonight, aren't I?!
Ahh well.
Rang mum in Thailand last night! It was great to hear her voice. Only spoke for a minute though, as I was worried about the phone bill (calling a *mobile* phone in *Thailand*?!?! *lol* That will *COST!*) She said yesterday wasn't much fun - she was sick all day. The local food is catching up with her, she thinks. She said it's been "bloody hot" - 36/37 degrees every day. They went on an elephant trek the other day, which she said was great. Today they were going on a 10 hour tour to "somewhere" (Good to know mum knows exactly where she'll be :-P) and on Thursday and Friday they were going to a zoo and Dreamworld. Sounds like she's having a terrific time, which she deserves.
Christine took me out for dinner last night ... She arrived about 20 minutes after I'd eaten a late lunch ( at 5 o'clock) to say she wanted to go to La Porchetta! So we went anyway, and she helped me eat the small pizza I'd ordered :o) Was nice to get out for a while. And make fun of all the other people in the restaurant ... :-P
Anyway, might take off. My laptop is in my bedroom at the moment, and it is *freezing* in here! Will take off, back to the couch to watch some more NCIS. Have a great night, guys!

The one with the *funk*

No entry for a couple of days. Have been in a bit of a *funk* ... Not sure why.

Ahh well. Get over it.

Have *finally* started (and almost finished) 'Rose by any other name' by Maureen McCarthy. I brought it months ago and never started it. It's actually pretty damn good. Another 50 or so pages and I'll be done. Hopefully I can finish it tonight. I also want to read a few of the other books I purchased while I was working, but never had time to read.

It's nice to have time to read, and chill out, and listen to music and watch dvds, etc., but I think the unemployed thing is *really* starting to get to me. It's actually friggin stressful to be unemployed! All I can think about is bills, and money, money and bills. I have a gas bill that's a week overdue. I have a phone bill that's almost 2 weeks overdue. I have an electricity bill that needs to be paid before I get an overdue notice for that. And I'm a week behind on my rent.

I feel like I'm paddling water, just keeping my head above the water line, but any second I'm going to slip under, and no one will even notice. I'm just staying afloat here, but how much longer can I do this for? Seriously?

I put in 16 job applications today. Would have been more, but I ran out of stamps, and envelopes. And I don't actually have *any* money to buy anymore, so that doesn't help my stress levels either! I need stamps and envelopes to apply for jobs, but I can't buy them because I have no money, which is a result of having no job, but to get a job I need the stamps and envelopes to apply, but I can't get a job because I don't have any money ... On and freakin on goes in my mind.

Ok, onto the up side ... Dad rang last night. Mum's having a great time in Thailand. She's going on an elephant ride/trek thing today! She said it's been humid as all hell over there *all* the time. It gets to about 36/37 degrees during the day, and doesn't cool down much at night - drops to 29/30. You don't really notice a huge difference though, because it's so humid all the time, and there's thunderstorms every night. But other than that, they are loving it. I'm so happy for mum! She deserves the best time ever!

My bedroom is about 30 degrees at the moment *lol* I think Doug (one of my hermit crabs) is molting at the moment - getting ready to change into a new shell. He's been very quiet and lethargic for the last couple of days, which isn't like him. He's also been digging and burrowing a lot. So I've moved the crabs into my room, and put the little heater on to keep the room warm (hermit crabs like a temprature of about 27/28 degrees). I figure I'll warm the room and turn the heater off when I go to bed, and leave the door closed so the heat stays in longer. Hopefully that will help Doug, make the molting process go a little easier for him. Usually I leave the crabs in the lounge room at night, but because it's a big, open room, it gets really, really cold. God, I hope he's just molting and not dying!

Not much other news from here. I don't know. Can't shake this funk, no matter how hard I try. I think it's just everything, getting to me. Am going to look into counselling again this week. Just don't know whether I can do it - admitting that I can't handle all this shit to *someone* - a real person - saying those words ... I don't know whether I can do it. Stupid, isn't it? Whatever. I don't know.

Have a great night, guys.

*** Edit at 11:30 p.m.: Have just replied to comments - In comments section of individual entries. Was going to do a new entry for them, but decided to just reply in comments section as it's easier (and I don't have to try to remember what everyone said and then forget half of

what people said ...!) ***

*** 12:15 am: If, sometime in the next few days, you are visitor #500 (counter to the right of screen, just underneath title of blog) please leave me a comment and let me know who you are :o) You can be anonymous if you wish, but just say hi! :o)

~

When you thought you had it all, that's when you lost it ...

If you want to hold onto everything, you will fall ...

A trip to Melbourne

So, we're back from Melbourne, which is a surprise to me :o) I honestly thought that we still be on our way home. I figured we'd be leaving Melbourne about 6 or so.
We had a good day, dad had an appointment in Melbourne. Thank god it was right in the city, it was in St Kilda Rd. Got to Melbourne at 1:30, and caught the train to Flinders Street. Then we ... erm ... weren't quite sure where to go, and got a taxi. It was only a 5 minute drive from Flinders Street, so we were at the 3 o'clock appointment at 2 o'clock!!

Dad: Hi, I'm Brian and I have an appointment.
Receptionist: Okay, there'll be quite a wait.
Dad: Oh *no*, really?
Receptionist: Well, yes, you're appointment isn't until 3. It's only 2 p.m.
Dad: Ohh ... Yeah. Ok.

*lol* !!!! Five minutes later the receptionist told dad she'd try to squeeze him in early ... And true to her word, dad was the next person called. He was in and out before 2:45! So we rushed back to Southern Cross Station, to catch the 3:15 p.m. train, and we were back in Bendigo at 5:15. *Awesome!* :o)
Dad dropped me off and had a coffee, then took off. It's 7:15 now, and he's just called to say that he made it home ok. Yay! :o)

It was frickin freezin in Melbourne today!
Anyway, I have to go to Coles and get something for dinner now.
Have a great night!

Origin, Game 2.

NSW lost.


Damn.


Double damn.


Final scrore: Queensland 10, New South Wales 6.


Lets hope game 3 is a contest, and NSW win. Don't want a series whitewash.

Ellis

www.caringbridge.org/mn/ellis

Go back and read Ellis' history - it is heartbreaking, courageous, moving, inspirational, and a million other words. Mostly it is amazing. Ellis now watches over his mama and dada from Heaven.

This is Melissa's entry from December 10, 2006 - The words that were spoken at Ellis' memorial service:

To those of you who gathered with us these last days,thank you immeasurably.
To those of you who gathered here,thank you for knowing, loving, and remembering our son.


Thank you for breathing continued life into this space, this place, this community of Ellisville.

~Our dearest friends and family:
Look around you! These are your fellow citizens and residents of Ellisville!
Oh, how I wish we were gathered this once for a confirmation, a recital – no, a rock concert by the new band “Minimal Stimulation”.
But we are here this day, the day I feared, the day I couldn’t even bring myself to imagine, even after countless conversations with furrowed-brow doctors and teary-eyed nurses.
Our Ellis – MY Ellis, my beautiful son, my Ellis – is gone.
Of course he lives on in memories, in photos, in the incredible impact he has had on all of us. Of course.
But I cannot convince my achingly empty arms of that.
I cannot convince the oh-so-silent house of that.
I cannot even convince myself of that. Not today. Not now. Not yet.
But we are here this day –Ellisville! Gathered together in one place!
We are here because the most awful and terrifying thing has happened to our littlest hero, and yet the world did not stop. We are here because the bravest and strongest boy in the world has done the most brave and most strong thing in the world – he has let go of this life. This life that I have been so afraid of losing myself,
This life we seem to think is unending for any of us, pretending we can hold on.
This life I argued and screamed at God to continue at all costs for my dearest son.
Ellis let go.
I need to tell you about that day. I need you all to know how brave and strong our son was for us, leading us and teaching us how to let go, how to die, and how to live.
For three days before his death, Ellis struggled mightily. For three days, his body suffered tremendous injury in our attempts to save his mind, his heart, his life in some way. For three days, Ellis’s gift-heart held strong, steady, beating insistently that he was still there, he was not giving up. That day, Monday, Sam and I somehow finally knew what Ellis needed. We finally knew that he was holding on, yes, but he was holding on for us. We asked for nothing more to be done to injure his body any further. We somehow realized his body was so fragile that one more procedure, one more test, might be the tipping point and he would leave this world on a table, in an operating room, alone. We could not bear the thought.
So we asked to hold him. Yes, we discussed with the doctors and nurses what steps to take for a peaceful and pain-free end. But first, we wanted to hold him.
Sue and Cindy helped us arrange all the breathing tube, the i.v.’s, the monitor cords. Sam picked up his swollen, broken, battered body and placed him in my arms.
We sat together, the three of us, finally alone in this hospital room.
We told him how much we loved him and how proud we were of him. We told him how no matter what happened we would always be his mama and his dada. Always.
We sang, “Ellis swings on the swingset, no matter where he is…”
And his heart rate, for the first time in all his illness - with no medical changes, nothing taken away from him, nothing stopped, nothing turned down, his heart began to slow. 130, 120, 98…
We sang, “Ellis loves to hear music, especially the drums…” 85, 76, 65…
“And Mama and Dada are with him every day…” 40, 35, 20…
We looked up as the doctor came in to shut off the monitor and we realized he was slipping away at that very moment.
We wept, we wailed, we whispered goodbye to our most precious son. Our Ellis.
We spent the afternoon with him, bathing him, putting lotion on his bruised and blackened skin, taking away all the tape and bandages and tubes, covering his countless wounds with a turtle blanket.
As he laid in his hospital bed, the sunlight shone on his face through the window. He was so beautiful. He was shining. He was full of light.
And that is why we are here today, this day. This most awful - and awesome - day. Ellis brought us light in our world, no matter how dark it seemed. Ellis had SO much joy and love in his spirit that he had enough to share with each of us.
As we said to him each night before sleep,
Got your kitty cat?
Got your nana?
Got your mama?
LIFE IS GOOD!
Let us celebrate together with his favorite instruments: pipe organ, trumpet, piano, cymbals, and especially the TUBA!
Let us celebrate together the strongest and bravest boy in the world – our Ellis.

How beautiful and absolutely heartbreaking is that? How much strength and grace must Melissa and Sam have to write so eloquently in the midst of their grief?
Go to the Caringbridge site for Ellis - www.caringbridge.org/mn/ellis , and read the entire Joural History. It is touching, it shows hope, fear, hurt, sadness, joy, pure happiness and how life should be lived - the way Ellis lived it! With determination, and fight.

This is the latest journal entry from Melissa:
Dear Ellisville:
Six months have passed since that day -the day our world stopped.
How can our world stop and yet go on?
We recently had a brief visit with a newly-bereaved mom. The pain in her eyes and voice and her panickedly gripping hug was startling - startling because it was familiar, and startling because for us it is different now - our grief had changed and we had hardly noticed.
That horrifying newness, those sharp re-realizations, the pain that leaves you breathless - those are the descriptions of December, January, even February. Paired with a numb fog to which we retreated for work, social outings, church, errands.
I remember the day I told myself to stop. To stop with the surreality, to stop with the false hopes. I told myself not to accept this, but at least to finally grasp this - this new world, this world without Ellis. It was late February and I arrived home from work and made my way down the driveway to get the mail (like everything else, this reminds me of Ellis, as we would often get the mail together singing the song from Blue's Clues or if it was too cold I would go alone and he would watch and wave and kick with excitement from the kitchen window). As I walked to the mailbox, I had this seeming revelation that felt as real as anything I'd experienced - it had all been a mistake, a mixup! Ellis was fine! He had just been lost for a bit, and now he was waiting for us to pick him up - happy and healthy and homesick. I knew - I KNEW - there would be a letter to this effect in the mail that day. I would open the mailbox and there it would be and I would rip open the envelope and rush inside and call Sam and this whole nightmare would be over. I KNEW. But, of course, there was no letter.
Of course.
The devastation, pain, great big sobbing choking wails of grief overwhelmed me again as I told myself to stop looking for him, stop hoping, just stop.
For me, this was the beginning of a very dark and angry time. Escaping with alcohol in the evenings became an admittedly too-frequent occurence. It helped me fall asleep without the flashbacks of those last days, it helped me feel separate from the grief, if only for a few hours. I will forever be ashamed of my attempts to escape anything that has to do with my son.
We retreated from friends and family, clinging to each other - seeing in each other the only other person on the face of the earth who lived each day of those hospital nightmares with Ellis, the only other person who spent countless sleepless nights in chairs near Ellis, the only other person who's eyes looking back did not judge or question or look away in fear, discomfort, pity. We are Ellis's parents. We are his Mama and Dada. Always.
Amazingly, Ellis's birthday, a day I dreaded and feared, seemed to act as a cleansing walk through his life, visiting the places he visited, seeing the people he knew. Beautiful blue skies, balloons floating up from the park, hugs at the PICU from doctors and nurses (some of whom wore their turtle scrubs for the occasion!), time with family, time remembering Ellis - this was a day that seemed to jolt me (a bit) out of my self-created pitiful pit and rejoin life. Life is good, right? Some days that saying grates a bit, I must say, but other days it gives me a glimpse (a memory) of hope. With the arrival of spring, we have moved forward with a few plans. We met with world-renowned composer Stephen Paulus so he could begin work on a piece for concert band in Ellis's honor. We placed a brick at the Angel of Hope in Maple Grove. We saw the awarding of the first Ellis Bergstrom Memorial Music Scholarship at STMA High School and will see the other two awarded this fall at Augsburg College and Anoka-Ramsey Community College. We paid back the mortgage payment that the amazing SPARE KEY FOUNDATION (www.sparekey.org) had given to us while we were in the hospital and I was on unpaid leave. We even pilgrimaged to Ellis Island for Mother's Day. After we had explored the island's museums and gardens and the ferry pulled away, I cried. I cried because Ellis isn't there, either. He isn't at home, he isn't on Ellis Island, he isn't at Grandma's house, he isn't at the hospital, he isn't sleeping in his big boy bed - he isn't with us anymore on this earth. I still fight this! I still feel like I can argue with this! As if it is open for debate and if I just come up with the right cosmic reasoning, he will come back. Swimming through surreality, grinding through anger, and just plain old holding on to each other during the dark, empty, bottomless silence. This is our world. It is not new, it is not horrifying (most days), it is familiar. Some days I have moments where I realize that I hadn't thought of him for an hour or so - maybe I was teaching or rehearsing or correcting papers - and I grieve again. For whether or not life is good, it sure has the amazing capability to keep on going, no matter if the person living it wants to or not. Sometimes I imagine that our life force comes not from ourselves, but from our family, our friends, our Ellisville community, perhaps even Ellis himself. So our lives keep on going...
Sam has made the tough decision to leave his job of 9 years at STMA highschool. (My first reaction? How will Ellis come back and play cowbell at the pepbands if Sam isn't the band director there? - Keep on swimming, I must.) Sam will begin teaching at Anoka-Ramsey Community College this fall. Yes, the same music department where I teach. It's a good thing we like each other and respect each other's work and gifts tremendously - I am very excited to know him as a colleague and I think he will be a great addition to our department. And our lives keep going...
We leave for Italy today. Yes, today. Thanks to the generous "get away from it all" gift from my Aunt Julie, Cousins Amy & Tom, Melanie & Kevin, Lori & Tom, Bruce & Tammie, Sister/Brother Sarah & Adam (and I can't forget the "priceless" contributions of MasterCard and Visa!), we will travel through Italy and Austria for the next three weeks, renewing, reorienting, remembering, and re-energizing.
For life goes on, whether you want it to or not. Change continues to occur, no matter how tightly you cling to the past. Sadness, surrealness, even sullenness all surround us, no matter what you do to try and escape. And somehow light breaks in. Sometimes light dawns at the corners of the darkness. Somewhere (WHERE? WHERE? WHERE?) Ellis is. Not was. Is. He IS. He is.
Clinging to that hope,Melissa & Sam

Go visit Melissa and Sam. Meet Ellis. Read his story. Cry for this gorgeous kid and everything he endured. Smile at the photos of Ellis and his wise, old-soul eyes. Leave a note in the guestbook.
You won't regret it :o)


Sending kisses up to Heaven for Ellis!

Ever seen baby Porcupines?

A fairy tale ...

A FAIRY TALE

Once upon a time there lived a King.

The king had a beautiful daughter, the PRINCESS.

But there was a problem.

Everything the princess touched would melt.

No matter what; metal, wood, stone, anything she touched would melt.

Because of this, men were afraid of her.

Nobody would dare marry her.

The King despaired.

What could he do to help his daughter?

He consulted his wizards and magicians.

One wizard told the King, "If your daughter touches one thing that does not melt in her hands, she will be cured.."

The King was overjoyed and came up with a plan.

The next day, he held a competition.

Any man that could bring his daughter an object that would not melt would marry her and inherit the King's wealth.

THREE YOUNG PRINCES TOOK UP THE CHALLENGE.

The first brought a sword of the finest steel.

But alas, when the princess touched it, it melted.

The prince went away sadly.

The second prince brought diamonds.

He thought diamonds are the hardest substance in the world and would not melt.

But alas, once the princess touched them, they melted.

He too was sent away disappointed. :-[

The third prince approached.

He told the princess, "Put your hand in my pocket and feel what is in there."

The princess did as she was told, though she turned red.

She felt something hard.

She held it in her hand.

And it did not melt!!!

The King was overjoyed.

Everybody in the kingdom was overjoyed.

And the third prince married the princess and they both lived happily ever after.

Question: What was in the prince's pants?

M&M's of course.

They melt in your mouth, not in your hand.

What were you thinking, you pervert?? !!

The Cat In The Hat talks about aging!

Just in case you weren't feeling "too" old today, this will certainly change things.

The people who started university this year across the nation were born in 1987.

Star Wars is older than them.

Their lifetime has always included AIDS.

Bottle caps have always been screw off and plastic.

They have always had an answering machine

They cannot fathom not having a remote control.

They have always had CD's, never records.

Ray Martin has been on Channel 9 their entire life.

Popcorn has always been cooked in the microwave.

They never took a swim and thought about Jaws.

They can't imagine what hard contact lenses are.

They don't know who Mork was or where he was from.

They do not care who shot J. R. and have no idea who J. R. even was.

McDonald's never came in Styrofoam containers.

They don't have a clue how to use a typewriter.

Do you feel old yet? (Sorry) Notice the larger type, that's for those of you who have trouble reading.

Save the earth. It's the only planet with chocolate

Positive thought for the day

Ghost Story! .... **ooooh, imagine spooky music here**

This story happened a while ago in Brisbane , and even though it sounds like an Alfred Hitchcock tale, it's true. John Bradford, a Sydney University student, was on the side of the road hitch-hiking on a very dark night and in the midst of a storm. The night was rolling on and no car went by. The storm was so strong he could hardly see a few feet ahead of him. Suddenly he saw a car slowly coming towards him and stopped. John, desperate for shelter and without thinking about it, got in the car and closed the door, just to realize there was nobody behind the wheel and the engine wasn't on! The car started moving slowly. John looked at the road and saw a curve approaching. Scared, he started to pray, begging for his life. Then, just before he hit the curve, a hand appeared through the window and turned the wheel. John, paralyzed with terror, watched how the hand appeared every time they came to a curve. John saw the lights of a pub down the road so, gathering strength, jumped out of the car and ran to it. Wet and out of breath, he rushed inside and asked for two shots of tequila. He then started telling everybody about the horrible experience he went through. A silence enveloped everybody when they realized he was crying and.... wasn't drunk. About 15 minutes later, two guys walked into the same pub. They were also wet and out of breath. Looking around and seeing John Bradford sobbing at the bar, one said to the other, "Look, Bruce - there's that f*cking idiot who got in the car while we were pushing it."

Slow Dance (Poem)

SLOW DANCE

Have you ever watched kids

On a merry-go-round?

Or listened to the rain

Slapping on the ground?

Ever followed a butterfly's erratic flight?

Or gazed at the sun into the fading night?

You better slow down.

Don't dance so fast.

Time is short.

The music won't last.

Do you run through each day

On the fly?

When you ask

How are you?

Do you hear the reply?

When the day is done

Do you lie in your bed

With the next hundred chores

Running through your head?

You'd better slow down

Don't dance so fast.

Time is short.

The music won't last.

Ever told your child,

We'll do it tomorrow?

And in your haste,

Not see his sorrow?

Ever lost touch,

Let a good friendship die

Cause you never had time

To call and say,"Hi"

You'd better slow down.

Don't dance so fast.

Time is short.

The music won't last.

When you run so fast to get somewhere

You miss half the fun of getting there.

When you worry and hurry through your day,

It is like an unopened gift....

Thrown away.

Life is not a race.

Do take it slower

Hear the music

Before the song is over.

Random mutterings ...

I can't seem to shake this cold. I've had it almost a week. Isn't it time to pass it on?!
Mum will almost be in Thailand, another 20 or so minutes and they'll arrive. Bet she'll sleep well tonight, she was up at 5 this morning!
I was reading Harry Potter before, and I can't help but be amazed at J.K. Rowling and her writing. What is it about Harry and his mates that appeal to so many people? The books are read by so many different kinds of people. What an awesome writer she is, to be able to compel so many to read! I wish I knew *why* J.K. seems to have captured everyone's imagination.
So I've finished Harry for about the 40th time, (how long until the next one comes out?!) and I'm now starting ...? I'm not sure of the title *lol* The book about the dog named Lava that the US soliders found while they were over in Iraq serving their country. They managed to get the puppy back into the States. It's meant to be an excellent read. At the moment I'm just reading anything, I'm waiting for the new Stephanie Plum to hit the shelves in 8 days! Lean Mean Thirteen, the latest in the series from Janet Evanovich is released next Monday. I can't wait! I love the Plum Series, Steph, Joe, Ranger, Grandma, Lula, Tank, Connie, Vinnie and Rex never disappoint :o)
Going to Melbourne on Thursday with my dad ... That'll be a long day.
Not doing much tomorrow ... Have to go to Centrelink, put in some job applications. Want to do another cleanout of my house ... I always feel like I have too much crap, like I'm not organised enough ...
Also need to defrost my freezer ... Do I know how to have a good time or what?!
Gus is well. Friggin mental, but well. He likes to sit at the bottom of his tank, which doesn't exactly please me, as it makes me think **Dead Fish! Damn, I killed him!** Then he'll shoot to the top of the tank with amazing speed, and go nuts for 5 minutes before settling back on the bottom ...
I just realised I have 4 birds running around on the loungeroom floor :o) I let them out a while ago, and then came in here, forgetting them!
... Yes, I'm a responsible pet owner, can't you tell?! ...
New site for you all to check out ... www.mycrazyroommate.com - it is hilarious :o)
PostSecret has some great secrets up this week. :o) Check 'em out.

True Friendship

Grandma's Letter!

Do you think?

I'll add a new post to bump down my little Paris Hilton *rant* :o) I've never blogged about any celebrity, or anything similar to that before, but that silly twit is unbelievable! I was wondering last night ... I wonder how often she watches the news? I wonder if she has any idea what goes on in the real world? Hmm.
Anyway. On to other things! Am getting ready to go back to bed soon :o) I've been up since 5 a.m., mum arrived last night to spend the night here before heading to Melbourne first thing this morning. I put mum in my bed and I slept on the couch, and mum came into the lounge at 5, saying that she couldn't find the alarm clock, and she didn't know what time it was *lol* :o) The alarm wasn't actually set to go off until 6 a.m., so she was up a full hour before she had to be! So we sat down and watch Sunrise, caught up on the news and gossip, then mum had a shower and breakfast, and then we went back to sitting and waiting. Pam and Vern (my aunty and uncle, who are going with mum) were here at 7 to pick mum up. They should nearly be at the airport. Their planes leaves at 1, and they get in at 7 p.m. Australian time, which is 10 p.m. Bangkok time. Thailand is 3 hours ahead of Australia.
So hopefully they have an awesome time while they are away. After the last 5 or 6 months, I think mum honestly deserves a relaxing, long break without having to deal with all the family stuff every day :o) I hope she's able to chill and not worry for the 2 weeks away.
Haven't done a CaringBridge wrap-up for a while ... Hunter has a birthday coming up! The *big* 5! It's a little sad when you realise that this gorgeous little girl has been on chemo for over half her life. Let's hope she can kick cancers ass once and for all and leave it behind :o) Matty's mum is still missing her little hero. This weekend, Sandra is walking in memory of her little man. Rachel's family are currently making plans for her funeral ... Thoughts are with them. Elizabeth is doing much better this week, great news! Anna Jane is having good and bad days ... Thoughts are with her family, praying for more good days. Hannah's mum continues to show the beautiful soul that she has, with eloquent posts. Kayla has some time off chemo to have some *fun!* at Camp Rainbow. Lillie found the last week of chemo a little bit easier - go Lillie! :o) Don't forget Krystie, who's recently had a stem cell transplant, Skylar-Jade, who is home on hospice, and Abel, who's looking to his next round of chemo which starts this week.
Of course, that's not even close to all the CB kids that are out there :o) Look to the right --> for a list of links. Hopefully I'll be able to update it in the next couple of days, as I do have a few more links to add.
Anyway, it might be time to take off and head to bed :o) 3 hours sleep on the couch wasn't quite enough for me :-P I'm still trying to shake this stupid cold, I think sleep will make it magically disappear :o)

Life don't make any sense to me ...

So, Paris Hilton was dragged back to jail, after breaking law, screaming "It's not right! It's not right!"
No, Paris, let me tell you what's *not right*.
Children, like Matty, Hayley, Lizzie, Jake, Catie, Hannah, Blair, Blake, Penelope and Rachel dying every single day ... Living in pain, due to horrible diseases, then closing their eyes and leaving their families, who will miss and grieve for them *every* *single* *day* for the rest of their time on Earth. "It's not right!"
War, famine, people living in poverty, starving to death, homelessness ... "It's not right!"
Tragedies, such as the Kerang train disaster, the NSW floods which have claimed lives, leaving families broken-hearted, dreams torn away in seconds. "It's not right!"
Divorce, depression, suicide, drought, hopelessness ... "It's not right!"
Sexual, physical, verbal and spousal abuse, tearing people apart ... "It's not right!"
Acts of senseless violence, murder ... "It's not right!"


So what is right? A spoilt brat, who broke the law, getting the punishment she deserves. God, does anyone else feel like telling her to grow the fuck up? It's 45 days. She won't be living on the streets. She won't starve. She won't be cold at night. She won't lose her family.
It *is* right.

Another Angel takes flight

Sweet Rachel, who has been fighting Ewings Sarcoma, (an aggressive type of cancer) for half her life, gave up the fight and flew to Heaven early this morning (Australian time).
Thoughts and love to Rachel's family - Mark, Jodi, Blake and Lance.
R.I.P. Rachel. No more pain! No more cancer!

Labels. (And Happy 1 week Birthday to Gus).

So, last night, thanks to this stupid flu thing, I was in bed at 8:30. Looks like tonight will be the same :o) *lmao* How old/sad/pathetic am I?!
I am feeling a bit better today. I think a good nights sleep last night helped a lot, then I spent most of the day on the couch :o) Went to Chrissie's, but only stayed an hour. It had nothing to do with the fact that she told me that I looked like "utter shit", I swear :o) *lol* It was actually funny. She looked at me as I walked in the door and went "... Damn. I've seen you look tired, but I've never seen you look *that* bad".
Friends, huh? What would you do without them ...?! :o)
I don't even have the tv on tonight. Just listening to P!nk, who's quietly singing in the background.
I was watching the news before, and they had more on the train accident (or the "Kerang Train Tragedy", as every station was calling it), and I realised that Kerang will now be one of those towns - you know, Childers, Threadbo, Beaconsfield ... Say the name and everyone will immediately think of the tragedy associated with it ... How sad is that? It will always be "the place with the train crash that killed all those people". It'll never be the beautiful country town, it won't be known for good people, or something positive, it will forever be associated with one of the worst train accidents in Australia's history. How sad is that?
P!nk is now singing about how God is a DJ ... Guess he's got some new dancers in Heaven this week :o) Peace be with the victims of the train accident, and their families.
Lorri and Jordyn went home today. They left about 12, and got home shortly before 5. Thankfully, they made it home safely, and were able to miss most of the traffic when they went through Melbourne. Both Lorri and I totally forgot that she'd be going home on the Friday leading into a long weekend, so of course people are going to be everywhere on the roads, heading away for the 3 day break ... They had to wait until Friday afternoon though, until the kids had finished school for the week, and work for the week, so Lorri was lucky she was in and out of Melbourne before 3 :o)
I've got tomorrow to enjoy the quiet, then Leanne shows up on Sunday before she leaves for Thailand on Monday. Tomorrow I'll spend the day cleaning, vacuuming and re-organising my house ... Ahh, I'm so exciting :o)
Anyway, I might take off and get ready for bed. My head is absolutely f***ing killing me, whenever I move the tiniest bit, it's horrible. Realised before that a lot of that is probably because I've hardly had anything to drink today, so in the last hour I've had a litre and a half of water, and it's helped a little bit. Am going to take 2 neurofen plus, and go to bed.
Have a great night, guys :o)
P.S. Yes, Gus the fish is still alive! I've had him a whole week! And I haven't freakin killed him! Awesome!

"She swears the moon don't hang quite as high as it used to"

I feel like ....

I feel like arse.
I don't really get that expression, but I know that paraphrased, it basically means "I feel like crap".
Which is very true today.
I think my *cold* is slightly more than a cold - feels suspiciously like the flu. My legs are aching, my head hurts, I am unbelievably nauseous, and I. Am. So. Frickin. Tired.
And Lorri is so loud!I don't know why, but she speaks so very loudly. And so very often.
She's currently yelling, yes *yelling*at the tv.
Rang my mum today. I think I just wanted to talk to her because I didn't feel well :o) She said she's looking soooo foward to her trip (She leaves for Thailand on Monday, for two whole weeks). She has today off, works tomorrow and Saturday then comes down here on Sunday for the night before leaving early Monday morning to catch their plane.She said dad is good, very tired tho, as he is still working at the accident site, doing the 5p.m. - 2 a.m. shift, redirecting traffic. He's got to go back again for the next three nights in a well, hopefully by then the accident site will be totally clean.
I've been typing this while writing dinner, and I just smelt something funny - I've burnt the shit out of the rice ... Oops :o) Think I've ruined the bottom of the pot!
Better get going, dont want to burn the chicken as well..